WhispofSarin

Do you ever get the feeling that you're mean for something more than this? Grinding away day to day. You work to live, and you live to work.

Moving like a machine. Lifting, packaging, stacking boxes and pallets of shit. Sitting at a desk and staring at the computer screen until all of the words blend together. Killing ourselves through over work or sedentary life styles. Wake up, work, eat, sleep. Repeat forever.

Aren't we meant for something more? I can't be alone in feeling like this.

I want to travel to every country and every state. Every national park and stupid roadside attraction. I want to visit every monument and learn it's history. I want to go back to the gym and lift weights until I feel like a god. I want to run a marathon and climb a mountain. I want to sing and dance in the rain. I want to make art and make mistakes. I want to read every book in the library. I want to eat every sweet and pastry I can find. I want to open a cat cafe.

I want to do more than just survive. I want to thrive.

Do not lay me down to sleep

In that sad, wretched box.

Let me rest among the moss and bugs.

Nestle my heart in the crook of the old willow tree,

And let the fish use my lungs as pillows.

Place my ears where I can rest the rustling tree's tune.

Drape my flesh among her branches to feel the sun's lingering hue.

Dip my toes into the refreshing water and wash the sins from my soles,

And let my eyes roll upward so I can see her truly.

I might have passed

Slicing into my supple skin with rusty nails

Letting my blood unto your palm

And sipping in remission

Fingertips sliding across skin;

Lips to lips and nose to nose.

Consuming my very soul,

And taking everything

Of getting out of our warm bed

And opening the windows so that

For a brighter, new day

Where the sun shines bright

And brings nostalgic warmth to her skin

With rough gravel underfoot

And gritty dirt stuck between teeth

The desire for peace grabs her in a choke hold

To stray away from the dreariness

Of the modern life

And retreat back into the headspace

Of someone who had little care

Except for the feeling of the sun

Warming the air she breathes

Even when you're right next to me

Opposite ends of the same grocery store aisle

And nowhere close enough to even graze my fingertips against yours

Laying in one warm bed

Yet not near enough to feel your heart beat

Resting my lips against yours

Unable to feel even though your soul intertwines with mine

For I miss you when you're not near

And I miss you when you're close

We can never be close enough

Until I find a way to crawl into your skin

To bottle up your scent

Turn it into a perfume

And douse myself

In all my sweetest spots

So I never go a moment

I don't know what it is

Yet every time a laugh pours out from their lips

Like a river flowing with joy

And their velvet eyes crinkle with the rising of their star speckles cheeks

A carpet of lush, green moss

No longer will I feel her touch

Against my soft skin

It's a bit sad to wish her goodbye

As she's laid to rest between three day old pasta and junk mail

Let me taste your passion

And consume your very soul

With the beat in our chests combined

And legs tangled roughly

Hands grabbing at well loved skin

You

And me

Guide me away, ever so gently,

From hellscape that breeds in my mind

Let me know true, consistent peace

And let joy, and laughter, and love

Connect my tissues so that I may

A new chapter of my life is beginning

I am healthy

I am safe

I am working and learning and living

And yet I feel as if someone has tucked

Their nearest receipt between my pages

And laid me aside, forgotten

I pray for a hand to brush me open

And let me breathe before I begin to mildew and rot

I want my story to continue

For making me believe

That it's my duty to please

Never letting me grieve

To give up on so many dreams

And live my life one day at a time

With no visions of the future

Or fantasies of the past

Because "home" is just a placeholder for a feeling

The feeling of peace and comfort and safety and love

And it's been a long time since this house was anything more than the shell of a family

Is this what growing up is like?