Wildcard Jackpot Gambit

Humphrey: Mom? Where's dad?

Wednesday: Your father and I got into an argument... so, he's at the garden.

Humphrey: No, mom. I already looked, and he's not there

Wednesday: ... Did you dig?

At the garden...

Woeden: *Watering the plants*

*Y/N burst out of his burial*

Y/N: Rah! I'll kill that woman! Oh hey Woeden.

Maggie killing walkers

Maggie: I count six loads for six heads.

Y/N: I would love to shoot my load if you give me head.

Maggie: What?

Rick: What?

Michonne: What?

Carol: What?

Part 1 here

Enid's learns how to drive Part 2

*Enid's phone rang with Y/N's caller ID on it*

Enid: Hello?

Y/N: Where are you?

Enid: Uhh. On my way home?

Y/N: Where were you at?

Enid: At the gas station?

Y/N: Who were you with?

Enid: Oh my God! You don't trust me or something?

*Realization...*

Wonder Woman caught Super Woman trying to seduce her husband AKA Y/N.

Superwoman: You stole my life!

Wonder Woman: How dare you try to steal the life that I stole from you!

Superwoman: Let him go, Diana. I love him!

Wonder Woman: Never! He's my husband and I love him more!

How to make DSMOM not violent...

Dr. Strange: It would be so easy to destroy you in spells.

Scarlet Witch: Oh yeah? Hit a spell then.

Dr. Strange: I have my favourite one: FIREBALL!

Dr. Strange: *proceeds to drink Fireball*

Loki, watching them from the TVA: Hahaha!

Scarlet Witch: Yo, that's not a spell, you're just drinking Fireball!

Dr. Strange: That was a good one!

Scarlet Witch: You don't have magic, you're just drinking Fireball.

Dr. Strange: FIREBALL! *drinks Fireball*

Loki: Hahaha!!!

Scarlet Witch: You are not doing anything those are just Fireballs!

Dr. Strange: I think a lot happened!

Scarlet Witch: What just happened?!

Dr. Strange: I'm a lot happier now.

Loki: *Died from laughing so hard*

Eris: Well, well, well, what do we have here? Another cutie that somehow managed to get to Tartarus.

Y/N: Your puzzle ain't that difficult.

Eris: Looks like I've been defeated at my own game.

Y/N: Don't flatter yourself, Your Divinity. You were never even a player.

Eris: Ooh, I love it when my playthings are feisty.

Y/N: I'm not someone's toy, I have a soul, a heart. I bleed, I sweat, and I tear.

Eris: Poor thing, you've been through so much. As a reward, I will give you whatever your heart desires, and relieve you from your sufferings. In exchange for your hand in matrimony.

Y/N: Ironic coming from the goddess of discord.

Eris: Ouch, trust issues that much?

Y/N: Yeah, your literal function is to cause chaos to the world, and it's your fault why I'm always miserable.

Eris: Well, you did play my game.

Y/N: Only because it would finally be over for this nightmare! Why should I trust you?! Why should I believe a single word of what you're saying?!

Eris: Y/N my dear, when the goddess gives her word, she is bound to it for all eternity.

Y/N: What's the point of eternal binding if I'm not even eternal myself? I am just a mortal.

Eris: We can have that arranged.

Fifteen years later...

Y/N: And that my children is the story of how I met your mother.

At the Ashcroft resident's dinner table...

Alyssa: So, how long have you been dating my daughter?

Y/N: Well, we just started dating for only a couple of weeks actually, and I gotta tell ya, your daughter is amazing.

*clink*

Grace: Oops, dropped the spoon, let me go grab it. *went down under the table*

Y/N: Clumsy now, are we? *faces back to Alyssa* Your daughter is loving and caring, especially when she's with Emily and all that-

Grace: *unzips Y/N's pants from under the table*

Y/N: Babe?! Babe! The table is see through! The table is see through! Abort! Abort! Abort!

Y/N: Yo, Kimiko.

Kimiko: What?

Y/N: Did you know that if you put your two index fingers on your two cheeks, it is impossible for you to tilt your head sideways?

Kimiko: *puts two fingers on her two cheeks*

Y/N: Onii Chan

Anissa: *grouching by the family couch.*

Y/N: Why the face?

Anissa: Our son, he called me a b*tch this morning.

Y/N: That's awful.

Anissa: I know, right?

Y/N: Now where's that son of a b*tch?!

It was a bright and sunny day for Y/N and Lucia and usually they start their morning for a good lightsaber sparring as an energizer.

Y/N: Do you remember the time we first met?

Lucia: Tch, you were under Palpatine's command at that time, and tried to kill me.

Y/N: Let's recreate that scene.

Lucia is now panicking and starts to slowly back away.

Lucia: Now Dear, you don't have to do this. We can be gentle at our first sparring.

Y/N now approaches her with malicious intent.

Y/N: Please, since when do you want gentle, I thought you like it rough? Not to mention last night.

Lucia starts blushing in embarrassment.

Lucia: Please don't you ever mention that.

Y/N: How can I not? I literally remember you moaning loudly and saying thinks like: "Oh Y/N! Use your force to yourself on me!" You basically wanted to be violated.

Lucia: WHY YOU LITTLE-!

Lucia is now mad and starts to aggressively strike Y/N with her lightsaber.

Y/N: Now there's my girl!

And so it begins the supposed morning stretch, became an intense battle between the couple just from a mere lover's banter.

Lucia strikes here, Lucia strikes there, Lucia strikes everywhere, but at Y/N.

When Lucia was exhausted, that's when it is the perfect moment for Y/N to make his move.

Y/N: My turn.

Y/N then jabs Lucia's acupoints of her body, temporarily paralysing her.

Y/N grabs the now discouraged lightsaber and pointed at Lucia who is now lying down on the floor unable to move.

Y/N: Looks like I win this round, Jedi.

Lucia: You're not playing fair.

Y/N: What are you talking about? You're the one who has a weapon, I just dodge your attacks and strike your weak spots with only my bare hands.

Lucia has no other option but to embrace defeat.

Lucia: Hmph, fine, you won.

Umi: Okay, who's the hottest person that you could think of?

Y/N: *inhale and exhale* Your mother.

Umi: Okay... Dad, Mom isn't here right now. You can be honest with me.

Y/N: *whimpering* Your mother is a ten.

Umi: She's a six at best!

Y/N: *choking Umi* You take that back!

Y/N: I bought deep dish pizza everybody.

Peach: Finally some real food from the real world.

Rosalina: It's been a while since I ate from the real world.

Luigi: Yeah, I have only eaten mushrooms here in this kingdom.

Mario: *looking at the pizza intensely* Where's the cheese?

Y/N: It's under the sauce.

Mario: There's no cheese on it.

Y/N: It's under the sauce.

Mario: Like I'm Italian and this is hurting me.

Y/N: It's from Chicago.

Mario: It's just sauce.

Y/N: Cheese is under the sauce.

Mario: That's not enough cheese!

Y/N: Cheese is under the sauce.

Mario: That's not enough!

Y/N: IT'S UNDER THE SAUCE!!!

Nico: *looking down at her belly* Aah! This baby is energetic today.

Y/N: Robin, Dear? Are you alright?

Nico: Yes, it's just that the baby is kicking.

Y/N: Wait a minute, 1 2 3 4. This baby has four feet!

Nico: WHAT?!

Y/N: It must've inherited your flower-flower fruit ability.

Nico: That explains why I feel multiple kicks.

Y/N: Looks like I can't teach my kid swimming lessons.

Nico: It's alright, we can teach our child other than swimming.

Y/N: I mean yeah, they can be an archaeologist like you.

Robin: Or they will be a great gunslinger someday just like their papa.

Y/N: Ah, so many opportunities.

Enid learns how to drive Part 1

Y/N: Okay, first things first: Have you adjusted your mirrors?

Enid: All three of them, and I can see myself perfectly.

Y/N: Oh no, they're not for vanity. Your rearview mirrors are for seeing the view to your rear.

Enid: *looks down at her butt.*

Y/N: Not your behind—behind you.

Enid: But I won't be able to see myself having fun.

Y/N: Driving a motor vehicle is not fun, it's serious business. Now, have you buckled your seat belts?

Enid: I was going to, but this outfit wrinkles so easily so I thought–

Y/N: Just do it.

Enid: But my outf-

Y/N: It's the Law!

Enid: *buckles down her seat belt.*

Y/N: Okay. Now, are you familiar with the gear shift?

Enid: You mean the Prindle?

Y/N: The what?

Enid: The Prindle.

Y/N: Are you referring to the shift lever that says P-R-N-D-L?

Enid: I'm not a child, Y/N. I know how to spell PRNDL.

Y/N: It is not something you spell, it is a gear shift. The letters stand for PARK, REVERSE, NEUTRAL, DRIVE, AND LOW!

Enid: You're making me nervous with all this technical talk!

Selina: *turns on the tv while enjoying a pb & j sandwich.*

TV Reporter: Breaking News! Catwoman strikes again at in unusually broad daylight. The lady in cat broke into billionaire playboy, Y/N Y/L/N's mansion stealing millions of dollars worth of jewellery, alcoholic beverages, and many more potentially priceless items in the mansion.

Journalist: Do you have any more information of what she stole?

Y/N: I don't know, but as long as she doesn't touch the peanut butter, *grins* cuz I did stuff to it.

Selina: *spits out the sandwich.*

Before getting together...

Fem Y/N: Yo, how big is that d down there, boy?

Guy Wednesday: Small, now leave me alone.

After being together...

Fem Y/N: I just want you to know that if you ever feel insecure about your size, just remember I appreciate the "little things" in life.

Guy Wednesday: *whimpering* We've been over this. It's not funny.

Fem Y/N: Wends, it was a joke.

Guy Wednesday: Well, it's not funny!

Fem Y/N: Wait, are you crying?

Y/N: *holding a bouquet* Happy Valentine's Day, dear.

Sabrina: Aw thank you, you really shouldn't have, but it's sweet of you to bring me flowers.

Y/N: Yeah, I got it for discount.

Sabrina: Is that so? As a reward for the bouquet, especially you bought my favourites. What would you like from me in return?

Y/N: I don't know. I don't really need anything from you, being together is more than enough for me.

Sabrina: Smooth, but I must give you something in return. I insist.

Y/N: Well, all I ask of you is to blow me-

Sabrina: *suddenly kneels down* Yes! This is finally happening!

Y/N: -a kiss.

Sabrina: A kiss? *stands up* Right, of course a kiss would suffice. *nervous laughter* Why didn't I think of that?

Y/N: Are you okay?

Sabrina: Okay?! Of course I'm okay!

Y/N: Then why are yelling?

Sabrina: I am just expressing how appreciative I am for years of being together that's all!

Sabrina then gave a long and hard pressing kiss to Y/N's lips, and snatched the flowers.

Sabrina: Now if you'll excuse I will just set these beautiful flowers to a big vase before they wilt.

She walked away to set up the flowers and went straight to her room, leaving Y/N in a whirlpool of confusion.

Sabrina: Why lord? *kneels and pray* Why can't you let me suck his di-

Meanwhile at the other side...

Y/N: I will never fully understand that woman.