going "ueghhhh"

just tried to unlock my apartment door with a. metro pass

and just to be clear, no, that door doesn't have one of those fancy card readers. its straight up a lock that you open using a key. why did I do that

hi my name is dark yagami and my goal is to give birth to billions of people

why is it so hot. why is it so hot. I am being punished.

one time at a funeral i panicked and said the first drink i could think of and the bartender made me the pina colada With all the fixings all the trims all the bells and whistles i didnt even ask imagine youre at a funeral and the person besides you is drinking a pina colada with whip cream as tall as the drink with a cherry and an umbrella, thats what happened to me

"like a boss" by lonely island was released ten thousand years ago when mammoths still roamed the big wide world. feel old yet?

"Not untrue" is the most enigmatic waffle phrase. Coy. Hint of sexuality.

Ponder like an uncle but post with a nephews spirit

lol yeah go ahead try and attack me *notices i left my dragon scale talisman of immortality at home* or maybe lets not be too hasty

at the club no drinks.in.fully stone cold sober: what if thsre was a secret city

Face twists with bravery as a chill runs through the air We have to find it.

We have to find it

I've literally seen footage