the King's manuscript

this is the exact opposite of “can you kids lighten up a bit”

me irl: i’m so shoy 🙊  *blush* me on the internet: i wanna fuck chef aaron sanchez

Here’s the link cause I know y’all lazy [X]

IF WE WANT THE REWARDS OF BEING LOVED WE MUST SUBMIT TO THE MORTIFYING ORDEAL OF BEING KNOWN!!!!

#thats gonna be a no from me dawg

the original sentence is the kicker from one of my absolute favorite tim kreider essays and i demand that all 31k people who have reblogged it go read the whole piece, the thesis of which is “a no from me dawg” 

waiter: how’s your meal? shakira: it’s wonderful thanks shakira’s hips: she hates it shakira: son of a

my DNA test results came back positive. i definitely have DNA.

quit bragging

take good care of your son

Congratulation

I’m a fucking sucker for “gentle giant” characters like theres nothing better than seeing a character who could crush you but is also a fucking sweatheart

get u a girl who cant do either

Holy shit you nailed it