Uncomfortable Laughter

Saw this joke in a tiktok and immediately had to stop the proper comic I was drawing and draw this XD 

the ultimate stocking stuffer

There’s a theory that early Europeans started saying “brown one” or “honey-eater” instead of “bear” to avoid summoning them, and similarly my friend has started calling Alexa “the faceless woman” because saying her true name awakens her from her slumber

English has an avoidance register used in the presence of certain respected animals, which sounds fancy until you realize it’s spelling out w-a-l-k and t-r-e-a-t in front of the dog.

All evil whales are, well, evil. So evil that if you speak their name at sea, they will hear it and home in on you. So instead you use all sorts of euphemisms for their names. Also if you try to cook their meat it literally disappears from the pot. That’s right, they’re so evil, you can’t even eat them.

They include such types as the hrosshvalur (horsewhale), with big eyes and a red mane and tail. This is probably the best known and most feared of the lot.

The raudkembingur (redcomb) is especially cruel and bloodthirsty even by illhveli standards. If you manage to escape it, it will die of frustration.

Good luck escaping the mushveli (mousewhale) though, it has legs! And will clamber onto the beach in pursuit!

Or what about death from above? The stökkull (jumper) leaps high into the air and pile-drives boats to pieces.

Meanwhile the skeljungur (shellwhale) sits in the path of boats and lets them get wrecked on its shelly hide…

… while the sverdhvalur (swordwhale) slices through boats with its dorsal fin.

The katthveli (catwhale) is relatively harmless though. It meows.

The same can’t be said of the lyngbakur (heatherback), a classic island fish that lets sailors get on its back and then dives, taking them to a watery grave.

The nauthveli (oxwhale) on the other hand specially targets cattle, attracting them into the sea with its bellow before tearing them apart.

How can you avoid all these murderous whales, like the taumafiskur (bridlefish) here? Any of a number of ways, including getting a steypireydur to help. There are substances, ranging from angelica to sheep dung and chopped fox testicles, that they find abhorrent. And you can distract them with loud noises and barrels.

For more, I assure you this link will answer all your questions.

https://abookofcreatures.com/category/illhveli/

I hope I have some amount of marine knowledge… in most cases these whales are so well described they can be easily pictured, and sometimes there are drawings of them! For instance, from Jon Gudmundsson we have the raudkembingur with a rather beaky face

and the hrosshvalur/stökkull (he combines both), which is where I got the dappling and the huge eye

Then there’s Ortelius’ map of Iceland which shows the stökkull leaping but doesn’t give it the fleshy blinders it’s supposed to have.

Meanwhile the hrosshvalur… I mean… look at it!

A different school of art you could say. See also the steypireydur (blue whale) by Ortelius

versus Gudmundsson’s version, indicating more familiarity with the animal

Ursula getting harpooned by a ship in The Little Mermaid

Clayton getting hanged in Tarzan

Dumbo being an underage drinker

Pinocchio being forced to watch the horrific display of one his friends being turned into a donkey. Followed up with a scene of the rest of his donkey friends being sold into slavery.

A scene in Gravity Falls where a kid gets eaten by a monster made of black licorice and candy corn while the same kid said he was traumatized at the end of the episode.

Mr. Incredible finding out that all his closest friends had died horrifically to the clutches of a mad man.

Mufasa getting thrown off a cliff by his brother, trampled to death by wildebeests and having Mufasa’s corpse poked and prodded by Simba.

A scene in the Star Vs. The Forces of Evil series finale, where a character blows up into purple confetti, while everyone around him SCREAMS IN HORROR! I AM NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP!

A clone of Wendy from Gravity Falls being hit in the stomach with a fire ax.

Santa Claus getting tortured by Oogie Boogie in The Nightmare Before Christmas.

The Toys in Toy Story 3 holding hands and accepting their fate of being fed to an incinerator.

Imply that Eugene from Tangled is going get hanged as punishment for stealing a tiara. And after he escapes that, he gets shanked by a bitch and actually dies! (It for a minute and a half, sure, but still.)

Have Skinner take advantage of Linguini while he’s drunk off of wine.

The Horned King from The Black Cauldron.

A scene in Gravity Falls where Mr. Northwest has the functions of every hole in his face get shuffled like a deck of cards.

Cassandra’s arm getting dissolved in Rapunzel’s Tangled Adventure.

The entirity of “Night on Bald Mountain.”

The anglerfish from Finding Nemo

The frogs of Amphibia accepting the idea that they’re going to die, and say potential goodbyes to each other.

A scene where Vasquez from Big City Greens says that he’s going to go back to being in the secret service. Which is followed up with a fantasy sequence of him SNAPPING A GUYS NECK AND HIDING THE BODY IN THE BUSHES! AGAIN, NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP!

And the episode “Northwest Mansion Mystery” from Gravity Falls. Which has a scene where mounted animal heads are speaking a demonic language, while blood is dripping out of their eyes, mouths, and noses. And while that’s going on, a flaming skeleton with an ax in his forehead is coming out of the fireplace as if he’s crawling out of the pits of Hell itself. Once he’s completely out, his body tissue reforms and he summons another ax, that is implied to be used on a twelve-year-old girl…A TWELVE-YEAR-OLD GIRL!

You approved of ALL OF THAT, and yet parents still haven’t come down on you for bat-shit crazy y'all are. And if you can do that, then for once-just fricken' once-you can throw a certain group a bone and allow this:

We all hope you have fun with the new season and find things in it to enjoy.

Also I’m moving to a well defended cave in a remote coastal location so you can’t find me and kill me.