>:3

This morning, i heard on the public health reddit that the HIV page at cdc.gov had been scrubbed. Sure enough, the landing page was there, but all links to information about programs, treatment, data were gone.

Then we started to hear that all CDC was going to be removing data. Whole data sets. I started looking, and the Social Vulnerability Index, which identifies geographic areas that are vulnerable to climate, economic, or health-related disasters, it was gone.

The Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System, which is a national survey that helps identify things like smoking prevalence, healthcare access, are people meeting nutrtion guidelines, was gone. I had just downloaded that dataset and the documentation on Tuesday to run some stats on colorectal cancer screening in my state. It was now gone.

My colleagues at the health department started messaging each other. Were they also having troubles finding data? People on reddit were frantically trying to download datasets, comparing what they already had. For fuck's sake, the Census website and data was going down. The goddamn Census.

There are some heroes, like the good people at the r/DataHoarders subreddit who had heard rumblings earlier this week and had started scrapping the entire CDC website. The End of Term Archive had already been archiving federal websites and data for months, and are getting those datasets up on GitHub.

But this is unprecedented. This is fascism. This is an authoritarian regime removing public data from access to make sure theres nothing out there that can conflict with their message.

This is not normal.

I've got a miserable combination of mental health disorders, including major depressive and persistent depressive disorder comorbidly, aka "double depression", as well as BPD and a laundry list of other shit I won't bore you with, which I'm sure as you can imagine it is very Not Fun, especially when I get in really bad depressive episodes like the one I am currently experiencing.

it pains me to admit that i can't take care of myself when I'm like this, but i can't, and i don't like asking for help because I am a staunchly independent person. that also reveals a little more of why i am the brat that I am. It is never mentally easy for me to submit, I've built up far too many defences for that, so I need someone to push me. In a way, it's kind of like pulling off a bandaid. It'll sting a little no matter what, but it'll be easier if someone does it for you.

When my mental health is at a low there will be stretches of several days where I can't move, can't speak, can't sleep. I'm just locked in my own head as my thoughts get increasingly darker and more violent.

Sometimes, I just need someone to take me out of my head for a bit. Replace all of my complicated and aggressive thoughts with nothing but the single, simple requirement of serving.

Being someone's puppy allows me a much needed reprieve from being me for a little while because for those few glorious moments, I don't have to be an engineer, president, organizer, or chairman because I'm not even a person, I'm just a puppy.

All aspects of petplay are fun, but the feeling of peace and freedom? letting someone else make the hard choices for a while? fuck, that might as well be heaven on earth.

I find a small amount of solace in the knowledge that despite that I am an irreparably twisted and broken man, at least i can hopefully still make for a halfway decent pup.

i knew pretty much none of this before i happened upon the blog of someone who had phalloplasty without vaginectomy. this is all stuff a surgeon would explain to you - but you may never consult a surgeon if you, like i did, think the only option available for phalloplasty is forearm graft phalloplasty with testicles, vaginectomy, clitoral burial and urethral lengthening, and that doesnt work for you.

Then you get to use it however you want…there is just one rule: as soon as you cum, the vibrator has to remain on your clit on the highest setting until it dies.

I bet you’re quite sensitive after you‘ve cum, so you probably want to hold off until it‘s almost empty so you don’t get tortured for too long. Maybe you can even time it right such that it shuts off at just the right moment after you enjoyed a wonderful orgasm.

But you should probably stay close to the edge and not wait too long or you might not get a chance to cum at all before the battery dies…or have it die just as you go over the edge, ruining your long-awaited orgasm.

Happy New Year from my messiest OCs!

afropunk has created a spreadsheet of gofundmes of displaced Black individuals and families affected by the current los angeles fires. the list is constantly being updated.