glitterbug

1 Year Sober

Okay, side note:

I posted a while ago about how I can’t understand people doing meth. In a way, I stand by that. In another way, I don’t.

I found a bag of what I can only assume is meth. This is the bag. It had three times as much in it when I found it. I tried snorting some of the powder. Nothing. Snorted more because I was bored. Nothing.

I found a different bag with a speck of what I can only assume was heroin. It had that vinegar, marmite/vegemite B-vitamin smell, and I cooked the side with the speck, made a little shot with a used cotton, prayed to the junkie Gods to avoid cotton fever, and found a fairly subtle corner to slam.

Nothing.

But okay, whatever.

With even less expectations, I put the big chunk of meth in my torn Monster Energy can bottom cooker. I reconsidered, tried to break it in half, it broke into one piece less than half and a couple to spare. I reconsidered again, and just kept one of the mini chunks and a little powder, added some water that I got from a puddle, because I’m gross but not thoroughly disgusting enough to inject the green water in the fish-less koi pond here without at least thirty seconds of full boil, cooked it until it was liquid, pulled it up, retreated to my corner, and yeah, I see why people do meth.

Now, I see why people do meth. I feel like I’m going to throw up, and I kind of really want to do that. It sounds like fun. Running a marathon sounds like fun. I’m working tonight in Seattle, starting at 7:45, and I honestly feel right now like I can just hang out with my meth, work the night, maybe go home Sunday morning, maybe not. For the record, I'm living like 30 miles outside Seattle, and I totaled my car during the tail end of a year long heroin bender, so I ride the bus. When I work nights, I hang out in Seattle for a few hours to catch the first bus home.

Dry heaved in the bushes just now. Super dehydrated. Can't even spit. This is easily 100x better than coke. It’s like the third time I smoked crack, which was the first time I ever got anything out of it. I got slang terms confused trying to buy heroin in South Carolina and ended up with $300 worth of crack. Tried to shoot it up, but it wouldn’t dissolve. Thinking I might be working with some kind of weird #4, British heroin, I swiped a Vitamin C packet from one of my roommates, and it still didn’t really dissolve it, but maybe injecting carbonated fizzy Gatorade potion / crack juice did something, because a few seconds after injecting I felt like I was going to die. I didn’t obviously, but it sucked. Long story. Like two weeks later I actually did get heroin, or brown sugar and Fentanyl, it’s hard to be sure and my connections ranged from “I’ve never actually seen heroin before” to “what the fuck do you want with that”?? I’ve never known drug dealers so interested in hearing reviews though. They wanted to watch me do it and just stuck with blowing up my phone peppering me with questions once they found out that I was going to IV it instead of snorting. The guy who came through with the crack tried to rip me off hard, lying about how the little things were doubles when they obviously weren't. I can't and don't blame him. It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize that he'd given me crack dope instead of heroin dope, so he figured, reasonably enough, that I was a total novice.

Anyway, the moral of the story is: I understand why you do meth. Don’t get me wrong, I’d trade the rest of this meth and my last $10 for heroin right now, but holy shit. I want to throw up, run a marathon, die, and write a book right now, and then work another night. My heart is beating fast, and I feel like I’m experiencing everything cool in life. With heroin I feel nothing. With meth I feel like a Winner.

In case anybody cares, I’ll post to let you all know that I didn’t actually die, assuming I don’t.

Me: Thank you for calling _____, this is ___ speaking, how may I help you?

Caller: *muffled murmuring*

Me: What?

Caller: I just fucked a bitch, and you're next

Me: Well, I'll be here.