Vodka aunt in training.

Kind of in the mood to roll over in bed 50-100 times and not be comfortable

need a t-shirt that says i had a weird heavily symbolic dream last night please don't talk to me

hey bestie i think ur post might be charmed 'cause you aren't gonna fuckin believe what happened today

Fake laughed at a customer's joke today and dropped the smile within milliseconds of them turning around. when I tell you that I felt like Patrick fucking Bateman

Rat detected. Make him jiggle.

Holy shit I assume everyone is doing an up and down jiggle and maybe a side to side jiggle but if you jiggle your phone forward and backwards he jiggles in and out, too

Brother I am jiggling this rat all three ways, up and down jiggle, left and right jiggle, backwards and forwards jiggle. I love this shit.

one time i hooked up with a guy and he ate my ass and jerked me off and then his boyfriend came home and was like kind of upset that he didn't get to have sex with me too. so i was like hey we can do sex that's fine by me. i can cum again. and so he's like ok lets take a shower together and ill jerk you off in the shower. and as hes jerking me off in the shower he asks if i use my phone while i shower. and i say no. and he says he always uses his phone in the shower. and sometimes he takes off the case and washes his phone with shampoo and water just for fun. and he's broken five phones this year from doing that but he's not going to stop because he just wants his phone to be clean and feel good. hes still jerking me off as he tells me about this. this is a real story you have to believe me