Wardayk_Gerblin

The great things about girls is that there are so many kinds!

(I initially imagined this as the cast, plus Kaufmo and Ribbit, getting to dress Jax up. Try to guess who's pick is who's!)

As for Caine's pick...

AKA "Gotham has a new vigilante, Eidolon: a phantom, spirit, or spectral double of a living or dead person. The batfam are absolutely not adopting this one." Or: how to acquire a new family member in 3 steps.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

This is definitely a trap.

A batburger - double beef patty, extra sauce, smelling like heaven - sits innocently on the ledge beside a stone-faced Batman. The vigilante is staring dutifully out towards the city... ignoring the burger, folded carefully out of its paper prison, beside him. Suspicious. Danny squints at Batman, the burger, back at Batman, back at the burger.

Then snatches it off the ledge and crams half of it into his mouth. And it is heavenly - tomatoes, lettuce, onion, beef, sauce, lightly toasted bun. Danny's immediately devastated when he's finished it. Only for Batman to pull out a box of night-nuggets and jokerized fries and nudge it towards him. And, well, Danny's cover is already blown. He shoves a handful of fries into his mouth.

Batman clears his throat. His voice is deep, raspy, oddly reminiscent of Lady Gotham but with a deeper timbre. "Thank you."

Danny nearly chokes on the night-nuggets, startled when Batman turns slightly so Danny's no longer just in his peripherals.

"You've been following us, helping when you think we won't notice. And while we appreciate it, you aren't trained like we are. Gotham isn't safe, especially not for metahumans. We know you mean well, Eidolon, but you need to stop - if not for your own safety, then for the people you could accidentally hurt." Batman's tone is surprisingly soft, almost apologetic. Danny crinkles the paper bag woefully empty of fries and stares at his hands. The gnawing ache of hunger is replaced by his core, adamantly refusing. Protect, protect, protect, it screams.

"I can't." Danny doesn't really know when his invisibility drops. But right here, Batman's soft voice sounding all too much like when his dad says I'm sorry, Dann-o, your mom and I wanted to make it but... it makes him feel like a helpless teenager who's in a situation he can't control and doesn't know what to do about it. He is. "I'm sorry. I never wanted to bother or hurt anybody. I never... asked for this. To be like this."

Every time something upset the resurrected man, he would start yelling at Bruce—harping on what a bad father he was, pointing out his communication issues, and all the rest. And every time, Bruce would just tell him to stop being impossible to reason with, to quit using lethal ammo, and a few other things.

Honestly, the halfa was just a breath away from heading to his room to wait out the storm with everyone else; however, the last thing Jason shouted made his blood boil and stopped him dead in his tracks.

"Right, as always, you look down on the failure I was, and you won't accept me as I am because you're a loveless hypocrite!" That was what the gang leader had screamed.

"Funny," Danny said—his voice quiet, yet carrying enough volume and weight to cut through the argument and draw both men's attention to him. "Funny you say that, Jasass. You know what I've seen since I got here? You acting like an idiot."

"Shut up, you don't have the right—" "Heh, don't have the right? Don't have the right to what? To want something you're too blind to see? To tell you that you're being an idiot?"

"Don't compare me!"

"Compare you?! HAHAHA, don't make me laugh! I'm not comparing you; I'm just telling you to stop acting like an idiot! You know why I'm telling you this? BECAUSE BRUCE NEVER SAW YOU AS A FAILURE! He never has. And the reason he's so hard on you about the guns? Because he doesn't want you to become the very thing he swore to stop! He's trying to keep you from becoming the reason someone else has to put on the cape in this damn city.

Even if they don't know how to say it, it’s obvious how much he loves and accept you, and how he try to help you realize that you're being an idiot right now"

Jason scoffed. "You only know what you've been told! You crawled in here like the low-life bastard you are! What could you possibly know?"

"Know about what? Seeing what's right in front of me? Knowing that Bruce is at least trying? That he learned from his mistakes and tries to be what you need without becoming a hindrance? You want to talk about negligence? About not noticing things? About not trying? I died in the damn basement of my own house, murdered by my parents' masterpiece—something that forced my sister to grow up at the age of five. Do you know what they did? You want to know what they did? Well, I don't care what you want, because I'm going to tell you anyway"

"THEY PUSHED ME IN TO CELEBRATE THE FACT THAT THEIR PORTAL WAS MIRACULOUSLY WORKING." Silence reigned for a few seconds.

""Oh, yes, darling, I see you hurt yourself. I told you not to play around; go put a Band-Aid on it. Dad and I have so much science to do! We have to catch a specimen and take it apart molecule by molecule to study it. isn't that exciting? Stop being dramatic; it was just a little electric jolt. You look fine. Jack, dear! Call the Nobel committee! They have to recognize us at last!" he moked the Fentons.

Danny's eyes were filled with a whirlwind of emotions; and not only thatBruce, Tim, and Damian watched as the hand bearing the electrical scar began to turn red and swell.

"Bruce told you not to go; Bruce tried to get there in time; BRUCE CARRIED YOU AND BURIED YOU! … And do you want to know the worst part? My parents loved me… I knew they loved me, but they loved the idea of ​​exterminating the race I now belong to even more."

Danny let out a few breaths to steady his emotions; amidst the shouting and admissions, he had frosted over a large part of the kitchen, and he could feel that at least two chandeliers were on the verge of an electrical overload.

"Tim… how long did it take Bruce to notice Jason wasn't in his grave? How long did he mourn?" the new kid demanded to know.

"It took him a month and a half to realize it, and he launched a worldwide hunt for Jason's body. He was Batman—even out of the suit—searching desperately. And as for mourning… the worst phase lasted two and a half years," came the matter-of-fact reply from the boy who had witnessed it all.

"Three years. It took my parents three years to realize their son was dead. Three years of them shooting at me, of them talking at dinner about how they’d vivisect me the moment they caught me… three years of me being stupid, careless, and far too obviously not entirely alive, and they never noticed. The worst part? When Jazz asked rhetorically what they’d do if one of us died prematurely, they said: 'Study them, obviously.' I wasn't mourned; I have no grave. No one cried for me or remembered me. And to rub salt in the wound? The site of my death was desecrated in the name of 'scientific merit'. AND IT WAS FUKING MAD SIENCE! nothing of what they did was etical or sientifyc metod"

"Three years, and they only realized it because I told them. Yeah, it’s true I’m here because Bruce messed up back in the day—and I shouldn't have had to come here—but… what other choice did I have? Ending up tortured by the people who were supposed to love me? Being revived just to be studied and tortured all over again? Going to my damn godfather, who just wanted to groom me until I became the perfect image of the son he and my mother never had? I’m not saying you had it easy, but that’s no reason to keep acting like an idiot and failing to see that Bruce is actually doing everything for you."

Frozen tears streamed down the dark-haired boy's cheeks; he looked increasingly pale, his breathing growing ragged.

"You have ten minutes to get dressed and grab whatever you can from the Cave… I can't hold the power back anymore. No-it's not that I'm going to wreck the place on purpose; I just can't control the power surge anymore…"

Jason sighed, not knowing what to say or do. And to think he used to believe his own Pit induced episodes were bad.

He would give him space. That was all.

A USB drive appeared in his hand in the blink of an eye, and a quick glance to the side told him why. "I think… I should have given you this a long time ago. It’s… everything Bruce, Dick, and Alfred did while you were gone, and everything they did once they found out you were back… plus stuff Tucker (Danny’s friend)sent me. Everything He just said? That’s only the tip of the iceberg." With that, Tim ran off likely to finish getting ready to head out as Red Robin in under ten minutes.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.---.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.--.--.--.---.-.--.--.-.--.-.--.-.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Dawn found Jason sitting in front of a computer, gazing up at the sky, with the shadows of tears on the floor.

Danny was right.

He was an idiot.

The proof was undeniable: Bruce had always loved him.

And he still did.

It wasn't that he was allergic to emotions; he just didn't know how to interpret them with other people, given how he’d grown up—and possibly due to some unspecified diagnosis.

Jason had a lot of therapy ahead of him, and far too many things to talk about and apologize for.

He picked up his phone to ask Alfred about the specter's favorite dish, only to find a message from Damian.

´The intensity of the argument caused Daniel’s death mark to flare up again. According to the guide Jazz gave us, this is normal—a sign of an episode similar to PTSD.´

Fuck.

He’d really screwed up this time.

Not only had he let the heat of the moment get the better of him and said incredibly hurtful things, but he’d apparently triggered a severe PTSD episode in the ghost.

He really had been an idiot since he got back, hadn't he? To think it took pushing a kid to the brink of something even worse than a PTSD episode for him to finally see that he was the only one seeing flaws.

To realize that Bruce had always loved him. He just hadn't known how to say it.

Jason sighed.

He owed the kid, and the old bat, more than just a simple apology.

His phone chimed with another notification.

'Daniel’s death anniversary is in two days. Father wants us all here. Daniel is going to relive it all as if it were a time loop. Alfred is asking for supplies to treat electrical burns and temporary blindness.´

Damn it. If that little argument had caused his scar to flare up… he didn't know if they could survive watching the kid die all over again. This time from a non existent electric shock.

Jason sighs. He’d be there simply because he owed it to him, and… because a part of him wanted to know if the new little bird had truly suffered more than he had.

The Watchtower is… a lot.

Danny floats in through the teleporter a few inches off the ground, hands shoved into his pockets like he’s trying very hard to look unimpressed.

He’s not.

He’s just not giving Batman the satisfaction.

Because yeah.

That’s Batman.

Great.

Cool.

Totally normal.

“Danny Phantom,” Batman says, voice calm and unreadable. “Thank you for accepting the League’s invitation.”

“Mm,” Danny hums. “Still deciding if that was a good idea.”

Flash snorts.

Superman smiles politely.

Wonder Woman nods.

Everything is going fine.

Everything is—

Danny freezes.

There’s a shift in the room.

Not visible.

Not audible.

But wrong.

His eyes snap across the room.

Lock.

Target acquired.

A man in red.

Lightning emblem.

Cape.

Power—ancient. Loud. Crackling like thunder wrapped in divinity.

But underneath—

Danny squints.

“…Okay,” he says slowly. “I’ve got a question.”

Batman immediately doesn’t like that.

“Go on.”

Danny points.

Directly.

“Soooo… does this universe not have child labor laws?”

Silence.

Flash chokes.

Green Lantern turns away, shoulders shaking.

“Excuse me?” Batman asks.

Wonder Woman steps forward. “We do not allow children in the League.”

Danny doesn’t blink.

“I am looking at a child right now.”

He points harder.

“That is a child.”

Captain Marvel straightens, clearly offended.

“You must be mistaken—”

“…That kid hasn’t even hit puberty yet.”

Flash wheezes.

“What? No,” Flash says. “We’ve got records going back centuries—”

“Exactly!” Captain Marvel jumps in.

Batman is staring now.

Danny tilts his head.

“No,” he says slowly. “His magic is ancient.”

Beat.

“But he’s practically a toddler.”

“A toddler?!” Marvel blurts. “I’m ten and a—”

The universe stops.

“…half,” he finishes weakly.

Silence.

Batman turns.

Slowly.

“Marvel.”

Batman (taken back): You have contingencies dedicated to me?

Jim: Yes... Are you mad?

Batman excused himself, walking a few feet away.

Red Robin: He's refusing to show it, but he's actually glad you consider him such a good friend.

Jim (surprised): Oh... Okay. This isn't even the weirdest reaction I've gotten from him.

So he just grow up wirh his adoptive parents, things happens. And so... afther a good reveal mixed with tears and hugs, the ovservants tried again to kill danny but it ended with his parents dead, and a prety angry clockwork and pandora.

Clockwork just toke the little halfa and the rest of his fraidz opened a portal to the house of his grandaugther, let the 5 kids on the couch, sees Diana and goes:

"Here have free childrens with extra trauma and heorics tales" he paused rhe time so she can see a resume of the kids adventures, "If you need me or need to talk to me use this bell. Im gona be super bussy traying to fix the timeline" and after a bit, "oh by te way. Those 2? Are your's. The boy is clone of you, the girl is clone of him. and the 5 of them are ready to get in thw field.. beed a litte bit of formal trainig but anyway. Gtg" and he just, unoaused time and jumped to another portal.

Diana just saw the brusied kids that are just staring at her with diferent emotions on thise eyes.

Yep. Those are her little warrios. Her gods gift to her! Thise are her childrens! She will let lose the staby robin on anoye that says otherside.

DPXPJO

It started with a late night ghost fight followed by a pre-dawn bus ride.

We'll technically it started with a Birthday gift. It came late as his parents always were with anything not ghost related. An admittance fourm for space camp and a bright orange NASA hoodie.

Fast forward a few months and an exhausted Danny was on a red-eye to New York. He was also still healing a few burns from Skullker's newest weapon.

So can anyone really blame him for sleepily following the first teen he heard mention Apollo wearing the same bright orange as him? Who else would be talking about a spacecraft while wearing such a garish colour if not a fellow camper.

He has a few fuzzy memories about the other teens asking if this is his first year at camp and worrying about how tired he was. How oddly understanding they had been when he 'joked' about a late night fight taking the life outta him. Something about a weird tree and sinking through a not green ghost shield like jello.

Next thing he knows he's awkwardly staring down a centaur in the most aggressive camp circle he's ever seen.

"Well this isn't space camp..." Danny muttered.

"How did you get through the barrier? What are your intentions?" The half horse demanded.

"It's always "Who are you?", "What are you doing here?" And the screaming and the weapons..." Danny whined with a sigh, "Can't it ever be, "Hey there fellow non human, you look like you could use a nap and some food"... No one believes in wholesome hospitality anymore..." the teen trails off.

"Apologies for the weariness, we have never had our barrier respond like that before. Usually you either ARE a halfblood or you AREN'T."

"Oh well I'm definitely half something." Danny snorted. "I don't suppose we can chalk this all up to a 'whoopsy daisies' and let me meander my way to space camp..." Danny bargained while backing up to the weird not ghost shield. He pouted once he hit a solid force instead of the jelly surface he had just gone through.

"Sadly once you are though the barrier, the only way out is to be given a quest or return home at the end of summer." The centaur explained.

"Oh, that's fine! I'm on a quest! A quest to get to space camp!" Danny declared and tried once more to sink through the barrier, even going so far as to try his intangibility. However he only managed to warp the barrier about a foot before he was flung back a few meters. There was a green sticky note on his forehead when he sat up.

There will always be time for space camp. Have fun with your new relatives SON. :)

~CW / Kronos

"Yeah... that smile is a threat." Danny Mumbled as he looked up to the field full of whatever half bloods were. Some were obvious, like the half goats and the half horse, the leafy people were probably half plant. He couldn’t be sure about all of the human looking people though.

He watched as all of them lowered their weapons and seemed to pale, even the previously unamused man with a diet cola can. They were all staring at him like he'd just kicked a box of kittens into a well. Some kept glancing from him to just above him and back in awe.

Hesitantly Danny looked up to see a neon green hourglass glowing above his head. An hourglass filled with grain and embossed with a scythe.

"He's been claimed by Kronos!" Someone exclaimed.

"How is that possible?" Another muttered and suddenly the shocked silence was broken and the crowd was all talking over one another with questions and denials.

Robin: Hello.

(The Justice League stares.)

Flash: ...He's tiny.

Robin: I am average height for my age.

Green Lantern: Sorry, it's just—we expected... I don't know, taller?

Robin: Your expectations are irrelevant.

Flash: Oh.

Green Lantern: Oh, he's got Batman's personality.

Batman: Unfortunately.

Robin: Excuse me?

Superman: It's nice to meet you, Robin.

Robin: I am aware.

Superman: ...

Wonder Woman: You remind me of someone.

Green Lantern: How old are you?

Robin: Old enough to defeat you.

Green Lantern: That's... not what I asked.

Robin: It is, however, the correct answer.

Flash: I like him.

Batman: Don't encourage him.

Flash: Too late.

Flash: So what's your favorite part about being Robin?

Robin: Correcting Father.

Batman: Damian.

Robin: For example, yesterday Father said, "We'll only be gone an hour."

Flash: And?

Robin: We returned six hours later.

Batman: It was an estimate.

Robin: It was a lie.

Green Lantern: Oh my God.

Superman: He's keeping score?

Robin: There is a spreadsheet.

Batman: There is not.

Robin: There are three.

Robin: One is color-coded.

Flash: TIM MADE THOSE, DIDN'T HE?

Robin: Obviously.

Batman: We're moving on.

Aquaman: Wait, there are multiple Robins?

Robin: There have been.

Green Lantern: How many?

Batman: ...

Flash: Bats?

Batman: Enough.

Robin: Four, technically five.

Green Lantern: FIVE?

Robin: Grayson, Todd, Drake, Brown, and now myself.

Flash: Wait, there have been five Robins?

Robin: Correct.

Green Lantern: Spooky, you've just been collecting children.

Batman: That's not—

Superman: Bruce.

Batman: ...

Batman: It's more complicated than that.

Robin: It is not.

Batman: Damian-

Robin: Father encountered emotionally compromised children and reacted by giving them capes.

Wonder Woman: ...

Flash: That's... honestly the best description I've ever heard.

Green Lantern: I thought Robins were chosen through some impossible test.

Robin: They are.

Green Lantern: Really?

Robin: Father must look at you and think, "I can fix that."

Batman: That's enough.

Robin: Thus far, he has been incorrect.

Batman: ...

Batman: Next agenda item.

Flash: HE'S NOT DENYING IT.

Green Lantern: Batman's superpower is aggressive adoption.

Batman: Green Lantern.

Green Lantern: I'm just saying, most people see a traumatized kid and call a therapist.

Flash: Bruce sees one and goes, "Have you considered vigilantism?"

Batman: That is not how it happened.

Robin: It happened multiple times.

Robin: Six, if you count Signal.

Flash: SIX?!

Batman: We are ending this discussion.

Superman, smiling: Welcome to the League, Robin.

Robin: Thank you.

Superman: It's good to have you here.

Robin: Tt

(A brief silence.)

Flash: Aw.

Green Lantern: Did... did Batman just raise a polite child?

Batman: No.

Robin: Green Lantern, your ring constructs lack creativity, your combat stance is inefficient, and your haircut is deeply unfortunate.

(Another silence.)

Green Lantern: There he is.

Wes: - and like, clearly Batman is Bruce Wayne-

Bernard, throwing his PowerPoint on the table: Excuse you, Batman is secretly Mothman! Bruce Wayne, meanwhile, is part of a super secret society-

Wes, drily: you mean The Justice League?

Bernard, ignoring him: -and Tim promised to bring me to one of their meetings-

Tim: I did what now? Babe, how many times do I have to tell you that Bruce is just a normal idiot with too much money-?

Bernard&Wes: *scoffs before going back to arguing*

Danny: you’re dating your conspiracy theorist? Seriously?

From what I remember Cass is typically stated as being a rather private person. On top of that I can see Danny, having dealt with Vlad for so long, would want exactly nothing to do with fame or fortune.

Danny finds out he's a clone of one of the Gotham vigilantes, thanks to a random lore drop from his parents.

Problem is, he doesn't know which one, since his parents didn't remember or make a note of it, and the ectoplasm his DNA was dunked in upon half-dying makes any kind of blood work totally corrupted.

He's managed to narrow it down by excluding whichever vigilantes didn't appear until after his birth (creation? birth), but that still leaves too many to make much difference.

Still, he keeps a closer eye on news about Gotham's vigilantes, he's making comparisons, finding similarities, noting differences, between all of them and himself.

With his template being a vigilante but not knowing which, it's hard to attribute these observations to being a template thing, a vigilante thing, or a Danny thing.

He could spend all day analyzing masked faces for any shred of familiarity, but he's already having an identity crisis, and he has better ways to spend his time and bigger things to worry about. So the clone flavored crisis can sit in the back of his mind and wait its turn.

Bruce: We took Ace to the groomers two days ago.

Damian, scowling: Then maybe-

Alfred: Titus and Alfred were also taken last week.

Damian: Richard-

Dick: I'm not letting you take Haley to the groomers so you can oggle the new guy. She went last week.

Duke: Why don't you just go up to him and have a normal conversation?

Tim: Because Daniel is so "pretty" Damian looses all ability to speak- Ack! Hey you almost hit me!

Damian: Tsk I missed.

Dick: Yet you didn't deny it.

Damian: *glares down at his hands*

Tim, sighing: Fine, I'll help you out this one time. You and I both have friends that happen to have a certain white kind of canine in common.

Damian: *perks up*

----2 Hours Later----

Damian: *walks into the grooming Salon with a tight grip on a wagging Krypto. he looks around the salon and watches Danny through the window where hes finishing up a groom*

Danny, covered in fluff as he talks to a Husky: Look how much better you look now! Such a handsome boy huh?

Husky, wagging: Awooo!

Coworker, smirking: Danny, your new regular is here.

Danny: *perks up and looks out the window before waving at Damian. After putting the Husky up, he walks out* Hey Damian, another referral?

Damina: Uuh yeah- Yes! This is Krypto, he is owned by my friend's cousin, but no groomers around them will accept Krypto.

Danny: Why not? He's seems like such a sweet dog! *crouched down and Krypto happily pounces on him, sending them to the floor* Bit stronger than most other Labrador, huh?

Damian: Ah, yes he's a Meta Animal so..

Danny: Say no more! We'll give it a shot! *easily pushes Krypto off of him and stands up* You gonna stick around to watch?

Damian, instantly: Yes! *clears throat* Please.

Danny, laughing as he takes Krypto's leash: With how enthusiastic you are, you should come here to apprentice as a groomer. I would be happy to show you the ropes myself. *pulls Krypto away from another dog effortlessly*

Damian, swallowing: yes please...

----3 hours later----

Bruce: So, how was Daniel~

Damian: He handled Krypto with ease, and offered to train me.

Bruce, looking up: You are a medical student?

Damian: I am aware, so instead, on weekends I shall double as a dog grooming assistant.

Bruce: ...You can't be serious?

Damian: Daniel Fenton is really pretty, and really, really strong.

Nightwings: Hold on, there's a civilian running around. Early twenties, black hair, super pale and kind of sickly lookin. He looks panicked, like hes looking for something or someone, I'm going to check in, in case its a child.

Nightwing: Excuse me sir, are you alright?

Danny, pressing a hand to his chest in pain: So-Someone broke into my-my appartment when I was at work and-and they left the door open, and now I can't find Mittens!

Red Robin, over comms: Seriously? All this drama over a cat?

Red Hood, over comms: Who actually names their cat "Mittens"?

Oracle, over comms: You two are so stupid.

Robin, over comms: I agree, shut up. This is serious, that poor animal could be injured.

Nightwing, helps Danny sit on a nearby bench: Hey its alright man. I'll have the others keep an eye out for her okay? What does your kitten look like.

Danny, releived: Mittens isn't a kitten, shes a puppy, really tiny girl. She's a Bully Kutta, and she's mostly white but has black unclipped ears and some black splotches- here I have a-a picture. *pulls out his phone with shakey hands and shows Nightwing a picture of Danny and Mittens in their new appartment, Mittens goes up past his hips*

Nightwing, stunned into silence: . . .

Red Robin, over comms: That is "tiny" to him?!

Robin, over comms: Stunning.

Oracle: Found him. Daniel Fenton moved to Gotham with his Service Dog in Training, Mittens, two months ago. He works at Gotham's Space Museum, and writes Parnormal Fiction stories on the side, and he apprentantly visits Middle schools to do presentations. Mittens is 15months old and is set to graduate very soon. She has high praise from all her trainers, but it seems Danny's employers at the Museum are pushing against him bringing her to work once she graduates, Danny seems to be fighting with them about it a lot. Jerks.

Batman, over comms: What does he need her for?

Oracle, over comms: Heart problems, and mobility issues caused by an accident when he was a teenager, as well as Anxiety, and PTSD. A lot of his file is sealed because he was a minor when it happened, I can snoop more?

Batman, over comms: No, that amount is fine.

Nightwing: Well, the others know, and will keep an eye out for her. You're still shaking pretty bad, how about I see you home.

Danny: I appreciate it. I'm sorry for keeping you back, being a hero is- seems like an exhausting job.

Nightwing, joking: You speak from experience?

Danny, eyes distant: No, I was never a hero.

Robin, over comms: Mittens spotted near the Museum!

Nightwing: Hey, Robin said he spotted Mittens near the Museum.

Danny: She went looking for me, of course she did. If she won't go to Robin by name, have him call her "Vöttr", I'm the only one that ever calls her that, so it will catch her attention.

Nightwing, nodding: Robin call her Votter.

Red Robin, over comms: Old Norse?

Nightwing, eyebrow raised: Old Norse?

Danny, shrugging: Its a hobby.

Robin, over comms and sounding very excited: Target secure. . . . May I pet her?

Nightwing, snorts: Robin wants to know if he can pet her.

Danny, amused: As much as they want, as long as I get her back.

Robin, over comms: Understood, we will reconvene at Fenton's appartment.

Nightwing: Hah that kid. He said he'll meet us at your place if thats okay.

Danny: Sounds good, I'm just happy that I didn't loose her.

Blackbat, over comms: Sad, remorse, upset.

Red Robin, over comms: He does seem interesting.

Batman, over comms: Hmm.

(His phone buzzes.)

Bruce: ...

(He silences it.)

Diana: Everything alright?

Bruce: Yes.

Hal: You're lying.

Bruce: I am.

Barry: Who's calling Batman during a Justice League meeting?

Bruce: It's nothing.

(The phone immediately starts ringing again.)

Bruce: ...

Clark: You should probably answer it.

Bruce: They'll stop.

(The phone stops ringing.)

Bruce: See?

(It starts ringing a third time.)

Bruce: ...

Arthur: That sounds urgent.

Bruce: It isn't.

J'onn: Batman.

Bruce: J'onn.

J'onn: Your heartbeat indicates resignation, not concern.

Bruce: Correct.

Hal: Oh, now I really want to know who's calling.

(The phone rings a fourth time.)

Bruce: Excuse me.

(He answers.)

Bruce: What.

Seven voices at once: BRUCE!!

Bruce: Why are you yelling?

Dick: JASON STARTED A FIRE!

Jason: I DID NOT!

Steph: HE ABSOLUTELY DID!

Jason: IT'S BARELY A FIRE!

Tim: THAT IS NOT HOW FIRES WORK!

Damian: Todd has committed arson.

Jason: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!

Cass: Big fire.

Duke: Like... really big fire.

Bruce: ...

Bruce: Define "big."

Jason: That's subjective.

Bruce: Jason.

Jason: Bigger than a toaster.

Tim: It's in the kitchen.

Bruce: Jason.

Jason: The old kitchen.

Bruce: ...

Bruce: What happened to the kitchen?

Jason: Depends who you ask.

Steph: IT EXPLODED.

Jason: "Exploded" is a strong word.

Tim: THE OVEN IS IN THE POOL.

Arthur: ...How?

Bruce: I don't know, Arthur.

Dick: Bruce, don't be mad.

Bruce: Richard.

Dick: Jason—

Jason: Don't throw me under the bus!

Dick: You drove the bus into the house!

Bruce: Stop.

Everyone: ...

Bruce: One person speaks.

Everyone: ...

Bruce: Now.

Everyone: ...

Bruce: Fine. Damian.

Damian: Todd attempted to prepare garlic bread.

Bruce: ...

Bruce: Jason.

Jason: In my defense—

Bruce: No.

Jason: Fair.

Damian: He neglected to remove the packaging.

Jason: I forgot.

Steph: IT WAS PLASTIC.

Jason: I KNOW THAT NOW.

Tim: Then he panicked.

Duke: Then Dick panicked because Jason panicked.

Dick: Jason was yelling "IT'S FINE!"

Jason: It WAS fine.

Cass: Wasn't.

Tim: Then Steph grabbed the fire extinguisher.

Steph: Like a responsible adult.

Tim: She sprayed Jason.

Steph: He was closest.

Jason: I WAS NOT THE FIRE!

Steph: You were emotionally the fire.

Clark: *snorts*

Bruce: Clark.

Clark: Sorry.

Hal: Don't apologize. This is incredible.

Barry: Wait, is that everyone?

Bruce: Unfortunately.

Dick: Hi, League!

Steph: Is this on speaker?!

Bruce: No.

Hal: It is now.

(Hal taps the speaker button before Bruce can stop him.)

Bruce: Hal.

Hal: You're welcome, Spooky.

Dick: Hi, Hal!

Hal: Hi, Dick!

Barry: Hey, is Wally there?

Dick: Yeah, he's helping Alfred.

Barry: Can I say hi?

Bruce: Barry—

Dick: WALLY! YOUR UNCLE IS ON THE PHONE!

Wally, somewhere in the distance: TELL HIM I'M BUSY TRYING TO SAVE JASON FROM ALFRED!

Jason: SAVE ME!

Alfred, faintly: You are not escaping, Master Jason.

Jason: BRUCE, HELP.

Bruce: No.

Clark: That's fair.

Jason: YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FATHER.

Bruce: I am.

Jason: ACT LIKE IT.

Bruce: I am.

Jason: THIS ISN'T SUPPORTIVE.

Bruce: Neither was the kitchen.

Barry: I'm crying.

Hal: Bruce has seven children and somehow none of them know how to cook.

Tim: Excuse me.

Hal: You know how?

Tim: No.

Hal: Thought so.

Damian: Pennyworth forbids us from entering the kitchen unattended.

Arthur: That's... concerning.

Steph: We have color-coded privilege levels.

Diana: Color-coded?

Cass: Green. Can cook.

Duke: Yellow. Can make sandwiches.

Dick: Orange. Supervised cooking.

Tim: Red. Absolutely not.

Barry: Which one is Jason?

Everyone on the phone: BLACK.

Jason: RUDE.

Steph: It literally says "If Jason enters the kitchen, notify Alfred immediately."

Hal: There's a sign?

Dick: Laminated.

Clark: Bruce..?

Bruce: I didn't make the sign.

Alfred, louder now: I did.

League: ...

Alfred: It has significantly reduced insurance claims.

Arthur: Insurance claims?!

Tim: You'd be amazed.

Jason: ONE TIME.

Cass: Nine.

Jason: Details.

Hal: This is the funniest thing I've ever heard.

Bruce: I fail to see the humor.

Clark: I don't.

Bruce: Of course you don't.

Clark: They're adorable.

Bruce: They are committing property damage.

Clark: Together.

Bruce: Clark.

Clark: Listen to them. They're calling you because they trust you.

Bruce: They're calling me because the oven is in the pool.

Clark: Still counts.

Barry: Aww.

Hal: Oh my God.

Arthur: He's smiling.

Diana: He absolutely is.

Clark: I'm not.

J'onn: You are.

Clark: Fine. Maybe a little.

Hal: Superman thinks Batman's disaster children are cute.

Barry: Write that down.

Clark: They are cute.

Bruce: They are twenty-five percent cute and seventy-five percent expensive.

Dick: We heard that!

Bruce: Good.

Steph: Rude!

Jason: I think we're at least forty percent cute.

Damian: I refuse to be categorized with these barbarians.

Cass: Cute.

Damian: ...

Damian: Acceptable.

Clark: See?

Bruce: Don't encourage them.

Clark: I can't help it.

Hal: Dude, you're whipped.

Clark: Am not.

Barry: You absolutely are.

Clark: Bruce is a great dad.

Hal: Bruce's children just called him because one of them accidentally launched an oven into a swimming pool.

Clark: Exactly.

Barry: Explain.

Clark: They knew he'd know what to do.

Bruce: I do know what to do.

Dick: Really?

Bruce: Yes.

Dick: Great, what do we do?

Bruce: Put Alfred on the phone.

(A brief shuffle.)

Alfred: Good afternoon, sir.

Bruce: Is everyone alive?

Alfred: Miraculously.

Bruce: Is the Manor still standing?

Alfred: Mostly.

Bruce: Is anyone seriously injured?

Alfred: Master Jason's pride has suffered catastrophic damage.

Jason: ALFRED!

Alfred: Other than that, no.

Bruce: Excellent. Handle it however you see fit.

Jason: WAIT, NO—

Bruce: I'll be home in an hour.

Alfred: Very good, sir.

(The call disconnects.)

The meeting room is completely silent.

Hal: I have one question.

Bruce: No.

Hal: How does this happen every week?

Bruce: Practice.

Barry: I want to come over sometime.

Bruce: No.

Clark: Can I?

Bruce: You already do.

Clark: True.

Hal: Seriously, Supes, you find that endearing?

Clark: Absolutely.

Barry: They called Bats like kids calling their dad because they broke something.

Clark: Exactly.

Arthur: They are all highly trained vigilantes.

Clark: Who still call B when they accidentally destroy the kitchen.

Diana: It is rather sweet.

Bruce: It is not sweet.

Clark: Bruce.

Bruce: Clark.

Clark: You answered on the fourth call.

Bruce: Because they only call that many times if it's important.

Hal: Or if Jason's cooking.

Bruce: Those are the same thing.

Clark: You didn't even ask if they were telling the truth.

Bruce: Because I already knew exactly who did it.

Barry: Without evidence?

Bruce: Jason said "in my defense" before I asked a single question.

Hal: Fair.

Clark, smiling at Bruce: You're a really good dad.

Bruce: ...

Hal: THERE'S THE SMILE.

Bruce: There is no smile.

Barry: Supes broke Batman.

Clark: I didn't break him.

Bruce, very quietly: We still need a new oven.

Clark: I'll buy you one.

Bruce: I know.

Hal: Oh, that's disgustingly domestic.

Barry: They're impossible.

Diana: They really are.

J'onn: It is, however, objectively adorable.

Bruce: The meeting is over.

Hal: We still have four agenda items.

--

Tim, in a interview, trying to explain Wayne stocks or sum idk: well, yk Wayne industries wouldn't have to pay for so many building repairs if fucking batman stopped throwing bane into buildings-

Interviewer: what was that, Mr drake?

Tim: what was what?

Interviewer: right. What do you think Mr Wayne?

Bruce: ...

Bruce: fuck batman.

--

Dick, being bombarded with paperazzi after a kidnapping: oh ffs couldn't batman save me from these snakes too.

Dick: I'm gonna fucking kill him.

Reporters: ???

--

Kid recording a tiktok: hey! Mr Todd! What do you say about the rumors that the Wayne's hate batman?

Jason: huh?

Kid recording, shoving the phone closer to jason: thoughts on batman?

Jason, leaning into to the mic: fuck batman.

--

Someone recording with shaky hands: *Duke Thomas walking out of a private gym, clearly having worked out and looking exhausted*

Duke: fuckass batman, I'm gonna beat his ass.

--

Street kid #2: hey batman! Have you heard what the Wayne's are saying these days?

Batman: *batman noise*

Street kid: do u have a message for Bruce Wayne?