Willingrelapses

Chapters: 4/? Fandom: The Pitt (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Baran Al-Hashimi, Michael “Robby” Robinavitch, Jack Abbot (The Pitt), Trinity Santos, Parker Ellis, Cassie McKay, John Shen (The Pitt) Additional Tags: Baran character study, Bisexual Baran Al-Hashimi, Baran coping with everyone knowing she has epilepsy, Baran reconsidering what it means not to hide Summary:

They exchange meaningful glances when she misses a point

They agree that she is not bright as they are, cannot reason as they do

This collusion does not save the daughter from the mother’s fate

From her perspective: she's going to take on a temporary attending position at a highly respected ED. The current Chief Attending is taking a 3-month sabbatical-- already indicating some level of burnout. She comes prepared with all of her expertise in data analytics only for it to fall short. The patient passports aren't realistic. Changing the nickname of the ED is on the bottom of the to-do list. Her AI tool isn't being implemented well. Even in her initial traumas Robby overrides her-- because he is correct. This is his area of expertise and (on some level) Al-Hashimi starts out of her depth.

And Al-Hashimi learns from Robby! The same Baran who scoffed at a hilar flip at 7 am performs her FIRST slash trach that evening! She learns that that is what this workplace demands of its physicians. That lived experience, that context? It changes everything.

Over the course of the day she witnesses a resident having a panic attack, major staff conflicts, a covered up drug diversion, a workplace attack by ICE, admin screwing over the staff, a complete and utter lack of resources, and a crumbling Chief Attending; what does that tell Baran? It doesn't tell her that Robby is an asshole or that he's incompetent. It tells her that he's struggling. She has seen the scope of the issue now and while she may have handled it differently, she doesn't view Robby as the root cause. He is the breaking point.

She knows this because she has been there. She is there-- today! She knows what it is like to have your mind and body fail you under stress. To be alienated from your purpose. To be the person everyone is looking to for help when you cannot help yourself.

So what does she do? She reaches out to him. She opens up to him because maybe they can understand each other. Because he is a good doctor. Because too much is being asked of both of them. Because she probably would have made similar mistakes if she had to go through all of this alone too. Because she knows that this ED cannot be shouldered by just one attending.

Their confirmation of trust and resect for each other is one of the most beautiful scenes this season. They have seen each other-- the ugly shortcomings in each other-- and offer each other kindness. They don't see each other as rivals anymore. In fact, for the first time in a long time, they have a peer.

By the time she talks to him she’s had multiple seizures that day. She irresponsibly kept working, kept going into traumas where she could have harmed someone. And I completely understand why she did that on her first day rather than at 8 am going home. The day is over and she could just leave and not tell anyone. But she doesn’t, because she knows it isn’t safe. She tells someone. She holds herself accountable to not come back the next day without disclosing that she’s having seizures.

It’s her first day. She doesn’t have work friends yet. She has one fellow attending. I want to add some context as a doctor, which is that running something by a coworker is extremely common. Most days I ask a colleague for a second opinion because I want to bounce a case off them just to make sure I’m not missing something. Medicine is extremely collegial as a profession. Even doctors who seem like total assholes and who are assholes to med students and residents are extremely open to being asked questions by colleagues. This is a very important part of practicing medicine after training when you’re no longer supervised and we all do this and all are very open to being asked for our opinions in turn.

So it’s kind of ingrained in the culture of medicine to be able to reach out to a colleague. I think if we’re honest, most people in Robby’s position hearing this would have said something like, “shit I’m so sorry. Why don’t you go home. Do you need a ride? Tomorrow we will figure out how to have you work only shifts where there’s another attending to handle traumas. And if you need time off we’ll make it work. But don’t worry about it tonight. Take care of your health.”

It’s reasonable to expect this kind of answer, and it’s not Baran’s fault that her colleague is having a mental health crisis that is making him unable to offer her human support in this situation. It’s deeply sad for them both. Deeply sad that Robby is so depressed that he’s really unable to show up for another person in the way that I think we’re meant to understand that he normally would. And deeply sad for Baran that she feels so backed into a corner by his reaction that she can’t just bounce this situation off him and try to find solutions and feel sad. Instead she comes back defensive and angry for obvious reasons, but ends up taking positions like it’s fine for her to drive which she obviously knows aren’t true. And she leaves work feeling incredibly alone and unsupported on top of the feelings that will come with how life changing it is for her to be having seizures again when her epilepsy has been so well controlled.

But this is not her fault. She did a brave and reasonable thing asking for help, and it’s a weird stance to blame someone for expecting empathy and care when making themselves vulnerable.

I want to throw in one more thing for medical context. Those scenes where Robby and Baran are in traumas together and have different plans, I think it’s wrong to think he’s right and she’s wrong. They both are offering reasonable plans. Very often in medicine multiple approaches are reasonable. She practices more cautiously than he does. This is extremely common for newer physicians. It’s not at all bad. It’s just as you gain more experience you feel more comfortable with making a decision that’s a bit risky because you’ve seen this situation enough to feel confident in the risky decision or in your own ability to manage it even if it goes wrong. She’s not particularly new. If she went straight through school and residency she would have been practicing for ten years, less if she took some time off. It’s possible that this is just a style thing. Super common. Not bad to have a different style of practice to a coworker. The actual problem in that scene was them arguing in front of trainees. Ideally you want one attending per case to avoid this kind of thing happening.

Hello @asuitablegirl ! I'm your not-so-secret-santa this year!

As requested, Moiraine and Lan before the Eyes of the World. I chose the classic scene from New Spring. It's been quite a while since I finished that book so before I started I couldn't even be sure who threw whom into a pond (ok wikia told me they both did????), but I sure as hell enjoy putting a frog on Moiraine's head. 🐸🤫😂

Thanks for organizing this event @feast-of-lights ! Happy holidays folks!

*Btw this was my first attempt using acrylic and honestly I haven't coloured in traditional medium for years, so I adjusted the original colours which I'm not super satisfied with. The original work looks like this 🤔⬇️

A House of Dynamite (2025)

Director: Kathryn Bigelow