It’s a girl that work with yo man that know you don’t like her
She laugh at all his jokes and when they hug she always put her head on his chest
On they lunch breaks yo man always offer to pay for the both of them and she say “boy you know I got it you used to fucking with them broke hoes”
The day before yo birthday she took his ass to red lobster
He came home three hours later than normal , you asking him why he smell like cheddar biscuits
He say “oh I ain’t tell you , I had went out with yo friend , she said early happy birthday from her too” you like “🙃 what friend went out with you again?”
He say her name and you like “🤔😒…….😡 who tf said that bitch was my friend” , he like oh damn my bad I thought y'all was cool shiiidd
The next day she see ya man and she like heeeyyyyy big head and ya man really innocent in all this so he like wassup , then she like hey you know what you should get my number I haven’t went out in a minute and I think we should go drink this weekend , ya man like “uhhhh ion know you know I’m more a smoker anyway”
She like “oh well I got about 6 grams in my bedroom at my place , you should come through with a grinder n lemme roll sum for us” and he thinking bout the weed at this moment so he like “oh yeah for sure Ima come through , then he get the address”
He comes home after this day of hardship at work , gives you a birthday Walgreens gift card with a 20 dollar target gift card in it and half scribbled happy birthday on it , you can see that he’s so worn out from work you can’t even turn up like you want
You just go to sleep feeling half loved and half ass caring cause he said he was gone fuck the shit out you on yo birthday but you had to settle for yo battery operated boyfriend aka BOB
His phone go off in the middle of the night , y'all both wake up , he grab it and turn the brightness aaallllllll the way down , you like 🤔 tf shit better be top secret
She texting him saying “Can’t wait to blow it down with you 😘❤️ it’s been so long I need this”
He reply “yeah it’ll be cool” he adding emojis to her name n shit , he put his phone down , you ask him “who texting you at 2:30 am?” He like “oh babe chill that’s just my patna tryna smoke this weekend that’s all”
You like “oh ok , well I hope they can wait cause we gotta do something for my birthday for real you know this whole month belong to me anyway ”
He like “I mean shiiidd Saturday I was already gone be out all day anyway but we can try Sunday tho on mamas bae”
All you can do is be like “ok” lol
Saturday comes , you waking up , you hearing lil Wayne’s “The Carter 3” playing loud as fuck from the bathroom , this nigga done showered twice already , got the Versace cologne next to the Tom Ford Cologne and he ain’t even decided which one to wear yet , he just standing there in a towel
You looking like “😏 oh my gawd , I knew he was gone say fuck his boys and go out with me” you say “hey babe so lemme guess we going out around noon?” He hit you with the swiftness “uhhhh nah remember told you I was gone be gone all day” then you see his fucking choice of clothes for the day , usually ya mans wear some sweats with a t - shirt/flannel shirt with some J’s , this nigga got out a 3 piece suit!!!
Then he pull out the Rolex , he brush his teeth again after putting all this shit on , hit that Equate mouthwash , and then you like “sooooooo you doing all this to go fucking smoke” he like “woah baby chill it’s a event my niggas throwing a day party, you know I gotta pop my shit”
At this point you just fed up , you like “you know what ok nigga go have fun with ya lil ain’t shit friends nigga” and you thought he was gone be like nah Ima stay but he hit yo ass with the “shiiidd aight be back later ✌🏿️”
You sitting at home telling yo friends how this nigga having his worst shooting percentage in y'all whole relationship , he fucked up with the birthday gift cause he ain’t even bring yo ass a balloon , that’s all you cared about was a fucking balloon and his ass couldn’t do that , so they saying girl you need drop his ass
All you thinking bout is how much y'all been through and how charming he was in the beginning , you love him so much , you give in and send him a “wyd” text
He pull up to shawty spot , looking like he shooting for GQ n shit , he send her a “I’m outside” text , she reply quick Af , “it’s unlocked” , he walk up to the door , NOT ONLY does he put his phone on Do Not Disturb , HE TURN THAT BITCH ALL THE WAY OFF
You say “ya know what i aint got too much pride to call my man” so you call , couple seconds later you get “this voicemail system has been updated to only accept million dollar messages” that shit was funny when y'all was taking but y'all been together you like NIIIGGGGAAAA WHO TF YOU WIT THAT YOU CANT ANSWER MY CALLS
She answer the door look like she fresh out of Jet Magazine and I’m talking front cover and center fold , she go get the gas , he pull out the grinder , some raw cones , and she say “awwwwwwww we match i smoke cones too”, she pull her out , she turn on kanye’s late registration , they start smoking and this nigga start smiling n shit, she looking at him smile n she start smiling, then they both start laughing , she lean in on him , he looking at her like “aye shawty what you tryna do”, she say “nothing i just wanna suck it” , she taking off his belt n shit, he look up cause he tryna not think about yo ass n she say “oh my god ion know if i can fit this in my mouth but ima try”
she started going to woooorrrrkkkkkk on his shit , he don’t even moan when you give him head but this nigga making all type of jungle noises when she on his shit, , time go by , she say you aint never had it like I’m gone give it to you, she get on top and you’d swear her name was Teanna Trump or Jada Fire
he say get up and bend over , she get up, bend over, this nigga get up, take a couple steps back and say “wheeeew aint had no pussy this good in a long time” he killing her shit from the back, he fucked her sleep , they smoke again , he say aye look it was great but i gotta leave in a minute, ima see you at work Monday tho , he get back to his whip, turn on his phone see all the missed calls and that “wyd” text from earlier , he reply shit bae my bad the party was so turn i aint hear my phone at all, I’m on the way back tho, you want something to eat, you thinking he being considerate n shit, you say yeah get me some food with a large drink and he thinking he mister cool n shit he get you some mf cupcakes seeing as how he fucked up ya birthday n shit, he come in the house you smiling like a mf. cause the cupcakes bomb as fuck , got ya face on em and all that shit
then he blow yo back ooouuuuuttttt I’m talking you start speaking in tongue when he eating n shit, he got yo body squirming n shit like you never thought you could move, y'all fall asleep all cuddled up in his arms n shit, the next day y'all wake up , this nigga cooking breakfast , watching reality tv shit like housewives, love and hip hop n all that shit, just for you , usually you gotta sit through 3 hours of sport center or sum shit, but today this nigga seems miiighhhtttt in touch with whatever you wanna do , and thats when it clicks that something aint right
so ya know you play along for the day, then monday comes, and guess what bitch you feeling spontaneous , so you decide to go to his job and guess you he motherfucking feeding fries to? this mf heffa that been hating on you since 10th mf grade, she always envied you for no reason at all
so you like you eating lunch with this bitch and she stand up look you dead in yo mf face and “YEAH BITCH AND I FUCKED HIM TOO” thats when all hell break loose , he stuck looking like this
so you like “Bitch h hell nah I’m finny beat yo ass”
the police show up , y'all both get arrested , he bail you out, you was facing charges , Disturbing the peace, Assault, Battery, Carrying and concealing a weapon cause you had a blade in yo purse
with all the time you was facing you wouldn’t get out till you was bout 35, he knows that and asks you to continue staying with him , you say yes, after thinking of how long y'all been together , this man know yo mama, daddy , brothers, all that, years later he propose, you say yes, the anniversary of the day he cheated on you , you divorce his ass and take everything he got
p.s. ill be making more stories this was fun lol
Hoeeeeeeemahgawd 😭
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
@puffsaddy
BITCHHH WHEN HE WENT TO RED LOBSTER MY ASS WOULD OF PULLED DF UP PLAYING LEMONADE LIKE….
