Writing For Hot Idiots

You were standing in the middle of a random West Chester restaurant with the rest of the guys in you and Bam’s team, attempting to complete a major task for a Viva La Bam-related scavenger hunt; you’d initially begged to join the Bloodhound Gang’s team, but Bam had refused on the basis that he was your boyfriend and you therefore couldn’t compete against him.

The task in question was for one of the guys in the group to have someone else put makeup on them. Bam had tried to worm his way out of it, but as the indisputable pretty boy of the group, he had no choice.

“Don’t do too much, it doesn’t have to be a lot. You can just do a little lipstick and like, a hint of eyeshadow and it’ll count for full points.”

You rolled your eyes. “Don’t be such a pussy, Bam. The other teams are probably gonna go all out for this, and so should you.”

He shot you another look, and you blew him a kiss. “Come on, pretty boy. Let the nice waitress make you even prettier.”

Bam’s face went slightly pink, but your words seemed to work; he quietly let the waitress do her thing, staring off into space as she began to apply lipstick and blush.

You watched with a soft smile, admiring how pretty the colors looked on his (already ridiculously beautiful) face. The waitress went to apply eyeshadow, and Bam’s eyes gently fluttered shut without her having to say anything.

You just couldn’t resist. “Wow, she didn’t even have to tell you to close your eyes, Bam! What a good girl.”

The other team members and the camera crew all burst out laughing, and Bam’s eyes immediately snapped open, his face burning bright red (even through the blush on his cheeks) as he stared at you with an unreadable look.

“Fuck off, asshole, I just didn’t want to get this shit in my eyes.”

You raised an eyebrow. Damn, he’s moody today. I’ve never seen him look like that.

The waitress resumed applying the eyeshadow, followed by some mascara, but Bam seemed noticeably thrown off by your little joke; his face remained as red as a tomato, and he kept shifting from one foot to the other, keeping his hands folded in front of his jeans in the oddest way possible.

You looked him over with a frown, trying to discern what his deal was, and then it hit you.

Holy fuck, he’s turned on.

No one else in the room was paying enough attention to notice, but you could see that your boyfriend had a bulge in the front of his pants, which was presumably what he was trying to cover. No wonder his face was so red.

When the waitress finished up the mascara, Bam glanced over at you with a nervous, almost embarrassed look, and you smirked, glancing down at his bulge for a split second so he would know you noticed. He swallowed anxiously, then pulled back from the waitress.

“No more makeup, that’s enough. Let’s get the hell out of here, we’ve got a lot more shit left to do if we wanna win.”

——————————————

Four hours later, you were all back at Castle Bam as April tallied up the final scores. Unlike Rake and Jimmy, who’d already taken their makeup off, Bam had kept his on, opting to simply act like he’d forgotten it was on his face — of course, you knew it wasn’t, given that you’d caught him admiring his own reflection at least 5 different times when he thought no one was looking.

You and Bam’s team won, as expected (you personally thought the Ladyboys should have won, but it was Bam’s show), and after dropping the grand piano from an insane distance and throwing a little celebratory bonfire, you said good night to everyone and pulled Bam off to his bedroom with a devious look on your face.

“Jesus, don’t tug my hand off. My dick isn’t going anywhere, dude.”

You laughed, pushing him into his bedroom and closing (and locking) the door behind you.

“Neither is that makeup. Wait here, I got something for you while we were out and dropped it off up here before the bonfire…”

Bam watched you root around under his bed in confusion, which quickly turned to shock when you pulled out a Victoria’s Secret bag. You handed it to him, and he peaked inside.

“Why are you giving me lingerie? If you’re gonna wear it, put it on and then show me.”

He tried to hand it back, and you stopped him with an evil smirk.

“It’s not for me, pretty boy. It’s for you. It’ll go with that makeup you’ve been refusing to take off all night.”

Bam stuttered out an attempt at an excuse.

“I—I forgot I even had it on, don’t make a big deal out of it. I was about to take it off.”

He moved toward the bathroom, and you stopped him, flashing him a dark look as you pinned him up against his bedroom wall, your knee instinctively pressing down against his crotch.

"You think I didn't see you checking yourself out in literally every mirror we passed tonight? Didn't notice how squirmy and embarrassed you got when that waitress was putting makeup on you? You definitely know that I spotted how hard your little dick got when I called you a...good girl."

Bam's eyes immediately went wide, and you felt him harden against your knee with a soft whimper, which he instantly tried to downplay by going into his usual bratty routine.

"Fuck you, I wasn't hard. You're just projecting your weird kinky shit on me. I'm gonna go scrub this makeup off now, you fucking freak."

He started to push past you, and you raised an eyebrow, dangling the VS bag in his face.

"You're telling me you don't want to look nice and pretty for me? You're not interested in wearing this lacy underwear and putting on this cute little red dress for me? Say your safeword then, if you really mean it."

You waited. Bam's face was bright red again, and his bulge felt like it was stabbing you in the knee. He stared at the bag and squirmed, but said nothing. You grinned.

"That's what I thought. Now be a good girl and put this on for me."

Bam glared at you weakly, snatching the bag and sulking off toward the bathroom, but he struggling to walk normally from how hard he was.

"Fine, I'll do it if it'll make you shut the hell up and quit bitchin' at me."

You grinned as you watched him leave; he slammed the door shut behind him, and you moved to sit on the bed, hearing him loudly rustle through the paper bag as he pulled his "gifts" out.

After five minutes, he still hadn't emerged, and you got up from the bed to press your ear to the door — silence. Not a good sign when Bam's involved. You grabbed the knobbed and turned it.

"Bam, what in the world is taking so long—holy shit."

Bam was standing in front of the bathroom mirror; he was wearing the silk red spaghetti-strap dress you'd gotten him, and you could just barely see his lacy black bra and panties through the sheer fabric. His makeup still looked immaculate other than his lipstick, which had gotten slightly smeared in the process of putting on the dress (although as far as you were concerned, that only added to the sexiness).

Bam shot you a red-faced look. "Don't make a big deal out of this, asshole, or I'll take it all off and let Raab use it as toilet paper."

You grinned, looking him up and down admiringly as you walked closer.

"Want me to give you a little twirl?"

He glared at you, but begrudgingly took your hand and gave you a half-hearted spin. You pulled up the back of his dress to reveal the black lacy panties, admiring how cute his ass looked.

"You make such a pretty girl, Bam...I bet you'd look even prettier on your knees for me."

Bam huffed. "Fuck off. I put the dress on, that's enough."

You grinned, pulling him back into his room and forcing him down onto his knees in front of you with your hand tangled in his hair; he didn't resist, just as you expected. Less bratty than usual...interesting.

Bam stared up at you vulnerably, his hands nervously twisting at the bottom hem of the dress as he waited for you to do something. You could see his hard cock poking through the fabric, and something about the sight of that mixed with his smeared lipstick made you feel absolutely feral.

"God, you look so pretty. You should wear that eyeshadow more often, Bam, it suits you. Shows off how slutty you are...speaking of which, it looks like something's bulging through that dress."

Bam glanced down at his erection with a flushed look, pulling the dress up and moving to pull his cock out of his panties, but you put your foot down against his thigh to stop him.

"Don't take it out, Bam. I don't want you touching yourself except through that dress. Rub yourself through it like a good girl for me."

Bam started to protest, but hearing you call him a "good girl" again immediately pacified him, and he obediently pulled his dress back down and began palming his bulge through it with a soft whine. He rocked his clothed cock against his palm, fluttering his eyes shut and letting his mouth hang open just slightly.

“Good, perfect. Just like that. So pretty for me, baby. Keep going.”

Bam obeyed, grabbing himself a little more roughly through the fabric of the dress and humping against the heel of his hand. You kneeled down to give him a kiss, intentionally smearing his lipstick even further and holding back a cocky laugh when he full-on moaned like a girl against your lips.

When you pulled away, his lips were slightly wet with drool, and his mascara was starting to run. He looked absolutely breathtaking, and you couldn’t resist pulling down the neckline of the dress to expose the black lacy bra covering his flat, pale chest.

You cooed over him. “Look how pretty. A bit big on you, but you do have a pretty flat chest…you gonna be a good girl and let me see your tits?”

Bam glared at you as he palmed himself again, but he breathlessly nodded, and you pulled down the bra to expose his flat “breasts,” leaning over to take one of his hard little nipples into your mouth. Bam whined, resting his free hand on the back of your head and panting under his breath as he continued to rut against his other hand.

You swirled your tongue over his nipple and slapped his hand away from his crotch to replace it with your own, grabbing at his cock with even more roughness than he’d shown himself. He gasped and let out another girlish moan, and you pulled away from his nipple to grin at him.

“You like that, pretty boy? You gonna cum all over your lacy little panties for me?”

Bam nodded, leaning his head back and shutting his eyes to savor the feeling. His lips started to drop open again, and you took the opportunity to slide your fingers into his mouth. He obediently closed his mouth and began sucking on them, and you stared at him in awe.

“Fuck, baby, you really are gorgeous. You’re a good girl for me, right? My pretty baby?”

Bam nodded eagerly, drool leaking from his lips to coat your fingers, and you grinned.

“Right answer. Go ahead and cum for me, sweetie, you’ve earned it. Get it all over that pretty red dress.”

You squeezed Bam’s cock one more time as harshly as you could, and he let out a whiny moan around your fingers, rutting his hips against the silk fabric of his dress as he came. A massive wet spot appeared over the place where his tip was, growing bigger and bigger as he rode out every last drop.

After a moment, he finished and collapsed exhausted against you, breathing heavily and burying his face in your neck. When he pulled away, his face was red and his makeup was completely smeared. You kissed him on the forehead, stroking his hair soothingly.

“You did so good for me, Bam. I’ve never seen you so obedient! I should put makeup and pretty clothes on you more often.”

Bam scoffed, but didn’t argue against the idea, and you could tell from the little smile on his face that he was more than game.

“Here, sweetie, let’s go get you cleaned up so we can sleep.”

You took Bam into the bathroom and tenderly helped him wipe his makeup off, kissing the corners of his lips as you took off his lipstick and kissing his eyelids after you’d swiped off the last traces of the mascara and eyeshadow.

“Let’s see how much of a mess you made in those panties, pretty boy.”

Bam slipped out of the dress and kicked it away, tossing the bra aside without bothering to unclip it, and you grinned at the sight of his black lacy panties — just like the dress, they had a giant wet spot in the center near his tip, and you could tell he was eager to get them off cuz of how sticky they were.

“I hope you know you’re washing all this yourself, Bam, cuz I’m not subjecting Ape to this.”

You helped Bam slip on a t-shirt and a pair of boxers, and the two of you went back to his bed, crawling under the covers together so you could cuddle. You stroked his face with a soft smile.

“You’re so pretty, Bam. You don’t even need the makeup for it…although it certainly didn’t hurt.”

Bam looked away with a slightly embarrassed grin, but you could tell he was flattered.

“I know. You got lucky though, don’t think I’m gonna be doing that for you all the time.”

You shrugged, pulling him closer to you.

“Whatever you say…I’ll save the dress and the underwear just in case though.”

The two of you laid in comfortable silence for a moment, and then Bam spoke.

“Can I ask you something?”

You nodded, slightly concerned at his serious tone, and he looked at you self-consciously.