A Void Ant

rule number one don't tell anyone anything ever

the urge to destroy all the evidence of the pathetic little being I was

reminder that you can't please everybody all the time and also that it's your fault and simply a lack of effort and care if you don't

if you have to rely on specific scripts or turns of phrase to socialise that's totally fine, but you must NOT reveal them to your friends while slightly drunk. it's like showing how the magic trick works, you can't do it in front of them afterwards

i like dogs a lot but i can never remember the differences between breeds (apart from the few types i've actually owned/interacted with). but i know people looove their dogs and love talking about their dogs, so whenever im talking to a dog owner i'll ask what breed it is, and no matter what breed they say i'll say "oh! i've heard they have a really nice nature :D" and they always go YESSS THEY'RE GREAT and start gushing about their dog and we have a nice conversation and i build social credit with this person. anyway i told my friends about this script a few weeks ago when slightly drunk and now every time we're in public together and a dog goes past they turn to me and ask "does that one have a nice nature?" im in a hell of my own making

whenever I walk past people dining outside of restaurants I like to imagine myself taking some of their food, eating it and running

You can’t begin to think of yourself as free until you can independently stand on your own. If you cannot reliably access water, food, shelter, clothes, and an income by your own means, without relying on the volatile benevolence of someone else, then you’re not free. You’re vulnerable to all the attached strings with come from something you didn’t get under your own power. And sure, a job comes with its own strings, and living in a certain location gives its own limitations, but it’s still less strings than no being able to live without depending on someone else and their whims. Or see it like this, if cutting contact with everyone you know tomorrow would mean lose access to food or shelter or safety, then there’s something which needs to change in your life. Cultivate your own independence. You don’t need to be alone or reject any offer of help, but you should strive to be able to in a pinch. You never know when you might need it.

i love leaning into a bad feeling #mytwistingknife

Did you know that um…. (remembers that words are very unnecessary, they can only do harm) …………

i cant believe im alive and im just sitting in silence most of the time

*turns my attention inwards* mmmmm. no *turns my attention back outwards* oh god