(throw up emoji)

magic is real you fools it happens when you make your friends smile

Last week I joked that my very cerebral, retired-police-chief-grandpa is basically Holt from Brooklyn 99 and then today someone said, “damn, we’re out of decaf” and he just deadpans “well there’s no need to get hysterical.”

Yesterday he said “if you need to insult the same person twice you’ve already failed in your goal to devastate them”

My Yaya was trying to remember the name of a guy who stole money from her in high school today and my grandpa instantly pipes up “his name was Bernie Ryan and he was a scoundrel”

being a woman is like…yeah lol you can pursue self-fulfillment and happiness on the side but don’t forget your main eternal quest is for unattainable beauty and ritual degradation 

goodnight to sexy evil people only

😂😂