I’m not afraid of living my truth.

I’m afraid of the consequences of living my truth.

Will he still want me?

Will he still be attracted to me?

Will he still love me?

If those things change, fucking everything changes

And I don’t know if I’m brave enough or strong enough for that,

No matter how much I think I want it.

And it’s hard because I still love him, so so fucking much and I always will.

He’s a part of me and has been since the second we locked eyes.

I know I could go on without him,

But I don’t fucking want to.

So what am I even trying to do?

How am I still old and still such a mess?

so now im not really wanting to talk to my mom ever again

how fucking dare you. this kid was born with an undetected congenital heart defect, which resulted in multiple open heart surgeries before he was 3 years old and a year long hospital stay while he was in heart failure waiting for an organ donor.

this kid’s dad left the family before he was even born and has had no interest in a relationship with him.

this kid has worked SO HARD to change his life after some legal issues in December (which my mom hasn’t been told about because of who she is as a person) but even without knowing the exact issue, it’s so fucking obvious to see how amazing he has been doing at growing and making changes to the things he doesn’t like.