My Fuzzy Life

if i don’t message back it’s because

a) i didn’t see the message - This one’s pretty common. Notifications aren’t sent, I forget to check stuff, I close the message window before i see the message but after it “arrives”, I’m afk, etc. I’m not a busy person, I just miss a lot of messages.

b) i don’t know what to say - sometimes I just don’t know what to say. sorry.

c) i’m having a hard time processing that you are, in fact, actually messaging me - or i’m crying because excited but also nerves.

IT IS NOT BECAUSE

-you’re bothering me: if you were, i’d say so

-i don’t want to talk to you: i’m not a social person, i’m better at doing the askbox thing than PMs, but if you message me, i’ll message back eventually. unless you’re a porn bot or something.

-i’m ignoring you: i don’t try to ignore people- if i’m online (especially on Skype/Discord) I usually have sounds and notifications off. Skype itself is open in a different browser (download version crashes a lot), and Discord is usually minimized/closed if I have it on at all.

-anything to do with you: i honestly suck at the social/friend thing. just give it time.

feel free to PM me with anything. Questions, hugs, memes, just saying hi, I’ll talk about a lot of things if you want. If I’m not okay talking about/sharing, I’ll tell you.

I know I’m difficult to keep a conversation with. I’m sorry. Just please remember it’s not you.

I’m at work/busy doing other things and want to give you my full attention when I reply. This ain’t possible at the moment.

I don’t have the energy to hold a conversation at the moment. Blogging and talking require very different energies and I might be too low to talk at the time.

I put on my sunglasses, to hide my swollen eyes, over my tears. I cried all my makeup off. Went inside to have a milkshake. I don’t know why. I wanted something to drink as I figured out what I would do. I got a soda and a milkshake. Medium. The cashier looked at me and with a line around the corner of the counter he rushed away from the counter “Hold on “ he yelled to a coworker.

I filled my soda and went back and saw him looking all over. I go up and he gets close and says “I made it a large”.

That was seriously enough for me not to do it. His kindness. Someone went out of their way and as I went back in my car to cry I realized I could muster through a few other days. A few more weeks. Then I came down from that panicky high of anxiety, depression, and pain. I finished my shake. And it was enough time to let me feel better. I… I’m alive. I’ll make it through.

Try and be nice today. Tomorrow. Something as much as a smile. It helped so much.

Thank you man at McDonalds.

always be kind.

you never know when your moment of kindness will literally save a life.

2002 commercial for Pokemon Ruby & Sapphire.

Rated E for Everyone, indeed.

I could never get that music off my head