wave

The “I wont help you with Gabriel” and the “I wont return to heaven with you” fights share some important beats.

The first shows us a typical way these fights go down:

Aziraphale presents something he wants Crowley to do innocently and sweetly

he meets resistance from Crowley

he pleads “no, I would like you to help me” in a bit of a whine

He pouts “but if you won’t, you won’t” and “then you’re free to go”

Crowley storms out moodily

Aziraphale waits all pouty for Crowley to return and apologize and help him / save him like he always does

Crowley comes back and apologizes and Azirapahale gets his way

So in the “every” fight there are similar beats:

Aziraphale offers angelic status and heaven to Crowley with so much glee

Crowley resists, giving his reasons and laying out an alternative

Aziraphale’s offer is rejected and he starts the pleading phase “come with me, we can be together, I NEED you”

Aziraphale moves into the pouting phase “I don’t think you know what I’m offering you here” and especially “then there’s nothing more to say” (gawd even the delivery and the looking away from Crowley reminds me of the “then you wont”)

But this time Crowley doesn’t storm out to be angry before eventually giving in. Instead he holds his ground and shows Aziraphale that this is different, he gives one last show of what Aziraphale is giving up by not budging: “we COULD HAVE been us”, by putting it in the past he is taking the offer off the table, he kisses him in the last ditch effort to show him.

Azirpahale says “I forgive you”, a dark and sad mirror of the apology dance, offering the forgiveness to an apology that crowley is not offering. Crowley will NOT be apologizing. “Don’t bother” And he doesn’t storm off in anger. He walks out in resolute dejection. He is resolute to hold this boundary, and is offering Azirpahale the chance to apologize and join him, he doesn’t drive off until Aziraphale closes the elevator door.

whatever the fuck this is

but i am so emotionally drained this "getting dumped by my idiot blonde boyfriend" year my dudes

And then Aziraphale said Do something or I’ll never talk to you again and Crowley, despite believing that this is their end, that they won’t survive, still thought Oh sh*t no i can‘t bear that.

Because only the idea of Aziraphale never talking to him again, even though they’re apparently about to die, is so horrible that he literally stops time to avoid it. He can not die while knowing that his Angel doesn’t want to talk to him anymore.

And then Aziraphale said Do something or I’ll never talk to you again and Crowley, despite believing that this is their end, that they won’t survive, still thought Oh sh*t no i can‘t bear that.

Because only the idea of Aziraphale never talking to him again, even though they’re apparently about to die, is so horrible that he literally stops time to avoid it. He can not die while knowing that his Angel doesn’t want to talk to him anymore.

“No.”

“Exactly. No nightingales.”

" I forgive you."

" Don't bother."

Seeing Gabriel and Beelzebub just being openly happy like that. The whole season is an arc of both of them getting there. The way Aziraphale looks at Crowley. "Yes, I have a plan, but saving me makes him *so* happy." Getting Crowley to dance with him at the ball. Like. I need to rewatch it a couple times before I can put together a coherent meta on this, but. I really think Aziraphale was *almost* there. And without the Metatron's interference, his reaction to Crowley's speech would have been very very different.

They're both being given a Solution, a Way to finally get there. And Crowley is shown the human way, and goes for it, as he always does. And Aziraphale is shown a Heavenly way, an option that satisfies all the traumatized loops and addresses all the fears and insecurities that have been abused into him, and it's so much easier to take that option, to collapse back into those eons-old patterns and emotional habits than to do the hard thing and say yes to Crowley. And it sucks, and it's awful, and you know it, I know it, Aziraphale knows it, he *knows* it's wrong, but he just doesn't have enough practice yet doing it another way.