I am the Alpha and the Omega.

I didn’t lose you. You lost me. You’ll search for me inside of everyone you’re with and I won’t be found.

She loved him And he loved her But it wasn’t That simple.

Tell me something, anything. Tell me you want me, tell me you don’t. Give it to me straight. Stop confusing me. Because if you really want me, if you really want to be with me, I am all in. I will dive head first from this goddamn cliff. Just say it, say anything. You don’t even have to say you love me, you don’t even need to promise me forever. Just tell me you want to try, just tell me there is an “us”. Or if there is a possibility of one. You and me. Tell me. Otherwise, let me go. Don’t put me somewhere in-between. You want me or you don’t. Simple as that. Now, tell me.

Stay and Hurt.

So, somehow we talk again and even said we wanna meet up again. It’s nice but im courious. You text me more now as when we were together and you seem way too nice. And this is why I’m a little bit scared to be honest. What if my feelings come back? It’s already crazy how fast they came last november and how long it took to forget them, considering how short our relationship was. But to be honest … I even made it to fall for someone else. And even though I’m sure I want him, I’m not sure if he wants me too. Thanks to you. Because all of these scars you left on my soul in this short amount of time are still visible and I’m so scared. I’m questioning every move. And I always expect the worst.

I’ll admit I’ve never been good with my feelings. I always either have too many or too few. But beyond that, I’m terrible at talking about them. Maybe I didn’t want to be judged for how I felt. Maybe I felt like no one would care. All I know is that it was really hard for me To tell you that I loved you. Even though I felt it with every fiber of my being. Even though you were the only person I was ever really sure of. But what was even harder Was not hearing you say it back.

It probably doesn’t matter at this point that you are gone and I will never see you again. Though I am angry, I still miss you and I still adore you. I saw parts in you that needed to be full of love and taking wounds from our lovemaking was something more heavenly than able to be described, especially when you put your care into mine. I miss our talks. How we would talk about the universe and about the future of humanity. You were the only one who took me seriously and I was the only person who understood your quirky thinking. I know you will never love me. I know that all these dreams pining over you will mean nothing years from now and yet I want to say I love you one last time. Thank you for everything you were when you were with me.

I’d like to imagine that for those few seconds when you wrapped your arms around me and turned my heartbeat into the strongest, fastest bassline I’d ever known, you actually wanted me.

She loved him And he loved her But it wasn’t That simple.