my bullshit #mybullshit

I went in assuming Tenna was gonna be almost how he gets portrayed in fanon frequently where he was fixated on making people play his games forever out of loneliness/need for attention, and I kinda braced myself from the start for when he stopped being “fun” and fell into his role as a villain. Like the archetype that wants to make people happy or play with them and loses it when people try to leave. Taking the nostalgia motif into a predictable childish behavior.

Around the weather duo fight I initially thought that’s why he was trying so much to make them stop arguing, and I was nervous going out towards Toriel the first time because I thought it’d be a breaking point where the gang got punished in some way for going somewhere they weren’t supposed to be, but that’s when I reached the part that made me reconsider everything I’d seen up to that point:

He pretends it didn’t happen and tries to move on. It felt like flinching for a punch that never comes. It had me reconsidering his behavior up to that point and realizing how much effort went into just trying to keep people happy for the sake of conflict avoidance, but it wasn’t until the Doom Board that everything clicked fully and unsettlingly into place.

This. This right here immediately brought me harshly to exactly why he was acting the way I would have tried to.

Doing my best to not get too personally detailed in the “how Tenna personally affected me” essay, but most of my upbringing involved most family members arguing with each other frequently and primarily living with a loud and irritable parent who would generally use anyone nearby as a venting target whenever they felt the need to, so most of the coping I’d learned and even been explicitly told a couple times was “stay in your room, play your games, don’t worry about it” while hearing said argument very clearly from the other room. Later on this would lead to using headphones most of the time to try and drown out noise or generally shutting down and spacing out or hyperventilating any time I got scolded for long periods of time, and it really didn’t fully click with me how or why this happened until this moment.

Because at that moment I knew the exact feeling behind that statement. You can’t stop it, agree with them, let them vent, go hide and watch something if you can get out. Brace yourself.

Especially with his position as an object fixed in the middle of the house and not being physically able to get away from the situation, while perceiving oneself as the cause of the argument, (Tenna’s guilt as his position as a positive form of entertainment and distraction, myself and I’d wager Kris as well’s as the subject of argument in a divorce, honestly there’s a whole other essay to be had about how chapter 3 reflects Kris’ emotional state and upbringing) causes him to feel trapped and helpless yet simultaneously culpable for what he’s experiencing, and the feeling of being trapped in a situation you don’t want to be in, especially as a result of defending a stance you only go along with for a promised end result (his deal with Kris & the Knight) hit exceedingly close to home. You even see it throughout the rest of the chapter where he folds immediately after any threat he makes out of desperation and trying to keep his employees around.

This is what really stands out to me about Tenna as a character. He’s forced to experience horrible things while partially blaming himself for it and tries everything in his power to try and prevent conflict at every turn. He straight up doesn’t fight you until you’re right in front of Toriel and he has no other options. And that’s what I sorta wish I could see more about in his fandom portrayal. He’s not looking for attention or guilt tripping to get his way. He’s scared of another fight while being forced into conflict by a deal he has no real other choice but to take (it’s essentially “sell out your family or die” at this point) and can’t take it when he can’t keep the act going and people start turning on him. I think the one time I’ve seen this really well portrayed is Dark Fountain Within by @/tennas-t-v-time but I’d love to see it explored more often.