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i see you and raise you ftm boq

the problem with calling inanimate objects “girl” is that once you start you cannot stop. I said “girl” to the dishwasher because that bitch would not close no matter how hard I whacked her pussy. what is wrong with me

Nothing more embarrassing than accidentally using a big word wrong because now I'm simultaneously both stupid and pretentious, the worst combination of all time

Okay so im rewatching dbd and the part in episode 3 where Crystal says "if i wasnt being stalked by my demon ex and if charles was actually, y'know, alive, then yes he would make a fun addition to my body count" and then it pans to edwin going like "body count??" Is absolutely taking me out rn. Like my guy absolutely thought for a second that Crystal was talking about murdering charles and looked so concerned. And then when charles clarifies what Crystal actually meant, you just see edwin's face go from worried to looking so fucking done with these bitches, like I could literally hear his brain going "oh for goodness sake" as he rolled his eyes so far back in his skull they were doing backflips. I legit can't with this show, im currently laughing my fucking ass off, its so funny

"New Yorkers bite more people than sharks annually" is an excellent example of how statistics can be misleading. Like yeah no shit, do you have any idea how rare it is to even encounter a shark in the wild? They're not exactly urban animals. I'm pretty damn sure that if sharks were living in big cities like pigeons, just strolling down the streets looking for food scraps, you'd see a lot more news stories about New Yorkers biting them.

something about tragic mick and monty being forsaken by their "guardian" type figures in a way. this feels like an endless curse to mick. but being left behind after esther is gone is freedom for monty. I feel like a kind of guardianship/mentorship forming between monty and mick would be interesting. I think they could help each other maybe

you know i've been around the block of cancelled series but the one i've realized i miss the most is dead boy detectives. like. it was just the PROLOGUE. I MISS THEM. THERE WAS SO MUCH MORE LEFT. YOU SHOT A TODDLER MR BOB NETFLICK

tumblr is like a pseudo afterlife because everyone on here was supposed to kill themselves a long time ago

she does something to my penis until i react appropriately

one could say this is poetic. riveting even.