in the right eyes you will be art

Whilst you are pregnant, you may want to take time off. But, if you are like me, as I suspect you probably are, the adventurer’s life stops for nothing and no one; not even when you’re growing an entirely new being.

After 4 pregnancies on the job, here’s some knowledge I have amassed.

Your blood is extremely valuable and tasty to various beings and creatures, you will want to brush up on your protection charms and technique.

If you dabble in spellwork, your blood will give everything you do a boost.

Never offer your blood as payment to the shadows or their puppets.

Never sign your firstborn over, I mean ethically you shouldn’t sign any of your children over, but firstborns have a sacred magic.

Newly pregnant? You already smell stronger (hormones are fun) and you’ll only get more unwanted attention the bigger you get; wearing a satchel of strong smelling plants will do you good.

And YOUR nose is getting keener as well, the strong smelling plants won’t smell nice to you at all (but you’d rather stay alive, yeah?)

It is a very good idea to call in your favors, hopefully you’ve made some good friends and business partners on your travels.

Always carry silver and iron on you, in whatever way pleases you, and know who to use it on.

Music is your friend, as well as your little one’s.

Morning sickness is a bitch and, contrary to the name, also happens ALL DAY, keep loads of ginger tea stocked up.

You will be nauseous and hungry at the same time, especially during your first trimester, keep snackies (and healthy ones, though I know the personal struggle of craving copious amounts of nachos in the middle of a jungle)(12-16):

Dates are good for keeping your iron levels up.

Granola-based mixes are easy and you can add so many things!

You can never go wrong with berries.

Garlic is really good, but not a lot, it’s a natural vasodilator; you could bleed out.

Honey is okay, as long as it’s pasteurized.

Sleeping is generally not comfy while adventuring, even less so while pregnant, invest in a good maternity pillow (I would say that even if you stayed at home though).

Adventuring away from your family doctor or midwife is no excuse, don’t you dare shirk your checkups, find one in every town you get to.

A pregnant woman has long been a symbol of a bridge between the spiritual and physical, that is still true.

If you possess psychic abilities, these will probably strengthen, the veil may permanently lift whilst you carry and even some time after you give birth.

If this happens, I advise you stay away from places where a lot of death permanently resides, don’t go searching for vampires and don’t take strolls through cemeteries.

If you begin to see auras around people and beings, stay far far away from yellow and pink.

Pick up white feathers for protection, cleanse them with willow smoke, rinse them with moonwater, and wear them about your head.

If birds start appearing in your weirdo pregnancy dreams (oh those are coming, I promise) pay attention and write down every detail you can remember, especially the type of bird.

Go to a dream shaman you trust and get them translated.

Whilst you are pregnant, your appeals will be favored by fertility deities and you will be welcomed and protected in whatever place of worship is dedicated to them, even if you don’t worship them (also, besides home or the hospital, there’s like no better place to give birth, they are very professional).

The fae have a little known law that if a woman carrying a son enters their forest olde, she is to be fed; but be careful, it doesn’t specify what to feed her, not all fae will favor you little mother.

The life you carry is a massive well of destiny, as such, your aura will change whilst you carry and you may react differently to totems and magics that you once could use with ease.

Last bit, very important, read carefully: nothing protects a young mother more than her tribe; find your tribe.

I wish you the best of luck, sisters.

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Your house is big. It looks the same as all the other houses in the neighborhood. Has it always? Don’t think too hard about it, you will find things in your memory you don’t want to.

Ask the tiktok boy with ripped jeans and bleached hair for assistance, if needed. What he will give may not be what you need, but it is what you want.

The group of skinny pilates moms clad in pink never stops running. You shouldn’t either.

You haven’t eaten in weeks, maybe years. Do not tell your father that you are hungry or his smile might have too many teeth when he replies.

Your neighbor is having a Sunday barbecue. Do not go if the family has not audibly fought for at least a month. Ideally, the shouting should begin the morning of said barbecue.

Keep holy water in a hydro flask. It won’t do anything, but it might be comforting.

Blend in at all times. If you do not, they will see and they will not be pleased.

If there are cranberries in the salad, that is not your mother.

At one point, there was more than hard-packed dirt and neat grass in your lawn. Do not change this, or it may invite danger into your house. Acceptable additions include a small inflatable pool and a trampoline. Perhaps a plastic playset, as long as you guard it every waking and sleeping hour.

If your younger sibling no longer smiles, get them help from the blonde girl who sometimes lives at the end of the cul de sac. You may be able to save them.

If you find your original fingernails, ignore them and leave them where they are.

Ignore the faces outside of the neighboorhood. Soon they’ll just be part of the scenery.

If you need to leave, leave at 2am when the world hasn’t quite loaded in yet. It will be easier.

Bring your phone with you everywhere for navigation, but if you have a nightmare that you are being strangled by tongues, smash it and do not replace it.

The neighborhood never ends. Just keep going. Take a vehicle or you may be stuck for an indeterminate amount of time.

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Get a cat, but let the cat choose you. They can see what you don’t. Also, don’t go into the back alone. They don’t like newcomers.

Buy your cat food, bowls, a collar (preferably with a bell) toys, a bed, and a scratching post. When buying this stuff, ask for Allen. He knows what each cat needs for a successful hunt.

Leave your kitty cat alone and allow them to explore. They need to sniff out the problem areas of your house.

When you are off to bed, turn your lights off. The light hinders their ability to catch the demon.

If you hear running and shuffling outside your door, do not be alarmed. Your cat is chasing away the demon.

If you hear meowing outside of the door, that means that your cat has had a successful hunt. When opening the door, do not look down the dark hallway. You might meet eyes with the strays. They don’t like eye contact.

Quickly shut your door and make your way to bed. Allow your kitty to do as it pleases.

Enjoy the presence of your new kitty. :)

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With January, only honesty is ensured. Come as you are; if you don’t, they will rip away everything you aren’t. Their embrace is cold, but they can only take so much warmth from you before the two of you are one and the same. It is a relief like nothing else. Don’t get hung up on it when they leave.

February says very little, so hold onto the words she does say. Write them down, save them. She is fascinated by the things you do, the things you never notice. When you feel her hold your hand, pause and breathe until she’s gone. She’s gone so quickly. You miss January. Stop missing January.

March is not quick to make friends. Try as you might, as the weeks pass on, you will not find him if you look. He will find you, and he will approach so quietly, you’ll hardly hear him. He has one word to tell you, one very important word, and you probably won’t like it. But don’t tell that to his face, assuming you ever see it. He is damageable just like you.

April wants to take you far away from winter. She grabs you right by the wrist and pulls you into her bright and buzzing world. It’s exhilarating just to be with her. She guides you along, she speaks the rhythm, the chain of command. It’s a dance designed for forgetting the stillness of winter. Join her. You won’t forget.

May tries harder than anyone else has to make you forget. They offer you all manner of wines and sweets and each one is better than the last. You’re satiated for the first time that you can recall. Everything is beautiful. All your needs are met. You miss the feeling of needing something. Drink as much wine as you want, but it won’t go away.

June gets it. June keeps telling you he gets it. June’s air is frantic with the pull of summer. It swarms your head. You miss January. Stop missing January. God, you miss January. January took a piece of you and now June is hurriedly rearranging all your other pieces in an attempt to fill you back in. Tell him to stop before you become unrecognizable. When he leaves, you will have no idea how to put yourself back.

July carries you across the shore. You’re bleeding; from the empty spaces time has left in you some kind of blood is falling. July holds you, as you hover over sleep. He knows not where he is going; August calls from no one place and he drifts out to meet her. You see the many places time has reached. Out of the corner of your eye, you see the blurs of places it hasn’t. Let your eyes close for a while. You need to rest.

August keeps your eyes locked with hers. You wander in some sort of fog, the heat pulling you away from the ground in waves that twist your vision. You see August. Everywhere you look, you see her. Every sound, every smell, every good and warm feeling becomes August. January exists only as a pang of guilt in your stomach. You are hopelessly August’s. Don’t fight it. Not that you would.

September holds your arm with an unspoken ferocity before August can walk away with you into times unknown. It is not cold, but you shiver. Nothing fits in your field of vision. But they take good care of you. Wonderful care. You’d much rather fall in love with September. You can’t seem to make it happen. Don’t give up. Don’t give up. Don’t give up.

Your eyes blink and October has taken their place. You’re ready, he says. He takes you by the hand and brings you back home—except this isn’t home. It is where you have lived all your life but it isn’t home anymore. October lets you crash at his place and tells good jokes. It all bounces right off the surface, maybe making an entertaining ripple but nothing more. It starts to get cold again. Your thoughts run away from you. October doesn’t know how to fix this. Neither do you. Don’t give up.

November watches you closely. She doesn’t say much. She knows what lies ahead and doesn’t want to tell you. You see indifference in her. She wants only to let you heal. You fall inside yourself. Your stomach feels like it’s shattered, and you don’t know how to fix it, only how to watch it fall apart. You feel like a turbulent mess and the world around you is only getting slower. You miss January. You miss January so bad you could hurt something. The shattered pieces inside you are sharp. Take one, hold it in your shaking hands. Look kindly at November. Watch how she says nothing, out of fear.

December can’t do anything for you. Time has frozen, January is an eternity away, and December can’t be January no matter how hard they try. They can’t heal you; their touch is too coarse. They can’t fix you; you’re missing the most important piece. They can’t take you back to January; January is far in the past and the future has dropped off like a cliff. But they can see what you have been through. And they can feel the pain of the frostbite setting in. And they can hold you, closer and closer every second, as tears of their own hit your flesh like ice, and you grow colder and colder, and colder still, pulling you further and darker down, until deep down you two are one and the same.

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You will be cold

You will wake up screaming, you all do.

Your entire body will throb, the pain will eventually subside; being brought back is never a painless task.

Do not get up immediately, you will be nauseous and your body will need time to readjust to this realm.

Ask for more blankets, you will feel very cold.

You will not remember how you died, do not ask.

Do not ask the practitioner how they performed the ritual, this is considered bad luck and you will not last long.

Your loved ones will be ecstatic to have you back, consider this a blessing.

Thank the practitioner and let them be on their way, if they do not look you in the eye consider this a bad omen.

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