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As is tradition in tumblr culture the locals unearth the corpse of a long deceased figure and drag it across the streets merrily, laughing at what is preserved of the personâs words. This custom, seen as morbid in other cultures, is instead done gleefully and with an unmatched enthusiasm
A hill i will die standing on is that picky eaters deserve respect and accommodation and to eat food they enjoy too. Sensory issues, disliked flavors, allergies, intolerances, cultural differences, religious restrictions, moral or political choices, they all deserve to be given consideration if you know you're gonna be cooking for them and to not be excluded from the fundamental right to food & access to the many important social bonding acitivities centered around food
If Iâm cooking or selecting a restaurant for friends or family, of course I cater to their food desires. I love those people. Why wouldnât I want them to enjoy their food??
IDAF if itâs allergies or you just hate something. If you donât want it for any reason at all, I absolutely will not put you in a position where you eat it or go hungry. Iâm very lucky to be surrounded by friends and family who share the same values.
Okay so Iâm an elementary school art teacher right, and I have this really fun game I made a PowerPoint for to teach like, emotions and intent and looking at the whole picture to first grade.
The idea is, when we count down and change slides, kids have to mimic one thing in the painting as best they can, whether itâs animate or inanimate. If thereâs nothing in the shot for them to mimic (because I threw some contemporary abstract stuff in), they have to show me how the painting makes them feel. Easy enough, gets them excited to move around and vocal about their feelings regarding art, itâs very chaotic. I can tell pretty fast whoâs got the emotional maturity to mimic things in a complex way, and whoâs just enough of an abstract thinker to mimic inanimate objects early on in the game...
So the first picture is this:
Napoleon Crossing the Alps. My favorite reactions are usually the kids who pretend to be the freaked-out horse, but 2 memorable occasions were the one where a student immediately scrunched up to be the rock in the foreground, and the one where a pair of girls, without any communication on their parts, decided to be Napoleon riding the horse with one as Napoleon and one as the horse. Basically one of them fully tackled the other apropos of nothing, it was hilarious
Iâll add more if yâall want or if I feel like it lol I have a bunch of stories from this one game
Okay so later in the lineup we get to DalĂâs Persistence of Memory, which is very funny because itâs preceded by several pieces that have like, obvious people in them, so everyoneâs gotten a bit complacent in their mimicry
In case youâve forgotten, this is Persistence:
And I swear every time, thereâs a beat right before everyone either becomes a tree by t-posing for their life, or goes boneless like some kind of child-shaped pancake over the nearest flat surface
Highlights from this one include a pair who decided to drape themselves pancake-style over the same desk and banged heads, resulting in 2 ground pancakes, and someone who fully just stood there staring, and explained that they were expressing the hatred they felt as soon as they saw it
Last installment: one of the pictures is The Scream, and everyone very quickly just makes a đą face, but then we get to talk about my favorite âthrow spaghetti at the wallâ topic, why is he screaming? (The answer is Existential Dread, but itâs not appropriate to tell 1st graders that so instead we all put out other ideas lol)
In case you havenât looked at it recently, this is The Scream:
My favorite guesses from the kids to Why Is He Screaming:
-those guys behind him are going to arrest him
-he missed his boat and itâs one of the ones in the background, he just noticed
-the skyâs all wiggly
-he just wanted to scream
-HE CAN SEE THE CLASS OF FIRST GRADERS LOOKING AT HIM AND HE DOESNâT LIKE IT
You know for the first 18-ish years of your life everyone your age is mostly doing the same things and then all of a sudden every year for the rest of your life somebody your age is getting divorced while somebody else just learned what a leaf is and you have no idea whatâs going on or what youâre supposed to be doing
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Thereâs this guy in town who owns this little house, and a while back he rescued a street dog that was going to get put down. Turned out she was pregnant.
Problem is, he has mental health & drug issues and couldnât afford to get them all spayed & neutered, so now there are 6 grown bitches with 15 puppies total, and theyâve dug under his fence in multiple places but he canât afford to fix it so they go roaming all around town. (When I say canât afford it, I mean his house is currently running on a generator because he canât afford his electric bill.) Heâs also a day laborer so he cannot take multiple full days off work to take them to the vet an hour away. Heâs in a really rough spot.
Heâs not a bad person. Heâs just overwhelmed.
And this little conservative town with 6 churches for 300 people, have they tried to help their neighbor? Have they adopted the puppies heâs been trying to give away? Have they offered resources?
NOPE! All they wanna do is talk shit about him and complain about the dogs but never lift a finger of their own. And they come to his house to yell at him and cuss him out about the dogs, which does not exactly engender in him a cooperative attitude, as you might imagine.
So after a while of this going on, my mom gets fed up with all the NIMBY bullshit and starts talking to the guy, because sheâs done animal rescue for 20-odd years and has Connections. Heâs resistant at first, but when he realizes sheâs not being an asshole to him on account of his addiction or the dogs, he decides to let her help.
She gets to work organizing and networking. Finds a non-profit that will cover vaccinations, spay/neuter, and flea treatments for all the dogs. Talks the next-door neighbor into paying for materials to fix the fence, since this guy can do the work of it himself. Gets him in touch with another non-profit that will adopt out the adult dogs.
Less than 2 weeks after she decided to do something, all puppies have been to the vet, 10 puppies and 4 adult dogs have been adopted out, and the second non-profit is coming by next week to pick up the remaining 7 dogs to ship them out for adoption.
Iâve learned a lot of things from my momâsome good, some badâbut I think the most important positive message she lives as an example of is this: sometimes, when something needs done and no one else is willing, you gotta stand up and say âIâll do it.â
The most mind-blowing revelation I received on this lesson happened to me when I was in college.
I was driving along a mountain road with a person I kinda knew in the passenger seat (like a roommate of a roommate or something). The road was very narrow, very twisty-turny, steep cliffs on both sides. I came around a blind curve to see a huge tree branch in the road. I managed to swerve just in time to avoid it, and also not veer the car into the sheer cliff face going up on the left, or of the sheer cliff face going down on the right.
"That's so dangerous. Someone should move that." I said.
"You're someone." said my passenger.
I very slowly pressed the brakes, my car slowly rolling to a stop as what he'd said started to sink in to my brain.
It had never occurred to be before, in all my life, that I could be the "someone" who could fix the thing. Not ever.
It was dangerous to stop here. If another car came, they could easily hit me, as it was a blind curve. We talked about it, decided it was worth the risk to possibly save a life, and we quickly ran to the branch and moved it to the side as best we could, then hurried back to the car.
It changed my life. After that, every time I have the thought "Someone should _____", I now hear that voice. I'm 'someone'. Now I evaluate whether I'm able to do something about a situation- that doesn't mean I always can! Sometimes I truly don't have the energy, knowledge, or time or money to fix something. But I should at least think about doing it myself- consider that I could, and weigh the options, which I never did before that moment.
âno stopâ
âoh no i didnât mean to do thatâ
âwRONG LAYERâ
âwait go backâ
âwhat line is that?!â
âcAN YOUâ [irritated noises]â
âoh youâŚbastardâ
âwhat..layer is that on??â
happy 2023 my wife is currently making incoherent angry/confused noises because she painted on a layer somewhere several hours ago and now she canât find which folder she put it into
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âAs you can see, my young apprentice, your friends have failed,â the Emperor said, triumph in his tone. âNow, witness the firepower of this fully armed and operational battle station!â
Luke looked at him in shock.
âFire at will, Commander!â the Emperor said.
Fourteen months previouslyâŚ
âShipment IL-214-73 arriving,â a petty officer reported.
âThank goodness,â muttered one of the technicians. âAfter the delays weâve been having, we need to get those Khyber crystals into the third main focusing array. Itâs been on the critical path for a week.â
He brought up the display, frowning. âAll right, I think we can make up a bit of time if we just get them straight to cutting and installation.â
âDonât we need to run them through the testing process first?â a more junior technician asked. âThatâs on the list.â
âI know itâs on the list,â the senior tech replied. âBut the list was written when they didnât expect thereâd be rebel attacks hitting our supply lines.â
He waved at the screen. âThe testing process means heating each individual crystal up to eighteen hundred, even though we know Khyber can all handle temperatures of up to forty-seven-fifty. The cutting process doesnât rely on heat tolerance either. Any crystalline flaws will come out in cutting, and we can just junk them. It means cutting takes a bit longer, but by going straight to cutting we can save at several hours on the overall process. And you know how much time weâve lost already.â
The junior tech looked worried, then shook his head.
âAll right,â he replied. âI guess so.â
âYou need to learn how things are done in practice,â the senior tech said. âNo big deal.â
Eleven months previously...
âIâm quite sure Rothana Heavy Engineeringâs XJ-15 hypermatter feed systems will meet your needs better than the alternatives,â the Rothana representative said, as Admiral Jerjerrod examined the datasheet.
He wasnât so sure. The newer units had better specifications, certainly, but they werenât proven, and they were also somewhat more expensive.
âI donât think thatâs necessarily the case,â he said, out loud. âWhile I appreciate Rothanaâs position, the Sienar alternative has similar flow rates and more proven applications.â
The Rothana representative nodded, sagely.
âI understand entirely,â he said. âHowever, I must point out that Rothana has some important additional information to present.â
He held out a credit chip, which Jerjerrod took and inspected.
âOwing to the XJ-15âs protracted development, we are willing to provide our test units at cost,â the representative went on. âThat is in addition to having a higher production rate than our competitors and a less committed production output.â
Jerjerrod hesitated, then pocketed the credit chip.
âThat all seems in order,â he said. âThe XJ-15 it is.â
âMarvellous,â the representative declared.
Nine months previously...
âIâve examined the records that exist from the first Death Star,â a senior technician said. âThe amount of strain that was placed on the flash suppression systems was minimal to nonexistent. Even with the full firing that destroyed Alderaan, surviving records indicate that the flash suppressors had no more than a five percent load placed on them â an amount that can be handled by untreated durasteel.â
The other men and women in the meeting looked at the data on the screen behind their colleague.
âYouâre suggesting we forego the duratemp treatment on the flash protection systems?â one of the women asked, cautiously. âI can see the advantages, but the downsides seem significant. Iâd even say potentially destructive.â
âIt is my position that the cost of including the duratemp treatment is unacceptable,â the tech replied. âIt takes time and effort, including supervisory attention which cuts into the available man-hours on the project. We only have so much experienced manpower.â
That drew winces, though none of the humans in the room drew attention to the fact that they were spending a lot of that time in interminable meetings.
âIn the following presentation, Iâll discuss my proposal and how it could shave as much as one week off the final completion timetable,â the senior tech continued, flicking to the next screen of his presentation. âThis model shows how the flash suppression systems are built around the main weaponâŚâ
Six months previouslyâŚ
âThere simply isnât an option,â the head of personnel replied. âOur existing system is not providing enough technicians and operators.â
âThis was quite sufficient for the first Death Star,â Jerjerrod protested.
âThe first Death Star was a project that took decades,â the manager replied, shrugging. âIt didnât come up at first, sir â for that I apologize â but if we are going to redress the problem, we need to act now. There is no alternative.â
Jerjerrod rubbed his temples, thinking about the problem.
The fully functional Death Star was going to need hundreds of thousands of qualified technicians and operators, familiar with the systems of the vast battle station, and so many of the men who knew much about the Death Star at the moment were busy building it.
There hadnât been many left after the destruction of the first battle station, because most of them had been working on it at the time.
âAll right,â he said. âSo your proposal isâŚ?â
âWe keep the same number of trainers for now, but abbreviate the course,â the manager answered. âTwo months â at most. Then we have the new graduates train the next batch for two months, and so on. Exponential growth. At twenty students per instructor and a hundred instructors to start with, weâll end up with eight hundred thousand in six months.â
That was extremely tempting⌠they wouldnât be anything like the equal of what they should be, but they could learn on the job.
âAll right,â Jerjerrod said. âApproved â see to it.â
One month previouslyâŚ
âNext item on the checklist?â Commander Jaskier asked.
âStep one hundred and seven,â Technician Mils replied. âSelf test.â
She pressed the self-test button, and the computer system clicked and flickered as it ran through the diagnostics.
Data results and readouts went up on the screen, and Jaskier and all the others in the control station watched the results.
None of them had any comment to make about the numbers. The checklist said to run the self test, so that was what they were doing.
âStep one hundred and eight,â Mils went on. âSign off on results.â
She did that, as well, and Jaskier nodded.
âGood,â he said. âAnd I believe weâve finished that half an hour ahead of schedule! Good work, everyone.â
Now.
The firing commands flashed out through the Death Starâs systems, triggering a cascade of further commands, and the whole massive battle stationâs main superlaser woke for the first time.
Fifty XJ-15 hypermatter flow regulators controlled the flow of energy from the power core into the power collectors, and the energy being channelled into the system surged rapidly â rising to one hundred and eighteen percent of nominal, above what would have been anticipated, and greater than the one hundred and two percent that the older, more proven Sienar systems would have generated.
Thousands of high powered beams were generated, controlled and focused through an enormous array of Khyber crystals⌠a small but measurable fraction of which were cheap industrially grown diamonds instead, added to the shipments by subcontractors eager to stretch out their production from the strip-mined planet of Ilum without running so late on their deliveries that financial penalties were imposed.
None of the technicians who were in a position to spot the problem at this stage were actually capable of doing so. Their necessarily abbreviated training had mostly been on what buttons to push, and nobody had the deeper knowledge of the systems to recognize that the system was in an anomalous state.
Then some of the diamonds shattered under the load, allowing the beams free to damage adjacent systems, and in moments the whole of the energy drawn from the hypermatter core was unleashed.
The flash suppression systems were wholly, and fatally, inadequate.
âWatch yourself, Wedge!â Lando called, his head on a swivel, and banked the Falcon around so his ventral turret gunner could clear off one of the TIEs attacking Red Leader. âWeâve got to-â
Then there was a sudden blinding flash, and Lando did a double-take.
The Death Starâs protective shield was instantly, and dramatically, visible â because the entire inside of it was full of plasma and flame, lighting it up as clearly as Ackbarâs briefing had done back before the operation was launched in the first place. Then something blew up on the surface of the forest moon as the plasma followed the funnel of the shield, and the explosive force was no longer contained but began to drift out into space.
â...the kriff?â Lando asked, eventually. âWhat just happened?â
âOw,â Darth Vader said, indistinctly, reaching up to feel his helmet, which had been crushed in by an impact with the ceiling.
The Emperorâs throne room seemed to mostly be intact, though there was an Emperor-shaped hole in the window nearest his throne, and Luke had his hands out to either side as he stood on the wall.
âFather, are you all right?â the younger Skywalker asked.
âWhat happened?â Vader replied. âI remember the Emperor ordering that the Death Star should fireâŚâ
âI donât know, it exploded just after he said that,â Luke answered. âIt turns out that overconfidence was his weakness⌠do you have any idea where the nearest spaceship is? Keeping the atmosphere in is tiring me out a bit.â
Hey, unpopular opinion, apparently. But people donât just âhave pain for no reasonâ doctors say this all the time (especially to women and chronically ill people) and the truth is, Thats literally not possible. Even if your pains are psychosomatic (a word I hesitate to even use because of the way its used so often) there is a reason you are having those pains whether its mental illness, abuse, etc. If your doctor consistently tells you that âwell some people just have pain for no reasonâ get a new doctor. Thatâs a doctor who is not going to give a shit what your actual symptoms or experiences are.
I just wanna add to clarify the psychosomatic thing.
That word DOES NOT MEAN youâre making it up. It doesnât mean youâre imagining the symptom. What it means is that the symptom ISNâT DIRECTLY CAUSED BY ANY OF THE THINGS THAT WOULD NORMALLY CAUSE IT.
I fought to get a PCOS diagnosis for 2 and a half years. For the ENTIRE time I was fighting, I was dealing with 3 cysts that were not going away by themselves and eventually required surgery to remove. At one point close to the end of the battle, I suddenly went blind. I was visiting my parents and was standing on the veranda looking out over the tree we had planted in memory of my dog and suddenly I got one of the shooting pains that I was quite frankly used to at that point and my vision started to go dark. It was like the sun was setting while being completely hidden behind storm clouds but it was 2pm in the middle of Summer on a clear day. Within about 30 seconds I couldnât see ANYTHING. I was 27 years old and I was screaming for my mother.
My mum raced me to her doctor (he was a 15 minute drive away as opposed to 45 minutes to the nearest hospital) and he quickly worked out that there was nothing wrong with my eyes and what had happened was totally unrelated to them. Then he said it was psychosomatic and I freaked out, yelling that I was NOT making this up and I definitely wasnât imagining it. Very quickly he calmed me down and said he believed me and I had misunderstood. He explained that whatever was going on with my abdominal pains (he suggested PCOS which I hadnât even heard of at that point) had been ignored for so long that my body was starting to do things other than the normal pain response to try to draw my attention to the problem. My sight going was my body basically jumping around in front of me going âHEY ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME HELLLOOOOOOO??????â
He gave me some prescription strength painkillers and my sight started to come back as soon as they started to kick in. About 45 minutes after it started I could see well enough to walk around without help and within a day and a half I was back to normal. On top of that I finally had a scan booked to figure out what the hell was causing all the pain.
Psychosomatic symptoms are NOT imagined or fabricated or happening for âno reasonâ. Experiencing them DOES NOT make you a liar. It makes you someone who has been battling with something serious for so long that your own body has started to get impatient with you.
Psychosomatic symptoms are literally your body flipping random alarm switches just to get any alarm blaring because youâve been ignoring the regular ones
So, I've been thinking about Jedi positivity a lot lately. So, I decided to make a masterpost. Someone's definitely done this before and better, but I feel like I should throw my hat in the ring.
(There's also A Collection of Posts about the Jedi Order, Part One and Part Two.)
Fics
These fics might not be completely focused on the Jedi Order but they are portrayed positively, or they expand on their culture. Either way, I love them.
Knightrise by deviantaccumulation: In which a new Jedi Order is founded on Mandalore after Order 66.
not the place i was born in (doesn't mean it's not the place where I belong) by ghostwriterofthemachine: Jedi worldbuilding and Young Anakin and Obi-Wan being sweet.
How a Handful of Droid Poppers Save the Galaxy by Zarz: In which Appo is the hero the galaxy needs and Anakin meets consequences.
Yeet or be Yeeted by virdant: In which the Jedi tendency to jump off tall places becomes a competitive sport.
THE FORCE WILLS DOCUMENTARY by js71: Told as a documentary about the Jedi Order, there's a lot of worldbuilding and other things that make my heart happy.
Pragmatics of the Jedi by aroacejoot, ghostwriterofthemachine, loosingletters: A series that created a language for the Jedi, Dai Bendu, which is absolutely fascinating.
On Meditation by virdant: A short fic about meditation. It makes me happy.
Interviews by BloodyDevil: Interviews with members of the Jedi Order.
In which we burn bodies as bridges by GraceEliz: Jedi mourning in a bittersweet fic.
Anakin Skywalker's Guide to Jedi Traditions by loosingletters: A young Anakin's journal about his new life in the Jedi Order.
The Droid Wars by Crystalshard: R2 learns about the future and drags 3PO along with him to stop it.
Why We Did Nothing by BairnSidhe: Do you like the Mandalorians as well as the Jedi? In which the Mandalorians learn about the Jedi Order's perspective on things and Jaster gets rightfully mad. Warning: It has dark themes (among them, discussions of the murder of children, generational trauma, and Montross-related fuckery).
spilled red wine by scrapheap_redux: I was debating whether or not to add this one, but I really liked the portrayal of the Jedi when they show up. However, it has the aftermath and results of rape (not onscreen) as the inciting incident, which is why I was wondering if I should add it; I want this list to be enjoyable and I don't want to upset anyone.
Unsolicited PR From A Pirate by Everything_or_Anything, lastbattlecry, RogueLadyVader (LaylaYuy), TessaDoesThings, wanderingjedihistorian (RangerJedi67): Hondo is a menace. Also, action figures.
Stolen Choices by softmoonlight: Cal, Fox, and the possibility of a happy ending.
free to find my calling by Papook: Jocasta Nu gets a squad of clones.
Always in Motion by virdant: I never knew I needed a Chewbacca time-travel fic so much.
remember me, fondly by ace_din_djarin: Crafts, Jedi, and bittersweetness.
The Bust Busting by virdant: Yoda is a troll. Dooku is done.
Proper Attire by LacieFuyu: Why Jedi don't wear armor.
Out with Lanterns by SkyeBean: Ahsoka is Mace's Padawan.
Lessons of Peace by virdant: Cody embracing Jedi culture and making dumplings.
Memories of Peace by Margan: Obi-Wan teaches the clones to make dumplings.
Home-onym by virdant: Wordplay and Jedi younglings.
In the Shadows (of Taxes) by virdant: Quinlan Vos specializes in tax law. If that one sentence doesn't make your heart jump a little, I weep for you.
hi, i'm with public relations by lastbattlecry: The Jedi need better PR. Bail Organa knows somebody.
In Which Boba Fett Becomes the Jedi Order's Feral Tooka by Zarz: The title explains the beautiful, beautiful plot.
May the Force be Taxed by ReconstructWriter: Palpatine and the IRS do not respect Jedi culture.
aphelion by Kemmasandi: Plo Koon dies, wakes up decades prior, and fixes things.
Protect That Which You Love by certifiedspacewitch: Mace takes one look at the weird old man asking for private access to a young Padawan and gets his hackles up.
jedi shaming by braigwen_s, evaceratops: Short but hilarious.
The Chess Match Begins by SilverWingedWolf: The relationships between Jedi and clones.
Five Jedi Who Signed the Wall on Mapuzo, and Two that Honored Them by TheSecondBatgirl: The title explains the premise in the best way.
You're Not Flawed Darling (You're just a Little Under Rehearsed) by CombatBootsandDreams: To quote the tags, the Jedi diplomatic corps is intense.
A Little Piece of Home by Maeve_of_Winter: Anakin discovers a new form of moving meditation but worries Obi-Wan won't approve. Quinlan does his best to encourage Anakin to tell him anyway.
shining like a lighthouse from the sky by loosingletters: Rumor has it, if you clean up one of the droids in the temple the day before your Gathering, Anakin Skywalker himself will take you to Ilum. Or: Anakin loses his lightsabers and is absolutely popular with teeny tiny Initiates.
the heart of kyber by outpastthemoat: Stories about lightsabers, masters, and apprentices.
ĺ飽äşĺ? | Have you eaten your fill? by virdant: A collection of fics about food and how food is an articulation of love.
I'm Counting On You by Rivulet07: Not all initiates become Jedi, Mace helps Chirrut find his place.
Being a Jedi by wanderingjedihistorian (RangerJedi67): Scenes, musings and drabbles for Jedi June fan event.
Jedi Parables by Peppermint_Shamrock: Values are often passed down generation to generation through stories, parables, and fables. What stories might the Jedi teach their children?
Five Meditations of Jedi Depa Billaba by skatzaa: What is says on the tin. (Plus one more, for good measure.)
Jedi Culture and Teachings in Canon by gffa: Not a fanfic, exactly, but it's a collection of everything textually said in Disney canon about or by the Jedi Order.
Emotion is our Shared Tongue by virdant: A series of one-shots and fics that explore Jedi language and communication with the Force.
Saber-Assigned Soulmates by inimitability: A slight mishap in the mess hall leads to Obi-Wan giving some very interested troopers a crash courses in lightsabers. Specifically, why some people can pick them up but others can't. Even more specifically, what Jedi erotica holonovels did or didn't get right regarding lightsabers and soulmates.
Shereshoy by SailorSol: This was not how Mace wanted to start his day. Contrary to popular belief, Mace Windu did not actually enjoy being a hardass. But as head of the Order, it was a carefully crafted persona he did his best to maintain anywhere outside of private quarters and behind closed Council doors.
permission to speak by qigiined: Mace is trying his damnedest to file the Temple's taxes among other daily tasks. Plo and the rest of the Jedi Council help and hinder him.
Blogs
There are only so many times I can say "I love this so much, it makes me happy, please know you have filled my head with knowledge and my heart with joy" before it gets repetitive.
gffa: FILLED WITH WONDERFUL THINGS. I would marry this blog if I could. (I'm joking...mostly.)
projediagenda: All kinds of thought-provoking stuff that makes me happy.
ensomniaa: As they put it, nothing but love for the Jedi.
âGet help,â Palpatine said. âYouâre no match for him. Heâs a Sith Lord.â
Obi-Wan turned to look at the Chancellor. â...yes?â he said. âBut heâs also something else â something Iâm surprised youâve forgotten.â
âWhat?â Palpatine asked.
âA politician,â Obi-Wan replied, turning back to Dooku.
Anakin groaned, then sat down.
âHere we go,â he said.
Palpatine blinked, looking from Anakin to Obi-Wan.
â...what do you mean, Anakin?â he asked.
âThis happens sometimes,â Anakin replied. âHow do you think he got his nickname?â
âCount,â Obi-Wan said, at about the same time. âItâs occurred to me that I never actually found out what the Confederacy wants.â
âIsnât it a little late for this?â Dooku asked. âWe have been at war for several years.â
âTrue,â Obi-Wan conceded, readily. âThe war having started on Geonosis, because of tracing back your clone army which we⌠appear to have appropriated, mostly because you did it in our name. But thatâs how the war started â not your objectives.â
Dooku was silent for a moment.
âI assume some semblance of a point will be emerging,â he said, eventually. âIf you could be so kind as to provide it?â
âWars begin for all sorts of reasons,â Obi-Wan replied. âBut how they end⌠they end because a mutual settlement has been reached. And itâs occurred to me that I donât know what youâd want out of a victory.â
He spread his hand, the one not holding the â unlit â saber. âItâs not the conquest of the Republic, I can tell that much. If the CIS annexed the Republic, what youâd have would still be the Republic, just under a different name⌠itâs not the Republic without the corruption thatâs been causing it problems, because most of the corruption in the Republic was â was â the big industrial concerns like the Techno Union, Commerce Guild, Trade Federation. But you seem to have taken all of those off our hands, and they provide essentially your entire military so I donât think anyone else could honestly believe that either.â
âI wouldnât expect a Jedi to understand,â Dooku replied. âThe Confederacyâs member systems have concerns relating to over-centralization.â
Obi-Wan stared at him for a long moment.
â...no they donât,â he said.
âI hardly think you can have earned your reputation as a negotiator, Kenobi, if you are so willing to be insulting,â Dooku said, archly.
âThatâs not what I mean,â Obi-Wan replied. âI mean⌠yes, now the Republic has an army, though really itâs actually the Jediâs army and weâre simply letting them borrow it, but four years ago the Galactic Republic was proverbially incapable of doing anything. It took emergency powers for the Chancellor to get the Republic to authorize having any kind of military whatsoever â and the only one available was the one you ordered. Thatâs not over-centralization.â
He drummed his fingers on his âsaber. âAnd I note that I overheard Nute Gunray insisting on the head of Senator Amidala â literally, in those words â as his price for signing a treaty. But I still havenât heard an actual answer. What does the Galaxy look like if the Confederacy wins?â
Dooku frowned, and after about three seconds Obi-Wan glanced at the Chancellor.
âDidnât you discuss this at any point, your excellency?â he asked. âCount Dooku doesnât seem to have thought about this.â
Palpatine blinked.
â...heâs a Sith Lord,â he repeated. âShouldnât you be fighting him?â
âItâs called diplomacy, Chancellor,â Obi-Wan replied, before returning his attention to Dooku. âGrandmaster, are you seriously telling me that you never thought about what you would do if you won?â
Anakin checked his comlink, for the time, then the ship trembled slightly.
âArtoo?â he asked. âCan you tell those ships outside to stop shooting at us and give us a wide berth? This could take hours and I donât want to find out if my nameâs literal.â
âHours?â Palpatine repeated.
âHeâs rolling,â Anakin replied, rolling his eyes. âLike I say, Iâm used to this.â
He rummaged in a pocket of his robes, taking out a miniature toolkit, and began disassembling his lightsaber. âIâm pretty sure I can retune these crystals to give two stable configurations which itâll snap between, that should give me a length toggle instead of a single adjustable lengthâŚâ
âAre you taking your lightsaber apart?â Palpatine hissed. âWhat if you need to fight?â
âItâs okay, Chancellor, Iâll get about five minutesâ warning if the negotiations are going downhill,â Anakin replied. âThat should be time to put it back together againâŚâ
Palpatine looked up to Obi-Wan, who â sure enough â was still going.
â...of course, a separate but related issue is what itâs going to be like afterwards,â Obi-Wan said. âIn principle the Republic and the Jedi Order could probably accept the existence of Sith so long as we actually knew who they were and they werenât trying to destroy us. Itâs the fact that the first Sith we met in a thousand years tried to run Anakin over and cut Qui-Gonâs head off as an opening move thatâs soured us towards them a bit⌠but are you really going to be content as someone whose whole job is to die for Sidious?â
Dooku stared at Obi-Wan, baffled, then glanced at Palpatine and Anakin.
âWhat do you mean?â he asked, forcing his gaze back to Obi-Wan.
âSidious is your Master, we know that much,â Obi-Wan replied. âPartly because you told me yourself. But has he ever put himself in danger? Or has it all been you dealing with Jedi like myself and my apprentice? Putting yourself out there, in danger, while you do exactly what he says?â
He smiled slightly. âA Jedi would accept that, but youâre a Sith â youâve said so yourself. Sith are self-interested. What do you think your new master is getting out of the situation? Because if you donât know, itâs got to be something and itâs probably something he doesnât want to tell you.â
âMy master is quite willing to put himself in danger,â Dooku said, then clamped his lips shut at a frantic mouthed shut up from Palpatine.
âReal or feigned?â Obi-Wan asked. âDo you think he wouldnât manipulate you? Heâs been doing it to everyone else â youâve said it.â
Dookuâs brow furrowed.
âBut weâre getting off topic,â Obi-Wan said, turning to look at Palpatine. âChancellor, what about this as a starting point? Your emergency powers were granted to resolve the crisis, and Iâm sure you want to abandon them as soon as possible⌠so why not take away the whole reason why the individual systems in the Confederacy had problems with the Republic to begin with? Freely allow the departure of any system which wishes to do so, under the emergency powers legislation; enact a progressive tax, one which hits the Core worlds harder owing to their greater ability to pay, to sustain a carrier based navy able to hunt pirates more effectively than conduct occupations or orbital bombardment, and have the navy established on a sector-federal two-level model?â
Palpatine stared at Obi-Wan for at least ten seconds.
â...heâs a Sith Lord,â he said, yet again.
âOh, shut up,â Dooku replied. âYouâre a Sith Lord and I donât see you doing anything constructive.â
Obi-Wan glanced at Palpatine.
â...you know,â he began. âIâm quite sure youâd need to note that on your financial disclosure forms, your Excellency.â
He turned sideways, so he could see both Dooku and Palpatine at the same time. âWhat was the point of this whole abduction, anyway?â
âAs it happens, I was supposed to kill you,â Dooku said. âItâs the only way to turn Anakin to the Dark Side, if youâre out of the way.â
âHuh?â Anakin asked. âIs something up? Iâve almost got the crystals realigned.â
âThis plan looked a lot better this morning,â Palpatine muttered.
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