The Diary of a Pissed Off Tech

Grandpa walks in with his 4 year old grandchild.

Grandpa: Now don't run in the store!

Child:

OR

Guy just walked by with his kid and said 'Come here *child's name*. It sounded like he said: *Come here, Minion". If that is the kid's name then I applaud you, sir, in picking a great name for a child.

I am listening to this little child make his fathers life a living hell right now. The kid has not shut up since before they walked in the door. I could hear him yelling out the front door before they even opened the door to come in.

Immediately upon walking in the door the kid yelled 'SPIDERMEM' in response to the marvel merchandiser that you can see as soon as you walk in.......... about nineteen times in a row.

Before switching to a new tactic.

The new tactic being:

WA DA? WA DA? WA DA? WA DA? WA DA? WA DA? WA DA? WA DA? WA DA? WA DA? WA DA? WA DA? WA DA? WA DA? WA DA? WA DA? WA DA? WA DA? WA DA? WA DA? WA DA? WA DA? WA DA? WA DA? WA DA? WA DA? WA DA? WA DA? WA DA? WA DA? WA DA? WA DA? WA DA?

Then he started crying about something.

Now he's back to yelling SPIDERMEM over and over again between crying.

I'm so glad I'm sterile.

Kid in question is MAYBE 13.

Kid: Do you have any tarrasque models? Me: (Knowing full well he's not interested in buying any) Yes, but they are huge and expensive. We have two and they are here and here. Kid: Whats the difference between the two? Me: One's painted the other isn't. Kid: Is that normal? Me: (looks at the kid confused) Kid: Like, is that how they normally are? Me: (Jackie Chan confused face) Yes? Kid: Is the price normal? Me: .... I am not sure what you are asking. Kid: Is that.. is that how it normally is? Me: I'm still not sure what you are asking. Him: Like.. is that how the prices are? Me: I'm still not sure what you are asking. That's their MSRP. Kid: Oh okay. (leaves)

Not if we want to stay in business no.

Mom. Mom. Mom mom mom mom mommomommom! Mom. MOM! MON! Follow me! Mom. Mom. MOM! MOM! MOOOOM! MOM! MOM! Mommommommomommom! MOM!

Them: Is there an outlet that I can use to charge my phone?

ON THE WALLS. ALL OVER THE GOD DAMNED PLACE. JUST PICK ONE.

Jebus........

So Boomer grandma and pa bring grand son (maybe 10 years old) in to the store to show them where to buy Pokemon cards for a gift.

B-Grandma: So which pack should be get? This one has a pink thing on the front and this one has some type of bird.

Kid: Any of them.

B-Grandma: But this one has a pink cat on it this one has a bird. Which one is better?

Kid: It doesn't matter whats on the front.

B-Grandma: I want to make sure to get the right one.

Kid: It doesn't matter what the pokemon on the front is. The cards are random.

B-Grandma: Then why does this one has one thing on the cover and this on has something else?

Kid: Grandma the cards in the pack are random.

B-Grandma: But what if I get the wrong pack?

Kid: Its random cards in each pack.

After almost two minutes of deer in the headlights wind whistling in one ear and out the other the lights are on but nobody is home staring at the card rack without a thought entering her head the kid finally just grabs a few packs from the shelf and hands them to grandma and says 'buy these'.

For anyone who's tried to help young children with maths you know this look. You know that there is absolutely no conscious thought going on inside their head. They are just staring at what is confusing them waiting for the answer to automagically say itself in their head.

At least with young children its not their fault. They are still developing object permanence skills haven't had the life experiences necessary to have developed much in the way of cognitive and problem solving development. They are reaching into the jar to pull out an answer and there just isn't anything in the jar that they can grab.

But not grandma. She wasn't even reaching into the jar. The jar has 20 or more years worth of dust sitting on the lid untouched.

At least the kid is trying.

Every time I'm asked a questions.....

Do you have any of the new hotness in stock that completely sold out everywhere on day one when it went on sale two weeks ago?

Can you order me a copy of a product that hasn't been produced by the seller or in stock with your distributor for at least 10 years?

Do you have any copies of that game that is currently being funded on Kickstarer and still has 3 weeks before funding is completed?

Just met a guy named Roger Rogers!

I'm coining a new acronym: No And Fuck You For Asking

Got asked if I would give an additional discount on the already heavily discounted products in our used bins.

Is 50-75% off not enough for you? Are you always looking for a way to take advantage of people?

These are the types of people that shouldn't be allowed into bars and why they have products that let you test if something has been put into your drink.

Customer: Do I get commission for bringing my friend in?

Stupid kids seems to be the theme recently.

Dad and two kids come into the store. Kid grabs a pack of Pokemon cards and badgers his dad until the dad agrees to buy them and hands them six bucks.

Now.. the cash register is at the far right side of the counter. Kid walks up to the opposite side and stands there.

I stand at the register waiting for him.

He stands there shuffling around.

I start humming Spanish Flea to myself. Da-Da-Da dum dah da da dah...

This continues for about 45 seconds until dad points out to the kid that he needs to go to the other side of the counter to check out.

Second post today.

Family comes in. Two kids, both under the age of 6. Little girl walks over to the counter. I can't see her because of my computer screen but I know she's there because she's screaming: MOMMY COME LOOK ITS IMPORTANT! MOMMY! MOMMY LOOK! MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY! What was so important? She found our snack area and we had candy.

Kid walks in. Goes over to the dice area and starts poking through the dice. He's at it for a SOLID 20 minutes. Finally comes to the counter to pay. Dice are like $1.50 each.

Me: Okay that's $4.80. Kid: Oh. I don't have that much. I'll put one back. Kid puts one back and returns to counter. Me: Okay that's $3.20. Kid: Oh. I can't afford that either. ............ If you didn't have THREE FUCKING DOLLARS on you what made you decide to spend 20 minutes looking at dice you know you couldn't afford?

So.. a family walks in. Mom, Dad, 4 kids. They are only in the store MAYBE four whole minutes before leaving because children 5 years old or less aren't exactly our target consumers.

I did a count of how many times certain phrases were uttered in the 240 seconds they were in the store: MOMMA LOOK!!!!!!: 5 DONT TOUCH!!!!!: 4 STOP RUNNING!!!!!: 2

This was all in about 4 minutes time. If that long.

FORTH POST TODAY.

Person: I'm looking for Dr. Who comics. Me: We don't sell comics on this side of the street. Person: Oh. Where do I go then? Me: ...... The other side of the street with the store that has the same name. Was it not knowing the meaning of the word 'side' or 'street' that prompted his questions?