via pacis

remember when fruits basket was like kindness isn’t a weakness it’s a strength and there’s nothing wrong with vulnerability and love

Hey, if you’re not as mentally quick as you used to be because of your illness- that’s okay. If you’re can’t think as fast or handle as many tasks that’s okay. You aren’t stupid, you aren’t unintelligent, and you aren’t less worthy of love or respect. It’s okay that your brain won’t or can’t go back to how it used to be. It’s different now, but it’s okay.

It is understandable. Take my hand. Let us walk for a bit. You don’t have to do anything but exist right now. If you are ever needed again I know you will be there for me. Just walk. Just watch. See what things that I do that you like so you may be present when I do them again. I know it feels unsafe to let your guard down. You’ve protected me for 3 decades. I want to be the one that protects you now. Can you let me? You did such a good job little one. A job that you wished a big person did. I am sorry. We had no big persons to keep us safe. I’m sorry you had to handle adult situations before your time. I thank you so very much for carrying a weight that you were not built to carry. That you should not have. You did though. And you did it so bravely. You kept us safe. You learned skills. You made us work optimally so we would be protected by their need for us. You worked so hard. And it came at a cost. You did not get to grow up. You became stuck. Give me all that you know. Give me all that you did. Give me you so I may take that weight off of you. Teach me what you know. Little by little you will feel less. Little by little you will move to the land of rest. When I need you, you will be there, trust me. But I do not. I love you. I am so proud of you. May we meet the people that will love us in a way so tender you will feel it as you slumber. Caressing your neural pathway.

God is not in a hurry. You are. It's why you’re tired. It's why you’re anxious, stressed, and disappointed. Trust that what was meant to be yours will be yours.