Voidtalker's void to talk in

Hello, welcome to part 2.

Another song that makes me feel things, but in a different way, is a song off of the 1999 album Jalamanta, by Brant Bjork, funnily enough, a former member of Kyuss, who I talked about in my last post about music and the brain.

Jalamanta is one of my favorite albums ever. I love every song on it very much. It relaxes me like no other if I'm just listening to it while lying down or something. However, there is one song that I skip in certain situations.

In this album that I mainly find very relaxing, lies one song that gets my heart pumping and my brain stressed, but only, and I mean only, when I am driving.

As I mentioned in my last post, I hate driving. I tend to panic if things don't go to plan.

Anyways, the song I'm talking about is Cobra Jab, a quick 3 minute song with a quick pace, frantic drumming, and a constantly moving bass line, this song will stress me the hell out when driving, but never anywhere else. I'm listening to it right now, in fact, and I'm feeling pretty good yeah.

When I'm behind the wheel, this song gets my heart rate up, gets me looking around all nervous like, and I tend to skip it before too long.

Hello. I wanted to start speaking into the void again.

Today I wanted to talk about how music can make people feel things.

One of my favorite subjects is psychology. I always loved learning about how the brain works, and how even minor things will affect us from day to day. If I ever end up going back to school, that will be my major.

Little known fact about me, I hate driving. I hate it with a passion. I will panic if anything goes even a little bit wrong. UNLESS I am listening to music while I drive. Something about music, any music, will calm me down. I drive with the same calmness listening to some heavy ass metal that I do listening to regular alternative rock, for example.

So to me, the type of music doesn't really matter, at least while driving. Of course I don't listen to everything, there is a limit to how heavy I can go, and there are genres I don't jive with, but still.

HOWEVER, over the past few weeks I have noticed little things about music that change how I behave or how I react to things.

I have ADHD, I was diagnosed as a child. It affects every little thing I do, and will continue to do so for the rest of my life, however I am noticing that slower songs with a more relaxing tone help my focus immensely.

A song I can think of that fits this bill is Space Cadet by Kyuss.

Incredible song by incredible band, by the way. Different from everything else they made but still one of my favorites from them.

This song works every time. If I'm having a hard time focusing on something, or if I'm fidgeting too much, I can put this song on and I'll be able to focus for as long as the song is playing with no issues.

I clicked on one very safe for work, not at all sexual art made by a furry and now my entire page is massive honkers. I don't get it.

I said I wouldn't be discouraged when I started to struggle and so far I have stuck to my word. but I have several questions I have been unable to answer myself.

I am attempting to draw a landscape with large buttes in the background and I am struggling on how to give them a sense of scale. They're just kind of flat against the sky and while I'm happy with their shape, I've been unable to give them depth in a way that pleases me, and if I'm not pleased, what's the point.

I'm also unhappy with my color choices. I don't know how to keep the buttes to where they seem dark (it's night in the drawing) but you can still tell what color the layers in the rock formations are supposed to be.

Everything just seems flat and I'm not sure how I fix that.

I have the urge to make some art.

I will do my absolute best to not get discouraged when I struggle, like what made me quit trying to learn last time. Maybe I'll start on that game I wanted to make if I keep with it :)

So most of the albums I wanted to talk about in this series I'd only recently heard, but that is not the case for this album.

I first heard it a couple years ago.

If you know me, you know I love strange music. Weird music. The shit that tickles my brain in just the right way, and I'm gonna talk about an album that does just that.

Tweez, by the band Slint.

(Yes, I will be talking about Spiderland in another installment of this.)

This, despite being the first of two albums release by Slint, was the second one I'd heard from them, and, while I like both now, Spiderland needed time to grow on me, while this one I liked instantly.

Now, about the band at the time this album released, it consisted of David Pajo on guitar, Brian McMahan on guitar and vocals, Britt Walford on Drums and also vocals, and Ethan Buckler on Bass.

They recorded this album in 1987, but it would not see release until 1989. Bassist Ethan Buckler would leave the band, dissatisfied with the album, not long after it released.

Now, as I said, this album is odd. It's very raw, with spoken word lyrics and also yelling.

Each song is named after the parents of the members of the band, with the exception of the last song, Rhoda, which was named after Walford's dog.

Alright let's get to the songs, shall we?

It opens with Ron, named for one of Walford's parents. It opens up the album with three words. "oh, um, alright" before blasting you with some guitar. This song is aggressive, abrasive, and other words like that. Towards the end, they just start smashing shit, and leave it in the mix.

Up next is Nan Ding, named for one of Pajo's parents. This song starts off with some plucky guitar, but gets more intense before mellowing out, and it tends to switch back and forth. There's some chatter in the right ear I don't think you're supposed to understand much.

Then is the song Carol, named for one of McMahan's parents. While Ron ended with smashing stuff, this song begins with it. The bass in this song is fantastic. Buckler does a great job :) This is one of my favorites off this album.

Up next is Kent, named for McMahan's other parent. This song starts off with the sounds of drinking. I don't like this part. The sounds are too mouthy if you get me. But after the drinking comes a pretty nice little tune. It sounds almost unhinged in a way, but I like it. This is the longest song on the album.

Up next is Charlotte, named for Walford's other parent. This is the second longest song on the album, and it's a nice time. very chaotic but also... nah it's chaotic the whole way through I think.

Up Next is Darlene, named for Pajo's other parent. (man when are Buckler's parents going to show up) It's a very bass forward song, which if you know me, you know I love. Buckler does great in this one.

Up next is Warren, named for one of Buckler's parents. (Oh there they are) It's the heaviest song so far. It's pretty good, yeah.

Then is Pat, named for the other of Buckler's parents. It's an odd song. Might be my least favorite but I still like it.

Then it closes with Rhoda, named for Walford's dog. It's a song focused on the drums and Britt does a great job in the spotlight. Solid closer.

I like this album. It's a little gross in spots, sure, and it's pretty short, at just under half an hour in length, and the lyrics are mostly nonsense, and and and and and, but it gets my brain happy when I need it to, so I like it.

If you're going to listen to this album, be prepared for it's weirdness. Like more than you think you'll need to be. This shit is impossible to dance to, I think.

Anyways up next will be an album I've listened to more recently.

Today's album I'm gonna speak about is Rubberneck, by Toadies.

Or is it The Toadies? I don't know, I see both around. It says toadies on the cover so I'm gonna keep saying that.

Anyways, if you were alive during the 90s, like I wasn't, you've probably heard one of the songs off this album. Hell even I'd heard the song in passing before.

That song being Possum Kingdom, which, to my understanding, is a song about luring someone into the forest around Possum Kingdom lake in Texas, and either killing them or turning them into a vampire. It's been debated which is the true meaning. I like the song well enough, but it never made me check the rest of the album out.

That was until this week. I was looking for albums to listen to and I'd heard good things about this one.

A little background on this album before I get too into it,

This album released in 1994, not long after the death of Kurt Cobain, only a few months, and it would be the most popular Toadies album released to date.

It features Vaden Lewis on rhythm guitar and vocals, Darrel Herbert on lead guitar, Mark Reznicek on drums, and bassist Lisa Umbarger.

I am a big fan of the low end so Lisa on bass is the part that stands out the most to me, other than vocals of course.

Alright,

Overall this album is very nice to listen to from start to finish. I'm not good at reviewing stuff, so I'm not going to be able to convey what exactly I like about it, but I'll try.

It opens with three very high energy but somewhat short songs, in Mexican Hairless, Mister Love, and Backslider.

Of these songs, Backslider stands out to me, as it seems to be about wanting to be a good man of faith, but being unable to do so due to being a backslider (in other words, someone who keeps relapsing into bad habits)

Then it slows down a bit, with Possum Kingdom being a lower energy song and also the longest song on the album. (though at 5 minutes, it's still not suuper long)

Then the next song is Quitter, which just sounds like Nirvana to me, but that's not a bad thing. I like the song a lot.

Then is my favorite song on the album, Away. I think this song is about escapism, which I can relate to. The bass in this one stands out to me, it's very nice. I like playing it, myself. I think Lisa's bass, Vaden's vocals, and Darrel's lead guitar all stand out in their own good ways in this song.

Up next is a very interesting song, I Come from the Water, being a song about a Christian man still believing in evolution. It doesn't explore this conflict very much, but I like it for what it is.

Up next is by far the creepiest song on the album, Tyler. The instrumental is a very easy to listen to song, which is odd because the lyrics tell the tale of a stalker breaking into a house to do very very fucked up things to the woman who lives there. When I read the lyrics I interpret it as a man who knows what he is doing is wrong, but he also doesn't know why they are, he seems almost too oblivious about his wrongdoings up until the end where he seems to snap and finally make his presence known to the woman.

Then the album makes a sharp left turn from creepy to angry, with Happyface and Velvet.

Both of these songs have anger seeping through them. I think Happyface is about putting on masks around people you despise, but those masks start slipping. It's my least favorite song on the album but I don't think it's bad in any way. But I am a historically easy man to please when it comes to music.

Velvet seems even more angry, which makes you think it's leading up to some big explosion in the last song, and it's even titled I Burn, so you'd be shocked when Velvet ends, and I Burn plays, only for it to be... acoustic? That's right. The album ends with a mostly acoustic song, except for towards the end of the song, when it gets a little bit more energy. The song is about self immolation in an attempt to become pure.

Anyways all that is to say that I loved this album, and it will be added to my rotation. I don't think I'd skip any song on it, and Lisa Umbarger will be added into my mental list of favorite bassists.

Alright I just had to talk about music more.

Over the past few weeks I've been listening to albums from bands I've heard of but never gave them a fair shot. Just to expand my horizons.

I'm not going to fool anyone and claim I listen to all sorts of music, because I don't. I have a preferred genre, (alternative rock) and I don't go too heavy. I like a little heavy but not too much.

My music tastes recently have resided in the years 1987 to 2003.

So when my mother was a teenager and young adult up to when I was born. Gee I wonder who I get my music tastes from.

I just really love that era of music, more specifically, the indie rock and alternative rock scenes.

I have listened to 7 new albums this week.

I'm gonna go through them one post one album for the next while.

For the overwhelming majority of my life I was under the impression I was straight. I had no reasons to think otherwise.

Maybe I had moments where I thought I was asexual or aromantic because for some odd reason I almost never had crushes growing up.

I had one in elementary school (on a younger teacher, and that one faded quickly, obviously.) Then I didn't have another one until I was in college, and that one also faded when I learned there was no chance it would work.

I doubt either of the people I had crushes on even knew I had one on them, because I never told anyone about either of them. I kept it to myself.

Either way, I thought I was straight because my only crushes I had ever had were on women.

That was until recently. I was talking to a male friend of mine a few years ago when he mentioned he might be gay. I didn't think much of it for a while, but I guess that conversation implanted itself into my brain because that night I had a rather gay dream. It was very strange, as in the dream, I wasn't really opposed to the gay stuff I was doing, and when I woke up, I didn't feel weird or gross about it. I should add that the dream did not involve the friend.

After I woke up from this dream, I wrote it down, like I always do, and did some thinking for a while.

I came to the conclusion that I am not straight, but I'm not gay either. I figured since I have been attracted to women in the past, and am feeling a certain way towards certain types of men now, that I'm probably bisexual.

I have a type in men that I prefer over others. Like I'd prefer them to be on the feminine side, but they don't have to be full femboy y'know.

but then I started questioning even further.

Like recently, about when I started questioning myself, I realized that I am an incredibly lonely individual. I haven't had physical contact with anyone in as long as I can remember, outside of the occasional handshake at work.

I don't mean to get sad all of a sudden, but I wondered if it meant that I wasn't bisexual, I was just desperate enough for romantic contact that I would be fine if it were from a man even if I wouldn't be otherwise if you get what I'm putting down.

Though my romantic situation hasn't changed, I'm more confident that I am indeed at least somewhat bi.

It is strange, though. I'm not much in to sports but the two sports I do enjoy a lot would probably be very opposed to a bisexual, or any queer, person being a fan lmao. like the southern good ol' boy fanbase of NASCAR (though I think that's been changing some in recent years) and the Trump Supportin' MAGA fanbase of the UFC and MMA in general (I don't think that will ever change.)

Anyways that's why I have never and likely will never come out to anyone I know personally unless I am forced to. Like if I ever get a boyfriend or something like that. I think my parents would be cool with it, but everyone else? idk if I want to risk it.