inside out

blue jay ward - intro.

juliet dunne - intro.

rune lancaster - intro.

he thought about their words for a moment before speaking up again. “well it’s not like i don’t have a connection to the place, i was born here after all, but like…” he shook his head. “it doesn’t mean i have to like it. it’s just a place, i don’t have feelings for it, but i know what you mean about some people being too into where they come from. i’m just familiar with it, i know it better than anywhere else, but it’s not like i have to make the active choice to not move somewhere else, and that i make it because i’d hate to be anywhere else. i’m just - i don’t know, lazy? it’s easier to just stay here.” he hoped what he said wasn’t lost on them and that he had made sense even despite the little tangent. “yeah. i do think that it’s all totally ruined for some people here,” he suggested, thinking of those who had been attacked before. “but hopefully that’s all coming to an end now.” he trusted them to know what he was talking about, even if only vaguely. two years might not have sounded like a very long time, but two years was an extraordinarily long time for a town to be under attack by the killers. “as much as i hope your job never turns into a bad one, at least if it did, there are plenty of other places in this death trap that you could try out.”

               leaf had taken his half step away from the commune as a teenager for good reason ; though he was still completely committed to the commune , very different from those he had met in middle and high school , and though he still loved his family despite the flaws that brought him strife and discomfort when he thought he was meant to live his entire life confined to the commune , it was very much needed in order for leaf to properly find himself and his place in the world . with that being said , however , it was moments like the one he shared with sonnet that reminded him of why he had never taken the full step away from the commune . she totally got him , and once again , they were completely on the same page . “ you’re making perfect sense , don’t you worry . i couldn’t agree more with you . people are the most complex things in this world , i would even go as far as to say . ” they shrugged their shoulders . they knew they were only one voice , and that they couldn’t know anything for sure , but their belief was strong . “ exactly . you need someone who would do the right thing because it’s the right thing and they want to do it , not only because they think they’ll get punished if they’re caught out doing otherwise . compassion , loyalty , and honour . those are three very important traits , i would say . ” and all three were traits that florian happened to display .

shrike heights is so full of surprises, and while most of the surprises that edward has been experiencing since coming home have been terrible - or at the very least, too much to take in right now - to learn more about people he’s known for years and years is a surprise that edward considers to be nice. he wouldn’t have thought that there was anything new to still learn about any of these people, truthfully. “that’s admirable. i don’t think i’d ever guess that anyone had such a strong foundation for their relationship in high school.” he laughs, and he thinks of the rumour mill and toxic gossip that juliet admits to getting wrapped up in back in high school, and how it makes for a very unideal environment for things like relationships. “honestly if it weren’t for my father, i probably would have gotten pulled in by it all, too. but you know- had that whole reputation to uphold thing going for me.”

“yeah, no, that makes perfect sense,” he sighs. it’s not like edward finds it easy to bring up all of the worst things he’s gone through in conversation, so he’d never expect ian to have mentioned his attack in the brief conversation they had. what would that even look like? ‘oh by the way, i almost died while you were away, eds, as did bo.’ he shudders at the thought. “yeah, i’m sorry.” he frowns and he sighs again, because it’s so hard, and he doesn’t know what to say. his father has prepped him for so many conversations throughout his life, but this isn’t something that edward has ever trained for. “it truly does sound like it. i guess that’s why i’m so eager to find out as much as i can, you know? not only so i can just… be updated, but so i can help, in whatever way i can.”

juliet nods and she smiles. “yeah, i can’t say that i’ve ever known anyone else to have a relationship like theirs,” she thinks about it for a moment after speaking, and still comes up short. she can think of multiple sets of parents who have been together since high school - even her own parents - but even in the case of them, their love seems full of more flaws than it is filled with true affection or friendship. “it’s really something special,” she concludes with a shrug of her shoulders. maybe one day she’ll have a special love of her own - few outside of her best friend know that she already has a certain person in mind - but for the meantime time, she has to just be happy for her brother. “i guess he’s gotta be good for something,” she comments on edward’s father, not meaning to sound so genuinely mean, and getting it right more than she knows. 

in the movies this all seemed a lot more romantic and dramatic. he’d run up her walkway, she’d open the door and they’d immediately fall into each other’s arms. music would start playing in the background and nothing else would matter. the credits would roll and the rest would be history. but in reality, this moment felt a little anticlimactic because now it meant hector had to actually confront his feelings. and he hadn’t taken a moment to consider if he was actually ready for that. especially in front of her. “of course i recognized your voice. i’d recognize it anywhere,” he admitted cheeks flushed as he stepped inside behind her. “yeah i was going to wait until morning, actually now that i’m here i feel a little bit dramatic,” he admitted, scratching at the back of his neck as he stood near her front door. “but uh, i don’t know, something just told me to come here,” he admitted, nerves washing over him as he finally shrugged off his jacket. it’s not like it was the first time he was in her apartment. 

“did you uh, did you have a good day? it was wicked busy at the bar. the love, the heartbreak, everything in between. lots of single moms hitting on me today, single dads too if you can believe it,” he joked, stuffing his hands into his jean pockets as he wandered into her living room space. “i-i’m sorry for just showing up on the middle of the night. i had a long shift and then i was covering for somebody. and i went back and forth and back and forth and then i got the pastries so i was like i can’t eat these alone and you would like them so i uh, yeah i got in my car and came here. in my head it was gonna be very slow motion, doves would fly, music would start playing…” he trailed off as he laughed at himself before finally going to sit on her couch. 

“okay how about uh..can i ask you a question?” he cleared his throat again, sitting up more then rubbing his palms against his jeans. “when we used to write letters did you ever, i don’t know…wish that uh fuck why am i so bad at this.” he took a breath then finally looked at her, his gaze not moving from her eyes. “did you ever think we could be more than friends? did you want to?” he was already nervous to hear the answer, not really sure what he would do either way but he had to ask. “and uh if you did, do you…still feel that way?”

this is exactly what juliet has always wanted; she often struggles to admit it to even herself, because it’s such a scarily big change in their dynamic and relationship, but deep down, juliet has always known it. her message to hector was indirect, words spoken carefully in order to have a back up plan in case he doesn’t feel the same, but despite the safety net put in place, juliet wants hector at her door, she wants hector to be dramatic, she wants to finally know whether or not he feels anything more than platonic for her - but even as she thinks of this, she’s so afraid; she can’t lose hector’s friendship, she’d never recover if she did. “well i’m glad that you listened to that something,” she tells him, nervously. 

“oh, i can believe it,” she chuckles. it’s never been only juliet who has had feelings for hector, in one way or another; he’s an extremely desirable person, and while not everyone is lucky enough to know how attractive he is on the inside, at the very least, they’re well aware of how attractive he is on the outside. juliet thinks it a blessing that she’s so well aware of both. “i had a good day,” she finally tells him. “a lot less busy than yours, from the sound of things. no single parents on my radar,” she laughs quietly, and a little awkwardly as she still isn’t addressing the elephant in the room. how could she? with the stakes feeling so high. “you don’t have to apologize,” she tells him, more sincerity than awkwardness in her voice now. “you should know by now that i always love seeing you,” her voice softens even more. 

she sits down with him. “of course you can,” she might be terrified for the question to come, but it’s always welcome with hector. “you’re doing great,” she laughs softly again, unable to stop herself from encouraging hector, even while she’s terrified of what’s to come. then finally, he asks. “that’s… bold, hector, brave. you’ve always been so brave,” she tells him, stalling out of nerves without realizing it. “well,” she readjusts in her seat. “i- well… yeah,” her heart beats against her chest harder than it ever has before. “yeah of course i thought about it,” she stands up, restless with anxiety, and she takes a couple of paces away before turning back to face him again. “i mean, come on,” she says, implying that it only makes sense that she would feel that way, but she finds herself unable to do more than imply it, finding herself speechless, her words stuck in her throat. 

“Hey, dinner is ready. You feel like coming out or you want to stay in here?” While Viola would always prefer for them to eat out in the dining room together, she was trying not to force it these days. Some days were better than others and Viola was just trying to give him the space and time he really needed to heal. She knew they were through the worst of it and yet she wasn’t sure. Life would never be the same, she knew that, especially for Rune. For the rest of his life he’d always have to live with the memories of what he had seen and what happened to him and he would never be able to erase that. Never be able to go back. And there wasn’t a single thing Viola could do about it. It hurt so much to know that, to know she couldn’t just take the memories from his mind and the pain from his body and heart. It had truly been the most heartbreaking things she had expressed. “Whatever you want it’s fine, it’s hot food so I just want to make sure it’s on the right plate.” ​

it’s true to say that some days are better than others, and this particular day happens to be one that rune is struggling through. it hadn’t started out so bad, but after another failed attempt at getting in contact with duckie, followed by too much time shut in his room left to gruelling thoughts, rune’s mood plummeted and their depression clouded their mind almost completely. it’s much harder to break out of this state than it is to slip so deep into it, and truthfully, without viola’s persistent and unfaltering love and care, rune isn’t sure that he would ever have even experienced the smallest moments pulled out from the darkness that consumed so much of him more often than not in the aftermath of his trauma. as if viola knows exactly when she’s needed the most, she appears at his door like an angel guiding him to the light; it’s the silliest thought he’s sure that he’s had, a thought much too dramatic for his own good, but while he won’t go telling his sister what he’s thought, he still believes it, and he appreciates viola more than she might ever know. he pulls himself up into a proper seated position, rubbing his eyes in preparation of them properly focusing on something - or rather, someone - for the first time in hours. “thanks,” he begins, wishing he could say more to voice his appreciation. “i’ll uhh,” they think on it for a moment, “i’ll come out, thanks,” they decide. they can’t wallow in their sadness for too long, not if they want to get better, and boy do they want to get better. slowly but surely, rune stands up, stretching tall and large and carefully before they walk towards viola, and the dining room. 

For the life of her, Lila couldn’t figure out what more the mall could need with all the stores that currently occupied it, but she had a few ideas as to why they’d want to add more. “I’m guessing they just want to cover every single base here. Everything in one convenient location to bring in more customers despite all the safety issues. That, or they’re aiming to drive out all the outside businesses so there really isn’t much choice but to shop here.” The latter seemed a little less realistic to pull off as there were still a few businesses outside of the mall that were managing to hold their own despite the more recent competition. She shrugged her shoulders lightly, “I don’t know for sure though. I’ve kind of given up on trying to make sense of anything they think at this point.” So many decisions made around the mall made little sense to her. For example, she still didn’t know why they didn’t close earlier these days. It wasn’t like that many people felt safe shopping here the later it got.

Lila nodded in agreement, “I don’t think I’d have the patience for running a proper business like that maybe solely for having employees under me.” She wouldn’t mind telling people what to do, but she knew herself well enough to know that she’d easily get fed up with employees like herself and would likely find herself understaffed more often than not. A small gig like Blue mentioned was much more appealing. if only Lila was getting paid for her side investigation.

It was hard not to feel shaken by what the other said. Sure, Lila knew on some level that news of the problems plaguing the small town didn’t escape Shrikes, but to hear it confirmed by someone else somehow made everything even more unsettling. “You would think at least some shred of information would get out with how many people outside of Shrikes come here to shop and how much people like to discuss things.” Her brows furrowed. It just went to show how keeping things quiet was a higher priority than ensuring the safety of the employees here. “There are probably people out there trying to piece things together,” herself being one of them, “but I highly doubt they have much other than more questions and a constant headache.”

“you know, i’ve actually seen that happen more times than i would have ever thought i would,” blue begins, perking up slightly not because they’re happy or excited about the events - as most would be, they definitely feel quite the opposite - but only in preparation of sharing their experiences that seem so relevant, as miserable as they can also be. “i’ve passed through a few towns that have something like a new mall or a shiny new plaza or even just a new business district, and they totally run the existing, smaller businesses into the ground,” they grimace as they speak, clearly not a fan. “even when i’m not married to the town-” which is their experience in pretty much every place they pass through “-it’s just such a bummer to see, you know? these hardworking store owners and employees - who are always more personable and who’ve been there for way longer than these new places - losing their livelihood, having to take a lower income job in some lower position - unless they choose to pack up shop and try to take their business elsewhere.” 

“I think anyone can give advice on something if they want to,” Ian stated. He didn’t exactly know Juliet’s romantic history but he was sure she had her own experiences to pull from. She was a pretty woman after all and there was certainly a charm to her that was undeniable. It really wasn’t rocket science to know what makes a relationship work well. If it did Ian wouldn’t have the relationship he was in today. The only struggles Ian faced in his relationship now was when he’d tried to complicate things. “I’ve got perfect vision actually,” he corrected her because he wanted to make sure the compliment stuck. It certainly boosted his confidence hearing that he’d aged in a good way. He had been young when he’d met Juliet and he certainly felt that puberty had been kind to him (a lot kinder than other forces in his life at that time for sure). “I don’t think Donnie has ever been much of a fighter so I think you’d still have him beat,” Ian joked. He couldn’t imagine Donnie ever getting into it with someone and certainly not Juliet. 

alma’s eyes widened when sonnet mentioned the commune if only because alma was legitimately jealous. it sounded like a dream to be around so many people, to live in community like that and if sonnet’s family was anything like sonnet then alma was sure they were all as lovely. “that must be really nice, having so many people. it sounds so…full,” they admitted, their life an exact opposite of that in so many ways. it hadn’t always been that way, when her father was around and able to walk around on his own free will. maybe alma romanticized it but the way she remembered, life was just…better than. more full. now it felt as empty as was possible, even with as often as she visited her father. “of course, sit, sit,” alma told her and pulled up the seat before taking her own to look back out at the market. “do you usually help out every weekend? what kinds of things do you like to do for fun? i ask as if i’m always out having fun and am not always working,” they joked. it wasn’t the total truth but it was part of it. they had three jobs and none of them really allowed time for a lot of vacation or personal time. which wasn’t terrible considering how often alma liked to be distracted. 

sonnet’s grin is enormous as alma speaks so fondly of the commune. while she admittedly doesn’t have the most experience with speaking in depth with those from outside of the commune, she’s experienced enough to know that not all of shrike heights is so accepting; even without her own experiences - most of which have luckily been positive - leaf’s experience with being bullied in mainstream school taught sonnet enough on the topic of how people could treat others. sonnet is passionate about her commune, so to see acceptance and enthusiasm over it from alma absolutely makes her day. “i love it, i really do,” she’s not trying to brag - of course being unable to know of the others jealousy - she’s just truthfully so passionate about her community, and she’s happy to be happy about it. “full is a good word to describe it,” she nods, and then she sits down with a grateful smile as alma offers her the seat. “i do, i love helping out, so i usually make it a point to attend every market and event,” she nods and she keeps smiling as wide as ever. “honestly, i feel like just about everything i do is a bit of fun. i spend most of my time with the commune- ooh! but i also started working at the mall recently, and gosh, i gotta tell you, it’s like a whole different world in there.”  

timothy’s face usually had such a grumpy expression on it, but as he spoke to sonnet, he actually found himself smiling. her brightness was rubbing off on him, it seemed, and while he didn’t totally realize it, as he lived through the moment, he could feel it. he liked talking to sonnet; she was peculiar, but in a wholly good way - at least, that was timothy’s experience. “mothy?” he laughed, the nickname being bizarre, and the only one that she listed that he had never gone by, not even once. “i mostly go by timothy or tim, but i don’t have a preference with it so it’s just whatever anyone wants to call me, you know? when i was a kid i went by timmy the most, but i don’t really like people calling me it anymore because it was what i was called as a kid, so only my cousin still does- and that’s fine, ‘cause it’s more her unable to break the habit from when we were kids.” he explained.

they appreciated the validation of blue’s words. even those who had lived in shrike heights for their entire lives - or at least, for long enough to have been around before the mall was constructed and the killers moved in - they couldn’t always find the right thing to say; close to no one could relate to geo’s pain and grief, and that made it so easy for people to say the wrong thing, even when having the best intentions, and even when not directly speaking of the worst of his pain and his trauma. what blue said was simple, and only indirectly related to his deep cut wounds, but the simplicity came with understanding and respect and that was everything geo needed. “yeah,” they nodded, having a lot more to say on the topic of how the mall worked, but not wanting to go into detail with any more of it. “thanks, yeah, i think so.” though their performance had always stemmed from a personal place of fulfilment, compliments were still always received well. they sighed quietly at blue’s question, taking a minute to think on their response. “not anymore.” geo once loved love stories, particularly those that were around him in his life, the story of moss and flora, the later addition of ash, the committed and loving relationship that he was once in; having that all taken away from him, however, changed his entire perception of love. he just couldn’t do it anymore.

finn could see it on juliet’s face, that she was taking his fear and his honesty seriously. finn wasn’t often a serious guy, preferring to patch wounds up with humor and a good distraction, so it was really rare for him to open up like he had. regardless of what was typical, though, it wasn’t impossible for finn to be vulnerable, especially with someone who knew him as deeply and as truly as his sister did. he sighed as she responded. there wasn’t much that she could say in response, but honestly? having just opened up even the small amount that he had made him feel better, especially when he knew he no longer had to vent to donnie to get those feelings out. “i think they’re on track, yeah. it’s not like the wedding was ever about anything other than don and i, and our love, but i think after everything that happened our priorities have changed, so it’s not like we’re really expecting much from them, you know?” finn and donnie were far from the stereotypical divas that those getting married could sometimes become. “but i think they’re improving, too. they seem to be doing better.” even if finn thought that they’d all be forever changed, after the traumas experienced. 

viola had to remind herself to breath as she looked at him and held his hand, reminding herself over and over that he needed her to be strong. she needed her to be strong. but seeing him like this was breaking her heart into a million pieces. so scared and uncertain, perhaps more scared than he had been the firs time they met when he was eight. she wished she had the power to make the pain go away, to do anything to trade places or take this pain from him. it was a wicked thing to have to witness and with her free hand viola clenched her fist, her nails digging into her palm to ground her and remind her she was still there. “i can see if the nurses can give you some meds, okay? but it’ll probably knock you out. which is good right now. you need rest but it just means reality will be tough when you wake up but i’m gonna be right here, okay? i’m not going anywhere,” she assured him again, jumping a bit when he ripped his hand away so she instead rested her own by his side. 

“listen to me okay,” she crouched down next to him and reached her hand up to brush through his hair, “listen to me, whatever happens, you’re going to get through it. you’re going to fight and you’re going to feel like shit a lot but you are not done. you’re alive, and i know it’s scary right now but you’re still here,” she said, more to herself than anything. “you’re still here,” she repeated and leaned in to press a kiss to his cheek. “just breathe.” she breathed with him, until she thought it was okay enough to pull away so she could poke her head out and ask a nurse for help. “he’s in a lot of pain,” she told them and though she hated that it was the only way, she watched as they put more medication into his iv. “you’re gonna get some rest now, i’m gonna be right here,” she told him, settling back in the chair again, her hand by his side as the medication started to settle and she watched his features relax a bit. once the nurse was gone, she started humming lightly, a song she used to sing to him when he was younger. “blackbird singing the dead of night,” she started to sing softly, tapping her finger lightly against his palm as she did. she waited until his eyes were closed until she let her tears fall but she still sang, all the way until the song was done. 

being in the gut-wrenchingly out of it state that he is, all rune can do is feel his pain and listen to his sister. it’s all far too much to deal with, understandably so, but the intense pain and dread and suffering from his trauma being understandable does nothing to ease any of those awful feelings. he’s completely overwhelmed in all of the worst ways, in ways that he’s never felt before, in fact, but listening to viola’s voice - even if he’s unable to properly process all of her words - helps at least a little. “okay, okay, okay,” he repeats, more times than needed or necessary, more trying to remind himself that he’ll be okay under viola’s guidance than he was trying to tell viola anything. he’s stopped muttering under his - jagged - breath by the time that he pulls his hand from hers, though even if he had been saying something of the utmost importance he would have stopped seeing his sister jump; everything seems to stop for a second as rune realizes how badly the attack has gotten to him.

he tries his absolute hardest to really listen to her words as she asks him to, and he needs it. he needs to hear what she’s saying, needs to hear that he’s going to get through this, that he’ll start to feel better, that his big sister will be there the entire time to help what he already knows is a superhuman amount - as she always does. though her words have processed only in bits and pieces, rune understands her entire message, and he holds onto it as tight as he can. he finds his breath again, a slow and steady breath, and while the pain remains, the tears slow as he repeats viola’s reassurance in his mind over and over and over. he tries to replace the vivid memories of the attack with the echoing of her reassurance. things have to get better, and while they haven’t yet, he calms. he allows the nurse to do their job, hiccupping and choking down the second wave of panic and mourning that tries to come out, and once they’re alone again, viola settled by his side, she - and the sedatives - slowly lull rune to a safe and calm state of unconsciousness once more.

Eisa snorted. “Oh, I’m sure there will be books written about this. Maybe there will even be movies made. I wonder how accurate they would be, though.” Perhaps if the person in charge could somehow get the residents of Shrike Heights to talk about their personal experiences with the attacks, they could get a semi-accurate portrayal of what it had been like to live in their town over the past couple of years. But the media also liked to make things up - make them sound overdramatic or skip on some important details. They would be calling the people cursed or simply unlucky, depending on which scenario would get people’s interest more.

“I wonder how they know these details. Maybe it’s a conspiracy?” The blonde mused out loud, suddenly wondering how the press was getting their information. Unless they had spoken to eye witnesses, which honestly didn’t seem very likely, given how traumatized those involved with the attacks always appeared to be, it should have been impossible for them to know details about the killers’ genders or appearances. Though perhaps over the years, some statements had been leaked. “Attacking people in roller skates just seems impractical, anyway. Especially as a woman, because chances are you’re already shorter.” Eisa had never seen any of the killers herself and she certainly didn’t want to discredit any of the victims’ stories, but some things were just hard to believe, even for someone with such a wild imagination.

“I like to think that I can do things that influence the future, like reading cards so I can maybe prevent things from happening. Or asking the spirits for guidance, though I suppose that’s more of a present thing, right?” She frowned slightly as Blue theorized about reasons why flowers would get banned from hospitals. “I really can’t imagine they would force people to live without flowers or plants in their life like that. They’re so important to have, for your health and your happiness.” Eisa knew that if anything ever happened to her, she would try her hardest to at least have her plants close to her, despite how unrealistic that wish really was, given how many she owned. “It is a pretty cool place, I agree. It feels like home, because I can surround myself with things that I can’t afford to buy.” She laughed.

“eh, those kinds of movies aren’t often very truthful,” blue shrugs their shoulders, speaking for the majority of the adapted true stories that they know, while still being open to be proven wrong if someone with more knowledge were to come along and tell them otherwise. “it’s traumatizing to force people to recount their tragedies and past trauma, so filmmakers or book writers can struggle getting all the pieces of the puzzle, and at the same time, everyone loves to sensationalize stories. make the more riveting, attention grabbing, exciting. like trauma needs to be exciting, like that’s not fucked up to do,” blue snorts at the idea, seeming offended, like they’ve been personally hurt or victimized by such a thing before; they haven’t, for the record, they’re just good at putting themself in others’ shoes - for better or worse. 

“i think they’re just forced to make assumptions,” blue suggests. “take what they can from the witnesses accounts, assume that large and muscular and violent means they’re males, assume that more petite and fluid in movement are females. i don’t think it’s right to make assumptions, especially not with that kind of thing, but it makes sense to theorize in order to reach potential answers, and it also makes sense if authorities are wanting to reassure residents by making it sound like they know more than they currently do.” the latter suggestion is bleak at best, deeply concerning at worst, but blue speaks their opinions in a very impartial manner as somebody who is yet to be hurt. “it seems stupid when you step into donna’s and see people looking like baby giraffes, totally struggling to be on wheels, but then when you watch the pros, or anyone who does roller derby, it’s kind of ingenious if someone wants momentum, force, and a quick getaway.”

marzipan  knew  very  well  that  art  could  be  used  to  harm  other  people,  and  it  was  very  obvious  that  was  the  intention  of  this  particular  zines  author.  she  was  thankful  that  it  was  her  who  had  found  it  and  not  someone  who  was  a  little  more  sensitive  to  the  subject.  she  was  thankful  she  was  strong  enough  to  handle it.  “ i  think  the  best  i  can  do  is  monitor  it, ”  she  gave  a  deep  sigh  and  gripped  the  stapled  book  by  the  edge,  tearing  it  into  long  strips  to  be  recycled  later.  “ if  the  owner  of  the  store  were  to  find  out  about  this  they’d  probably  be  against  the  idea  of  people  leaving  their  zines  here  altogether,  just  for  the  sake  of  the  customers.  but  the  community  of  artists  here  are  worth  more  than  that.  i  like  flipping  through  all  the  genuine  ones, ”  she  slid  the  other  zines  towards  them,  “ just  look  at  how  much  thought  and  attention  to  detail  go  into  them.  wouldn’t  it  be  a  waste  not  to  get  to  display  them  somewhere ? ”