∞ Infinite ∞

This wasn't supposed to happen! Why did she-

Your letter is the last and hardest letter I have had to write. 

I'm so sorry, I want you to know I love you. So much. But I just couldn't go on in this pain. I can't keep living for everyone else when I feel so dead inside. I've accepted that I am dying and watching everyone live their lives around me so freely, so blind to the possibility of death..why cant I have that? Why can't I be free? I guess soon I will be..

You're incredibly strong and amazing. I want you to never forget about me, okay? Keep going. Put that gorgeous smile of your on your face and face each day with the attitude that you're going to be alright, because you are. 

I love you and I hope you forgive me for what I have done and keep me in your heart, because it's where I've always felt happiest and safest. I'm always listening if you need to talk to me, and one day, far from now, I will see you again. But please, don't ever fear moving on, I want nothing more than for you to be happy.

Now this may be crazy, but hell, I have nothing to lose anymore. I want you to have the house, I don't care if you move in or sell it. The paperwork was transferred into my name when my dad died and it's mine to do with as I please. You said it's cramped in the Stuart household, so here, you don't have to be cramped anymore. Sell it and buy a place with less memories or rent somewhere and use the money for you, I don't care, I just want you to be okay, I'm not around to help you out with cash anymore if you need it, so I want to make sure you're taken care of.      And can you make sure my puppies find a safe home? You know how much I love my babies, especially Sophie.

You are forever my princess.

All my love,

Your Ronnie.

I know you moved and I know we haven't talked in a while, but if you're reading this that means I'm no longer here. No longer living. Now, before you freak out, please let me explain to you what has been going on since you left. I was diagnosed with cancer seven months ago, lung cancer, the same as my mother. The doctors said we had to attack it with fervor and I would be okay.

What no one pick up until recently was that the chemo was damaging my heart and by the time it was identified, the damage was too extreme. I'm taking pills tonight, with the damage to my heart, it shouldn't take much to end all this pain.

Please don't hate me, I'm so unhappy, I'm so terrified and I've watched myself slip away to a shell of the girl you once knew. Drugs are my best friend, I now see why you struggled with them before, they're great at numbing the pain. I'm a bald freak who's body looks like a skeleton. I'm not the Ronnie you remember. I hate this me.

But maybe it's for the best that you left, you didn't have to see me fade, watch me crumble. Keep the memories of me smiling and dancing like a fool in your heart. Remember when you took me on our best friend date? You are still, to this day, the only boy who has danced with me like that, out of nowhere with no one around. Remember food fights in my kitchen? Or nerf wars against me and Jonah? How about all those nights I stole you away from Christian and we cuddled and laughed and cried and gossiped. Those are some of my favorite memories and I will always keep them close to me.

But now you're gone, and so am I. I love you, always have, always will. Promise me to stay strong, stay beautiful, stay you. You'll always be my Nickle-Nip, my savior, my brother, my bucket-list friend. I've missed you so much, it's kind of like I'm living without air. I thought I was going to die when you left, but knowing that you're happy and living your life with the ones you love kept me going. 

You've been there for me through thick and thin, and I've come to the conclusion that when you've dealt with so much hell, more than one should deserve in a lifetime, that means your expiration is near. I want to control when I go, not with a fizzle, but with a bang, am I right? I'm happier now. Safe and smiling down on you, don't be sad, I'm always in your heart.

Don't forget me.

Love you always,

Your sunshine, Ronnie.

I know I've been a bitch recently, I know things haven't been easy and I know it's no excuse. I know a part of you hates me for how this ended and I knew that was going to happen, but I want you to know I've always loved you. You're my best friend. I want you to hold yourself together for me, okay? I'm not saying you can't be sad, but just promise me I won't be seeing you soon because I will never forgive you if you don't move on with life.

I know it hurts to lose a friend, but you can make it through, one day at a time. I will always be with you, please know that. The sun on your face is me, the creaks in the night, the pillow you cling to when you cry, the shadow on the ground, the whisper in the wind, those are all me. I will never leave your side Lexie. When things get tough and you need someone to talk to, know I'm always listening.

Keep your chin up and a smile on your face, no matter how hard it is to hold it there, do it. And one day, sometime, it'll be real, until you finally move on. Life moves forward, you need to go with it. Please don't forget me.

Love you always and forever.

Always with you, 

So you've been like a brother to me, I love you to death and I will always be with you. You've been my rock and my savior and something as simple as my pillow. We've always had a strange connection, I always felt different around you, I hated you and then for a while I thought I needed to impress you, like I had something to prove, but you accepted me as me and made me feel comfortable and happy. 

I'm sorry I had to go so soon, I wish I could have spent more time with you, but my time is up. How does the one thing that is supposed to save your like, be the thing that kills you? I had no clue what to do, but I knew the sooner I was gone, the sooner you all could get on with your lives and not worry about me. Maybe I'm a coward, maybe I'm incredibly stupid, but I did this for you all and I did it for me. I am always here for you, always with you, so please don't be sad, life is such a beautiful thing. Appreciate it while you can.

You are my best friend, practically my brother. Take care of yourself. I love you so much. I'm sorry I've been a bitch, I'm sorry I've been so back and forth and mean and then a mess all at once, I just don't know how to handle this anymore, how to be happy. But please know that I'm happy now.

Don't forget about me,

Ronnie, your unicorn.