Just a schmuck who writes and draws

Perfect movie? Far from it. The only perfect Spider-Man movie is Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, and we all know it. The only people who deny it are twats who think animation is a lesser medium, hold Spider-Man 2 too high on a pedestal, and are racists who think Miles Morales isn’t Spider-Man. So, you know…fuck ‘em.

But we’re not here to talk about Into the Spider-Verse (Though, I would love to). Today, we’re talking about the…Third? Yeah, the third best Spider-Man movie. I’ll throw Raimi fans the bone by saying Spider-Man 2’s better, but no more. Because if you were to ask me what I consider to be the perfect example of what’s to love about Spider-Man, one film I’m going to pick is the movie that seems to be a celebration of Spider-Man’s whole filmography, good and bad. Because that’s really what No Way Home tries to be: A for the fans film that tries to appeal to those who love Spider-Man in any shape and form. And as someone who fell in love with the character since middle school/high school, I can certainly say it succeeded for me.

I love this movie—I was already sold with this movie before the nostalgia bait sank in. We get to see Peter Parker’s life screwed over due to Mysterio’s final trick in the last movie. He’s granted no peace anywhere, with the people he loves being caught in the crosshairs. It’s the perfect payoff to the last movie’s stinger, showing that Peter wasn’t wrong to keep his identity a secret. And the worst he faced was bad publicity and potential jail time. Imagine if one of his villains caught wind of this.

“There you go! That’s a missed opportunity to—”

Up-up-up. It’s only a missed opportunity if you focus too hard on what you want and not what you have. Because, yeah, you could make a whole movie based on Peter facing the calamity of Mysterio outing him, maybe fighting a villain or two hunting Peter Parker and his loved ones. I’d definitely see that, but I’m content with the chaos he’s thrown into in the first twenty minutes. It works to show that not everyone gets the Iron Man treatment where the public treats him like a well-loved celebrity once his face is well-known. Sure, some people love Peter, with Flash and Peter’s teachers cashing in on how they’ve known Spider-Man for years (Which is pretty funny), but he still has paint and bricks thrown at him with dozens of people still believing he’s a menace. And J. Jonah Jameson, of course, profits off of calling Peter a menace more than anyone else, going from a looney shouting to the camera in his apartment to a guy who has his own official studio because of how much people love hearing him bash Spider-Man. 

It leads to Peter facing a problem that has plagued Spider-Man for years: Not everyone is going to see him as a hero, regardless of what good he does do. Because even though he saves lives and continues to do good, one mistake, that’s not even true, forever taints how people see him. It honestly works better now than it would years ago because of how hostile people get towards anyone for a past and present mistake, especially online. It makes the whole situation Peter goes through feel worse by the second, and makes you understand why he goes through such drastic measures to solve it.

In fact, it’s kind of brilliant that this whole story somewhat adapts the One More Day storyline, the most infamous Spider-Man story ever told, but make it good. In the comics it was always ludicrous for Peter Parker to sign away his marriage to the devil just so his identity can be a secret again and Aunt May can live. Here, though, they found a way to make the story work. Peter is eighteen, not a grown adult who should make better choices. Of course he’s more focused on getting a quick solution because, at that age, you’re not used to thinking ahead and facing the consequences as they come. Things will be difficult, no doubt, but if you try taking the easy path, you’re going to find worse consequences. And that’s why No Way Home works. We get to see Peter face the consequences of a stupid decision, where comic Peter doesn’t even remember what he lost. Here, Peter goes on a whole adventure trying to collect all the villains in his world so he can send them back where they came from. From there, well, he faces core aspects of Spider-Man that hurts every variation the most. The loss, sacrifice, and guilt.

Peter losing Aunt May, right after she says the line that defines Spider-Men everywhere, is the biggest gut punch of the film. He realizes too late how badly Green Goblin’s glider hurt her, and isn’t even given any time to do anything about it. He can’t get medical attention, nor does he even have time to grieve. The police are literally outside his door, opening fire, and Peter can’t do much but say sorry to May, even though she’s already gone. It hurts to see this poor boy face the trauma, especially since you know he blames himself for all of it. If he hadn’t tried making things easy for himself, none of this would’ve happened. He may not have been the one that flew that glider into May, but Peter’s still the reason it was even there. It kills him inside, and it’s part of the reason why he tells Doctor Strange to make a more powerful spell, one that could stop the multiverse from collapsing but at a cost: The world forgets that Peter Parker exists.

This was all Peter’s mess, and he’s the one who has to solve it by any means necessary. And no one else gets hurt because of his mistakes. So he lets Strange make the spell and worries about the consequences as they come. But, to make life worse for himself, Peter also cuts ties with MJ and Ned now that neither remembers him. Why? Because he focussed too much on the boo-boo on MJ’s forehead, believing that all he does to MJ is cause pain and stress to her life. When he sees her, Peter focuses too much on MJ saying her wound doesn’t hurt anymore, thinking that she doesn’t hurt anymore now that he’s gone, and never once noticed she’s still wearing the broken necklace he got her. Despite not remembering Peter, MJ still has this beautiful gift that means the world to her close to the heart. That goes right over Peter’s head because the guilt of knowing how crazy her life will get with him is too much. So, he lets MJ live her life, even if it’s without him, thinking it’ll make her happy. Even though she was always happy with him and MJ has full permission to kick his ass when her memories come back! Ned too! You don’t leave a bro like that!

Jokes aside, when I hear people say that No Way Home is pure nostalgia slop, I can’t help but feel like they ignore how it still develops Peter. At long last, he is the very hero everyone recognizes, going the slow burn route so Peter Parker can be the true Spider-Man we all know. You want to know why Brand New Day looks so promising? It’s because it’s built off of the foundation of this trilogy and this movie’s ending. We got to see Peter learn, movie by movie, the core aspects of being Spider-Man. There’s responsibility in the first, being your own hero instead of like someone else in the second, and understanding the tragedy of becoming Spider-Man in this movie. Previous films are effective in doing that one go, but I liked the slow burn. It made it feel like you were growing alongside Peter, and it’s why you’d appreciate seeing him meet his lowest level all the more. After all, you can’t enjoy a Peter Parker down on his luck without seeing how good life used to be. This movie is a good job to develop Peter into a true Spider-Man. It just so happens to do it really well in a movie filled with fan favorites of past films.

Would a movie exclusively about Peter Parker trying to face off against people who know his identity be good? Probably, we’ll never know, no matter how badly we want to see it. That being said, I don’t mind seeing the story we actually got. It is fun seeing these characters from past movies interact with each other. It harkens back to what makes The Avengers quatrilogy so much fun. You get to see these characters of different personalities and histories interact together on screen for the first time, and it leads to moments that make you smile. Especially when all three Spider-Men are together, showing off how similar yet different they really are. Also, for me personally, it shows off what makes Toby Macguire and Andrew Garfield so great as their respective Spider-Men, even if neither are my favorite like Tom Holland is.

Toby was never my favorite. His performance will always be best described as doofy. Even when trying to make a quip or act badass, there was always this corniness in his face and voice for me to take any of it seriously. Yes, Peter Parker’s a dork, but Toby always felt like they went too far with it. Here, though, he really works as an older, wiser Peter Parker. One who’s done it all and had everything done to him. It’s why he tries to pass off as much knowledge as he can to the other two, to help them better understand what the job is and how they shouldn’t have to give up being Peter Parker just because it gets too hard. That scene where he stops Tom’s Peter from impaling Green Goblin has stuck with me since the movie came out. Through just one look alone, you know exactly that he’s telling Peter one thing: “This isn’t what we do, and it’s not what she would want.”  It’s honestly the best scene of the whole movie, and it works because it’s Toby’s Spider-Man doing this. So, good job, No Way Home. You made me see value in Toby Macguire’s stupid face.

As for Andrew, he was almost perfect as Spider-Man. He nailed the charisma and the jokey personality, but the problem was the scripts he was given. It’s not Andrew’s fault that he starred in two movies that were so overly complicated and messy. There’s a good version of Spider-Man here, he just needed a better script. And, like it or not, No Way Home is that better script. We get to see Andrew be a broken down Peter Parker, one who went on a darker path because heartbreak became too much to bear. So when he gets to save lives, to save MJ’s life as a way to atone for his past mistakes, it drives him to tears. And damn it, it almost drove me to tears! He finally got it right, and I admire the film for giving him this moment. All while making him the quippiest Spider-Man in this entire final act, which is much appreciated.

I also admire that the movie never puts down any Peter Parker. It never overly hypes up how cool the other two were, and it never makes the other two lame so MCU Peter can look like the better Peter. The closest we get is Andrew briefly saying he’s lame compared to the other two before Toby calls him amazing, and Tom being called Peter One when he should really be Peter Three. But even then, that’s nothing compared to other superhero media  talking down to previous iterations to look cooler. Every one of these Peter Parkers mean something to someone, and it’s good that they’re all given a chance to prove how cool they are in different ways without making one seem better than the other. And you don’t know how much I respect that. 

It’s the same with the villains. It could have been so easy to talk about how they’re all actually lame and stupid compared to the new ones, but the movie doesn’t really do that. At most, we get Peter and his friends laughing at the name Otto Octavius, and Electro and Lizard making fun of each other. Again, that’s nothing compared to the real annoying shit you would see. For the most part, this movie treats these villains with respect, even improving some of them. Electro gets a real glow up, being vastly different from the stale, damn near emotionless baddie we saw in Amazing Spider-Man 2. He’s more like the Electro in the comics, having actual charm that makes him fun to watch. I also love that the movie gives Doc Ock some peace. That scene where the chip gets fixed and quiets the voices in his head is powerful. Same going for his glee at being able to see his Peter being all grown up. It’s a small moment, but one that does feel genuinely heartfelt. All aided by Alfred Molina’s incredible performance.

However, the movie’s biggest strength when it comes to its villains is Green Goblin. In Spider-Man 1, I always found him fine (Except for that costume and bullshit mask. Glad he smashed it). This version of the Green Goblin was always fun as a campy, energetic baddie who laughed hysterically at his own evil deeds, but he never felt…big. Like, this is Spider-Man’s arch nemesis, one of his worst enemies. And I feel like making him the first villain that Toby faced was a bit of a mistake. Because if you start with the arch nemesis, you make him less impressive when the hero faces threats that are meant to top that. Here, though? I definitely feel the threat that Green Goblin is meant to be. The way he laughs at Peter’s punches, taunts his good nature, and seems gleeful that Peter wants to kill Norman is no short of perfect. I still get goosebumps over how haunting his laugh is, and for the first time I finally feel like Peter’s facing off against his worst enemy. This is the type of Green Goblin I always wanted to see, my only wish that he should have had a better costume still.

This movie treated its villains far better than their introductions did, and I love that they kind of get a happier ending. Not only because someone like Otto deserves it, but it speaks to how heroic Peter is in that he says “Fuck fate” and tries to save all of them. This was the movie where I realized that those who criticize MCU Spider-Man have officially lost the plot, because the poster child of calling MCU Spider-Man bad said that this is the most selfish Peter Parker’s ever been. Even though I’d argue that this is the most selfless Peter Parker ever put onto screen, down to his personal detriment. He made a dumb mistake and almost killed the Green Goblin, but he also successfully cured all of these villains after seeing the tragedies in the lot of them. The second Peter knows he’s sending them to their deaths, he fights against the Sorcerer Supreme himself and wins just so he could potentially give them a better chance. And do I really have to remind you what he loses so the rest of the world doesn’t get destroyed? Yeah, if anybody tells you that this version of Spider-Man is anything but selfless, they might either be too blind of how good the previous movies were or just too…stupid, to put it bluntly.

There is so much good going on in this movie, through its characters and the way it understands Spider-Man at his highest level.  People like to call this film “nostalgia slop,” but to me there’s far more going than seeing characters you know making meme references and fighting each other. Though, the spectacle of the action is still there and much appreciated. You see, I have a theory that the MCU tends to save its best, most epic fight scenes in a trilogy for the third movie. The only exceptions so far seem to be Avengers: Infinity War, which clearly saved its big stuff for Endame, and Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania, which speaks for itself. But for Spider-Man: No Way Home, the theory still heavily applies. Not only does it have the best fight scenes in this Spider-Man’s trilogy, but it has probably my favorite fight scenes out of every Spider-Man movie. You’ve got…

Iron-Spider fighting Doc Ock on the highway, with Ock proving how deadly he really is when Peter needed a metal suit and extra limbs to fight back and still get his ass mostly kicked.

Spider-Man fights off against Doctor Strange, only getting by through a mix of Strange going easy on Peter and underestimating his powers and intelligence.

Peter getting his shit pushed all the way in by Green Goblin, proving how deadly he is compared to other MCU villains.

All three Spider-Men working as a team to cure the villains, fit with quick quips from Peter 3, heartfelt moments when the villains are cured, and some added intensity when MJ and Ned are accidentally thrown into the fray.

And Peter pushing Green Goblin’s shit all the way in, showing how deadly Spider-Man could be when he’s pushed too far. Gee, I wonder if Brand New Day could expand something like that…

The only fight that’s not all that is Spider-Man teaming up with Sandman to face off against Electro. There’s some decent intensity and fun interactions there, but it’s too short and the solution’s found too quickly to really appreciate the fight itself. Other than that, this is definitely the best spectacle these movies have had so far, and I’m so grateful that Brand New Day already looks like it’s gonna top it. And with a movie with so much spectacle and substance, what is there really to complain about?

Well, according to Twitter, the visuals.

There have been a lot of people dunking on this movie for the obvious green screens, wonky CGI, and the muddy color grading. And while I can definitely say Spider-Man movies have looked better (Specifically the animated ones), I don’t think it’s as bad as people like to say. Like, the screenshot of Flash standing in the street is something people point to a lot when it comes to how bad the visuals are, but I don’t know. Either my eyes are too used to CGI or my brain’s just broken, but I think that shot looks fine. Especially since this movie was being filmed during COVID, and you couldn’t really do that many outside shots without fear of spreading the plague. Add that with how the VFX team was spread way too thin at this time, and it’s honestly a miracle that the movie doesn’t look worse. It’s the color grading that I’m really more on the same side about, because I want my superhero movies to look colorful, dammit! Compare this to the first film, where it actually looks like the colors popped most of the time. Here, there’s a lot of foggy grays and ugly browns that makes it feel like we’re going backwards in terms of the visuals instead of evolving them. Like, can we go back to 2017 when Marvel gave us both vibrantly beautiful films like Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 and Spider-Man: Homecoming back to back? Can those pretty please be the norm again?

Another thing this movie gets made fun of for is its frequent pauses so audiences can applaud at seeing the characters they recognize. Again, I don’t think it’s as bad as people like to say it is. It instead feels like the movie letting you take the time to appreciate how cool it is to see these characters. And the pauses aren’t agonizingly long like people exaggerate. The only time I really felt it was when Matt Murdock caught the brick, but even then I’m still geeking out over seeing Matt Murdock again to really care (See, Hawkeye? This is how you hype up a Daredevil coming back).

These complaints are valid to have, but they don’t ruin the movie. If anything, it just makes me point at the good shit more so someone can have something to talk about other than the visuals and pauses. Yeah, those can be annoying, but not only are you undermining or or completely ignoring the genuinely good stuff that makes this movie so damn entertaining, you’re shouting over the actual problems.

Like, Electro and Venom…how are they there? The writers established a clear rule that only those who know Peter Parker is Spider-Man are drawn into this universe. Fair enough rule, but Electro doesn’t know Peter Parker’s Spider-Man. He doesn’t even know the boy’s white. There’s no plausible way for him to know Peter’s Spider-Man, and I actually watched The Amazing Spider-Man 2 to prove this (Thanks for that Sony!). And Eddie Brock makes less sense and is somehow more frustrating because he had no purpose! He spent the whole movie getting drunk in Mexico and leaving behind a symbiote that’s likely dead by now. Plus, it’s heavily implied that he doesn’t even know who Spider-Man is! What’s funny is that there’s a different Eddie Brock who does know Peter and Spider-Man, and the same idea they did here could honestly work the same. Just have Topher Grace getting drunk in a bar trying to cook up a revenge scheme towards Spider-Man involving these other villains on the news, only to just leave when he’s about ready to strike. If the point of Venom being there was to show that there’s a bit of the symbiote in 616, then just have it be the Venom people care less about. Instead, we’re given these two huge plot holes that really have no defense for why they’re there. I’ve tried in the past, but these two being in the movie is just a dumb mistake that makes less sense as the years go by.

Also, Sandman and Lizard…Do they REALLY need to be here? I get that this is about saving the lives previous Peter Parkers failed to save, but Peter 3 puts it best when talking about curing The Lizard: “I already cured him, so no problem.” Lizard does not die and his story will relatively be the same after being cured here. As for Sandman, I can maybe buy that his physical form is starting to deteriorate, hence why he spends the whole movie being nothing but a sand person with cracks in his body. However, the movie never explicitly states that as fact, so it’s really nothing more than a theory at best.

To me, these problems reek of Sony input. Like, they wanted so badly to promote their Spider-Man villain universe and to make that Sinister Six movie they’ve been pushing since 2015. So, they threw in the current version of Venom, who is not a villain, and got in every live action Spider-Man baddie possible despite logic and thematic presence. That way, they got free promotion and that Sinister Six movie off of a bullshit technicality. And those are really the only big issues that come close to ruining the movie. Thankfully, everything else works so well that I’m willing to shrug it off and accept these issues because the final product is too damn enjoyable to me.

I could nitpick a lot of this movie by pointing out a bad shot or how it makes no sense that Ned made the portals he did, but…why bother? When I’m having this much fun watching a movie made for a fan like me, is it really worth complaining about every little thing? To me, Spider-Man: No Way Home is like fan-fiction. Like, good fan-fiction. The plot’s a little messy and the style’s occasionally all over the place, but it’s made by someone with a clear love of these characters and what they represent that you can’t help but admire every syllable. Best Spider-Man movie? Hell no. But with all it does to remind me of why I love Spider-Man as a character and why he’s the best Marvel has to offer, it’s at least good enough to be…the fourth best. I just remembered Across the Spider-Verse, and saw it last night. So, yeah, top two are both Spider-Verse films, Spider-Man 2 is third, and this movie’s fourth. But you bad mouth my boy Holland any more, then Spider-Man 2’s going down a couple more notches.

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