I guess it was because i haven't felt this way in a while. I needed to feel alive. I was caught in a snowstorm in my head that made me push those emotions away, just so I could protect myself from some kind of widthdrawal.
I met you at the most unpredictable moment. Yes a part of my brain tells me i'm just filling an empty space, a need for affection and partnership in my life. And yes I'm unreasonnably afraid it's the case.
But my heart feels. So much feels. And I've learned with the years, to always trust my heart. I just need to stop guilt tripping myself everytime I dare to think that "we meet certain people for a REASON". Because the reason remains mostly unknown until later, usually. My guts tell me I will have to go look for this reason until it hits me. And it's sad to say, but I'm too far down so I'll have to go to the end of this, even if it hurts as badly as a hundred knives carving into my chest. Cuz if I don't, my mind is just going to stay hooked to the idea of the "maybes", and these are the longest and most painful thoughts of all. They slowly burn my soul.
Nevertheless, I know my soul needs to run free for a while. So many answers have to be found, and couldn't be found without being completely alone, in my heart. Things have to be put in perspective, feelings have to be felt (or not, but that's my biggest dilemma).
I need to stop fearing loneliness, embrace my sweet solitude, without isolating myself and not allowing myself to feel what I have to feel.
It's the biggest challenge of all.
snowghoul
izzy806
vaporwave
gamechangershow
titsay
2087
