rebel rebel.

NSFW/Adult Topics…. 

Are you Christmas, because I want to Merry you.

Is your name Jingle Bells, cause you look like you go all the way

Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa exactly what I want for Christmas?

If your left leg was thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas, can I come visit you between the holidays?

Shouldn’t you be on top of the tree, Angel?

You know I would love to show you the toys my elves make for adults.

How about I slip down your chimney, at half past midnight?

Wanna meet Santa’s little helper?

What do you say we make this a Not-so-Silent Night?

Believe me if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows!

Screw the nice list, I’ve got you on my “nice and naughty list!

That’s not a candy cane in my pocket. I’m just glad to see you!

My best toys run on batteries

Hey Cutie ever do it in a sleigh?

He may have a nice car but I have a fast sleigh

I know its not Christmas, but Santa’s lap is always ready.

Santa’s lap isn’t the only place wishes come true.

Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?

Interested in seeing the “North Pole”?

If you jingle my bells ill promise you a white Christmas

as requested. Feel free to change pronouns or anything else !

“Don’t you hurt a single hair on his/her/their head.”

“Hands off!”

“What do you think you’re doing to him/her/them?”

“I’ll never let you go.” / “Don’t ever let me go.”

“Don’t ever leave my sight again.”

“I got your back.”

“Where are you going? It’s not safe out there!”

“Do you trust me?”

“Be more careful next time. I don’t want to bandage you up again.”

“Hey, it’s cold outside. At least wear a jacket.”

“I’d die for you.”

“You’ll back off if you know what’s good for you.”

“Get behind me NOW.”

“Here, I have an extra weapon.”

“Duck, you idiot!”

“Go on without me.”

“Well what did you expect would happen while you’re walking alone at night? Come on, let’s get you away from that creep.”

“Hey. Pal. I’ve got a gun/knife/fist/weapon and I’m not afraid to use it.”

“You can stop hugging me now.”

“You scared the shit out of me. I’m never going to stop hugging you.”

“Quit babying me! I can protect myself.”

“I’ll always be there to save you.” / “I know you’ll always be there to save me.”

“If you even THINK about touching him/her/them, I’ll kill you.”

❛ Ladies and gentlemen, I give you… me! ❜

❛ I had another Liam Neeson nightmare. I kidnapped his daughter and he just wasn’t having it. ❜

❛ You’re probably thinking, “Whose balls did I have to fondle to get my very own movie”? ❜

❛ You guys going for a bite? Early bird special? ❜

❛ Fuck, you’re old. ❜

❛ Fake laugh. Hiding real pain. Go get Silver Balls. ❜

❛ What the shit? That’s the coolest name ever! ❜

❛ Now, I’m about to do to you what Limp Bizkit did to music in the late 90s. ❜

❛ A fourth wall break inside a fourth wall break? That’s like, sixteen walls. ❜

❛ My boyfriend said this was a superhero movie but that guy in the suit just turned that other guy into a fucking kabab! ❜

❛ Well, I may be super, but I’m no hero. ❜

❛ But some of the best love stories start with a murder. ❜

❛ Looks aren’t everything. ❜

❛ Hashtag drive-by. ❜

❛ Ugh, stupid, stupid. Worth it! ❜

❛ That’s right! You’re about to be killed by a zamboni! ❜

❛ Tell me where your fucking boss is or you’re going to die! In five minutes! ❜

❛ I should’ve come and found you sooner, but the guy under this mask, he ain’t the same one that you remember. ❜

❛ After a brief adjustment period and a bunch of drinks, it’s a face… I’d be happy to sit on. ❜

❛ Time to make the chimi-fuckin’-changas. ❜

❛ Oh, I so pity the dude who pressures her into prom sex. ❜

❛ Whatever they did to me made me totally indestructible… and completely unfuckable. ❜

❛ Star in your own horror films. Because you look like Freddy Krueger face-fucked a topographical map of Utah. ❜

❛ Life is an endless series of trainwrecks with only brief commercial-like breaks of happiness. ❜

❛ Finish fucking her the fuck up. ❜

❛ Suck a cock. ❜

❛ This guy’s got the right idea. he wore the brown pants. ❜

❛ I’d go with you, but… I don’t want to. ❜

❛ I’ve never said this to anyone before, but don’t swallow! ❜

❛ Your right leg is Thanksgiving and your left leg is Christmas. Can I come and visit you between the holidays? ❜

❛ Maximum effort. ❜

❛ I didn’t just get the cure to el cancer, I got the cure to el everything. ❜

❛ Ahhhh. I’m touching myself tonight. ❜

❛ Ahhh! Your poor wife! ❜

❛ Wanna get fucked up? ❜

❛ Daddy needs to express some rage. ❜

❛ Shit. Did I leave the stove on? ❜

❛ Well I hate to break it to you, but your forty-eight minutes are up. ❜

❛ Right up Main Street. ❜

❛ Have you decided what you’re gonna say to her? ❜

❛ I bet it’s going to feel really big in that hand later… ❜

❛ This is a shameful and reckless use of your powers. ❜

❛ Why such a douche this morning? ❜