Wakey Wakey, Eggs and Bakey

“Sea Star’s Magical Arm”- Dec. 2017

Inspired by a dream I had of four limbed sea stars by the coast. 

When you say “Aww” when you hear of someone doing something for a disabled person, that’s ableism.

When you feel inspired because you saw a story about a disabled person going on with their life “despite their disability” and you’re able bodied, that’s ableism.

When a parent of a disabled child says their child taught them so much about life and what it means to live, that’s ableism.

When you are “just trying to help” after they have said “No”, that is ableism.  

When you are just trying to help, when they have said no, and it involves physical contact with the person, that is criminal assault.  Like it or not, that’s what it is.  Oh, and it’s ableism. 

Warning: The following is a list of terrible wheelchair puns / one liners delivered to me at some point by some mouth-breathing idiot. UrbanCripple.com is not responsible for any fits of rage or monitor-punching that reading this list might cause.

[At an event with assigned seating] “You have the best seat in the house!”

“Wanna race?”

“You should get spinners/rims/hydraulics for that thing!”

“Slow down!” “No speeding”, or some other comment regarding me violating some kind of traffic law while indoors.

“You should get a motorized one!” [You should get a lobotomy!]

“Man, I’ve always thought about how much fun it would be to be in a wheelchair”

[Anytime there’s a lack of seating around me] “I’ll just sit in your lap”

Anything ending in “Speed Racer” or a reference to me being an actual motor vehicle.

“Hey, Speedy!” [Hey, Jackass!]

“You know, I believe that [the holy spirit/Jesus/Optimus Prime/The Doctor] is gonna heal you someday.” [Blood shoots out my eyes in a fit of rage]

[If I happen to be with, near, or within eyesight or earshot of another person in a wheelchair] “Do you guys race?”

“You’re so inspiring!”

“Your arms must be huge!”

“I bet you really get an arm workout on this hill!”

“We should arm wrestle sometime.” [Creepy]

“You move really well in that thing!” [You’re pretty good with those fancy legs]

“I appreciate your independence” [I appreciate you not talking to me]

[Every time I’m mistaken for some other guy they saw in a wheelchair once]

“Do you know [some other guy in a wheelchair]?” [Yes, we meet twice a week to talk about ramps and how hard life is (so hard). Everyone. In a wheelchair]

“I don’t know if I’d have the will to do what you do” [Translation: “If I were like you, I’d probably kill myself!”]

“Your personality is so big I totally forgot you were in a wheelchair!” [Drops Mic]