Volcano Wizard

grounding tips for the stressed aspiring tyrant: acknowledge 5 people you can sway to your cause, 4 methods you can use to persuade them (2 violent, 2 nonviolent), 3 people in positions of moderate power you can manipulate and usurp in order to gain access to 2 powerful institutions to destroy, and 1 foundational lie

people are starting to character tag so i’d like to state upfront that this is part of a new branch of pop feminism i’m pioneering called despotette and as such is specifically advice for women trying to break into the world of tyranny, so if you must character tag it’s really only appropriate to do so if the character is a woman, thank you

Fun wizard fact: Most wizard towers don't have or need plumbing because it's more efficient to just open small portals to the elemental plane of water.

This is what I do when I want a glass of water. Literally any other plane would be better to shit in.

we have got to stop the seven Ice Lords

Finally somebody gets it

corrupt evil goblins from hell are telling me to cast fireball on my apartment i am going insane

No no do it! Hahaha DO IT!! !!

The deep sea vent wizards are testing me again. Leave some convection cells for the rest of us. At this point I'm drawing power from the mantle because the crust is getting drained by losers casting Power Word: Underwater Smoke Puff because they want to feed their armies of tube worms. One of these days I'm just going to magma wave the entire ocean to put a stop to this.

Have you no lava golems or imps to engage their armies of tube worms with?

I suppose sending some imps through the crust to plug their vents from the inside would be less extreme than destroying the entire ocean. It's just been weird with the imps lately because I still owe them from the last poker night.

You have so many natural tower-like formations to choose from that these building codes shouldn't even matter. Live in a volcano, a mountain, a deep sea vent, a giant sequioa, a giraffe, etc. The world is full of wizard towers waiting to be enchanted and inhabited.

slamming your knights visor down when you’re finished talking to them, like slamming the phone back on the receiver.

helmet visor with loose hinges so it keeps dropping like a call with bad reception. so then you're like "let me move to a better area" and that's when you cast lava blob on them and go back to the volcano because why do i even bother leaving

Would you still feel threatened by my evil plans if I was a worm?

Yes. We are all one mishap away from becoming worms ourselves, and in that case the evilist worm is the scariest.

A rumor? Certainly! Have you heard- rumor has it there is an amulet that grants Perfect Healing in the Dragon's Hoard of the Blue Mountains

I've talked to her before because I was siphoning lava from her mountain without realizing she was there. Didn't know about the amulet though!

I'm going to Red Robin for a hamburger.

I dined and ashed. It's when I eat at a restaurant and burn the restaurant down to avoid paying the check. This time I cast Sudden Volcano. They didn't see it coming.