By The Way, I Forgive You

aly michalka, lesbian, cisfemale + she/her ― hey look, it’s viola lancaster! they’re thirty-two years old, they’ve lived in shrike heights for twenty-four years, and they’re currently working at macy’s. i heard they’re pretty abrasive, but i think they’re so loyal at the same time. can they make it out alive? || ooc: ariluz, 27, they/them, est

to  be  complimented  by  viola  made  ellis  feel  an  indescribable  feeling. no  one  else  could  make  her  feel  like  viola  did,  which  was  a  fact  that  ellis  had  tried  her  hardest  to  either  ignore  or  talk  into  being  untrue  throughout  the  entire  duration  that  they  had  been  apart  for. there  was  just  something  special  about  viola;  ellis  had  always  known  it,  whether  or  not  she  wanted  to. “thanks,”  she  chuckled,  and  thankfully  she  was  able  to  respond  coolly  before  she  was  reminded  of  the  red  shirt  that  she  used  to  always  wear  purely  because  she  believed  it  to  be  one  of  viola’s  favourites. maybe  later  would  be  the  right  time  to  reminisce  about  such  things,  but  ellis  didn’t  want  to  come  on  too  strong,  especially  not  when  she  had  so  much  to  process  still,  about  being  back,  about  rune’s  attack,  and  everything  in  between.

“i  know  you  are.”  ellis  nodded  her  head,  giving  viola  a  soft  smile. she  knew  that  viola  was  grateful,  but  she  also  knew  that  viola  was  dealing  with  more  than  a  lot  right  now;  to  expect  her  to  take  the  time  to  be  appreciative  would  be  selfish  -  though  in  typical  viola  fashion,  she  still  tried  to  express  her  appreciation  anyway. the  moment  reminded  ellis  of  why  she  had  loved  her  so  much  -  why  she  still  did  love  her  so  much. no  matter  what  viola  was  going  through,  she  couldn’t  ever  stop  caring  about  all  of  the  other  people  around  her. “i  know.”  her  voice  was  almost  a  whisper  as  she  spoke,  so  much  emotion  threatening  to  come  out,  but  ellis  wasn’t  going  to  let  that  happen  when  she  needed  to  preserve  strength  to  dedicate  to  the  care  of  the  lancasters. “i  can’t  even  imagine  out  scary  it  would  have  been,  vi,  for  sure.”  she  reached  over  to  rub  viola’s  back  soothingly  while  she  tried  to  validate  her  feelings. “but  he’s  okay  vi,  you  didn’t  lose  him. and  with  a  sister  like  you?  he’s  gonna  be  back  to  his  sweet  little  self  in  no  time-  though  when  he  wakes  up  again,  pretend  i  described  him  as  some  cool  guy,  not  a  sweetie  pie.”  she  smiled,  not  expecting  a  laugh  at  such  a  hard  time,  but  just  trying  to  provide  light-heartedness.

nothing  could  take  away  how  awful  the  feelings  viola  felt  were,  but  realistically,  ellis  knew  that  they  could  only  move  forward,  and  she  was  prepared  to  try  her  hardest  to  help  both  viola  and  rune  to  move  forward  feeling  better  and  seeing  improvements. she  knew  recovery  was  never  linear,  but  she’d  be  there  the  entire  time,  no  matter  what. she  couldn’t  run  away,  not  again. “well  i  love  him  already,”  stevie  sounded  like  a  perfect  mixture  of  both  viola  and  rune,  but  in  dog  form,  of  course. “i  would  love  to  meet  him,  and  i  have  to  drop  my  things  of  at  mom’s  place,  anyway,  so  we  could  make  one  easy  trip.”  it  wouldn’t  take  her  long  to  drop  a  few  bags  inside  the  doorway,  so  it  wasn’t  like  ellis  would  be  keeping  viola  away  from  rune  for  very  long. “he  sounds  like  the  perfect  addition.”  it  was  a  little  hard  to  think  of  all  that  she  had  missed  in  viola’s  life  while  she  was  away,  but  she  quickly  willed  the  thoughts  away  in  order  to  better  be  there  in  the  moment.

she  still  wasn’t  expecting  any  attention  on  herself,  not  any  words  of  appreciation,  and  especially  not  any  words  of  apology. viola  had  nothing  to  apologise  for;  even  if  ellis  had  felt  differently  in  regards  to  the  end  of  their  relationship  in  the  thick  of  the  pain  that  had  come  from  it,  things  were  so  different  now,  and  after  being  reminded  of  how  fragile  life  was  with  rune’s  attack,  ellis  was  only  interested  in  making  the  most  of  life,  moving  forward. “i’m  sorry  i  couldn’t  come  back  sooner,”  she  told  her  sincerely,  wanting  to  express  just  how  much  she  wanted  to  help  viola  feel  like  things  would  be  okay. it  was  almost  scary,  how  naturally  the  affection  shared  between  them  still  felt. “i  missed  you  too,  vi.”  she  wished  there  were  stronger  words  to  better  express  just  how  she  felt  to  have  been  gone,  but  she  then  figured  that  it  might  have  been  for  the  best  that  she  couldn’t  express  something  that  could  be  totally  overwhelming  to  viola  in  an  already  overwhelming  moment. “i  missed  home.”

***

“mm, the coolest guy. i’ll let him know how much you respect his rep,” she replied with a laugh, appreciating that she could even laugh at the moment. in different circumstances, viola would be over the moon at how excited rune would be to see ellis. her leaving had been hard on all of them but it had caused a strain for her and rune for a brief moment since it had been viola’s choice to push her away. in another life they were having a big party, welcoming ellis home, rune and viola waiting with open arms. but in another another life, ellis had never left at all and viola had never disrupted their little safe haven. but they were in this life, the silence around them being interrupted every time one of rune’s monitors beeped. they were here, together and that was really all viola needed to know she would be okay. nothing could or ever would make her more sure than ellis being next to her holding her hand. everything felt possible then.

“he is a perfect addition,” viola admitted, the dog bringing a completing energy in the household without question. “rune adores him. is so responsible when it comes to him too, thought i’d never see the day but he’s consistent. but one easy trip sounds good.” the idea of being alone with ellis, even for a moment, away from the hospital was as desirable as it was terrifying. she was worried that somehow the reminder of the world moving on outside would show viola this was all just a dream. but maybe it was actually exactly what she needed to remember it was indeed a reality. “home definitely missed you,” she replied, trying not to think about that now it meant ellis could end up like rune. in some ways it was better for ellis to be far away but in all the right ways, viola felt ten times better now about her chances of survival with ellis around. it was nice to know that ellis had missed her and wasn’t angry. at least she didn’t seem to be, rune’s injuries or not. and that was encouraging, a sign that maybe, if viola could take her own head out of her ass, the two of them could have a fresh start.

once viola had finished eating and the nurses had come around again to check on him, viola felt okay about leaving for a little bit. with a thank you to ellis’s mother, viola was able to peel herself out of the room, staying close to ellis’s side as they walked out to the parking lot. “woah,” she said as soon as they stepped into the fresh air. “that was a bit shocking,” she admitted, taking a few deep breathes as he eyes adjusted to the light. she led ellis towards her car, feeling more at ease once she was in the passenger seat and found her sunglasses. “before you ask, yes, i feel good enough to drive. i’ll wait for you to get your bags from your car,” she told her, playing with the radio until she found something peaceful. when ellis finally got back and climbed into the passenger seat, viola let out a sigh of relief before pulling out of the parking space.

it was surreal to drive with ellis in the passenger seat, a scene they had been in so many times before. but it had been so long and viola had to resist the urge to reach out and take ellis’s hand. she wanted to, craved it more than she could ever admit and it was just cementing that she was still so very much in love with ellis. not that it was ever a doubt. more like a well buried fact. “let’s go get him first then we can drop off your stuff? i kind of need the air so i’m not in a rush,” she admitted, knowing she’d be rushing back likely to rune still asleep. “as you can see not much as changed around here, a few new shops,” she started as they drove through town. soon enough though, they were pulling into viola’s driveway and she could already hear stevie barking from the house next door. she was quick up the steps and when the door opened stevie came running out.

“oh there’s my boy,” she said softly, kissing his head as she pet him, a few tears escaping as she did. “i know, i know, we missed you too,”she said softly turning when she felt ellis next to her. “i want you to meet someone super important,” she told the dog, “stevie, this is ellis, el, this is stevie,” she told them and allowed ellis some space to greet the dog who very quickly moved himself closer to lick her face and sniff her out. “see? he loves you already.” she thanked her neighbor profusely before taking stevie back next door. “i’m just gonna use the bathroom and get a few things before we go to yours,” she told her as she unlocked the door. “it hasn’t changed much since you’ve been here,” she told her as she let them all inside. once they were though, she couldn’t help but look at ellis for a moment and before she could help it, she stepped forward to wrap her up in another hug, just standing there in the middle of the house holding her. “just hold me a little longer?” 

it  was  extremely  hard  for  johanna  to  accept  help,  or  for  her  to  let  anyone  in in  a  very  personal  manner,  but  viola  made  it  a  little  easier  than  most  people  did. there  was  just  something  soothing  about  her,  like  a  force  that  wrapped  itself  around  johanna  and  whispered  in  her  ear  that  everything  was  going  to  be  okay  -  and  despite  the  frightening  picture  that  could  be  painted  by  that  description,  it  felt  like  a  warm  hug,  and  nothing  to  be  scared  of. still,  johanna  was  slightly  scared,  but  viola  was  helping  with  that,  too,  even  in  the  way  that  she  agreed  to  not  go  all  the  way  home  with  johanna.

she  smiled  timidly,  but  reached  up  and  took  viola’s  hands  to  help  pull  herself  up  with. normally  johanna  was  far  more  collected  than  she  was  now,  confident,  even,  a  picture  perfect  version  of  herself  with  a  bright  smile. she  was  far  from  that  version  of  herself  there  with  viola,  and  that  was  part  of  why  she  found  herself  so  shocked  to  hear  that  she  was  an  inspiration  in  any  sort  of  way. “you  find  me  bleeding  on  the  street  and  you  think  you  should  take  up  the  hobby  that  got  me  there?”  johanna  couldn’t  help  but  laugh.

“roller  skating  is  definitely  my  preferred  method  of  transportation. i  like  riding  bikes,  too,  though  i  don’t  have  one  right  now,  and  i  haven’t  bothered  to  get  a  new  one  considering  i  have  my  skates  and  i  feel  so  much… so  much  more  free  on  them,  i  suppose. i’m  usually  a  lot  better  on  them,  i  don’t  usually  end  up  kissing  the  ground  because  of  them.”  she  admitted  sheepishly. “but  if  you  have  the  balance  for  roller  skating,  it’s  pretty  easy  to  transfer  it  to  skating  on  a  board,  and  vice  versa. not  that  i  have  much  experience  on  a  board. it’s  not  really  my  thing,  not  really  my  look.”  while  still  shaken  up,  it  was  easy  to  start  finding  her  groove  again  with  an  easy  topic  of  conversation  presented  to  her.

***

“oh please, the amount of band-aids i went through when my brother first started learning to skateboard? this was nothing. plus i’m pretty sure there’s some kind of quote that’s like it’s not about how many times you fall down, it’s about how many times you get up. as you come to know me, you will find that i’m not easily deterred.” 

viola moved slowly as they talked and she focused both on listening to johanna and making sure they were careful in their walk. she was sure they would be fine but it didn’t help to take extra caution. “i imagine that feels pretty amazing. gives wind in your hair a whole new meaning, your arms are freer than they are on a bike. i respect it.” viola could see herself doing it and figured it couldn’t hurt to try, even if she got a few bruises along the way. “not really your thing, huh? i don’t know, you’d look very badass on a skateboard if you ask me.” the more they walked, the easier it was to let silence carry them for a little bit and viola had a moment to really consider something that had been ghosting around her mind for a while. what if looking out for people in her community was really what she was destined to do this entire time? it sounded silly as she said it, like she was making herself some superhero but really she just hated to think that people were going around feeling the same pain she was, or even worse. “you feeling better?”

“Next time for sure then.” Rosario teased as she laughed at the idea of Rune bringing his Polaroid along to document the moment. For the briefest moment she let her mind wonder how different her life would be right now if her and her own brother had a relationship that was more similar to Viola and Rune’s. They firmly believed in there being no sense in dwelling on things that couldn’t be changed though, so they snapped their attention back to the present. “Only way this backfires is if someone plans to take you on a date there as a surprise or something.” Another small laugh followed their words. “Depends on your date though. Hey they might get a real kick out of hearing all about how you got banned from one of the fanciest restaurants in town.” She barely had time to finish her drink between talking and grabbing her things to go and yet she somehow managed.

“Depends on how the date’s going and what the other person is doing to crash it. I think I’d probably just go along with whatever they were doing though, assuming they were just doing it for some kind of reaction.” She explained as she walked beside her friend through the downtown area. “What about you?” A few wobbly head nods followed as the other strategized what they would do once inside far more than Rosario ever would, which was probably wise. Constantly running full speed ahead into things without a plan didn’t always work out well for her. “Hey, maybe if we save someone’s night they’ll buy us dessert or something.” They chimed hopefully.

Rosario let Viola do the talking up front as she concentrated more on not looking as tipsy as she was starting to feel. “Oh what about them?” They discreetly pointed to two people seated with each other. “She looks bored out of her mind, you know, to the point we’d definitely be helping out. And it looks like her date keeps going on and on.” She scrunched her nose, imagining how truly dull the date had to be for the woman to look that disinterested. “We should definitely crash that one, unless you can find someone who looks even more miserable.”

***

“You’re right. If it’s the right person it would make them laugh. Now I can keep that as a test in the back of my head,” she teased, knowing the exact person she had in mind would have definitely laughed at the idea of it. “Oh I would go along with it if it was funny but if they were annoying I feel like my temper would let loose too quickly. And then probably the date would end because they would realize I’m a mad woman,” Viola responded, only partially joking really but her smile was wide at Rosario’s suggestion of a dessert reward. It was a sweet thought and Viola figured it would be the best outcome of this little adventure. And confirmed that Rosario was the right person to go on it with. 

Viola followed their line of sight, watching the way the woman poked at her salad like she was looking for anything other than the conversation she was in. “Oh she looks bored as fuck,” Viola mumbled, doing another scan of the restaurant before looking back at that table. “None that miserable. If she pokes that salad anymore she’s going to break the plate. Let’s go.” Viola got to her feet, her hand still in Rosario’s as they walked over to the table and easily pulled up their chairs. “Oh my god! I thought that was you!” Viola’s voice was higher pitched as she sat, not even trying to guess the woman’s name as she looked at her, hoping she would somehow just sense they were here to rescue her. “Who’s your handsome date here, wow, what a tie, huh? It’s so..festive,” Vi turned her attention to the date, giving him a bright smile before reaching for one of the pieces of bread on the table. “Ooo it’s still warm. That’s nice, mm, and delicious. Do you mind?” She reached for one of the wine glasses on the table, “You two seemed like you were having so much fun and you know, we haven’t seen her since, wow, since high school, right?” She turned to Rosario to encourage them to join the conversation and the woman they were saving already seemed pretty entertained. Plus the bread was actually really good. 

cordelia  couldn’t  imagine  having  children  herself.  she’d  never  truly  felt  a  connection  strong  enough  with  anyone  to  even  consider  it.  she  hadn’t  even  considered  something  like  marriage  before.  she  thought  that  by  now  that  she  was  simply  getting  too  old  for  it,  anyway.  “ i  think  if  you  want  kids,  you  make  it  work.  don’t  doubt  yourself.  my  aunt  struggled  with  her  first  kid  but  still  had  three  more  after  that.  nobody  can  be  a  perfect  parent,  but  she  got  better  with  each  one.  i  know  i  just  said  that  about  dogs,  but  i  guess  it  could  be  applied  to  almost  anything.  most  people  get  better  with  practice, ”  she  laughed.  she  knew  dogs  weren’t  comparable  to  children  in  most  cases,  but  she’d  definitely  argue  that  they  both  required  a  lot  of  work.  “ i  think  it’s  cute  you’re  close  with  your  brother.  my  family  is  quite  close  so  i  grew  up  close  to  not  only  my  siblings  but  my  cousins  too.  i  have  five  sisters,  i’m  the  youngest.  crazy,  right ? ”  five  siblings,  four  cousins,  family  gatherings  were  always  hectic,  countless  children  running  around  and  causing  mischief.  “ snacks  for  me ?  or  for  the  dog ? ”  

****

“most people do get better with practice. some parents...never get better despite an endless amount of practice unfortunately,” viola said with a sigh as she thought about it. “but you’re right, i think things happen over time. much easier with dogs than children for sure but i think either way you have to care.” it made viola think of a few things but all thoughts were pretty overwhelming so she pushed them to a part of her mind where she could process them at a later time. preferably with a glass of wine. “five sisters? wow, your parents had their hands full, huh? that must have been a truly lively house. my brother and i grew up in a house with a bunch of siblings too but it was a different kind of thing. we’re adopted,” viola explained, “so if you saw me and my brother on the street you’d never guess we were related but he’s the only family i have.” once upon a time viola might not have been so open about her life but it came easier these days and she wasn’t as ashamed of her past. or at least she was trying not to be. she had to laugh at the question “uh both, yeah both. mostly you though cause i imagine there can be more variety there.”

Tagging: @fearsless

“Made just the way you like,” Viola told Ottilie as she set the plate in front of her with a grin. It had been a while since she was able to have anyone over for dinner as Rune worked on his recovery. That and Viola had generally just been a mess over it which had led to the house being a bit of a mess as well. But she had deep cleaned over the weekend, gotten Rune to some appointments and had set up a good network of care so someone could always be around in the house with Rune while she was at work or running errands. But Vi was slowly but surely trying to re-connect with all of her favorite people, especially the younger ones who had Viola had started to bring into her orbit of care. Ottilie had always been a bit resistant, reminding Viola far too much of her older self and it only made her want to show her love more. “I saw Apollo at the grocery store earlier today, says you’re still his number one employee,” Viola teased with a wink as she went back to the stove to serve herself and give Ottilie a chance to enjoy the meal without her prying eyes on her. “I think Stevie has missed you the most though,” she teased, glancing at the dog who was had very happily settled at the foot of Ottilie’s chair. “You want something to drink? Our fridge is fully stocked again now that I’m only half the mess I was.”

it’s so overwhelming, everything that has happened and everything that still is happening is so intense. the intensity is weird, however, it all feels so strange, because even while rune is panicking, chest moving rapidly with a heaving breath filled with anxiety and uncertainty, to rune it all feels like he’s moving in slow motion. or if not slow motion, it feels like there’s a delay in his actions; should he try to reach out his hand, he would feel the sensation of doing so a moment before he’d watch his arm extend. of course, this isn’t actually what’s happening to him, only what the altered state of his mind makes him believe, but regardless of what’s happening compared to what he feels, it’s all overwhelming. 

rune tries to come across as a tough person, and while he definitely is tough, as someone who’s been through a lot in a short life, he’s far more sensitive than he ever allows people to know. his sensitivity certainly comes out in the devastation and panic he feels upon waking up after his attack - though surely even those who are the absolute strongest regularly would be shaken and changed by living through what rune has. he immediately finds at least the faintest feeling of calm with viola’s efforts to stop him from hurting himself, though maybe calm isn’t exactly what he finds, it more being a stunned ceasing of the choking and wriggling around at viola’s instruction. he holds his breath for a moment, his chest and his throat twitching relentlessly, desperate for the next breath, and once he finally exhaled and inhales once again, he feels a new wave of fatigue hitting him. he lays back, and he breathes, and he cries. 

“i don’t feel right,” he responds to her explanations, in a way validating her claims that he’s hurt badly by telling her this. “my body doesn’t feel right.” he elaborates, struggling to fully make sense of his thoughts, let alone voice them. “i-” it makes sense, that he’s hurt, because his body doesn’t feel right and that’s proof; what she tells him makes sense, that he has to stay until he’s better; the dots are connected, or so he thinks, until he finally puts more pieces of the puzzle together and realizes what injuries she’s talking about, and how he got them. “oh.” their devastation floods their voice. he tries to take steady deep breaths to avoid going back to the unstable and hazardous breathing and coughing and panicking. “vi,” he feels at a loss for words again, and though he tries to keep himself stable, he cries harder. “oh my god, vi,” he whispers, and he squeezes his eyes shut, having enough clarity to really think about his situation now. he squeezes viola’s hand, looking for more comfort, but the second he does he remembers vividly the feeling of calista’s hand in his; he rips his hand away from her, a gasp, but that feeling is so much closer to the sensation of having calista’s hand slip out from his, and suddenly he’s overcome by nausea. “is there no way to make this better?” he asks, mostly in reference to everything going on internally, sniffling, the same tone of devastated as before.

***

viola had to remind herself to breath as she looked at him and held his hand, reminding herself over and over that he needed her to be strong. she needed her to be strong. but seeing him like this was breaking her heart into a million pieces. so scared and uncertain, perhaps more scared than he had been the firs time they met when he was eight. she wished she had the power to make the pain go away, to do anything to trade places or take this pain from him. it was a wicked thing to have to witness and with her free hand viola clenched her fist, her nails digging into her palm to ground her and remind her she was still there. “i can see if the nurses can give you some meds, okay? but it’ll probably knock you out. which is good right now. you need rest but it just means reality will be tough when you wake up but i’m gonna be right here, okay? i’m not going anywhere,” she assured him again, jumping a bit when he ripped his hand away so she instead rested her own by his side. 

“listen to me okay,” she crouched down next to him and reached her hand up to brush through his hair, “listen to me, whatever happens, you’re going to get through it. you’re going to fight and you’re going to feel like shit a lot but you are not done. you’re alive, and i know it’s scary right now but you’re still here,” she said, more to herself than anything. “you’re still here,” she repeated and leaned in to press a kiss to his cheek. “just breathe.” she breathed with him, until she thought it was okay enough to pull away so she could poke her head out and ask a nurse for help. “he’s in a lot of pain,” she told them and though she hated that it was the only way, she watched as they put more medication into his iv. “you’re gonna get some rest now, i’m gonna be right here,” she told him, settling back in the chair again, her hand by his side as the medication started to settle and she watched his features relax a bit. once the nurse was gone, she started humming lightly, a song she used to sing to him when he was younger. “blackbird singing the dead of night,” she started to sing softly, tapping her finger lightly against his palm as she did. she waited until his eyes were closed until she let her tears fall but she still sang, all the way until the song was done. 

               “ aah , rune . ” hen wen nodded their head . “ yeah , i do know him actually . ” and it was easy to conclude that much considering they really did have a unique name - something the two skaters had bonded over upon first meeting . they didn’t know each other overly well , but considering they frequented the same places in shrike - mainly the skate park and fast times - they knew each other well enough . hen wen wasn’t the type to get overly close with anyone , anyway , so in the grand scheme of things they actually did know rune better than they knew a lot of people , despite how surface level their friendship would be considered . 

“ thanks . ” not much other people could say actually meant a lot to hen wen , but to be told her name suited her really did mean a lot . “ viola definitely suits you . you’re not an elizabeth to me , not even a lizzie or liza . and you’re definitely not a jane . ” hen wen almost went on to make a comment about how the name jane might have been haunting her , or how she didn’t particularly like the name jane or those named jane , but she decided against it . viola was being so lovely to her , she didn’t need to ruin her chances of a friendship by exposing herself for the cynical person she so often was . not to mention , shrike heights was a growing town , but still small nonetheless , so hen wen couldn’t be sure that viola didn’t know jane howard . 

“ oh , of course . ” hen wen shook their head , as if they couldn’t believe that they hadn’t volunteered the information earlier . “ i’m twenty-three . ” she told her simply , a small smile on her face as viola spoke of her own age , being in her thirties , and not being open to going back to her twenties . “ thanks . ” she laughed , appreciating the encouragement to help get her through the decade . “ i feel like most people tell me that their thirties are better than their twenties . ” hen wen wouldn’t admit that they’re looking forward to anything , but they were holding out hope that their thirties would be different . “ now that i think about it , actually , i usually find myself getting along best with people in their thirties . i have no idea why . ” they chuckled , though they could probably figure out why they didn’t get along with more people their own age if they tried . “ i don’t eat any meat , but i’m not picky outside of that , if you have any favourites . ”

***

viola’s smile widened when hen wen recognized his name, getting a kick out of the fact that her brother was known by anyone. it was always nice to hear. “mm, yeah, definitely not a jane,” she agreed with a nod, finding that this entire conversation had brought her a kind of warmth she was deeply appreciating. “twenty three? wow, there’s a whole ten years between us, isn’t that amazing? kind of blows my mind. and not in a bad way but in a, sometimes i’m in awe of the world kind of way, you know? time is a wild thing. but yeah, i think if i could talk to my twenty three year old self i’d tell her to tell more people to fuck off,” she joked, laughing a bit as she thought about it. “have you ever told someone to fuck off before? it’s great for the spirit.”

“got it, i can definitely work with that. and you know, i don’t mean to give you a scary impression, being in your twenties is weird but it doesn’t have to totally suck. especially if you have some good people to rely on.” viola felt it was too forward to tell hen wen that they could rely on her but now that they had met, viola would make it her business to check in on them as often as they could. or as often as they would let her. 

viola let the silence hold them for a bit as they walked, her eyes carefully trained on stevie in front of them. since hen wen said one of her favorites so she led them in the direction of one of her favorite greek spots. it was a tiny mom and pop place that viola had loved going to since she was a teenager. “have you ever had falafel? i feel like it’s one of my favorite non meat go to’s.” she led them to a table outside so stevie could be comfortable, smiling as she as greeted by familiar faces. “as you can tell, i come here...a lot. i think i’ve been coming here since i was like, 17, i’m just glad it’s still around. i even went to the wedding of the owners kids and all from just really love gyros.”

it  made  sense  for  ellis  to  come  home,  and  for  her  to  immediately  step  up  for  viola  and  rune. in  ellis’  mind,  there  was  no  other  possibility,  not  a  single  reality  in  which  she  wouldn’t  make  the  decision  with  such  ease. no  matter  how  much  time  had  passed,  and  no  matter  what  had  happened  between  them,  ellis  wouldn’t  have  been  able  to  live  with  herself  if  she  tried  to  just  continue  living  elsewhere,  as  if  her  heart  wasn’t  still  connected  to  the  town  and  the  people  of  shrike  heights. but  she  hadn’t  made  the  decision  to  come  back  and  help  for  herself;  even  if  ellis  could  have  been  able  to  live  with  herself  without  helping,  she  wouldn’t  have  stayed  away. viola  and  rune  needed  help,  and  while  there  were  other  people  such  as  her  mother  around  trying  their  best,  ellis  would  always  be  someone  to  give  that  to  them,  too. it  was  a  no  brainer,  it  felt  as  natural  as  blinking  her  brown  eyes  or  laughing  at  some  stupid  joke.

ellis  laughed  as  viola  told  her  that  she  really  was  her  mother’s  daughter;  a  compliment,  for  sure. “she  was  born  to  be  a  nurse,  to  look  after  people.”  her  mother  hadn’t  had  the  privilege  of  being  the  most  present  in  her  life  in  her  upbringing,  but  she  had  still  done  everything  right,  and  ellis  knew  she  was  a  good  person. “old  habits  die  hard.”  she  then  said,  in  reference  to  herself. it  wasn’t  the  first  time  that  ellis  was  bringing  viola  something  to  eat  and  drink,  though  it  certainly  was  a  lot  of  other  firsts  between  them. “of  course  i  remembered.”  how  could  she  not?  ellis  could  remember  everything  about  viola,  or  so  it  felt  like  it. though  there  had  been  so  much  distance  between  them,  ellis  still  thought  of  viola,  each  time  her  favourite  songs  played  on  the  radio,  each  time  the  sky  turned  the  same  colour  that  viola  would  always  compliment,  or  each  time  that  she  met  someone  with  eyes  resembling  the  same  pretty  shade  as  viola’s  -  not  that  she  had  ever  met  anyone  else  who  had  that  same  gleam  in  their  eyes  as  viola. they  were  apart,  but  viola  was  still  with  ellis,  and  truthfully,  ellis  had  recently  begun  to  wonder  if  that  would  always  be  the  case.

ellis  laughed  again,  this  time  at  viola’s  reaction  to  finally  getting  some  food  into  her  stomach. “i  knew  you’d  say  that,  i  knew  that  would  be  the  case. that’s  why  i  stopped,  even  though  i  wanted  to  get  here  as  soon  as  i  could.”  she  told  her  honestly. “i  would  have  called  and  asked  what  you  felt  like  exactly,  but  i  didn’t  think  it’d  matter  much. next  time,  though. i’ll  be  like  your  personal  pizza  delivery  guy,  but  for  whatever  you  want.”  she  offered,  trying  to  add  humour  into  the  offer  to  take  away  from  the  seriousness  of  the  situation  -  not  because  ellis  didn’t  want  to  respect  it  or  take  it  seriously,  but  because  she  wanted  to  make  viola  accepting  all  of  her  help  as  easily  as  possible. the  last  thing  ellis  wanted  was  for  viola  to  feel  guilty  for  having  other  people  do  things  for  her;  viola  had  always  taken  care  of  herself  and  others,  especially  rune,  and  ellis  throughout  their  years  together,  too,  but  it  was  time  for  viola  to  receive  care,  too. ellis  was  glad  that  she  felt  confident  when  it  came  to  knowing  how  to  do  that.

“i  absolutely  sped  all  the  way  down  here,  but  i  was  also  careful.”  she  told  her  with  more  honesty  -  honesty  always  coming  easy  with  viola,  just  as  easy  as  it  always  had,  in  fact,  which  slightly  took  ellis  by  surprise. when  viola  told  her  that  she  wished  the  killers  would  have  gotten  her  instead,  ellis  was  almost  instinctively  too  honest,  almost  interrupting  her  to  tell  her  to  not  say  such  a  thing,  but  she  refrained. she  could  understand  what  viola  meant,  particularly  as  she  knew  how  protective  she  was  over  rune. “i’m  sorry  that  it  happened  to  either  of  you,  it  shouldn’t  have.”  it  really  shouldn’t  have,  but  ellis  didn’t  want  to  dwell  on  the  fact,  thinking  that  it  would  be  best  to  instead  try  to  move  forward. “he’s  lucky  to  have  you,  i  couldn’t  think  of  anyone  better  to  have  by  your  side  after  going  through  something  like  this. he’s  gonna  be  okay,  vi. and  so  will  you.”  ellis  understood  that  there  were  many  complicated  details  to  their  predicament,  such  as  the  hospital  expenses,  and  that  was  exactly  why  she  was  there. “we’ll  get  through  this.”  she  offered  with  a  smile.

the  smile  only  grew  at  the  news  of  the  dog. “you  have  a  dog?”  she  sat  up  straighter  in  her  chair. it  was  apparent  on  her  face  and  in  her  body  language  that  she  was  still  concerned,  and  present  in  terms  of  the  serious  situation  they  were  in,  but  she  was  also  excited  over  the  news. ellis  had  always  wanted  a  dog,  ever  since  she  was  a  little  girl. “stevie,  like  nicks?”  she  guessed. “oh,  i  love  him  already. i  would  love  to  meet  him.”  it  might  not  have  sounded  like  much  to  others,  but  ellis  thought  it  was  a  wonderful  addition  to  the  life  of  the  lancasters. it  made  her  feel  like  they  had  really  made  it  through  all  of  their  troubles,  like  they  had  finally  become  comfortable  enough  in  life  to  bring  in  a  creature  dependent  on  them  and  their  home,  and  that  was  so  wonderful. “who’s  looking  after  him  while  you’re  in  here?”  she  questioned,  assuming  that  rune  and  viola  had  other  people  in  their  lives  to  help,  but  also  wanting  to  volunteer  herself  and  her  services  for  anything  viola  might  need.

****

“mm, you’d make a really hot delivery guy. that red that a lot of them wear? totally suits you.” it should have surprised viola at how easily being in space with ellis felt. even their conversation flowed easily and viola was overwhelmed by the sensation of being known. she had almost forgotten what that was like. to have someone know how you liked your coffee, what food you ate, the fact that you would probably forget to eat. all this distance and time and yet it was like none had ever passed and it was only now that viola was noticing that from the moment ellis stepped into the room, she had started to feel better. hopeful even. “don’t worry, i believe you. i won’t tell your mom you broke any traffic laws. it’s sweet, really...i’m...really grateful. like i can’t even describe it but just know i am.” she felt herself tearing up when ellis said rune was lucky to have her and she had to take a moment to pause as more tears came. “i just...i can’t believe i almost lost him, El, I...” she stopped herself, tears coming more now and she had to set her food aside to grab a tissue. she wasn’t embarrassed to cry in front of ellis. ellis was probably the one person who had seen her cry the most. she nodded at ellis’s words, knowing they would get together and something about her saying ‘we’ made viola feel better. she wasn’t alone. she had to keep remembering she wasn’t alone. “we will,” she said finally, sniffling as she wiped her eyes, “we will.”

she was grateful for the distraction of talking about stevie and she wrapped up what was left of the food and put it to the side, not wanting to ruin it with all her tears and sniffles. plus ellis’s excitement was making her laugh and she already couldn’t wait for stevie and ellis to meet. “the one and only, yeah. it really suits him. i’m excited for you two to meet, he’s going to love you, i know it.” viola almost laughed at the clear excitement on ellis’s face and it was hard for her to not fall all over again. god, she had missed her. her smile, her eyes, her presence. it was enough to almost make viola emotional again. “such a caretaker. i left him with our neighbor but i’m gonna have to go get him a little later if you want to come with. i’m sure he’s just as worried, we’ve never been away from him this long. he’s a bit of a flirt but a total sweetheart, probably worries a bit much like i do. but he’s really brought a fullness to the house. rune loves him. i can’t believe he’s been actually responsible in walking him and cleaning up his shit. it’s been kind of amazing.”

viola glanced back at her brother and reached out to hold his hand for a moment, with her free hand, she reached out and took a hold of one of ellis’s hands without looking. she smiled to herself when she felt her hand in hers and gave it a slight squeeze before looking away from rune. she looked at ellis and wanted to say she was sorry. for putting them here, for making the biggest mistake of her life, but she couldn’t. not now at least. not under these circumstances. ellis deserved something more thoughtful and sincere and viola was just hopeful that she would stick around long enough that she could do that. she released rune’s hand in favor of wrapping both around ellis’s hand. “el, i’m...i’m,” she stopped herself and just looked into her eyes, giving her hand another squeeze. “i didn’t think things would be okay until you got here,” she said instead, hoping that would suffice for now and without hesitating she brought ellis’s hand to her lips and kissed it gently. she allowed herself one admission though and gently pulled away as she said it. “i...i really missed you.”

“Macy’s would be in ruins if they let me run that shit.” Rosario laughed and then grimaced a little at the thought of having the responsibility of being a manager somewhere. Unless she was passionate about the place where she was working, she didn’t want to put in any extra effort and it was safe to say she wasn’t all too passionate about the small karaoke bar. It wasn’t the worst gig, but it wasn’t something that captured their full interest either. “Oh please, you’re far from boring. I wouldn’t hang out with you if you were a bore.” She teased with a grin. While she had a knack for striking up friendships wherever she went, they usually didn’t last too long with all the traveling she did. Now that she was more settled somewhere, it was nice to have them last. It was just rather unlucky that they managed to pick a place that was now one giant horror movie to settle down in. 

“I want to say you’ll thank me later for it, but I can easily see it being a disaster. But hey, even if that’s the case, I’m sure we’ll get a funny story from it, and potentially know who to avoid going on actual dates with in the future.” At most Rosario thought speed dating was a silly activity they could do to avoid all the other single people who were more down in the dumps about being partner-less on the romantic holiday, rather than an opportunity to find something serious. “For my sake, I’m going to say they were professionals. I won’t sleep at night knowing I’m becoming boring.” She said in mock seriousness as if that was the worst thing that could happen. They snorted, “You know it would be at least a little funny to see him bail you out, for me at least. But for the sake of keeping your very serious older sibling authority intact, we won’t go over board and get arrested.” In all seriousness though, she was pretty sure the authorities should be more worried about the attacks than a couple residents committing minor things that could potentially lead to an arrest out of boredom. “I think there are some farms a little outside of the town?” She managed to say through laughter at the thought of the two of them attempting to do cow tipping. “I would be honored to crash a date with you at Shrike Height’s finest restaurant though. And I mean, what’s the worst that happens? We get banned? I didn’t plan on blowing money there anyway.” And a little mischief never hurt anyone.  

***

“Oh I’m sure you’d get a real kick out of it. Rune would probably bring his Polaroid along. But no, I’d rather not give him that memory and I would like to sleep in my own bed tonight, preferably if I can help it.” The idea of cow tipping was cracking her up and she almost wished she was drunker so she could actually persuade herself to do it. “Okay, yeah fair. Getting banned from the Aviary would kind of make me more proud than anything so. Okay, it’s a plan then.” Viola tapped her hands on the bar one more time before she chugged the rest of her drink with ease. “Okay, now I’m ready. Let’s do this shit. You know we could actually make someone’s night. Depends on if we crash one that’s going well or really poorly. It’s either or at this point.” She was clearly excited and the last of her drink was hitting her system with a buzz. 

She finally got her things together and pulled on her jacket before leading Rosario out of the door again and towards the direction of the Aviary. It was a livelier night than expected and was part of why Viola did enjoy her time in Downtown whenever she had it. She wrapped her hands around one of Rosario’s arm to help keep her steady and to keep her friend close as she walked. “What would you do if someone crashed a date you were on? I think I’m gonna take the tactic of just taking a seat, pulling up a chair. We’ll tell the hostess we’re meeting someone and just walk on in. Part of me wants to find someone who’s miserable so maybe we’ll be saving their night, clearly. Okay, enough hypothesizing!”

Viola sounded more like a coach on a team which made her laugh as they approached the doors of the restaurant. Vi opened the door for Rosario but was close behind her as they approached the person at the front. “We’re here to meet someone at the bar,” she told them easily as she started to shake off her coat. “Okay, quick look around, who seems like they’re on a date?” Vi spoke lowly to Rosario as they started to walk towards the bar.”

Even with the killers looming large, Danny was glad he was back. He thought he’d miss people – Viola and Nick, mostly – but it surprised him just how much. So he hadn’t wasted time driving his car down to the Lancasters.

He wasn’t sure what kind of welcome he’d receive, or if she’d just kick his ass to the curb – not that she’d blame him. Danny expected some blowback when he came back into town; he didn’t regret leaving, and he knew that it was what he needed, but it still sucked. So it was more than he could’ve ever expected to hear her voice as he climbed out of the car, to look over and see her smiling at him. It wasn’t hard for him to match it with his own, opening his arms without hesitation as she moved in for the hug. He held on tightly, relieved she was okay, and only when she shifted to look at him did he loosen his grip.

He rested his hands on her hips, his smile transforming into a smirk. “You think I’m handsome?” He teased. “I’m happy to see you too. Y'know, if you couldn’t already tell.” He leaned forward then and kissed her cheek, stepping away for a brief moment to grab the beer he’d brought with him. He wasn’t sure when he left for her place that morning if he’d need a peace offering, and he was glad to find he wouldn’t. “I come bearing gifts at least.”

His good mood stuttered when she mentioned Rune. The main thing was he was okay, but Danny felt a sharp pang of guilt when he thought about Viola having to go through that and him not being there to help her. But he was there now, and she was happy to see him, and that was what counted. “I’m glad he’s on the mend,” he offered lamely, squeezing her hand once she offered it. “I really am sorry I wasn’t around. I should’ve just…” he stopped himself, shaking his head. “Damn, Vi, haven’t even seen you for five minutes, and you’ve already got me talking more than I have in weeks. Let’s crack these open.” He laughed, letting her lead him inside.

***

“Only a little bit though, don’t let it go to your head. I knew you’d hear that part the most. Ah gifts, a man who knows he’s a trouble. Such a good guest.” She could use a drink though and was grateful she’d get to share one with him. “Hey, you’re here now, okay? Look, I’m not even mad and I can’t wait to hear about your time away. I’m just happy you’re here because I was close to losing my mind when I was by myself.” She laughed because he wasn’t even talking that much and was already feeling like he had talked too much. “What can I say? I have that affect. Yes, please. I’m in desperate need.” She pulled him into the house and led them towards the kitchen so she could grab a bottle opener. “Where are you staying? Did you move back into your old place or..? You’ve got to catch me up. I don’t see any black eyes so you haven’t gotten into a fight with anyone yet. I call that a win,” she teased, opening both of their beers. She shook her head before pulling him in for another hug, just over the moon that he was there. 

As if right on cue, Stevie came trotting out of Rune’s room to join them, sniffing at Danny’s sneakers. “Danny, meet our newest Lancaster, Stevie. Stevie, this is your Uncle Danny. Can’t you see the resemblance?” She held up her beer in a cheers and took a long sip before reaching down to scratch at Stevie’s head once he had settled next to her. “He’s been one of the best things to happen to me this year. So sweet, a bit of a pain in the ass and a really funny little guy. Great cuddler too. I mean who needs a girlfriend, you know?” She was clearly joking but Stevie had brought an immense amount of joy to her life. “So..how are you feeling being back? You kind of have crazy timing. Ellis just got back too. Guess everyone comes home eventually or maybe you all just missed me that much, huh?”

Nick laughed, mostly agreeing with Viola said about high school. While he was always busy with his own thing, raising his siblings and just barely passing his classes, he at least heard some of the silly drama that went on in the halls. Especially now with everything happening in town, everything around that time felt so inconsequential. Her words did manage to get a genuine laugh from him. “Yeah? I’ll have to have you call my siblings up and let them know that.” He joked. Despite the occasional teasing between siblings and comments about how lame they were to each other, he knew they each had a pretty high opinion of him after all he’d given up in his childhood to make sure they got by fine. “On second thought, maybe I should just get that in writing. They might all try to come up with a few embarrassing stories about me that’ll change your opinion.” A small chuckle accompanied his words.

Nick once again found himself laughing at something Viola said. Lighthearted moments like this didn’t last long in Shrikes these days, but he was content with living in the moment for now without the weight of everything else sitting on his shoulders. “You might be onto something, an oldies skating group might really take off.” He joked back before quieting down. Nick had never been good at slowing down to take care of himself while trying to look out for everyone else. It was something that always threatened to catch up to him, but never had serious enough consequences to make him stop and consider doing things differently until the attack in January. “Thanks.” There was nothing but sincerity in his soft voice. “I’ll take you up on that one day. The same goes for you, by the way.” Things were hard and with no sign of them getting any better anytime soon, he thought it was important that everyone try to support each other to help them get through whatever was to come next. No one should have to try to navigate all this on their own. “My door’s always open if you or Rune ever need something.”

***

“Oh no, are you kidding? I’ll write them a while letter. I don’t think my opinion could be changed that quickly. Especially not when it comes to you,” she told him with a light nudge, wanting him to know she was sincere. Nick was a good man, a great one even and she had seen just how much he had always shown up for everyone. In her younger days she had watched all the ways he had showed up for Danny and there was always a special place in her heart from him because of it. “Plus, sisters just like to be tough. It’s kind of our job.” 

Viola’s smile widened when he laughed and she nodded enthusiastically. “I mean we’d be quite the sight and probably pretty badass. “Thank you, I appreciate that. Hopefully we won’t need you for any emergencies but I’m glad to have you in our corner. Stevie included. I think our dogs may be on their way to being besties so, we kind of have no choice now.” Viola glanced back at the dogs and laughed. It was nice to think that she could live a life so simple. Time spent with friends in such a way that even their dogs got along. It was sweet and it helped Viola to feel this kind of wholeness she was always in search of. “Okay, I should get this wild one home, I promised Rune I’d pick him up from work today so I don’t want to be late. But you...I’ll see you soon. Really, let’s have a drink or something. Or lunch, coffee, a stroll with our dogs, whatever. Just..call me next week. Don’t make me stick your sister’s on you,” she teased and kissed Nick’s cheek quickly before getting to her feet. “It was really good to see you, Nick. Like actually.”

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙ johanna feat. viola 

johanna  felt  so  stupid,  being  caught  in  the  position  of  rushing  and  getting  hurt  in  the  process,  but  viola’s  reassurance  began  to  slowly  help  her  not  feel  so  bad. there  was  no  shame  in  being  terrified  in  shrike  heights  right  now,  with  everything  going  on,  and  while  johanna  still  did  feel  a  level  of  shame  -  as  she  always  did  when  she  found  herself  in  an  unfortunate  situation  -  viola  was  helping  her  to  understand  that  the  fear  was  justified,  meaning  the  whole  situation  was  in  a  way,  too. the  older  woman  helped  even  further  as  she  began  to  tell  johanna  that  there  was  bravery  in  accepting  help;  it  was  as  if  she  truly  knew  johanna,  as  if  viola  could  see  right  into  her  soul  enough  to  know  exactly  what  she  needed  to  hear  -  even  without  johanna  herself  knowing  such  things. johanna  didn’t  know  what  to  say  in  response,  everything  viola  had  said  hitting  her  deeply,  and  while  it  was  definitely  scary  to  feel  that  way,  johanna  simply  decided  to  let  viola  help  her  properly. johanna  didn’t  believe  in  fate,  or  higher  powers,  but  if  viola  was  able  to  say  everything  right  so  far,  maybe  it  was  a  sign  that  johanna  needed  to  trust  her  -  especially  while  in  the  compromised  position  she  was  in  currently. 

 johanna  quickly  doubled  down  on  the  decision  to  allow  viola  to  help  as  she  continued  to  speak. viola  really  didn’t  sound  like  a  mother,  despite  what  she  had  said,  at  least,  she  didn’t  sound  anything  like  johanna’s  mother;  johanna’s  mother  would  never  offer  help,  only  demand  it  for  herself,  in  terrible  ways,  and  viola’s  words  reminded  johanna  of  all  she  had  missed  out  on,  being  born  into  the  family  she  had  been. her  mother  would  never  care  in  the  way  that  viola  did,  and  thinking  about  it  now,  it  had  johanna  craving  that  care  and  concern  more  than  usual. viola  had  a  soothing  and  trusting  energy  about  her,  and  it  was  quickly  becoming  harder  to  reject  the  help  than  it  was  to  accept  it. “if  you’re  sure,”  johanna  nodded,  not  wanting  to  be  a  hinderance  despite  viola’s  reassurance  that  she  wasn’t. “i  would  really  appreciate  it.”  he  continued,  a  nervous  smile  on  her  face  but  a  smile  nonetheless. “thank  you. you  don’t  have  to  take  me  all  the  way,”  johanna  trusted  viola,  but  she  wasn’t  sure  how  the  woman  would  react  when  she  found  out  johanna  lived  in  a  beat  up  trailer,  contrary  to  how  she  presented  herself. “but  you  have  a  point-  what  if  i  fall  again,  or  something.”  hesitance  was  melting  away,  but  only  slowly. “thank  you.”  she  said  again,  this  time  in  reference  to  how  highly  viola  was  respecting  her  company  and  her  situation.

***

“okay, i won’t take you all the way,” she agreed and tried to suppress her smile when johanna agreed to let her walk her home. viola would rest easier tonight, that was for sure. “come on up, champ,”she said with a soft laugh as she held out her hands to help johanna to her feet. “you know i think you’ve inspired me to get skates or something. or well my brother is going to teach me to skateboard but i don’t know how well i’d do. i think i’d rather stick to a bike. i’m very good at riding a bike. not competitively but like casually. plus it’d look kind of cute.” viola was mostly thinking out loud and hoping to make conversation that would ease johanna’s mind as viola let her lead them towards the right direction. 

viola had to admit that she was finding this was one of her favorite things to do. helping people, especially people younger than her, feel like they weren’t a burden. or better yet, doing something that actually made them feel cared for. she had been thinking about it a lot after meeting hen wen recently, her relationships with noa and serenity and of course how she and rune had come to find each other. viola had never exactly dreamed of being a mother but she loved being a caretaker, taking care of people in a way that she had never had. it suited her and she enjoyed it. deeply so. 

“so, is rollerblading your preferred method of transportation?