this entire blog is simply just a compilation of my soul yearning

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@heryearnings
this entire blog is simply just a compilation of my soul yearning

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My body needs itâthe hot baths, the care, the soft water, the perfume, the warmth. I take on the colors of the flowers, the bloom, the delicacy. It becomes me.
AnaĂŻs Nin, Mirages: The Unexpurgated Diaries of AnaĂŻs Nin 1939-1947
A comforting thought for anyone feeling stuck right now: fields have to lie fallow for a season so the soil can rest and recover its nutrients. trees look entirely dead in the winter, but underneath the bark, they are preparing for spring. you are allowed to have fallow seasons. you are allowed to be in a winter state. your productivity does not define your worth as a human being, nor does it define your talent as an artist or a creator. if the words aren't flowing, or the art isn't coming together, or you just feel tiredâlet yourself rest without the crushing weight of guilt. you aren't failing; you are gathering the nutrients you need for the next beautiful thing you make. đ¤
Anne Sexton, A Self-Portrait in Letters

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
I love kids theyâre all like.. âwhen i grow up iâm gonna be an astronaut and a chef and a doctor and an olympic swimmerâ like that self confidence! That drive! That optimism! Where does it go
It gets destroyed by adults not believing in you and telling you to pick a realistic career. And by society creating all these obstacles to the point that youâre too tired to try.
But theyâre not really unrealistic, SOMEBODY is going to be an olympic swimmer and it might as well be you.
Actually I want to talk about this a little more than I did, because olympic swimming is incredible and works perfectly to talk about attaining goals.
I used to be a varsity swimmer, and I was damn good, but I was forced into it by my parents and completely lost my love for it and therein my drive. But in high school I was swimming against such talented swimmers like Olympic Swimmer Missy Franklin. Iâve met her, and the main difference between her and me was that I was strong but had no passion, but she was strong BECAUSE she had passion.Â
And I could have been good, really good, maybe even Olympic good. I even have the predisposition for it, been swimming since I was 2 years old, have a mom who was almost an olympic swimmer. Missy didnât have either of those things, she just wanted it, loved it, had been doing it for a long time, and decided she was going to kick ass at it.
Right, thatâs great and all, but I completely missed my opportunity to be an olympic swimmer, yeah? and can never achieve those dreams I had as a kid? No, not even though. There was this whole thought that female athletes peak when theyâre 17 years old and lose their skills quickly after that, and male athletes peak around 19. But then Olympic Swimmer Dara Torres shows up. She was an olympic swimmer when she was 17, 21 and 25. Pretty normal age for retirement. She had a few kids. She kicked butt at being a mom.Â
And then at 33 years old she decides sheâs bored or something gets back in shape and kicks so much ass at the trials that she lands herself on the Olympic Team ONCE AGAIN. And then 8 years later, she decides, heck Iâm 41 now, no one has ever made the olympic swim team as old as I am, I want to get in shape yet again and teach these children how sports work.
And she still has the record for oldest US Olympic Swimmer, not even any men have beat out that record.
So basically what Iâm saying is you could be an olympic swimmer, you really could be. And there are obviously a lot of things stopping you and trying to get in your way: your brain, society, too much chocolate cake for example. But if you really dedicate yourself to it and love it with all of your heart you could, you really could.
And lets say olympic swimming isnât your jam? Thatâs cool too. There isnât a single skill in this world that you canât learn if you absolutely love it and want to. Any skill you want is going to take time. There are countless famous people who started learning a skill after 20, 30, 40, or even 50. Not a single person has even been president under age 35 (most likely because youâre not allowed to be, but thereâs a reason for that). Whatever you want to do youâre probably going to be bad at first, and Iâm talking really shitty.
Van Gogh got started in his 20â˛s and was thought to have no artistic talent at first and was forced to sit in the back of classrooms where the worst artists in the class sat. So yeah youâll probably be bad, like really bad and everyone including you will think youâre bad. If you stick with it though, if youâre willing to work for years and years, if you keep loving it after all the pain itâs given you,Â
then you might just paint Starry Night.
#looks like thereâs still time for me to learn how to draw ⌠YES. As someone who started drawing at 35 and who always was like: âeh, I canât draw a stick figure to save my life, but I would love to be able toâ this is near and dear to my heart. If you want to draw, start drawing. Keep drawing. Be shit at drawing at first. Keep it up, doodle things on scraps but also draw stuff you donât think you can draw. Challenge yourself, you will be surprised what you can do. It will be frustrating at times, but it will also be awesome. It is SO much a matter of practice and dedication, not talent.
This applies for writing, too. Â
Donât ever think for a second that it doesnât! Want to start writing? Then write! You will get better the more you write, the more often, and you will improve, all of the time, as long as you dedicate yourself. Â
The worst lie we tell ourselves is âitâs too late.â
Talent is a pursued interest.
Humanâs are pursuit predators.
Be awesome.
I started writing almost 2 years ago
I sucked at it, lets be honest, but it had passion. It had love and time and effort put into it and thatâs what made it good
My writing is better now, but itâs because I kept going and writing more, even when I didnât love how it turned out
Whatâs more human than trying again and again and again?
My life improved so much when I started forcing myself to do things: forcing myself to exercise, to cook from scratch; forcing myself to go to the movies or to museums alone, to wear that really cute outfit just to run errands; forcing myself to read a book, to strike up a conversation with a stranger, to ask for a raise.
Once you begin forcing yourself to do the things that you had been too scared or too lazy to do, you feel a sense of accomplishment that gives you momentum to do even more. It gets easier to get out of your comfort zone & to do hard things.
you gotta read, you gotta write, you gotta draw, you gotta watch films and shows. there is literally NO time to be employed

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healing happens in circles, not lines. you will return to old places with new eyes.
Fyodor Dostoevsky, from a letter featured in Letters of Fyodor Michailovitch Dostoevsky to his Family & Friends