1:00 p.m.

After our argument you asked me "Do you want to leave me?" I dont. I really don't. I can still take more arguments, I can keep holding back my anger, but I also know that this isn't a way to live, for you or for me. I love you so much,and it's going to pain me for so long if I let you go. But I feel like holding on is harming us both. Right now I dont know what to do besides ache.

Decided to try quitting weed and alcohol starting now. Been having a few nights where I wake up to my boyfriend telling me ''Please breathe'' or ''Youre not breathing'' while Im sleeping, and I honestly would hate to have sleep apnea. I don't want to accept that possibility, but if I don't make changes NOW, Im not going to end up being the healthy person I dream of becoming. It's only been a few hours since I took my last hit from my pen and I'm already feeling anxiety in my stomach, like as if I forgot to turn the stove off or something. I will not give up. My future health depends on me making immediate changes, I'm already horrified of having Alzheimer's or dementia when I'm old.