VitaminDatai

I bought a terrible thesaurus yesterday, not only was it terrible, it was terrible!

NEW WHALE ??!!?

honestly the whole santa mythos kinda slaps from a theological perspective

like the fact that it’s overtly a fictional mythos intended to teach moral lessons, getting around the problems inherent in religious literalism. the way it takes concepts from christianity and just does whatever the fuck it wants with them. saint nicholas, a real person who lived in turkey in the late 200’s to early 300′s AD, now lives on the north pole, with elves (possibly an elf himself?????) and rides in a flying sleigh pulled by magic reindeer, one of whom has their own sub-plot. unironically love it. do this to all the saints. joan of arc lives in the center of the earth and rides a sasquatch.

I fully understand why westerners thought the platypus was a hoax at first. I’m looking at a real live one moving around and it STILL looks fake.

The one thing that could have made them sound any more made up would have been if you said the boys have secret viper fangs that can absolutely fuck you up with venom, and they do, on their goddamn feet.

cursed platypus facts: * five (5) X chromosomes * only the left ovary works * produces milk but has no nipples. the mother just kind of sweats milk out their chest. nature is beautiful * was nearly called the “duckmole” * swims with its weird fish eyes and ears closed, hunting entirely by electroreception * born with teeth, but then they fall out

That beak looks fucking glued on

- now confirmed to glow under UV light

[ID: a picture of a hippo, captioned, “hypocritical people be like, wow this one fuckin sucks”]

i was reading about the myth of prometheus today when the phrase "new liver, same eagles" popped into my mind, so i'm keeping that in mind for the next time someone asks me how it's going

october 2019. i really had no fucking idea what was coming huh.

got a new job… im the person who passes the objects in front of the fire in plato’s cave

everyday people ask me if they can fuck the shadows. buddy, you can’t fuck them, because they are without substance. they are mere pale echoes of the true reality, pal

they’re what? that doesn’t make any sense. they’re right there, and i can’t conceive of anything beyond them to fuck. so can i fuck them or what?

#and remember maryland (unhinges jaw as black smoke pours from my ears and mouth)

The “take place tonight” in the middle of the elder god monologue is the most ominous part.

I know at least four of you have audio recording equipment and the kind of eldritch powers necessary to physicalize this into my new Ringtone.