WHACKTACKULAR

We’ll see if I stick to it. I’ve had the thought of either physically writing in a journal or blogging again lately. Either way, I realllllly need to get some feelings out. Since my last post I’ve took to harboring all of my feelings deep down and I’ve been in a deep depression.

So I clearly gave up on the positive/grateful posts. My dad passed away on Thursday and I have been a complete mess inside but trying to play it cool on the outside. I'll be back once I can figure out how to put my head back on.

It's been a really busy and crazy week since we've got back from Austin. I worked 11 hours Sunday, worked Monday and Tuesday and was physically/emotionally exhausted. Been bummed and stressed out. Lots of family overwhelming me about things involving my dad. It's been non stop. I've been crying a lot. I got kind of off track for a week. I was able to catch up on yoga and working out eventually at least. Wednesday Jake and I had the day off so I began deep cleaning our apartment (still not even completely done), Thursday I worked and had a longer shift than I expected then got high and got destructed. I worked Friday and put my two weeks notice in at Tin Whiskers because I was offered a full time manager position at Elevated! So in 2 weeks I will be working M-F 9-5, have benefits and some PTO. Kinda bummed about leaving Tin Whiskers but the commute is awful and it's been overwhelming dealing with two jobs and trying to mentally and emotionally process everything going on. Friday there was also a benefit for my dad in Minnesota but I couldn't make it because of work 😔 Saturday was the day from hell. I worked Elevated 8:00am-4:30pm and then Tin Whiskers 6:00pm-12:30am. My feet are still sore and I'm still exhausted. I had today off and I slept in a bit then worked on yoga and working out and showered. Went out to eat wth my Aunt, Uncle, cousin and her boyfriend which was really nice. They're jokes were a little insensitive and they were kind of draining to be around. I'm so sick of answering the same questions over and over about my dad. I hadn't seen my family really since May so I wasn't with them on the holidays or my birthday and they unexpectedly gave me a card with $200 in it! Anyways, I work tomorrow 2-11 and I got some stuff around the house to do still so I'll try and catch up with my grateful and positive posts after this. To be completely honest I think I only had 23/30 topics written down so I guess this break was needed in many ways. I'll be back.

I am incredibly grateful for the freedom that I have. This post also kind of falls into a similar category as the past 2. It's really the small things you never really think about that you need to take a minute to reflect on. I'm grateful I live in "the land of the free". I'm grateful I grew up with a lot of freedom. I'm grateful I have the freedom to do whatever I chose everyday. I'm grateful I am not controlled by our government. I'm grateful I have the option to eat what I want, drink what I want, wear what I want, listen to what I want, work where I want, be with who I want, travel to where I want, live where I want, and I can just generally do what I want when I want. I'm grateful I'm an adult who can make my own choices. I'm grateful I'm not in any controlling relationships. I'm grateful I have the freedom to be myself. I'm grateful I have the freedom to make a fool of myself sometimes. Don't take your freedom for granted. I've seen too many friends stuck in controlling situations and they're just miserable. I truly hope they can get the strength to get out of those situations. America is a pretty lame country in my opinion but I'm grateful for the freedom I have here. I'm grateful to be a white female who unfortunately has more freedom than women of color. I feel like I worded that poorly but I hope whoever reading this understands. As soon as this plane lands in Denver I'm going to exercise my freedom and do yoga in the airport lol.

This entry kind of goes along with the last one I wrote about clean water. I am grateful for fresh air. I never realized how bad pollution is in other places until I went to Los Angeles. The air was so thick and hard for me to breathe and I generally don't have many breathing problems. I'm grateful to live in a northern state with very crisp and fresh air. I'm grateful that I can step outside and take a deep breath without choking on smog. I'm grateful there isn't pollution in Minnesota. I'm grateful that I wake up everyday to take another breath. I'm grateful that most places I've traveled have clean air. I'm grateful I don't live in New York, Los Angeles, Japan or somewhere where people have to wear those medical masks outside because the air is so gross. I'm now a little afraid to land in Denver because the air is so thin there. I'm grateful that I started doing yoga because it's really nice to take deep breaths sometimes. I'm grateful I'm breathing as I type this. Air is tight. Take some deep breaths and enjoy.

Have some Sky porn from the past 3 times I've flown.

Sometimes you have to take a look at the world and your life and everything that's going on around you and realize how lucky we really are. We often take such small things for granted like clean water. I'm grateful for having clean water in Minneapolis. It still blows my mind that there are people in Flint who don't have clean drinking water and it breaks my heart. There are people in other countries who also don't have clean water. I'm grateful we have clean water to drink. I'm grateful we have thousands of lakes in Minnesota that all have fairly clean up after to swim in. I'm grateful I have clean water to bathe and wash my clothes in. I'm grateful we don't have to pay our water bill at the apartment we live at. I'm grateful I can drink water without getting sick. I really hope the places around the world who don't have clean water can get the resources they need to save their water. I hope these shitty multi billion dollar companies stop trying to pollute clean water with their bullshit pipelines. I'm grateful I haven't had to suffer through anything like the people in Flint are or the people trying to protect their water in Standing Rock. I'm grateful water exists to keep us alive. Now, if you're reading this and you have clean water take a minute to get yourself a glass of water and really enjoy it. We might not have clean water forever.

I've just accepted I'm behind on these blogs at this point lol. I'm on a plane once again and on my way to Denver to catch another flight back to Minneapolis. I am so glad I got to spend time with my dad and see all sorts of awesome stuff. I'll write about all that in a separate post. I am grateful for music. Music is the drug. Music is life. Music makes everything better. I don't know how I would survive without music. I always feel so cliche when I talk about music because I know just about everyone else feels the same way. I'm grateful for all the music I have been shown in my life. I'm grateful for the hundreds of concerts I've been able to attend. I'm grateful I grew up with my dad always jamming out on his guitar. I'm grateful that my dad is so passionate about music and some of that has rubbed off on me over the years. I wish I was able to create my own music but I'll leave that to the professionals. Music has changed my life and shaped me in so many more ways than I could begin to explain. Music helps me cope with hard times. Music is always there for me. I'm grateful I'be been able to see just about all of my favorite artists, DJs, and bands live and often more than once. My happy place is at a show screaming along to songs. I've cried tears of joy at more shows than I can even keep track of. There's just something magical about seeing your favorite songs performed live. There's a rush that comes with it all. I've traveled around the country to go to shows and I'm so grateful for that. I'm grateful I've had so many great opportunities to see live music in my life. I'm grateful for the technology available that helps me connect to music. I'm grateful I haven't lost my hearing (yet). I'm grateful I've had awesome opportunities to meet some of my favorite artists. I'm grateful that music can soothe my soul when I need it. I'm grateful music can kickstart my days. I'm grateful I'm listening to music as I type this out. I'm grateful for then infinite different genres of music there are out there and I'm grateful for the ones I haven't even discovered yet. I'm grateful that almost everybody has access to music. I'm grateful for my ever growing iTunes collection. I'm super grateful that i have a partner that enjoys the same music as I do and loves going to shows as much as I do. I'm grateful for all the venues in Minneapolis. I'm grateful for the people who keep these venues running. I'm grateful for the people who book killer music. I'm grateful that we have so many different ways to listen to music. I'm grateful for our laptop full of all the jams. I'm grateful for music sharing websites. I'm grateful for music festivals. I'm grateful for the creative minds that have blessed us with great music. I'm just overall really grateful for music's existence. If you read this at all please take a few minutes to put on your favorite song or album and enjoy it. 🎧💚💖

The last usies I couldn't fit into the last post. 2016 was a pretty wild year.

I am grateful for my wealth. I may not be the most wealthy person but over the years I've managed my money a lot better and I'm able to do a lot of the things I want to do. I'm grateful for the jobs I have that provide me with the money I have. I'm grateful for Jake and his jobs. I'm grateful that Jake and I work together to afford everything which makes things cheaper. I'm grateful we make enough money to travel as regularly as we do. I'm grateful we make enough money to go to music festivals that I've always wanted to go to. I'm grateful for the money we have in our savings account that we're trying to put towards our wedding. So many people are struggling financially out there and I am so grateful we're able to stay afloat. During the past 6 and a half years Jake and I have been together we have had quite a few financial struggles. We've been homeless and crashing on floors and couches because we couldn't afford a place to live. We lived at my moms for a little bit because we had no money. We could afford to eat anything more than ramen noodles at one point. We've had numerous financial struggles and I'm so incredibly grateful that we were able to overcome most of them. I'm grateful we're both a lot better at saving money than we used to be. I'm grateful we can afford to live the lives we want to. Don't take your wealth for granted ever. Even if you just have a dollar, you have a dollar more than a lot of people.

I'm still behind on these of course. I'm still in Austin but I'm laying in bed about to get ready for my day so I figured I could catch up some more. Otherwise I probably will finish catching up Saturday while flying and stuff again since we got more layover time and stuff. I'm grateful for my health. So many people take their health for granted and we need to stop doing that. I've done it most of my life and the older I've gotten the more I've realized I'm healthier than a lot of other people. I'm grateful I usually take care of myself, I'm grateful I don't have any health concerns, I'm grateful I don't have any diseases, I'm grateful I don't get sick very often, I'm grateful that I force myself to eat healthy and work out semi-regularly. I'm grateful that I am able bodied. I'm grateful that I'm working on my strength. I'm grateful my mental health has (for the most part) been a lot better than it used to be. I'm grateful that I'm alive.

Catching up.... Once again I'm on an airplane writing. Jake and I watched a movie together our last flight so I didn't have much time to write. Anyways, I'm grateful for my jobs. I am ridiculously grateful for my jobs although at times I can be overwhelmed and frustrated. I have my dream jobs. I've wanted to work at a brewery since I started getting into craft beer and I am so lucky to have gotten a job at one. I am grateful for the job opportunities that have come my way in the past couple years. I'm grateful to work at a brewery that has pretty good beer and steady business. I am grateful my job is incredibly easy and I make decent money there. I literally get to pour beer and talk to people. I mean there's also the cleaning tasks but I honestly don't even mind those that much. I'm grateful for the good tips I make. I'm grateful for the cool customers I've met from there. I'm grateful Tin Whiskers has in a way forced me to explore Saint Paul more and I've visited new places. I'm grateful for some of the cool ass people I've worked with there. I'm also grateful that I've been working at Tin Whiskers for about 16 months now. I am also grateful for my other job at Elevated. I am so happy I finally got a job there after wanting to work there for about 4 years. I'm grateful for Dixon getting me the job there. I'm grateful that I get to work at a place that used to be a venue I grew up going to shows at. I feel like my life has come full circle sometimes. I'm grateful to live so close to my job. I'm grateful that the people I work with are all pretty cool and hilarious. I'm grateful that I still see a ton of regulars I used to see at some of the other liquor stores I've worked at and they are all so sweet! I'm grateful that my boss really likes me and trusts me. I am insanely grateful that after only 9 months of working there I was promoted to assistant manager! I'm grateful that I've had 2 raises in a short amount of time. I'm grateful that even though this new position has stressed me out a little, I finally moved up at a job. I'm grateful for this discount (lol). I'm grateful for so many things with this job that I'll be going on forever. Shout out to awesome jobs and achieving job goals even though I never went to college. Don't give up on your job goals no matter how small people may tell you they are. Completely unrelated note: that flight was just less than a half hour lol so in the time I wrote that I was on a plane. Weird. 💚

Oops. Of course I fell behind again with blogging and I was already behind. I'm currently on a plane on my way to Austin to go see my dad so I'm writing this in a notes thing on my phone to post later. I've worked a lot the past week and have been pretty busy procrastinating things. But since I'm not going anywhere right now I figured I could write some of this out now to post later. I'm incredibly nervous about seeing my dad. I know he's not going to look the same and he's been very weak and I've been told he hasn't been acting the same. I am grateful and excited that I get to see him but I'm scared this could be the last time I ever will see him. I just want to make him happy and I just wish he wasn't in pain. Jake is flying with me of course. Alicia flew down there and her mom Judy drove down there as well to visit so it's nice that some other family members are seeing him. I'm a little bummed because when we first booked this trip I thought he would be able to move around and go out and stuff but from the sounds of it he can barely leave his bed. Whatever. All I know is I need to stay strong for him and I'm going to try my hardest. My mental health hasn't been great lately but I'm hoping I can hold it together. I'll update more whenever I get a chance to. We also plan on exploring Austin and checking other stuff out. I'll also write a few more separate posts about the things I'm grateful for. <3

Back to the things I'm grateful for... This one should have been for Friday but I fell behind on posts. I'm going to do my best to get all caught up today and stay caught up. I might take a little break while I'm in Texas next week though. I am grateful for our current apartment. Jake and I have been through so many sketchy and unstable living situations in the first 3 years of our relationship and it was terrifying. From an apartment infested with bed bugs and roaches to an apartment infested so bad with mice that the exterminator said they place should have been demolished. Them I between all of those we crashed on floors and couches. I'm so thankful for the support of friends throughout all of those times. I'm grateful to have a reasonably priced apartment that Jake and I can afford comfortably. I'm grateful for the wonderful neighborhood that we live in. I'm grateful we don't have any pest problems. I'm grateful we just have shelter in general because so many others aren't as lucky. I'm grateful that neither of us live with our parents. I'm grateful for the freedom we have (for the most part) in our apartment and all of the belongings inside. I'm grateful we live along a bus line. I'm grateful we live near one of each of our jobs. I'm grateful we live in such a cool area that there are so many things to do near us. Don't take your shelter for granted.

Part 1 of my favorite "usie"s of 2016. I've had such a great year with such amazing people and I've done so many wonderful things. I'm a cartoon character that wears the same shirt constantly and I'm not realizing that I'm 2017 I need to take more photos of other people.