anton could not remember how he found out , once he heard the news everything that followed seemed to be a blur. he contemplated his options , contemplated what exactly to do in this situation but —- he had to separate himself from the situation. putting on his veil of ignorance he realized that she was alone , if anything was significant to him it was that single fact. setting apart his feelings about the situation he knew he had to go and see her. he owed her that much. however —- he knew he was too sober to go so he popped a pill into his mouth and washed it down with whatever liquor he had lying around. once arriving at the hospital he had to somewhat steady himself as he asked for the woman’s room , surprised that his bribing actually worked but he was still lead to the woman’s room. breath steady, feet staggering as he walked into the room and just the sight was sobering enough. he walked inside closing the door behind him. every emotion was plastered all over his expression as he walked towards her. injured hand shook in anger but —- she did this to herself. the two were in constant routine of ruining themselves they did not think about the repercussions. light eyes focused on the monitor before the fell on an unfamiliar splotch of color on her forearm. expression shifted into one of confusion as his finger lightly traced along the figure before he realized some similarities —– “ shit. “
@venomform
she’s been monitored closely , tube that was once down her throat now gone - not many had come to see the femme , but it wasn’t like alejandra had noticed - the iberian femme had found herself sleeping through it all. it’s exhaustion she feels , knowing that she’d almost d i e d being something she did not want to think about - so she slept it through , - it’s little things she hears however , the door opening - door closing , the beeping of her heart as the machine monitored her - she never expected anyone coming to actually see her , believed that it would be r a r e for someone to notice she was gone anyways - it’s why she simply doesn’t expect anyone to notice , figure out she was g o n e - so when she feels fingertips lightly tracing the skin of her forearm , following the lines of the inked rose upon her skin , it doesn’t take her long to be dragged out of her sleep - woken up , as eyes darted up , falling upon the features of the familiar man. it’s the one person she didn’t expect to see , - out of everyone she would’ve never thought he’d actually show up . . . not with what went down the last time they’d seen each other. “ anton . . . ?? ” her voice is soft , sore , mocha hues gazing up into his icy ones. “ what are you - why are you - here ?? ” she wants him to s t a y , alejandra wasn’t an idiot - but she wants to hear why.
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[TEXT: ESMERELDA → ALEJANDRA ] ok good… my heart skipped a beat there for a sec
[TEXT: ESMERELDA → ALEJANDRA ] i get all sorts of frat boys from boulder coming here asking for shit on their asses. issa thing with them, apparently…
[TEXT: ESMERELDA → ALEJANDRA ] okay… yikes. a detailed pussy. like i’m talking about full on life-like replication. i still see the dude sometimes, asks if i wanna play with his clit :///////
[TEXT: ESMERELDA → ALEJANDRA ] i hope so, baby girl, i hate knowing ur having a hard time !!!!
[TEXT: ESMERELDA → ALEJANDRA ] i never tattoo the same thing twice, so u better snatch up what u like !!! i’ve been drawing a lot of skeletons, though, fair warning
[TEXT: ESMERELDA → ALEJANDRA ] come on in :)
alejandra does as she’s told , walks into the small tattoo shop , sketch in hand as she moves to stand by her friend. “ i might actually ask you to tat me a good pussy , just so that i can ask you to play with my clit , esme. ” but as alejandra speaks she finds herself cracking up , shaking her head - her hand resting upon her friend’s shoulder. “ i say we get the tattoo done first and - and i’ll tell you what it’s all about. i’ll look through your sketches afterwards !! a skeleton definitely sounds sick tho , esme. ”
trigger warning: overdose , drug use , alcoholism , death mention , murder mention , addiction
estás sola , completamente sola . . . y poco a poco empiezas a perderlo todo , incluyéndote a ti misma
she’s out of it , - has been out of it for hours. snorted some coke , one line - two lines , drinks a little too much. it’s become routine , pushes herself a little bit more every night - isn’t even aware of it . . . but tonight it’s different - it’s more difficult than she thought it would be - her father’s birthday , a sick reminder - that she was failing , that she had not succeeded in getting him out of j a i l - her lawyers not allowing her to hear anything from him. everyday the younger vázquez finds herself wondering if she’d ever see him , hear his voice - it didn’t matter how much of a monster martin was , it would never matter to alejandra. it was her father , the king of all kings , el rey of the spanish mafia , a legacy she was meant to continue , until they made the wrong fucking move.
it’s funny , how she always believed she needed no one - from a young age she’d been told to care about herself only , raised to be a killing machine , meant to execute her father’s dirty work - and for years she did - one would think the femme would not grow attached , that humanity within her being must be something impossible. truth is , it is not - far from it. she misses her father , her mother , her siblings - leaving spain ( or running away ) had to be the most difficult of tasks , but family is family , what she never expects is to grow fond of someone else , to care for someone’s life just as much as she cared for her family.
the disappearance of one of the petrans , anton precisely , triggered a chain of events the iberian femme would’ve never expected. a hysterical state of constant anxiety , worry , fear - and a constant pain she carried with the every beat of her heart as she attempted to figure out where he had gone , what had happened - tasmim was a witness , so was esmeralda , honey too - the disappearance of anton had managed to tear her apart , his presence being something which had apparently held her together ; an antidote , a cure she wasn’t aware she needed. sure , leaving without a goodbye was something which she very much regretted doing , but crossing paths with him again in valdez - had only made her realise that she had in fact missed him.
the ink upon the skin of her forearm , represents more things , a rose sketched by anton himself ( a drawing she’d taken with her , refused to leave it in spain ) , her favourite flower - her mother’s too , the name of her grandmother - and the A inked on the upper right side only gave the piece more meaning. ANGELES , nickname her abuela would call alejandra and her brother , A also standing for her sibling’s second name , serving as anton’s initial - keeping him in mind once the piece of art was traced onto the femme’s skin - but it also symbolised her own strength , her identity - for pulling through all these months. it’s been too long , almost a y e a r since she got to the small town , almost a year that she’s survived without dying.
she’s taking a bullet - , one that attempted to rip through her confidence . . . she’s lost her family , something that had the power to tear her down , the fate her father and herself would face remaining in the unknown as she wondered whether or not la guardia civil would ever figure out she was hiding away in the states. losing her sibling , her mother , her abuela , her father - the kingdom she was promised from a young age , an empire. she’s lost that too , she’s lost everything , -
keeping it together never seemed like a difficult task , - drugs helping her on the daily , whether it a joint or a couple of pills , a line of coke or the usual nicotine - sure , she’s familiar with the substances from a young age , alcohol accessible to her for as long as she can remember - but it’s not until she finds anton petran , and hears him utter those words - he doesn’t need her , has never needed her - it’s the same man who once upon a time told her she deserved to be treated better than the treatment she endured from her old man. the same man she’d so desperately searched for during his disappearance , the same man who’s state had managed to tear through her heart , sight shattering the pumping organ within her chest into a million pieces - and just as she allows herself to care he shuts her out , makes her realise once again that she’s alone. and the words that once upon a time resonated within the femme’s ears , finally meant nothing.
loneliness is something that however begins to consume her , so is the fact that she’s failing her father , knows well enough she’s disappointed him , that she’s doing things wrong , fucking up with every second that passes , and instead of fixing it , she finds herself relying on the only thing she knows would numb - she’s doing another line in the club’s bathroom - vision blurry as she knows she’s had too much too drink - but she’s going overboard , feels shaky - but the high she feels it’s different this time - four or five lines , she’s lost count - isn’t sure how many shots she’s had at the bar - but everything’s a blur as she trips over - she remembers her father , her mother - even her brother in that instant , heart slowing down - breathing too , she remembers anton as well , the few people she considered friends and family flashing through her mind in that moment - voices ringing inside of her brain , until it clicks , goes m u t e and suddenly everything goes black.
it’s unclear how much time passes , until the bathroom’s door opens - a stranger finding the femme passed out on the floor , not breathing - not reacting - empty cup thrown on the counter , the remainders of a line of coke on marble - and it’s enough for an ambulance to be called - they think she’s d e a d - that she’s gone , heartbeat nonexistent , and she’s not b r e a t h i n g - but they try , keep trying - don’t give up on her. electric shock after the next , it’s a nonstop - but it’s a miracle - she reacts , she’s back - brought back to life. it’s her revival as heartbeat rings through the monitor - she’s not d e a d , she’s alive.
hours later she wakes up , tube down her throat - a sickness she’s never felt before in her life , the brightness of the light making it unclear - where she was - but the beeping ringing through the small room gave it away , heartbeat quickening as mocha hues dart from one corner of the room to the next - several nurses walking into the room of the blonde - telling her one thing only ; you died , they revived you , you’re lucky to be alive.
HER APPEARANCE HERE IS FLEETING, town gatherings had never really been her thing growing up, something about getting together and rubbing elbows with everyone she saw on a daily basis as it was seemed TEDIOUS. but as of late things had started to heat up again and it’s only a matter of time before someone else ends up with a mouth full of metal instead lasagna; not her, though, she’s far too s l i p p e r y a cockroach to catch a bullet. a valdez high beanie pulled from the very depths of her closet rest on top of her braids, screaming out her team spirit for all to see as she weaves among the crowd. her own contribution is laced with something that just might have everyone tripping a little too hard to pull a trigger; far better than the can of spaghetti-o’s she’d told madden to bring in her stead; this hadn’t been a planned stop on her itinerary for the day. ‘ you should try the cupcakes, ’ she purrs, swiping the tip of tongue through the icing smeared onto the top of one such cupcake, ‘ i hear they’re to die for. ’
brow arches , interest peaking as the femme speaks , her mocha hues watching her - she’s fucked , high - drunk. it’s definitely not her night , but it’s a state she’s used to - more so the last few days and sometimes she wonders if it’ll kill her - being a part of this world , and while the gangs were something he’s been used to from a young age - the iberian femme wonders if it’s worth it , risking being found and going back home , spain - valdez wasn’t the same - it’ll never be like what madrid was to her. she’ll always miss that , would always miss her home , her family , her everything. “ are they ?? ” she only reaches for one - red velvet , or so she assumes , but as she finds herself biting into the cupcake , shes surprised as taste buds pick up on the strawberry flavour , hums at the taste. “ they’re good , you’re right - ” probably the best thing being served here , that and the sushi - the caviar too. another bite and she’s looking around herself - after the incident with the caito mansion , the blonde had a strange feeling - she’s not sure w h y , call it suspicion. she simply believes the silence wouldn’t last long - a bang , savages probably retaliating , for what the cobras had done. “ i might be paranoid though but . . . i’m pretty sure something’s gonna go down sooner or later. ”
what a mess she is - the liquor that burned her throat now being at fault of feeling as light headed as she was - her heart thudding inside her chest - blame it on the coke she’d snorted moments earlier - but she has another drink in her hand , mojito brought to her lips , a brow arched as she leans against the wall , eyeing honey. “ well the bartender’s hot. ” words are slurred , she’s already shit faced , full on pissed. “ you should get one of these - they’re fuckin’ good. ” and it’s true , she’s on her fourth one already -
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“Thanksgiving day in February...” Ferah leans back against a wall in the town hall as she catches her breath and reads over the pamphlet her crew had chosen to distribute to advertise the newest attempt at peace. This one wasn’t her idea and it seemed harmless enough but then again, so did a game and a lockdown meant for the citizen’s safety. She sighed and shook her head, folding the piece of cardstock into fours before pocketing it into her peacoat. She’s just arrived and already Ferah’s been bombarded with questions and she’s treated every single one with grace. Now all she can think about is food and hopes her Kahlúa cheesecakes are a hit. A smile pulls at the corner of her lips; the same one she’s practiced in the mirror for years and she makes her way towards the buffet line. “This is certainly an amazing turnout. What are you most looking forward to trying? Because that Lo Mein looks to die for.”
“ honestly ?? anything - ” truth to be told alejandra wasn’t in the mood , ( she hasn’t been in the mood for weeks really ) , the coke she’d snorted earlier wasn’t helping , at all , and she’s debating whether or not to go back into the bathroom and do another line - she’s certainly tempted. “ lo mein ?? ” he gaze searches for the dish , brow arching as she spots the one she’s talking about - she’s already had it. “ it’s actually shit , - but if you’re looking for anything the caviar bites are better. ” she’s referring to the small canape - lemon on top , butter beneath - simple , sure , but it’s the best thing she’s tried so far. “ the sushi isn’t bad though - ” and the fact that she’s reaching for another nigiri , speaks for itself.
“To each their own,” Claire shrugged as she threw her head back and she looked at the ceiling. In theory, she knew a little bit about what Jandra was feeling, that gutting feeling of knowing that the one you just want to be around more, in some kind of heightened way, definitely doesn’t feel the same way as you. Except, instead of Anton, it was Rigel, which is quite the contrast in character between the two of those men. “In the good way…” she added on, “Trust me…. there is a difference and I painfully lived through it.” No matter what anyone would say to her, Anton gave her a bad taste in her mouth. Even before Aaron returned, he never trusted her. For the life of her, she couldn’t understand why, what she did to earn his cold shoulder. “All I know was that I never did anything to him, ever,” she sighed. In fact, she was disappointed that Anton had never learned to trust her, “He doesn’t trust me. He never has, even before Aaron, before he knew anything about that… and I’m not saying that should be a red flag for you, but… it’s not a green light either if he doesn’t even like who you choose to spend your time with… if anything, I’d rather he not hate me, for your sake,” she glanced over at her friend, fondly grabbing her hand, “I think you did love him,” she answers, giving her a gentle nod, “Often, we start to know we love someone when they’re the first person you think of when something goes wrong…”
niñata , - as claire speaks it’s the word that only seems to ring in her ears , accent thick as she for some reason heard anton’s voice - it makes her reach for the bottle of vodka once again - lifts it to her lips , takes a swig , only to feel the liquor burn her throat. she wants to rid herself of whatever thought that involved him , but she can’t - he’s clouding her mind , like he’d been doing ever since he’s vanished into thin air - finds herself thinking about everything as she avoids her friend’s gaze. “ i don’t think he trusts easily - i don’t even know if he trusts me. ” she mumbled , nails tapping against the glass bottle. “ he’s always been - some kind of mystery , y’know ?? an enigma almost. ” god she’s fucked , obvious as a laugh escapes her , knowing well enough that she sounds like an idiot - her teeth sink into her bottom lip and she shrugs , brings the joint back to her lips , mind clouded with memories - bad ones , good ones - she remembers it all , but there’s one that always seemed to come back. him telling her she deserved better , as fingertips danced across her skin , his voice ringing in her ears as he told her that she was worth more than her father made her believe she was - she’s not just a vázquez , or specifically . . . she’s not just some g i r l who does her father’s dirty work. he made her believe that she wasn’t just some girl who’s destiny had been painted by the psycho of her father , he made her believe that she’d eventually be able to take control , do whatever she w a n t e d with her life - it explained why her hunger for power grew as the years went on , until she watched it all crumble to the ground - and then she left without saying a thing , just like he’d done just now - but instead he actually told her , told her he didn’t need her , that he didn’t want her there. she realises now she never should’ve left - that instead she should’ve dragged him with her , maybe that would’ve changed things - even if back then she wasn’t aware just how much she’d end up needing him. “ we used to fight all the fucking time , god - ” niñata , there it is again , that word ringing in her ears , and she’s desperate to prove she’s not one - that she wasn’t one anymore if he ever believed she was. “ hates a strong word claire , i’m sure he doesn’t - ” she shakes her head , turns to rest on her side as she watched her friend. she’s thinking , the red head words sinking in , and her mind wanders , - thoughts a jumbled mess. “ i’m fucked if i do - ” he was the first one she quite literally called back when she was shot - the thought confuses her more than she already was. “ honest to god i don’t want to deal with this. ”
“Unfortunately, there is nothing at this moment but of course, if you hear anything sooner whether its from Anton or anyone else, let me know. Any information would be useful.” For a few seconds there, Tas catches herself putting on her cop hat, a habit that isn’t even truly able to shake off and in this moment, it helps her feel rooted and not like a giant mess. “I want him to be okay too.” She whispers, catching every change in the girl’s tone, every shift in her body language. She’s hurt, more than that, she’s carrying all the concerns in the world on her shoulders. “Of course you can. IT’s probably best anyway. If you stay here with me. Two heads are always better than one.”
the blonde nods , teeth nipping at her bottom lip as she lifts her hand , runs it through her hair as a sigh escapes her. she feels the same way she did during that night - the same night where she watched her home crumbling to the ground , everything go to shit - as they figured out who was behind that murder , her - and then they caught her father , her mother fleeing away with her brother. she hates it - god she fucking hates it , hates wondering what the future waited , whether or not anton would be okay , breathing , alive - she hates wondering , hates not knowing what would happen , hates sitting in the fucking dark. why did she care so much ?? why did it feel like her heart would break through her ribs ?? she doesn’t even understand it in the first place , why she cares so much about the young petran , but she doesn’t overthink it - she’s focusing on one thing only , where he was - whether or not he’d come back - and she wants him , she wants him to be s a f e. “ if i find out anything , you’ll be the first to know. ” it’s a promise , - really - alejandra only wants to find him , make sure he was okay. sitting there with tasmim , the iberian femme only felt like she was for once understood - like she wasn’t alone either. she feels fucking lonely , most of the time , but in that moment she does not. “ thank you , for helping me - for having me here. ” and she’s not one to express gratitude usually , but in that moment it felt needed - the other had to know , - “ i have a feeling the savages are behind this - i don’t know why - it’s probably got to do with them that he’s fucking missing , i don’t fucking know. ”
her entire body ached. she was able to cover up the bruises with some long sleeves and a bit of makeup, but the ache was something that she hadn’t been able to get rid of. she tried everything from pills to a joint, but the uncomfortable pain remained. the woman stopped at the window of one of the shops near the town square, taking a close look at her reflection in one of the mirrors. the swelling of cheek had gone a bit down. after a couple seconds, she felt someone’s eyes on her. it was starting to annoy her. “can i fucking help you?” the woman asked as she straightened out and looked at other.
one could say alejandra was out of it , she’d been out of it ever since she left the hospital really - feelings torn , and now she feels drained - like she’s not even herself , as if she’s failed not only her father but herself. “ no ?? ” alejandra spoke , her gaze remaining on the brunette , arms crossing over her chest as she stared at the femme. there’s something off - the swelling of her cheek gave it away , and truth to be told she’d always been quick at spotting when it was the case - “ but i might be able to help , i dunno. ” there’s a small shrug , as she reaches into her purse , cigarette brought to her lips - she knew the other , same gang and all , - it’s why she’s even caring in the first place , well - caring - one could define it as that. whatever the case is , the assassin doesn’t hold back in asking the next question , a step taken closer , smoke parting her lips before she speaks - “ joy , who the fuck did that to you ?? ”
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[TEXT: ESMERELDA → ALEJANDRA ] have u…. never seen the simpsons ??? WHAT
[TEXT: ESMERELDA → ALEJANDRA ] a girl after my own heart. u’ve got it. i’ll see what other goodies i can get my grabby hands on, stay tuned
[TEXT: ESMERELDA → ALEJANDRA ] nothing is more cathartic than a bunch of tiny needles stabbing ur flesh !!! i think we all have those tattoos. little reminders.
[TEXT: ESMERELDA → ALEJANDRA ] i was about to ask how u felt about blood but lmao i DIGRESS
[TEXT: ESMERELDA → ALEJANDRA ] u can take a peak through my sketch book if u like !! i’ve got a couple of things that might appeal to u
[TEXT: ESMERELDA → ALEJANDRA ] the chair is all ur’s, babe !!!!! it’s calling ur name !
[TEXT: ALEJANDRA → ESMERALDA ] of course i have !! back at home they played it at lunch time on this channel like - every day ?? it ain’t a lunch w/o the simpsons i’m telling u
[TEXT: ALEJANDRA → ESMERALDA ] but wtf why would they ask you to tattoo that lmfao
[TEXT: ALEJANDRA → ESMERALDA ] actually , i’m curious - what’s the weirdest thing you’ve tatted on someone ?? lmao
[TEXT: ALEJANDRA → ESMERALDA ] i just hope imma be able to get over everything w this -
[TEXT: ALEJANDRA → ESMERALDA ] ahh i’d love to take a peak !! see what cute stuff u’ve got there n all , but honestly i’ll probs fall in love w it all
[TEXT: ALEJANDRA → ESMERALDA ] also i’m outside now !!
⊰ aggression / sexual tension meme . ⊱ // ft. allyson rodgers
💦 - cover my muse’s mouth .
there’s something wrong with her , an antidote being something the iberian femme had been longing for ever since she left the hospital. she feels like she must rid herself of what’s messing with her head , the ink upon her forearm being something she’d hoped would allow her to forget and find some closure - yet it only served as a reminder. it’s why she’s somehow ended up in honey’s apartment , - she’s done a line of coke - or two , had a few shots with the femme , - and one thing lead to another , until clothes were a pile on the floor , skin on skin - the sweetest of sounds parting her lips , her nails digging into honey’s hips , while a single continued to circle honey’s clit. distractions are what she’s longing for , and this right here seemed like the perfect c u r e , a way for the both of them to forget whatever messed with their heads , and instead focus on one thing only - getting each other off.
she’s pushed back against the mattress , manicured nails dug into her wrist , and then they’re pinned above alejandra’s head , soft breathy chuckle parting her crimson lips as she gazed up at the blonde , feeling honey’s hands roam her flesh , nails dragging down the skin of her sides. it’s always been a game for the pair - whenever they were together , it’s never the same either - and it only made this even better than they already were. her lust was obvious in the kiss , tongue parting the other’s lips , and it’s a battle for dominance , one that alejandra was willing to lose - and she does. the kiss does however not last as long as she would’ve wished as she’s watching the other pull back , reaches for something - her teeth sinking into her bottom lip as she waited , only for her gaze to spot to the pink toy held between her delicate fingers , the light buzz echoing through the room , only causing a soft chuckle to escape alejandra. “ how c u t e , y’know i wanna - ” she’s cut off however , hand suddenly covering her mouth - and without a warning , she felt the tip of the vibrating toy pressed up against her swollen clit , it was clear that alejandra wanted more , more than obvious as she’s moaning against honey’s hand , sounds muffled as her mocha hues gazed into the femme’s , her hips bucking up as she felt her thrust a digit into her wet cunt , only adding a second one moments later. it’s a sweet torture , pace quickening as time went on - eyes rolling into the back of her skull - and she’s louder , eager - if this was honey’s plan to drive her mad , to fucking kill her - it sure was working.
[TEXT: ESMERELDA → ALEJANDRA ] i’m teasing u girl, how do u feel about some molly, it’s pure af. a dream
[TEXT: ESMERELDA → ALEJANDRA ] oh no ;) the horror ;)
[TEXT: ESMERELDA → ALEJANDRA ] i love that. after tattooing bart simpson on a frat boy’s ass this afternoon, i’m here for a little sentimentality
[TEXT: ESMERELDA → ALEJANDRA ] i’m all ears, baby girl, they might as well call me the tattooing therapist… imma trademark that
[TEXT: ESMERELDA → ALEJANDRA ] like your forearm ?? love it. it’ll be beautiful there.
[TEXT: ESMERELDA → ALEJANDRA ] ur in luck, i can spend all night on u !! had a couple of cancelations
[TEXT: ALEJANDRA → ESMERALDA ] you tattooed what on someone’s ass ??
[TEXT: ALEJANDRA → ESMERALDA ] sure molly sounds good , just get me some coke too - y’know it’s my fav.
[TEXT: ALEJANDRA → ESMERALDA ] ‘s just to get over some stuff , call it a way to remind myself who i am too.
[TEXT: ALEJANDRA → ESMERALDA ] mhm , yeah my forearm !!
[TEXT: ALEJANDRA → ESMERALDA ] i might get something else too then , who knows c;
[TEXT: ALEJANDRA → ESMERALDA ] i should be there in 5 by the way - i’m already heading there.
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Claire was starting to feel, more and more, like the walls were closing in on her, making all of her options more and more limited with each passing day. It was all because of this stupid war, all because of both Aaron’s and her own stubbornness, because of the stubbornness of the gangs. After a nasty fight with Aaron, Claire up and ran to her own cold, abandoned apartment only to put on a pair of black jeans, black heeled boots, a dark green tight shirt, and threw her black leather jacket over it, fixing up her hair so it fell sleek and straight down her back, dark lipstick and smokey eyes to match. Was she going anywhere in particular? Just to Jandra’s place, but damn if she didn’t deserve to feel hot and powerful while walking there. Upon getting there, she immediately walked inside and fell onto Jandra’s bed, draping herself against her headboard as she crossed her legs, feeling like a worn out dish rag. “Agreed,” she sighed. Her eyes slightly glance at the joint, a frown forming on her features. “I haven’t smoked since I was a depressed college student,” her lazy hand motions away from the joint and reaches towards the vodka bottle. She grabs onto it and takes a large chug from it before the flavor of it burns going down her throat, nearly making her feel like she was going to throw up all of her pain. What would be the harm in that anyway? Yet it stays settled in her stomach, dulling her senses. “Cause he looks like he was carved out of marble by the gods and he gives head like his tongue has been touched by heaven… and he puts up with my controlling ass and still wants me to have his babies.” Of course, she was referring to Aaron, so she steers the conversation back towards what she knows must be on Jandra’s mind. “Oh no, honey, you’re not the pathetic one in this situation,” she assures her dear friend, “Fuck Anton his little misogyny club. He literally thinks I’m straight up incompetent because I have a fucking boyfriend. You know, you can still be a badass independent woman and love someone. That’s not a fucking foreign concept, you ass wipe.” She merely sips the vodka this time.
“ well you’re missing out claire - ” back hits the mattress , her eyes closing as she brought the joint to her hips , inhaling the smoke only for it to part her lips moments later. her thoughts are a jumbled mess , his words still ringing in the femme’s ears - he doesn’t need her , he doesn’t want her there. all of this , after she figured out that something was wrong - with her , the way she felt , for him or not , something was fucking wrong. she cares too much , and she isn’t supposed to - she’s supposed to care about herself only , her family too - martin had however always told her one thing , and that was putting herself first ( always ) no matter what. she finds that she has to , that to gain back that confidence - teared down by the same man who had once told her she was worth more than what her father made her believe . . . she had to forget him , call it moving on , whatever it was - she needs to get him off her mind , so she takes another drag , hopes for el porro she was smoking to do the trick , but at the moment - he was still there. “ you’re so hung up on him. ” soft laugh managed to part the femme’s lips , head tilting only for her mocha hues to fall upon her features. “ you don’t know him - he wouldn’t be part of a club like that , god - ” and she’s reached for the vodka bottle to her lips , her joint held between her fingers as liquor burnt down her throat. truth to be told , the male had always been an enigma to her , one she’s desperately wanted to solve - wishes she knew just as much about him as he knew about her. he had after all witnessed the mess that was the vázquez empire back in spain , he’d witnessed just enough to know it was supposed to be her empire , that the way she was being trained and taught every move had been cruel. she’s fucked up , so is he , they were both fucked up - but she’s only realised that she’d become addicted to the drug that was anton petran. she wants more , craves more - offering the vodka bottle to her once more , alejandra took another drag of her joint. “ y’know - i don’t know if i loved him. ” there it is , the words parting her lips for the first time - and she has to lift her free hand to her face , covering her eyes as she breathed through her nose. “ or whatever it was , but i was genuinely losing my mind searching for him . . . i still don’t - can’t understand why , claire. ” sighs parts her lips , head resting on the pillows of her bed , and she slightly turns to lay on her side. “ i think they just have a problem with it because he’s a savage though , even i don’t think it’s safe , bebé. ” but alejandra wasn’t going to stop her from doing whatever she wanted , it’s her business - and she knew the red head knew how to take care of herself.
miguel was anxious , nervous —- ever since he was a child and alejandra surely knew that. he hated leaving his mother and her at the hands of martin , college was not easy for him and neither were his travels. so now , now when they are finally away from him she still manages to find ways to bring that never ending nervousness back. ever since he learned about her little accident he had been on edge , his own vices were getting the best of him but he attempted to keep it calm and collected for her. it was always for her. but he saw something creeping up at the woman , something he did not like — something he feared but he did not know how to stop it. “ no puedes acer eso —- no puede desaparecer sin decirme. “ he attempts to keep his calm , cigarette between his lips as he takes a long drag. finally , the two lock eyes and he is suddenly angry again. “ ¿ como que que me pasa ? no estamos en casa , no te puedes ir sin decirme nada. ¿ quieres que te maten ? ¿ quieres quedar igual que martin ? “
she rolls her eyes , drink in her hand lifted to her lips - her day had been shit really , call it her looking for anton - but also the downfall of whatever it was she seemed to feel. she’s not used to whatever this is , and the last thing she wants in that moment is for someone to attempt to control her. she didn’t want that. “ vale . . . ¿¿ y qué ?? ya no tengo diez años miguel. ” alejandra believed she didn’t need anyone taking care of her , she’d been doing fine the months she’d spent her time here alone - , the only person she knew being anton , and their paths only crossed months after arriving in valdez. all she can do is hope her father would eventually be released , hope that her brother was handling the situation , and alejandra trusts that he was. her brows furrow at his words , her drink once again lifted to the femme’s lips , and she sighs - liquor burning her throat as she leans back against the counter. “ no me van a matar , y papa sigue vivo. el va a salir , lo que no entiendo es por que cojones estas tú tardando tanto en arreglar toda esta puta mierda !! el debería estar ya aquí fuera , con nosotros. no debería estar pudriéndose ahí dentro , con dios sabe quien. ”
