If you need me, I'll be rowing my boat gently down the stream.

I'm looking forward to a vast, unnamable emptiness with you.

Sometimes it smells like gasoline when I’m lying down.

I went in to get a vasectomy and they tried to charge me for a circumcision.

I wish my teeth were made of skin.

I yawned so hard that I got in trouble with the law.

You lose a lot of blood when you menstruate so please be sure to replenish yourself by eating a ton of mosquitos.

I’m looking for a couple’s bidet where you sit facing your partner and you can control each other’s water pressure.

Which hand lotion is the most delicious?

I'll never be a monkey's uncle. I can promise you that.

I can't wait for my precious beans.

I’m looking for hair care products that smell exactly like beef jerky.

My areolas are acting up again.

I’m sorry for being so dumb.

I put a little bit of powdered gravy mix in my water bottle each time I fill it up so I can enjoy the taste of thin, savory gravy throughout the day. It helps me stay hydrated. There’s no way I’d drink enough water without my powder.

Do yourself a favor and don't look at anything.

Farts should be visible like they are in cartoons. I should be able to see little green clouds coming out of people's butts. This was another huge misstep on God's part.