VickieLou

Chapter One 

The cameras flashed everywhere around me, I tried to pretend I wasn’t anxious at the thought of being seen at this thing. Premier Nights weren’t my favourite part of being friends with actor. They filled me with a sense of anxiety that before Tom got famous I’d never felt before. I felt a hand at my elbow. “You look worse than Tom and he’s the one everyone came to see” Harry laughed. Harry Holland. Little shit. Twin #2. 

“I hate these things” I muttered, his hand tapped at my elbow in reassurance. I tried to find it reassuring. I failed. “You can hide behind me if you want” he offered, I think he noticed my unease. The uneven pattern of my breathing and most obvious, I was biting my nails like crazy, my mother was going to have a fit when she saw them. I smiled at Harry, I tried to smile like I wasn’t panicking but I think Harry saw straight through me. A side effect of spending so much time around the Holland Boys. “Thanks for the offer, but Sam is still my favourite twin” I replied, a joke seemed the right way to go. Harry sent me a dirty look. “He got you the guitar for Christmas three years ago, let it go,” He said shaking his head in disapproval. I snorted. 

He was right. Three years ago on Christmas day Sam Holland, other little shit and Twin #1 had gifted me a Fender FSR CC-60s Mahogany Concert Acoustic Guitar and it was still the light in my life. You would think that my best friend would have been the one that had bought me the greatest present I’d ever received but Tom didn’t understand guitars and we had a deal that meant that Tom wouldn’t buy me anything to do with music and I wouldn’t buy him anything to do with golf because I couldn’t understand golf to save my life. 

I’d been spending part of my Christmas holiday with the Hollands since I was 10 years old. My mother and Nikki had been neighbours (-and best friends!) as long as either of them could remember. My mother worked as a care assistant and more often than not she had to work 12-hour shifts around the Christmas period so I learned from a very young age that the Hollands were like a second family to me. Every time my mum had to work overtime to make ends meet or couldn’t come and get me from school because she just couldn’t get her half an hour break yet, I would go to the Hollands and looking back now that time I spent at their house became some of the best memories of my childhood. 

The cameras flashed again and the sound of the crowd outside the cinema got infinitely louder bringing me kicking and screaming back to the present. “Guess Tom’s here” I muttered. I heard the sound of tyres squealing outside and the sound of chanting got louder. Damn those fangirls and their seemingly infinite lung capacity. “Tom! Tom!” They shouted I leaned on the door frame and watched the scene unfold. At some point during Tom’s grand entrance, Harry went to find Sam and I was left alone. I wasn’t fond of being left alone but Sam was doing photographs for the premier and he needed help. The cinema seemed bigger than it had been all the times I’d been there before. Somehow leaning against the door waiting for my best friend to come waltzing through it, when he was done sighing autographs, the place seemed to be the size of the Blackpool Tower Ballroom. The dress that I’d squeezed myself in to for the occasion felt tighter than ever, my chest painfully constricted. 

I had been thinking about leaving when the door in front of me opened and a familiar face was hurried through by security men that were three times his size, that was saying a lot recently. Tom had been working his arse off in the gym and was around twice the size he used to be. 

I took my time to take in his appearance before he noticed me, his face was flushed. His navy suit was dishevelled, the grey shirt underneath was flecked with sweat and his hair was sticking to his forehead with the same sweat from running around signing autographs and taking pictures with the aforementioned fangirls.

“Tommy” I called, he jumped a mile and looked over to where I was standing by the door. I saw the relief cross over his face that I wasn’t someone he didn’t know watching him at what could be considered a vulnerable moment. I was the only person who could call him that. 

“Jules, thank god.” He smiled walking over, I watched his eyes take me in as he came closer. He reached out his hand for mine and I happily let him pull me towards where the crowd of people were heading towards the cinema room for the first showing of Toms new movie ‘ONWARD’. I’d heard most of the movie in the clips that Tom had messaged me whilst he was on set, I hadn’t actually seen the animation though and I was excited to see what he’d been making the months he’d been away. 

We sat in the seats towards the back, two seats on Tom’s left side were reserved for Sam and Harry when they finally got around to joining us. Tom’s arm immediately went around my shoulder, allowing me to lean back into his embrace. I’d missed this. Yeah, I’d seen him since he came back from New York but I hadn’t seen him for a while it was nice to have him close to me again. 

“I’m so glad you came” he was whispering, leaning closer to my ear, I felt his breath tickling the shell and I sighed happily. His breath smelt minty fresh like he’d brushed his teeth minutes ago but I hadn’t missed the gentle pop of his gum. Smart boy, no tuna breath on premiere night. “Wouldn’t be anywhere else” I replied. Tom’s gentle smile was the last thing I remember seeing before the lights went off and the opening credits to the film started. 

 Before anyone can say it, I know what you’re thinking. You lucky bitch. You’re best friends with Tom Holland. I understand that because Tom is one of the greatest guys that you’ll ever meet. But not for the reasons that most of the fangirls think. Yeah, the man was fucking gorgeous, I’m his best friend but I have eyes. Buffer than a Norse god and more swag that a billionaire playboy philanthropist but that wasn’t the reason that I was so lucky. I saw a side to him that most people didn’t, I saw sleepy Tom falling asleep in front of the TV watching reruns of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. I saw Tom shitting himself watching the remake of IT. I saw him crying over a puppy video on his Facebook and I saw him proudly smiling at his phone when he finally did something right on Instagram. He was and always had been a great guy. 

But enough about Tom, let’s get back to where we were. 

The premiere went better than expected and I loved the new film, Tom had the gall to laugh at me when I was sobbing towards the end of the movie. That earned him a punch to the stomach that Nikki would have been proud of. Stupid boy, I can’t get through a damn one of his movies without tearing up. Damn almost had a crying fit when I watched The Impossible. Now, remember I was around 13 when the premiere of that film happened and the thought of anything happening to Tom back then was more than my pimpley hormone fuelled heart could take. Tom had to come out of the premiere and hold me for twenty minutes whilst I sobbed, repeatedly reminding me it was a film and he wasn’t going to leave me anytime soon. Yeah, It wasn’t my proudest moment. It was one of my favourite Tom memories though. 

“So, What did you think?” Tom asked as the lights came back on. I looked up at him through my panda eyes where my mascara had run and gave him the dirtiest look I could manage. “You said it wasn’t sad” I accused, rubbing at my eyes profusely “You lied to me” 

“You cry at every one of my premieres, when are you going to learn to wear waterproof mascara?” Toma asked, pulling his sleeve down over his hand and taking a swipe at the mascara running down my cheeks.  “What’s life without a little risk?” I smirked, he shook his head at me, his hand gripping my chin tighter as he gently wiped my face, in the back of a movie theatre with the sleeve of his suit. Oh the class

“You have got to stop rewatching Harry Potter” He sighed

“Says the person who bought me the boxset” I returned. “Not to watch everyday” He laughed, seeming happy enough with his handiwork. He let go of my face. Part of me instantly missed his touch. “And I suppose a great muggle like yourself is going to stop me?” I laughed. Tom looked at me with great disapproval. Tom had never understood my obsession with Harry Potter. A diehard Marvel fan instead, there was no room in his head for anything except Spiderman. The more I think about it, the more I realise that him not being Spiderman for the MCU was utterly preposterous. The man had spiderman bedding, granted Paddy currently slept on those but still, the man lived and breathed Marvel. 

“You’re lucky I put up with your arse. Now, what did you actually think?” He asked standing up and holding his hand out to help me up and out of the mostly empty theatre.

“I love it” I smiled. “You really pulled at my heartstrings. Are you going to introduce me to Chris Pratt now?” I asked, fluttering my wet eyelashes at Tom in faux flirtation 

“And have to bail you out of prison after you flash at him? No chance” He laughed, gripping my hand tighter and scoffing at my flirtation persuasion attempt. “Indecent exposure is a misdemeanour, I’ll skip prison” I replied. “I’m still not introducing you, in fact. I’m skipping the afterparty all together” He smiled. We’d reached the door to the cinema. Everyone was pretty much gone. There were a few stragglers that were walking around talking on the phone or waiting for taxis home I imagined. There was a teenaged girl that looked up when she saw Tom and let out the most adorable squeak. I pulled on his hand and made him stop to take a picture with her, not that Tom needed forcing to be nice to his fans but Tom could be oblivious and she struck me as the type of girl that wouldn’t have the balls to come over and ask for a picture. 

“So, want me to drop you off?” he asked, sliding into the driver’s seat. I heard the leather screech and he settled himself comfortably and reached for his seatbelt. 

“To the house exactly three doors down from yours?” I laughed, sliding into the passenger’s seat and instantly reaching for the radio, turning on signal one on low. 

“Well actually,” He said pausing and waiting for me to fasten my seatbelt before starting the car “I was wondering if I could stay at your house tonight?” He asked. “My house? With my mother?” I asked, knowing that my mother wasn’t at the house but playing hard to get all the same. 

“Isn’t she working at the care home tonight?” He pointed out. The beams from the traffic lights bounced across his face as he drove and I found myself watching the patterns with interest. “I’m not sure if I should find it creepy that you know her rota or not, why are you planning on getting me alone?” I asked, regarding him with a fake expression of fear and distrust. 

“I want to spend time with my best friend, and also not be surrounded by my parents right now” He replied, his shoulders tensed at the mention of his parents and I instantly understood. “I see where this is going, Nikki still hasn’t come around to the idea of you moving out, has she?” I asked laughing, “She would come around to it a lot easier if you’d come live with me,” He said turning on to our street. The sight of the familiar street made my heart happy in a weird way. “And add fuel to our families attempts at marrying us off?” I asked. I watched the smirk stretch across his face, Tom found our parents inability to accept our friendship as what it was utterly hilarious, I, however, found every single attempt that they made to push us closer together completely humiliating. “Why ruin the habit of a lifetime?” He said as he parked perfectly in front of my house. I got out of the car in lieu of answering the question. I turned to head up the path my front garden, slowing my pace only slightly in order for Tom to catch up to me, and also because my feet were killing me in these heels. 

As I suspected, Tom appeared at my side within seconds and I sent him a bemused smile. I opened the door and headed inside. I kicked my heels off and turned around to hang my coat up, to find Tom still outside the door. I cocked my head at him in question. 

“What are you a vampire? Need an invite?” I asked. He didn’t laugh  

“You never actually said I could stay over,” He said in explanation, digging his feet in the dirt as if he actually expected me to deny him access to what I suspected has become like a second home to him too. He really was a perfect gentleman. 

Up until Tom started to become a well-known actor I was used to him constantly being around. Sleepovers were just the done thing. I can’t remember a time that I wasn’t proficient in the layout of his house or him in the same in mine. I wasn’t bitter.  Before anyone says anything. I loved Tom and he deserved everything he was getting. It’s just hard when the person that you’re used to being around all the time, isn’t around anymore. It’s like this weird empty feeling in your chest. 

But Tom was here now, sitting on the arm of my couch. He looked up at me as I came back into the room holding a glass of water. The green dress I had been wearing was somewhere upstairs lying prone across the floor and my hair was loose and messy. It felt a lot better to be home and myself again instead of heavily made up. 

“Did you happen to tell Nikki you were here and have not been kidnapped by a super-fan?” I asked, throwing myself down on the settee next to him and trying my best not to spill my water. He looked up from his phone and waved it at me. “Texting as we speak” He replied. 

Tom wasn’t a prolific texter. It took a lot when he was on set to get any kind of a response from him. He always called me, every night at the same time. 7pm Uk time, 2pm American time but getting anything else in between was few and far between. I’d been lucky to see so much of the Onward movie when I did. He was always careful to keep Chris Pratt off the videos / pictures though. I was starting to think he just didn’t want me near him. “You’re so lazy, you could just walk over there” I teased “In fact, if you went to the front door and shouted I bet Dom would hear you” I smirked. He gave me a side-eye as he finished his text and threw his phone behind him on the couch cushion. “Did you miss the part where I told you that my parents are driving me crazy recently?” He deadpanned. Ah. There was my Tom. Dramatic little shit. 

Tom had taken his suit jacket off and was relaxing in his shirt and dress pants. His shoes were long gone, probably lying strewn across my floor somewhere. He had never been the organised kind. His hair was tousled where he’d been playing with it. I remember in October when he’d shaved his hair for Cherry, it was growing back now but I’d given him such a hard time for it. I must have called him a ‘thug’ every time I saw him. I had ulterior motives for that though, Tom was gorgeous anyway but I had a soft spot for his long hair, I liked playing with it.  

“Come on then. Tell me what’s going on?” I said lifting my legs so they were lounging over his. My sleep shorts road up but I couldn’t care less. I was far too comfortable around Tom  He leaned towards me, taking my glass out of my hand and taking a mouthful “Thief” I muttered playfully. 

 I wasn’t mad, I never actually drank my own drink when Tom was around. He was always drinking mine and I was always drinking his. It dates back to when we were kids, I used to think Tom’s food and drink tasted better than mine and Tom used to think that mine tasted better than his. So we swapped when our parents weren’t looking. Our parents cottoned on soon enough but I’m pretty sure they just thought it was too cute to stop. 

He gave me a boyish grin, I took my glass back. I took a sip myself. “You better not have any diseases, Thomas” 

“Oh please, If I had any you’d already have them, when was the last time you used your own water bottle at the gym?” He teased. 

“Why would I take my own when yours is right there?” I laughed. “Stop trying to change the subject, why don’t your parents agree with you moving out?”

Tom stiffened, this was clearly a sensitive subject but I have never been very good at staying away when I knew Tom needed me. “My parents don’t think I’m ready to live alone, hence why they want you there too. They seem to think that you’re a good influence. You’ll stop me getting into debt or getting burgled or some shit” He huffed. I sniggered. 

What bullshit. If anything, Tom was a good influence on me. 

“I maintain, they only want me to move in with you because you’ve introduced them to too many romance films with the same storyline” I snorted. Tom gave me a dirty look. “You should be thrilled they want your stubborn arse as a daughter in law,” He said, pretending to be offended. 

“I would be thrilled if I didn’t have to marry your pompous arse to become said daughter in law. You think Sam or Harry are available?” I asked, Tom flicked my nose.

“How dare you?” He said, gently pushing my legs off his lap in mock humour, “You take that back and admit you love me right now” 

“Never” I laughed. He grabbed the bottom of my foot that he’d just pushed off and narrowed his eyes at me. 

“Admit it” He ordered, “Right now” “No” I laughed again, I liked playful Tom. I liked Tom when he wasn’t stressing about his parent’s opinion “That’s it” He thundered. He began to tickle my foot. I squealed and tried to fight away from his grasp but it was damn near impossible. I was in fits of laughter. Shrieking and twisting and fighting. Tom was laughing too. 

“Tell me you love me Jules” Tom gasped through laughter “Tell me you’d marry me” 

“You jealous brat” I gasped out. Tom’s laughter seemed to double in volume and I was suddenly very aware of the fact that I was on the verge of wetting myself. I needed him to stop tickling me otherwise I was going to have to live down the fact that I peed on my best friend on my mother’s couch. 

“Tom, Tom stop” I begged. “I’m sorry, I love you,” I said. His fingers immediately paused on my feet. 

“And?” He prompted. His eyes were dark. My stomach twisted uncomfortably. This jealous streak of his was becoming a problem and I was ashamed to say that I think I liked it. 

“If you were ever to ask, I’d marry you  in a heartbeat, You wretched jealous fool.” I spluttered. Tom dropped my foot and threw himself down on the couch next to me. 

“That’s what I thought, I love it when I come back home” He laughed. 

“So.. its Valentines Day. How did that go?” Tom asked. It was 2am and Tom was lying in bed next to me. I was almost asleep but the mention of Valentines Day woke me up quickly. I sighed. “It didn’t work out” I muttered. For the last couple of months, I’d been using POF to try and get out there and meet some new people. I had been invited out on a date for Valentines Day but I was ashamed to admit that I’d been stood up at the Restaraunt. I wasn’t sure if I should admit to that though, Tom had been very against me going on the date. He made me ring him when I got home that night to make sure I was alive. He just didn’t trust internet dating. I couldn’t blame him though, I’d gotten some questionable messages. 

“What do you mean it didn’t work out? Did he say something to you?” Tom said. I could hear the stiffness his words. He was getting protective. He didn’t need to but I appreciated it. 

“He didn’t say anything because he wasn’t there” I whispered. Tom’s ears picked up and he shuffled closer to me. His arms wrapped around me slowly until I was pressed against his chest. “One day, you’ll meet someone that makes you feel happier than you’ve ever felt before. You won’t be able to imagine your life without them” He said soothingly. 

Tom was that guy for me. I was sure of it. I just didn’t have the confidence to voice my feelings. So, I did what I always did when I didn’t know how to voice my feelings. I wrote a song. I’d written many songs about Tom. But, probably my most emotional and most secret song was the one I wrote when he left to film Spider-Man Homecoming. I hadn’t dealt with Tom leaving very well. At all.