top Two court jesters of the world

sick as fuck if I’m being honest

Turning dog gravity off so they all get whisked away

I don’t want to go to the store I don’t like the store it is a place that drains psychic power and blocks the flow of qi through the body

they call it amtrak because the trains am on the trak

we all got that 1 friend that brings a sadomasochistic vibe 2 the hangout

you literally have shitty hide armor and a dull ass shortsword. let me guess. your loot is 6 gold coins too? 🙄

friendly fucking reminder do NOT post about your lootdrops publicly!!! this post is a great example of "table baiting" to get you to reveal what valuables you drop on death WHICH IS OBVIOUSLY PUTTING YOU AT RISK OF FARMING!!! think for a second and be safe out there!!

straight up i haven’t been looking for a new job i’ve just been blowing each and every unemployment check on balloons to tie to people’s chihuahuas to make them float away never to be seen again

I feel like this is what Robert Pattinson sees in his peripheral vision whenever he's doing an interview.

[Video Description: A clip from Twilight: New Moon. Bella looks tensely at Laurent. A ghostly apparition of Edward appears between them and grimly says to Bella, "Lie." She looks mildly startled, shuts her eyes, then looks mildly confused and says, "Yeah, absolutely. All the time." Immediately, Edward's ghost says emphatically, "Lie better." End Description]

@funnier-as-a-system