Ambiguous Disorder

motasem’s wife is still in dire need! please donate if you can

the thing about ruben reacting shockingly well to niall being gay and doing a uno card reversal with "you're the real homophobe in your life" is that it's bullshit he was a walking time bomb niall's whole teen and adult life casting a big shadow of impending sexual violence over him that niall was rightfully terrified would escalate if ruben knew for sure that niall liked men. i loved the scene between them where they finally aired everything out and the final episode was really good at humanizing ruben considering what he ends up doing but he was absolutely full of shit there was never any telling what was going to set him off at any given time and there was no guarantee he wouldn't have groped niall (or done worse) if they were in a different place in their lives or if he was in a slightly different mood that day or simply even right then and there if there wasn't a literal prison wall separating them

These may be my last words or the last time I write a post about my family, so I will not forgive anyone who sees this post and does not support me with a single word and ignores me.

Days of complete silence have passed, and I'm terrified. I check the campaign link daily, but the amount hasn't changed. Not a single euro. It feels like the world has moved on, but my nephew's pain remains. His surgery is urgent, and so are his medical needs. We're close to closing the gap, but I can't bear this alone anymore. If you have ten or twenty dollars to spare, please help us today. If you don't, your contribution is our only lifeline to reach someone who can help. Please don't ignore someone desperately seeking a lifeline for my orphaned nephew.

We need 700 euros for my nephew's surgery. The operation is in a sensitive area of ​​his body and cannot be delayed. The surgery will determine his future ability to have children, and it must be done as soon as possible while he is still young, before he grows older and suffers greatly, and may also be unable to have children. Please don't leave us alone. Help us! Donate to us!

If anything bad happens to me or I lose contact with you, please remember that I begged you to donate, even a small amount, or to share my post. I will not forgive anyone who sees this post and doesn't support me with a single word or a small donation, and ignores me.

“he fucked up my whole life” niall is unable to name what it was ruben did to him that fucked up his life. when he tells friends and family that ruben is the reason he’s miserable nobody understands. they think he’s overreacting, that he’s blaming ruben for his own dysfunction. but while yes everyone in niall’s life is callous and apathetic you can still understand how they would come to that conclusion because niall can’t admit to anybody, not even himself, what ruben is to him. he’s his brother he’s his abuser he’s his rapist he’s his first love. he can’t describe what ruben did to fuck up his life because there aren’t words for it

niall screaming at ruben in the hospital "why? because i was telling the truth" the first and only time he told the truth about ruben's abuse he was punished for it. scorned by his mother and maura and then fourteen years later beaten and raped by ruben for daring to speak out against him when literally all he did was stand in a courtroom and recount what he saw his brother do to an innocent man. years later ruben is granted the catharsis of speaking aloud the abuse he suffered at the hands of his father but niall never gets that. his brother presses his hands against his nose and mouth until he suffocates. he can't speak he can't breathe. this thing between them is forever smothered

“he fucked up my whole life” niall is unable to name what it was ruben did to him that fucked up his life. when he tells friends and family that ruben is the reason he’s miserable nobody understands. they think he’s overreacting, that he’s blaming ruben for his own dysfunction. but while yes everyone in niall’s life is callous and apathetic you can still understand how they would come to that conclusion because niall can’t admit to anybody, not even himself, what ruben is to him. he’s his brother he’s his abuser he’s his rapist he’s his first love. he can’t describe what ruben did to fuck up his life because there aren’t words for it