Adventure Is Out There

I am trying to keep a hold of this positive attitude; this letting go of expectations for results because the universe has a plan.

Then why is everyone around me experiencing the dream I want to work for? Is that not a universe sign? Seeing my dream surrounding me?

I feel guilt for feeling like it’s all unfair. They get to be parents, but me? I get to just hope for it someday. I can’t even be hopeful for an accidental one, and unplanned one- let alone one that is planned and tried for.

Or maybe this is the universe telling me I’m not made for that dream; that it’ll always exist just beyond my reach, and my fingers will strain forever to merely glimpse at a dream of that future. Is it my fault? Am I unable? Will I ever be able?

I hate not having anyone to talk to about anything anymore. I feel so alone. Isolated. I don’t even know what to do to fix it because I’m so far away from anything like a support system- and people here think a support system is for the weak.

Well.

I normally come here to write into the void of space that no one else resides in anymore, but there is a shift; a new pivot into a new motion that I feel like I’m on.

I want to be happy, I am happy. I am joyous, even. Because things I desire consistently find their way to me; everything I could ever want I already have. Because I am so lucky and everything always works out for me.

I am worthy and deserving of all the joy and change that is motherhood. My partner is already the most supportive and loving father, as well as an attentive and loving husband to me. I will carry out baby, he is carrying us both.

Our dreams are falling into place, brick by brick- every single day; we will see the actualization of our hard work, skills, dreams and goals together. Money and opportunity seek us both out for both our individual and combined skill sets. People want to invest in us and our restaurant to run it the way it should be. We are financially secure and growing into financially comfortable, both stable and able to live well. We will have our home, our cars and the ability to make our hard work- work for us in return. All that we put in, we will receive back 1000 times more.

This IS the life- the life I have and the one I lead for myself and the family I am building. I am grateful for every step, every pivot, and every opportunity to grow in the process of my life presently- that is leading me to my dream present day. I create all of it for me and mine. I share the abundant energy with those around me through love and kindness, while also having the standard of keeping my own peace and sanity.

I’m feeling mushy because I’m looking forward to the double lines I’m gonna see in 4 weeks. Speaking my reality into existence, I am so excited and so ready.