Words & Wonder

c/o

me: okay, sounds wonderful. lets do it!

Like ok, sure, sometimes it’s hard to believe you’ve made any positive impact on the world. But it’s pretty easy to believe you’ve made a sock. Look at it. There it is. Put it on, now your foot’s warm.

There have been studies done on rats and dogs where they develop learned helplessness in the animals by giving them impossible tasks. Eventually the animals stop trying, even when the task stops being impossible. (I.e. put a rat in a maze with cheese it can’t get to until it develops learned helplessness, then put the cheese somewhere it can get to it and it won’t even try.) But once they show the animals they CAN do something - i.e. physically moving the rat to the cheese - the learned helplessness goes away.

No one can move you to your cheese for you, but the book says DOING something - which they define as “anything that isn’t nothing” can help. Make a food. Work in the garden. Clean a thing. Do a favor for a friend. Call your elected officials.

Knit a sock.

Aziraphale and Crowley are attending (ex) Madam Tracy and Shadwell’s wedding. They’re are standing at a certain distance from the church, ‘cause you know, consecrated ground. Upon exiting the church, happy Mrs. Shadwell throws her wedding bouquet into the small group of guests. Anathema almost catches it, but at the last moment it “miraculously” flies over her head and falls right into Aziraphale’s hands. Bewildered and enchanted, angel buries his face in the flowers, but then with a sudden realization turns over to Crowley:

Aziraphale (suspiciously): This is your demonic work, isn’t it?

What are value judgments?

We place value judgments on our emotions, our bodies, the food we eat, or what movies we relax with. This is built into the way we talk and think about our lives. It’s generally based around word connotation or the way we are taught to view everything in our lives.to see things.

A few examples of value judgment languages:

We act as though it’s “bad” to be angry or sad and “good” to be happy or calm as  "good". 

Eating Oreos is somehow a “cheat food”, “unclean” or that it’s somehow a personal falling that you didn’t choose carrots.

Calling part of our bodies “problem parts”

Saying when we watch the notebook or watch reality TV it’s a “guilty pleasure”.

These value judgements seep into the way we describe our whole self. Framing our sleeves as “disgusting”, “horrible”,“lazy”, “bad” etc.

Why is this harmful? 

This language affects us so much. It changes how we view our choices and actions. Attaches shame to things that aren’t shameful, causes fear around being who we are and it reinforces negativity and sets unattainable goals This is especially harmful because it throws the whole way you interact with yourself and the world out of focus and can cause you to stagnate. It becomes if I am “a gross person” then integral to you instead of a passing thought your having. Now it’s “I can’t feel better, I’ll always be this way”.

So how do we break out from this?

When you find yourself using value-based language switch it up.

Instead of  "Don’t to be angry" try and reframe it “I’m angry and that’s my emotion and it’s valid, now let me find a way to deal with it”

Instead of “I cheated and ate the cake god how could I make that mistake” reframe it as “I ate cake today that’s fine.”

Instead of “I didn’t do X so I’m just a lazy person” can become “I was tired today and I didn’t get it done, that’s okay I can rest and mak a plan tomorrow”

Instead of “I’m a disgusting person because X thing happened”  replace it with “That happened and it was upsetting but it doesn’t change my worth”

“The Last Time”