neurotic crybaby with a fat ass

who’s gonna dm at my wedding?

roll for wedding vows

It’s a Nat 1…

“me… husband” I say nervously as I accidentally knock out the marriage officiant and somehow eat the ring

You ever think about how they made the minions immortal so that they wouldn’t have to explain how they reproduce

?? they made the minions immortal???

Yeah it’s like the same 200 minions forever

They also trapped them in the Arctic for a long time so they wouldn’t have to show them working for hitler because canonically they’re evil and serve the most evil master around and they’re clearly ok with serving dictators because they were depicted helping Napoleon so the solution to keep hitler out of the story was just to trap the yellow blobs on an iceberg.

since the minions are technically the last of their kind (since they seem to not be able to reproduce) does this mean that they are a protected species?

See, I don’t think that they’re a species. I think that they’re something else. Because everything else in that universe seems to follow ordinary rules of evolution but the same however many hundred minions keep changing their appearance and not dying. I think that the minions were intelligently designed.

Roman, my guy, are you really saying that minions are evidence of a god in despicable me lore?

Not god per se but… something.

Evil vs good. Evil made minions, good made them stupid yellow blobs

So are you positing that maybe they came to be because of some primordial yin/yang type battle between energies in the ocean or something?

But they have to reproduce somehow, there are way more minions in the Despicable Me movies than the Minions movie

there's a blueprint hanging on a wall in the first movie that shows Gru developed a way to create minions out of corn kernels

No one wants to talk about the fact that they worked with Napoleon means the minions canonically participated in the trans Atlantic slave trade

Finally a new observation that doesn’t have to do with corn

I was baking a strawberry shortcake for my mom when I realized that I forgot the baking powder. I began to panic so I pulled the cakes out of the oven; they were already completely baked but they rose just fine without the baking powder? I was staring at them in confusion, trying to remember if I accidentally put yeast in the batter, when I felt a shadow loom over me. I looked over my shoulder only to find Luigi. Luigi tenderly took my hands and told me, “You need not worry, for I will accompany you in any and all of your baking endeavors.” I have never felt more loved in my life. I cried.

I thought this was the mother of all shitposts and then I saw the url

why do i never see the url?

No one reads urls on tumblr. Which actually works out well for the one-time-i-dreamt tumblr posts, I think, because just like the original person, we are not aware at first that we are inside the dream. And then at some point — usually towards the end when things have gotten weird enough that it’s clear this can’t resolve properly before the end of the post — we check the url and understand, much like a sleeper waking up. Once something goes up on one-time-i-dreamt it becomes a dream we all experience, together.

By deleting osha-official Tumblr has become the first social media platform to ban SFW content.

but they also banned nsfw content.... they're the first webbed site to ban content.... all together.....

what are u romanticizing today u little homo

I want to explore old abandoned homes with creaky floors and broken windows with you.

u all gonna die

Why is there strawberry milk in that bong?

he’s gay

with all due respect (none),

yall remember when tumblr staff suppressed the ferguson hashtags, tracked all the activist urls and later kicked them off just to say they were russian agents? yall remember that right??

Remember that tumblr was owned by yahoo at the time and yahoo had not long before been bought by verizon. Remember that both yahoo and verizon were companies involved with ALEC , the shadowy organization of corporations that basically writes the drafts for the majority of bills brought forward by both republicans AND democrats. Remember that Stand Your Ground laws and many other laws that benefit the prison industrial complex were written by ALEC. Remember that slavery is still legal in the United States as punishment for a crime.