Lost In Translation

To value yourself is to put effort into you.

It is doing the thing you’ve been putting off all day.

It is thinking positive thoughts about yourself.

Not comparing yourself to others or thinking other people are better than you.

It is looking in the mirror and saying I’m frickin beautiful.

There is no one like me.

My spirit is unmatched.

The time and effort I am putting into myself is returning to me in my favour.

When you value yourself, you feel good.

You feel confident.

I no longer see people

Their physicality

Their concrete demeanour

Energy is the way that we express ourselves

And I want my energy to make me brighter

I want it to flow freely from the well

To shine through my eyes and burst out of my skin

I want it to exist outside of me

Not trapped inside

And to do that I need to escape from the walls that have been trapping me

So for now I will take myself outside the box

The prison sentence that is a life society wants you to live

And by being an ‘outcast’ of society

I will find the well

The source

I don’t feel like me when I hear my name

All my clothes I want to sell

Pack up and go

Get out of this hell

Life without you is not one I journeyed to

You drove me to the woods

And said I’m done with you.

A room full of clothes I don’t wear.

Boxes full of things I haven’t touched in years.

All this stuff taking up space in my life.

And don’t get me started about the inner baggage.

The fears and the worries and the sadness.

The insecurity and limiting beliefs.

Some things are going for free.

Selling the rest of my belongings and going to start a new life.

Well, maybe not an entirely new life.

I don’t plan on running from my problems, just taking them to a nicer place where I have the freedom to deal with them.

Less weight on my back.

Sitting on the curb

Feeling the cold on a summer night

Burning my lungs

As I stare at the blank screen

Wishing for the time we are losing out on

Life is so short

And there is no other way I would like to spend this time

Than getting to know you again

But I really miss you

I miss the way you laugh

And how your eyes sparkle when you feel love

I miss the way your heart lights up when you’re in a playful mood

I miss being together

Being silly

Working our way around each other’s bodies

Holding on so tight

I swear to you

When you need a place to rest

I will leave the lights on for you

Letting the universe lead me to new places

New hobbies

Trying to set free the words that have been lost in me

The fire that went cold

The volcano ready to erupt

Letting the sun be the sun

And the moon be the moon

Putting the time and effort into myself

So that when the eclipse comes

I will stand before it and say

What a wonderful world it is

What's ours will always be ours

I wear the memories around my neck

And take them with me everywhere I go

In my dreams I meet you again

And when I wake

I know

What I have to do

I have to take my lost self and jump the bridge

I have to find myself

So for now,

Even though we are apart,

I will hold your heart in mine and think of the good

Because good is what you have left me with

So much hope and purpose

When the realisation hits me that we are not together anymore

That you are not there to comfort me

We do not make each other laugh

We do not stay up all night discussing every small detail of our lives and our childhoods

We do not explore each others souls

We do not get lost in each others eyes

We do not balance each other out, me always cold and you always warm

We do not feel safe anymore

We do not feel comfortable

I brace myself to live with this discomfort

Knowing I did every last thing I could to give you what you need

But I cannot fix you

Those who are broken can only fix themselves

Only with the support of others

Every night I brace myself

With the idea that tomorrow

And I simply cannot carry them

I take my unsteady legs

My quivering lip

And anxious fists

And walk into my fathers open arms

So that he can talk me off the ledge

Over and over again

He saves me

He protects my heart and steadies my mind

Always saying the right thing

My dad was made for me

He is my crutch

I keep scratching but somehow,

I can’t get in’

Paris does not follow trends

It’s material does not wear down after a few washes

It is always there

Returning every summer

Always in my mind

Paris is soft velvet petals on red roses

Joy hidden in anger hidden in beauty

Paris is the natural glow shining off your cheeks

Paris is pretty dresses and messy hair

The texture of lace and cashmere

It is a warm bed and a beating heart

The only thing I love more than Paris…

Because in the end, you will lose yourself

But with you

I was myself

And I wanted to make the world a better place just so you could live in it

Just to make your life better

To see you smile

Loving you gave me everything I ever needed

And you gave me that love in return

And I felt so complete

I know we had our ups and downs

I did the best I could at the time

But I’m still here fighting

Fighting for a world with you in it