We don't talk enough about how so many prospective adoptive parents are themselves dealing with massive trauma, which they have a high risk of then passing that onto their adopted children (if their recovery is unmanaged).
I'm an adoptee and my (estranged) adoptive parents were abusive, themselves abused by their parents. They were only considering adoption because they'd exhausted any other means of having a child (IVF etc.). The trauma of trying to get pregnant and failing was in no way addressed by 2002 (the year I was adopted).
When we think about who is the most likely to adopt, it's mainly heterosexual couples who can't conceive or it's LGBTQ+ couples. The latter of which also deal with massive trauma and abuse due to being queer and wanting to raise a child.
Adoption is often a tragedy - and I'm speaking as a white adoptee. I know a black transracial adoptee who frequently regards their being put up for adoption as a tragedy. The UK is finally introducing therapy support for current adopters and adoptees. But for those of us failed by the system? Now we have lifelong trauma that runs deep.
We need to change the way adoption is viewed. It's not a last resort when you can't have kids of your own. It should be seen as an equal to biological children from the get-go.
