1 Year Sober
I usually say that itās been difficult, because my instinct is always to lie, but it really hasnāt. Up to three random drug tests a week with jail time as a consequence of failing one is a pretty excellent motivator.Ā
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@vemenium
1 Year Sober
I usually say that itās been difficult, because my instinct is always to lie, but it really hasnāt. Up to three random drug tests a week with jail time as a consequence of failing one is a pretty excellent motivator.Ā

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Still effectively crippled with a broken toe, but I'm feeling pretty good at the moment.
Scrape scrape scraped I fractured a toe on my right foot, which has basically murdered everything I had going on. Couldn't even pretend to maintain a daily habit when I'm not working and won't be walking anywhere anytime soon. Silver lining: I can feel my tolerance dropping every minute.
Goooooood morning, good morning!
Seriously fuck off, OJ parole news alert. Iāve been waiting hours for the drug dude to text back, and I donāt need your dings.

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I didn't die, of course.
Finally coming down. Trying to go to sleep.
Okay, side note:
I posted a while ago about how I canāt understand people doing meth. In a way, I stand by that. In another way, I donāt.
I found a bag of what I can only assume is meth. This is the bag. It had three times as much in it when I found it. I tried snorting some of the powder. Nothing. Snorted more because I was bored. Nothing.
I found a different bag with a speck of what I can only assume was heroin. It had that vinegar, marmite/vegemite B-vitamin smell, and I cooked the side with the speck, made a little shot with a used cotton, prayed to the junkie Gods to avoid cotton fever, and found a fairly subtle corner to slam.
Nothing.
But okay, whatever.
With even less expectations, I put the big chunk of meth in my torn Monster Energy can bottom cooker. I reconsidered, tried to break it in half, it broke into one piece less than half and a couple to spare. I reconsidered again, and just kept one of the mini chunks and a little powder, added some water that I got from a puddle, because Iām gross but not thoroughly disgusting enough to inject the green water in the fish-less koi pond here without at least thirty seconds of full boil, cooked it until it was liquid, pulled it up, retreated to my corner, and yeah, I see why people do meth.
Now, I see why people do meth. I feel like Iām going to throw up, and I kind of really want to do that. It sounds like fun. Running a marathon sounds like fun. Iām working tonight in Seattle, starting at 7:45, and I honestly feel right now like I can just hang out with my meth, work the night, maybe go home Sunday morning, maybe not. For the record, I'm living like 30 miles outside Seattle, and I totaled my car during the tail end of a year long heroin bender, so I ride the bus. When I work nights, I hang out in Seattle for a few hours to catch the first bus home.
Dry heaved in the bushes just now. Super dehydrated. Can't even spit. This is easily 100x better than coke. Itās like the third time I smoked crack, which was the first time I ever got anything out of it. I got slang terms confused trying to buy heroin in South Carolina and ended up with $300 worth of crack. Tried to shoot it up, but it wouldnāt dissolve. Thinking I might be working with some kind of weird #4, British heroin, I swiped a Vitamin C packet from one of my roommates, and it still didnāt really dissolve it, but maybe injecting carbonated fizzy Gatorade potion / crack juice did something, because a few seconds after injecting I felt like I was going to die. I didnāt obviously, but it sucked. Long story. Like two weeks later I actually did get heroin, or brown sugar and Fentanyl, itās hard to be sure and my connections ranged from āIāve never actually seen heroin beforeā to āwhat the fuck do you want with thatā?? Iāve never known drug dealers so interested in hearing reviews though. They wanted to watch me do it and just stuck with blowing up my phone peppering me with questions once they found out that I was going to IV it instead of snorting. The guy who came through with the crack tried to rip me off hard, lying about how the little things were doubles when they obviously weren't. I can't and don't blame him. It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize that he'd given me crack dope instead of heroin dope, so he figured, reasonably enough, that I was a total novice.
Anyway, the moral of the story is: I understand why you do meth. Donāt get me wrong, Iād trade the rest of this meth and my last $10 for heroin right now, but holy shit. I want to throw up, run a marathon, die, and write a book right now, and then work another night. My heart is beating fast, and I feel like Iām experiencing everything cool in life. With heroin I feel nothing. With meth I feel like a Winner.
In case anybody cares, Iāll post to let you all know that I didnāt actually die, assuming I donāt.
Not that any of this was a side note, but side note to the not side note: I'm really, really fucking glad that I kept it to a small amount. I was planning on doing the whole chunk, but man. I feel like I did four hours of coke in 10 seconds, and I'm pretty sure I would have actually died / be headed to the hospital right now if I'd done what I was going to.
Undercover Cops/Warning for Drug Blogs 6/13/17
Hey everyone sorry for not posting on here for the last week, Iāve been laying low after a frightening incident that happened to me regarding undercover police and someone I met here off Tumblr. Yes, police are targeting people (drug users primarily) on here by making blogs that have nothing on them (no reblogs, no personal content, not following any other blogs but Tumblr Staff and YOU) and messaging drug addicts in private telling them that if we help them score they will give us money/let us keep like half the amount of stuff theyāre asking for, etc.
I was debating on whether or not I should post this since the person this is about doesnāt know I know theyāre a cop/working for cops, but I want to keep everyone on here safe from this kind of stuff happening to them, so I might as well share my experience.
Basically a blog on here that had nothing posted on their blog and that wasnāt following anyone except for me and Tumblr Staff (two key sketchy signs right there) messaged me asking for help getting H saying that they had just moved from out of state and needed help with a new connect and offered me close to $100 each time for helping them. It seemed sketchy but I desperately needed the money, so I decided to help.
I met with them twice before the third time, being extremely cautious the first two times (watching my surroundings, asking important questions, sending someone else to bring the stuff back to them instead of me, etc.). Then on the third time they asked for a much larger amount than they had asked for the first two times (which is something cops trying to do an undercover buy do, they buy a couple of decent sized amounts and then on buy number three they buy a large amount and try to pop you with it when you return back to them with it.)
On buy three I carefully watched my surroundings. I noticed undercover cop cars around keeping an eye on me, after I walked off I had a bad feeling.
I got a confirmation that my sketched out feelings were right when while the person was waiting on me to come back with dope my friend that knew that I was doing gave me a call and told me that they were over in the area that that person Iām helping is in and that thereās over 5 cop cars and a drug task force vehicle waiting on me to come back so they could bust me. There was also unmarked vehicles with cops looking out the window with binoculars driving up and down the streets looking for where I went. Iām not going to say what happened after this in case the person I wrote this about finds it. I did the smart thing and decided to be safe instead of sorry.
Everyone on Nodsquad, Tweaker Nation, and everything in between, BE CAREFUL WHEN IT COMES TO MEETING PEOPLE ONLINE AND HELPING THEM GET VARIOUS SUBSTANCES! IT CAN AND POSSIBLY COULD COME BACK TO BITE YOU.
Iāve met probably close to 20 people off of Tumblr, some just to hang out, some for whatever else, and none of them were sketchy people until this last incident.
DONāT HELP BLOGS THAT ARE NEW AND DONāT HAVE ANY CONTENT ON THEM! (aka no reblogs, no personal content, only following you and Tumblr staff or a very unusually small handful of people.)
DONāT GIVE OUT YOUR REAL NAME, REAL PHONE NUMBER, OR ANY OTHER PERSONAL INFORMATION ABOUT YOURSELF TO THESE PEOPLE OR ANYONE ONLINE YOU DONāT REALLY KNOW.
If it seems to good to be true, it probably is.
If anyone has anymore questions about avoiding these types of situations, about signs and tips on how to spot an undercover cop, or anything else feel free to message me privately. The area Iām in recently hired 110 more undercovers to do drug busts right now, Iām sure Seattle isnāt the only place with this sort of thing going on right now.
PLEASE, PLEASE BE SAFE EVERYONE. A get well, a high, or a chunk of cash isnāt worth a felony and your freedom.
Please reblog this message so everyone in the drug community on here can see this a be made aware. Tumblr isnāt always a āsafe placeā like we would like to think it is.
Awake for days? Sleep for a month.
Everybody has their drug(s) of choice, and no judgement on anybody, but I canāt imagine ever doing meth. Not for any health reasons or stuff, but just because running around paying lots of attention to things sounds like so much work. Slamming heroin and lapsing in and out of existence for me; the last thing I want from drugs is to be made more aware of my life.
Ring ring
Me: Thank you for calling _____, this is ___ speaking, how may I help you?
Caller: *muffled murmuring*
Me: What?
Caller: I just fucked a bitch, and you're next
Me: Well, I'll be here.
*hangs up*

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I'm doing a fantastic job of keeping my habit from turning into a problem. Get high a day or two, never to the extent that I'm dopesick without it:
Not sure who the joker is dropping 500mg acetaminophen tablets around like they're actual drugs, but thanks for the disappointment, buddy.
A dancer asked me if Iād trade one of my cigarettes for a ācocaine cigarette.ā Obviously my answer was āfucking of course,ā but I didnāt even get a numb tongue and Iām confused.
0.75 of some fire ass dope I just picked up from Capitol Hill, Seattle.ā»š£š
Nickelback
Nickelback is seriously underrated. Sure, blahblahblah, generic, blahblahblah, but a girl can just say Nickelback and dance to club-appropriate Nickelback songs all night long. Half of them even suicide at around three minutes.

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Easily my two favorite things in the world.