myngmy

it's an hour later when jaehyun finally slips through the window, the lamp on the bedside table still warm with glow. he tiptoes around the room, shutting himself into the bathroom to peel his suit off. he takes stock of the injuries - there's an ache growing in his shoulders and a bruise on his right thigh. nothing too crazy.

he struggles into one of his shirts and switches off the bathroom light, pulling himself back into bedroom.

and, somehow, jaehyun catches himself watching you again.

you're already asleep, sprawled across the bed on your back, and jaehyun places a hand gently on your stomach, feeling it rise and fall with each exhale and inhale.

"you kicked the blanket off again, silly," he whispers like you can hear him in your sleep, tucking you back under the covers as he slides in next to you.

he gathers you in his arms, pulling you flush against himself. you're warm - a stark contrast against the cool tinge of his skin from swinging in the night air. jaehyun melts into you, burying his face into your hair as you turn in your sleep towards him.

"jae?" you murmur into his shirt.

"it's me," he presses a kiss against your hair, "i'm home."

"good," you say groggily, "i was waiting."

"i know, baby," jaehyun smiles against your hair, "i'm sorry for keeping you up."

"it's okay," your words slur together, "wasn't sleepy any... anyways."

"i know," jaehyun just says despite your yawn, running his hand through your hair. you murmur something incoherent before you do that thing where you tuck yourself into him and tangle your legs together.

seriously - he thinks to himself as your breathing evens out again. how did i get so lucky?

jaehyun's arm tighten around you, cocooning you in the feeling of him. he can hear your reply - it isn't luck, jae, it's just because i love you, just like how you love me.

and what did i do to deserve all that? his hand stills in your hair. i keep you up all night, wake you up before the sun is up, disappear on dates and still -

he breathes you in with a shudder - and still you love me. what's that all about?

.⋆ ༘ - always notices and helps when you’re anxious. he has a knack for sensing when theres a situation that’ll make you want to curl in on yourself. he’ll see you pick at your nails or fidget with a loose thread on your top and slide his palm into yours. you feel three reassuring squeezes to let you know he’s there for you, maybe even keeping you a little closer to his side. other times, he watches as your leg shakes below you restlessly and sets his hand against your knee, swiping easy circles with his thumb to ground you. sungho’s picked up on your habits before you even realize you do them, doing his best to avoid anything that would make you feel worse. he’ll carry some earbuds on him or keep a sweater that smells like him in his car, “just in case.” you tease him for it but are ultimately grateful he’d even think of going out of his way like this. and if all else fails, he is more than okay with taking the time to break you away from the crowded noises, or even leave altogether if need be. he’s never made you feel like a burden for something you can’t control, always reassuring you that it’s his job to keep you happy and comfortable. besides, he has more fun when there’s a smile on your face anyway.

.⋆ ༘ - loves treating you like the passenger princess you are. seat heater on, drink in the cup holder, a blanket if you’re still cold, and obviously you’re on aux. he’s an absolute gentleman when it comes to escorting his girlfriend around, because why should you have to drive yourself around when he’s there? he opens the door for you and kisses your cheek before closing it. the seat is adjusted to the perfect setting for your comfort and hasn’t been changed since he set it ages ago. he’s always happy and proud to drive you wherever you need; your work, the store, out with friends, with no complaints as long as you’re back in his car on the way home. he’s never had a reason to doubt or question your whereabouts, sungho is just naturally a protective person when it comes to you, so it eases his mind to know you’re safe with him by your side. his only ask is that you’re holding his hand the entire drive.

.⋆ ༘ - he loves to cook with you. fortunately, he isn’t the “gtfo of the kitchen while i cook.” type of person, so he has you sitting pretty on the counter while he prepares a meal. he likes when you help cut veggies or prep the side dishes while he works on the main ingredients and seasonings, watching as everything comes together just like it should. he’ll hold a steady hand under your chin while he spoon feeds you a bite to taste for flavor, smiling at how your face lights up when it’s good. but of course it’s good, he has your preferences memorized. sungho even keeps a list of foods he knows you like and peruses the supermarket with a guiding hand on your back to make sure they end up in your dinner that week. you think it’s a little corny when he talks about teamwork but he’s right, the food always ends up coming out tastier when you help each other.

.⋆ ༘ - is always holding your bag(s) for you while you’re out. he really doesn’t let you hold anything while you’re out, claiming it’s his responsibility as your boyfriend to make sure your hands are free. in his mind, the only thing you should be carrying around is his wallet and a sweet treat. it’s a struggle to convince him to let you hold something yourself. no matter the amount or how heavy your bags are, he’s carrying them without breaking a sweat and still holding your hand. “that’s what i work out for,” he says, encouraging you to buy even more. and if you’re out on a date? good luck. the only way he’ll begrudgingly agree to let you hold your own bag is if you argue that it goes with your outfit. otherwise he’s slinging it over his shoulder with an arm around you and walking down the street with pride. (plus it makes him look cunt !!)

⤷ ゛riwoo ˎˊ˗

.⋆ ༘ - always gives you the first bite of whatever he’s eating. not only is it important that he keeps you fed, but seeing your expression when something is really good makes it all worth it. especially with desserts; he’ll lift his fork to your mouth and insist you try it first, even if it’s his favorite. he doesn’t even think about trying it himself before asking “is it good?” in a tone even sweeter than the cake. it goes without saying that whatever he’s eating, you should be the first to appreciate its flavor. riwoo’s started to form a new habit of basing his tastes off of yours because of how you describe each bite you take, it gives him a greater appreciation for foods he’s never thought much about. if you try to feed him the second bite, he all of a sudden grows shy and turns his head with flushed ears after eating off of your fork.

.⋆ ༘ - cannot stay away from you for long after a fight. it’s not too often you guys have disagreements. but when you do, you typically like to take some space for yourself. your boyfriend, on the other hand, does not. of course he’ll respect your decision and let you have a breather to collect your thoughts. but not even 20 minutes go by before he’s knocking on your door to make up. he swears he’s not an overthinker but just the thought of upsetting you over something silly makes his heart ache. so he’s quick to get back on your good side. riwoo’s very patient and understanding when hearing your opinions, admitting when he’s wrong and agreeing when you’re right. but you’ve been away from him for too long and he knows how to get through to you with that charmingly cute face of his. there’s something in his expression that makes you realize this argument wasn’t worth seeing his lips downturned. and even if you continue to give yourself alone time, he’ll wait patiently by your door until you’re ready to talk and invite him into your arms again.

.⋆ ༘ - matching nails is like his love language. he’ll notice you staring at his hands a little more than usual and offer to do your nails to match his (not before teasing you a bit, of course). his hands work steadily, putting all his concentration on every little detail to make the design as cute as possible. once he says he’s done, the fond grin on your face at the reveal brings him a joy that’s unmatched by anything else. he’s even gone as far as to schedule nail appointments for when there’s an aesthetic you both love and would like to get done. the nail techs coo in adoration when they realize you’re matching and hope to see you both again. and of course, when you’re both walking out and gleaming with excitement, you know you’ll end up seeing candid pictures of your hands across your boyfriend’s social media. you holding a cup of coffee, his fingers laced with yours, even just resting on the couch. riwoo is just so happy to show off how beautiful your matching accessories are.

.⋆ ༘ - side quest final boss. you two go everywhere with each other no matter the situation. oh you have a package to ship? he’ll join you at the post office. craving that ice cream from across town? he’s slipping his coat on before you finish that sentence. he enjoys the spur of the moment ideas you can come up with throughout the day too. like if your local arcade is having a discount on play tokens or a new line of plushie blind boxes at a store, you both wordlessly decide that you’re going. as your partner (in crime), he’s made it his mission to keep you on your toes. so he also just..shows up at your door on multiple occasions to drag you out of the house for whatever adventure he’s decided to take you on. many of your dates and outings have sprouted from the simple phrase of “hey, do you wanna —” because you two are just joint at the hip now!

.⋆ ༘ - you guys have way too many inside jokes. ever since you started dating, the back and forth of making jokes has been a constant between you two. you’ve since made a handful of on-going jokes that you’ll bring up from time to time that have weaved themselves into your relationship. he can’t even make eye contact with you for a while after either, otherwise he starts laughing all over again. the moment will pass when you’ve calmed down but you can still hear him giggling quietly every now and then. it’s impossible to get the two of you to be quiet when you’re in a group setting because you’re going back and forth making references no one understands. “riwoo, look…it’s a.. banana…” and then you’re both giggling. even just the tone in which you say something creates a pattern in your jokes. in his mind, there’s always something to giggle about. he has single-handedly brought so much whimsy into your life and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

.⋆ ༘ - always remembers to buy you flowers. every week or so when he realizes the last bouquet is wilting, he walks over to the flower shop and gets you a new one. the owner recognizes him by now and thinks it’s so sweet how he speaks of you with the sweetest smile and faint blush. he shows up to your door with the bouquet and sweet little treat in hand, ready to watch them bring new life to your home. he has your favorite flower memorized and always includes them in every bundle. they’re never the same either. always a different color scheme or a different arrangement of flowers, to change things up a bit. of course, he keeps a flower to himself in his room as a reminder of both your presence and your love. and in the months leading up to your anniversary, he gathers the dried petals and presses them in a small picture frame to surround a picture you had taken on your last date. you recognize each petal from every bouquet, realizing he had planned this from the start.

⤷ ゛jaehyun ˎˊ˗

.⋆ ༘ - gives you the most loving, heart melting smile ever. the look in his eyes is so warm and genuine, especially when you tell him you love him. his ears flush and his eyes turn into adorable crescents before he says he loves you more. he’s just so mesmerized by you doing anything that a cheesy grin spreads on his face before he realizes. watching you be so kind to the world just melts his heart and he gets a little emotional thinking about how perfect you are. anyone that talks to him knows about you. and they can tell just how whipped he is for you by the dreamy look in his eyes and how he can’t stop smiling. on the days that are harder, you’re the only one to get his spirits back up by making him smile, and all you have to do is.. be you. knowing how much you love and care about him is enough to energize him for weeks.

.⋆ ༘ - his camera roll is filled with more picture and videos of you. you occupy his storage more than anything else. you’re not even sure how he has so many reminders of you on his phone, he’s just always thinking of you. he may not be the best at taking candid pictures, but he captures the raw and real you. when you’re laughing hard enough to fall over, when your favorite song comes on the radio, and he notices that you’re a lot brighter when you’re with him. it makes him happy to see he’s had as much of a positive impact on your life as you have to his. jaehyun doesn’t care how much of his storage you take up, he’s never deleting anything. he keeps pictures, videos, voice memos, even the grocery list you typed in his notes app when your phone was dead. to him, they’re all memories of you that he needs to keep forever, he’ll buy a whole new phone if he has to!!

.⋆ ༘ - is obsessed with kissing you. as in, any chance he gets, he’s pressing his lips onto your skin and pulling you close. working on your laptop? shoulder kiss. brushing your teeth? kiss on your temple. just standing there? big fat smooch. he just thinks you’re too cute and the opportunity is too perfect to pass up. he thinks your face fits just right in his hands and goes in before you can protest. sometimes he gets a little carried away and the two of you end up making out for a lot longer than anticipated, but it’s so hard to resist him. he’ll send you a flying kiss from across the room and you watch as his ears go red when you return the favor. one time, you forgot how pigmented your lipstick was and kissed him on the cheek before a date. that man refused to wipe it off and wore it out on the town with so much pride. he’s actually asked you to do that before every date because he was obsessed with it. oh, and never forget to kiss him goodbye before either of you leaves for work. he’ll hold a grudge, that doesn’t last that long anyway, and sulk until you kiss him properly.

.⋆ ༘ - he loves being obnoxiously clingy. he will make a show of resting his chin atop of your head or caging you against a fence with a sly smile. he truly doesn’t care if people are staring with a stank-face, he’s happy to be molded to your side like this. as your boyfriend, jaehyun will find any excuse to hold you, which includes clinging to your back while you stand there. he’s definitely a huge fan of pda, excited to be able to show off your relationship when he can. you’ll find his arm draped around your shoulder and twirling your hair around his fingers absentmindedly. soon, it’ll drag down and linger around your waist as if ready to pull you in at any moment. and when that moment comes, he presses a big smooch on the crown of your head with a wide grin. you know he means well and doesn’t mean to embarrass you but that won’t stop him from at least squeezing your hand as a small ‘i love you’.

.⋆ ༘ - really good at comforting you and calming you down after a rough day. he can tell you’re not feeling your best right when you walk through the door. your bag quickly thuds on the ground and he can tell you’re dragging your feet. and once he sees that drained expression on your face and it’s almost like he’s more upset about whatever happened than you are. jaehyun pulls you in, cooing about how he’ll make you feel better as he kisses your cheeks. his hand is warm and solid as he runs it up and down your back, the pads of his fingers brushing against your spine. his other arm holds you close to remind you he isn’t going anywhere. he’ll always offer to let you rant it out and is a great listener; he knows what it’s like to keep these feelings to himself. he knows the importance of not only voicing these feelings but also giving them time to pass and process through your system. you work through it together and watching you regain your spark only gives him more motivation to work harder for the both of you. and even if this streak of poor days continues, you’ll always have your number one supporter waiting at home for you to get you through it all.

.⋆ ༘ - your family loves him and he loves them just as much. as expected, jaehyun is nervous to meet your family at a gathering. he needs to make a good first impression, to prove he’s worthy of standing beside someone as lovely as you. he knocks on the door, anxiously waiting for the door to swing open. but instead of a stoic man, his gaze drops to a smaller, much more energetic child. he lowers his guard almost immediately as he crouches down, noticing your cousins shirt. “i love that show!! is that your favorite character?” and he blends right in, safe to say he’s a fan favorite. your aunts will tease, saying they realize why you like him so much. he’s respectful towards your elders yet caring and lively with your siblings and cousins. they treat him as one of their own and he gets shy when they mention how often you talk about him. it melts your heart to see him get along with everyone despite being so nervous. he’s beaming by the time you two leave, his heart warm with how openly he was accepted by the people who made you who you are today. your grandparents send him home with food and he is elated when he realizes this means he’s officially apart of the family.

⤷ ゛taesan ˎˊ˗

.⋆ ༘ - he will not have a good nights sleep if you’re not in his arms. it’s like his body doesn’t know what to do with itself unless you’re there. he’s tossing and turning in bed trying to get into a comfortable position, even if he already knows it’s no use if you’re not beside him. he has some sort of sixth sense for when you’ve moved out of his arms in your sleep. he wakes up, already pouting despite being disoriented, and pulls you back into his chest before falling right back asleep. and if he’s feeling extra dramatic? he’ll throw his leg over you “for good measure,” he mumbles. the nights you’re away are always difficult. he’ll sleep in the hoodie you sprayed your perfume onto and it normally helps but it still isn’t you. his members aren’t sure whether to be amused or scared at this change since he’s a little snappier in the mornings without you. he’s a bit embarrassed he can’t sleep alone comfortably anymore but he uses it as an excuse for you to stay at his place more often (and to move in sooner..)

.⋆ ༘ - does the cliche of sharing an earbud with you in public. some may say it’s cheesy but it’s just another reason to keep you by his side. at the beginning of the relationship when he was a bit quieter and more shy, he made you a playlist of songs that reminded him of you or ones you’ve mentioned you liked. the blush that crept up his neck when he showed you was adorable and you both still add to the playlist. so if the two of you are standing in a long line or taking the train home, he pulls out an earbud and offers it to you. he holds you closer if you fall asleep on his shoulder, staring at your face a little too hard when a favorite song comes on. other times, he’ll put a random album on the queue and you both rank the songs in his notes app until you arrive at your destination. he’s kept them all and added your favorites from said album into the playlist, with mental notes of your feedback.

.⋆ ༘ - uses pictures of you (and his members) as reaction images/stickers. you’re convinced he hasn’t used a normal emoji in years considering how many he’s collected. there’s an album in his phone just full of pictures of his friends. some are heartwarming and let you see the members through taesan’s eyes, seeing how he’s collected these memories seemingly without them noticing. but most of them are unflattering and dumb. you, however, have your own special album that to you seems so much worse. you when you’re sleeping, eating, working, studying, even zoning out. but to your boyfriend? there’s not a single bad photo in there. he finds some of them funny but mostly uses them because he gets to stare at your face. he has a system with them. jaehyun images are for when something is funny, woonhak for when he disagrees, and sungho for when he’s confused. riwoo and leehan are very versatile so he uses their reaction stickers on the regular. but girlfriend pictures are strictly for when he’s happy, because that’s all he feels around you. he’s also infected you and your messages are full of every sticker he has.

.⋆ ༘ - he will break his nonchalant streak just to see you smile. at first glance, everyone assumes that in public he’d keep to himself and linger quietly by your side. but in reality? he’s incredibly chalant and is conjuring up the most devious plan to embarrass himself, or his friends, to make you laugh. it’s completely unpredictable too, the 1001st possibility fr. he’ll make a dumb joke completely out of nowhere that he knows only you’d understand because he loves the way your face lights up. his reputation is long gone anyway so he thinks being embarrassed for the sake of your amusement is nothing. like a court jester to his queen… partially because you’ve helped him become a more expressive and extroverted person since you got together and he wants to repay you for that. he would fight wars for that smile of yours. #1 aegyo hater but he will change that for you.

.⋆ ༘ - claims to be a night owl but, in reality, can’t stay up past midnight. he’ll insist that you have a movie marathon and pays attention no problem for the first part. but in the middle of the third movie, you notice the clock reading 11:47pm and your boyfriend is laying his head on your lap just a little too still. he shoots up when you question if he’s okay to continue and nods his head, determined to finish and stay up. but to no ones surprise, he’s fast asleep when you come back from the bathroom after the movie at 12:30 sharp. the only times you’ll see him awake in the late hours of the night is when he has a deadline to make or is cooped up in the studio finishing something up. otherwise, his words start to slur and his responses get shorter as the night drags on. he’s definitely gotten better since adjusting to your late night antics, but it doesn’t stop him from clinging to you as the clock ticks closer to the later hours of the night.

.⋆ ༘ - seeing you in his clothes makes his brain short circuit. the first time was when it had started to rain in the middle of your date, and he couldn’t have you soaking your shirt and freezing your skin. so you took shelter under a small awning as he took his sweater off and handed it to you, not thinking much about it. however, it had then clicked that the sweater that’s even baggy on his 6’0 frame would look big on you, and he got noticeably quieter. taesan couldn’t think straight when you had commented that his cologne smelled nice. the effect it has on him is crazy because even months later he’ll have the same giddy reaction when you show up in his clothes. he loves seeing you freshly woken up, hair a mess and brain still catching up to what day it is. he just wants to squeeze you because of how his shirt hangs off of your shoulder and he won’t shut up about “how cute you look,” while smiling at you. but his personal favorite is seeing you wear his clothes when you go out because it’s like showing to people you have a piece of him everywhere. whether you have similar or completely different styles, he thinks whatever outfit you make with his clothes looks better on you than him, and insists you keep it.

⤷ ゛leehan ˎˊ˗

.⋆ ༘ - loves sending you his random thoughts. you’re just the first person he thinks to turn to when he wants to talk. and he talks about everything; a new fact he learned, hypothetical scenarios, something that made him think of you, and of course his endless rhetorical questions. it’ll be nearly 3 in the morning when your phone lights up with his contact asking if you think crabs have eyebrows… i mean, you answer him anyway but not before questioning his concerning sleep habits. however he makes for a pleasant audiobook when you’re bored. he’ll rest beside you and talk about his day, getting excited all over again when he recalls something that reminded him of you. you just adore the way his face lights up when you remember something he’s told you, it makes him feel heard. he gets upset when you’re away from each other though, if he’s across the country and can’t give you live updates because you’re probably asleep. but of course he makes the time and calls when it’s convenient for you both, setting his phone up on his bed while you go over your day with a smile.

.⋆ ༘ - prepares fruit for you two to snack on. because he’s such a light eater, leehan often opts for a bowl of fresh cut fruit throughout the day rather than larger meals. to him, it’s an act of love to prepare fruit for your lover, that alongside peeling shrimp (which he also does, of course.) and so he’s taken it upon himself to make sure your fridge is stocked with produce you’ll both enjoy, that of which is typically gone by the end of the week. he’ll take the time to feed you some pieces if he notices you haven’t eaten much that day or if he thinks you’ll enjoy a little something sweet in the moment. you’ll catch him lounging around the place with a cup of mango and it doesn’t take long for him to guide his fork to your mouth with an offering smile. plus, it’s always a sweet treat to taste the faint, sweet taste of strawberry that lingers on his lips.

.⋆ ༘ - he is always smiling around you. pupils dilated and a soft cheesy grin on his face while he stares at you. leehan is almost always the optimistic and smiley one amongst the group when you go out, but around you? he’s entirely worse. why should he have to look at anyone or anything else when all he needs is right in front of him. absolutely nothing can bring his mood down when you’re beside him. well, only when you tell him you need to go. he definitely has the “no one but my gf matters,” mentality. if he could, he’d spend his whole day just studying your face silently while he sits there smiling. sometimes you think he just wants a kiss, which he graciously accepts, but he’s just that happy to be around you. you’d think you just told him you’re an alien princess here to bless him with how he stares at you like you created the stars. this man has never had a bad day with you around and it shows.

.⋆ ༘ - his morning voice goes crazy. i mean, you already expected such considering how deep and velvety his voice normally is. but hearing him first thing in the morning as he whines about waking up is something else entirely. it’s a shock the first time you hear it. he had called you as soon as he woke up in his hotel room since he had a schedule that day. you thought your phone was tweaking but it was just… him. he questions why you went silent but you just urge him to keep talking, and the laugh he lets out when he realizes why kills you. even now, it makes you shiver when he holds you in bed to whine about how you should stay. a low drawl he presses against your ear, you can hear his pout without even needing to look at him. and he knows the effect it has on you, that’s why he uses it every morning to his advantage and smiles when it works before falling back asleep.

.⋆ ༘ - he gets sulkier than he’d like to admit. he never makes a big deal out of it and that almost hurts your heart more. it’s not a drastic change either, you notice the pout on his lips as he speaks less or the way he doesn't make eye contact and that's when you know he needs your attention. you’ll ask what’s wrong and at first he denies he was even upset. but the feeling of your hand slipping into his brings him back down to earth, back to you. you never push the truth out of him and that’s what he loves. it’s easy to coax him into letting you into his head. you tend to know how to deal with it better than his friends so they’ll call you over with an exasperated giggle. it’s known that he’s a little more sensitive than the others so he’s always grateful when you’re patient with his mood and take the time to care about him. you’ll comfort him with a smile and gently kiss the corner of his mouth, a win-win in his book; a sweet kiss and your attention.

.⋆ ༘ - likes to dry your hair for you after a shower. the bathroom could still be warm with condensation sticking to the mirror, but he thoroughly enjoys being able to help you with a small task. it’s his way of helping you de-stress, especially if he knows how much of a hassle it is for you to tire your arms. your hair products will be ready by the time you’re out and he’s ushering you to sit in front of him. he runs his fingers gently through your hair and brushes out any knots, trying his best not to snag any too hard. he doesn’t mind if your hair is thick or has a mind of its own, leehan’s patience is unmatched and will not be defeated by some hair. he also finds it adorable when you attempt to fight off your drowsiness, only to give in and rest your head against his chest because of how relaxed he’s made you. and when he’s done, he’ll press a kiss to your forehead, scoop you up, and carry you to bed, tucking you in beside him where you belong.

⤷ ゛woonhak ˎˊ˗

.⋆ ༘ - gives you the best princess treatment while you’re on your period. while he doesn’t always have your cycle fully memorized, he definitely recognizes the signs when that time is coming. he knows when to run to the store to restock on pain killers and grab your favorite snacks to surprise you with, the kind gesture easing your pain for a moment. is it because he’s a little scared of you when you’re snappy? maybe, but it’s not like he needs a reason to spoil you. his heart melts at the sight of you when he walks into your room as he comes back from the store. seeing you curled up in the corner of your bed just makes him want to help you feel better. he’ll refill your emotional support water bottle without asking and order the takeout you’ve been craving because it’s your comfort meal. he lets you order him around like your own personal assistant and he’s happy to do it. and sometimes, woonhak gets a little carried away with trying to do things for you that he forgets all you really need is a long nap (and some ibuprofen) to help it go by easier.

.⋆ ༘ - is obsessed with your scent. the smell of your shampoo, your body wash lingering on your skin, and especially your perfume. he caught a whiff of it on your first date and had been obsessed ever since, even restocking it for you when you run out. he’ll smell it off of the hoodie of his you had worn to bed the night before and tuck his face into his sleeve while he works. his members noticed something was up almost immediately because he refused to take his hoodie off in the middle of practice despite it being the middle of summer. he’s also used your shampoo on more than one occasion so he can keep a piece of you with him throughout his day. it’s cute, you think, to find a small travel sized bottle of it sitting in his bag before he travels. and once he comes home, all woonhak wants to do is melt into your embrace and drown in the sweet scent of your perfume that lingers on your skin. and now his favorite part of his bedtime routine is burying his face in your neck and letting your shampoo and body wash flood his senses and lull him to sleep.

.⋆ ༘ - prides himself on being someone you can be yourself around. woonhak has never given you a fake version of himself because he’s never had a reason to, so why should you? he’ll always love every little quirk of yours, no matter how weird or silly you may think it is, because it’s just another thing to admire. he won’t judge you for acting childish because why limit your youth? he won’t look down on you when your emotions get the best of you and you end up crying out of frustration, instead he opens up to let you know he’s a shoulder to cry on. he’s never made you feel weird or out of place for your hobbies/interests because he loves the look in your eyes when you get excited. woonhak will match your energy no matter the situation and you two grow closer each time because of it. he wants you to know he’s someone you can lean on and know there’s no pressure for you to be someone you’re not.

.⋆ ༘ - he still gets shy around you. you could be months, maybe even years into your relationship, and he’s still hiding behind his hands and smiling when you look at him with a warm expression. you’ll tilt your head in confusion and ask why he’s acting like that and all he does is shake his head and claim “it’s not fair you’re looking at me with those eyes” (his words btw), and doesn’t elaborate any further after that. it’s a handful of things, really; how your hair frames your face or the quick twinkle in your eyes when your gaze meets his. even when someone mentions your name, he feels himself getting nervous just thinking about you. his members can tease him all they want because, at the end of the day, he gets you all to himself. he ends up thinking about it way too hard, therefore causing a blush to crawl up his neck quicker than he realizes. he’ll just pull you in close and tuck your face into his shoulder while he composes himself.

.⋆ ༘ - the most over dramatic baby when he’s sick. i’m talking whiny, needy, and congested. normally, woonhak is very independent and always claims he doesn’t need to be babied. but when he’s sick? that man is down for the count and begging you to take care of him. never in the demanding way, though, more so in a dramatic “take me to the garden one final time,” like a victorian child kind of way. the medicine you give him tastes too bitter and he’s embarrassed at how he’s practically losing his voice. he’s sprawled out on the bed under two blankets but complains he’s still hot. says he’s starving but then loses his appetite. but he’s always super grateful when you take the time to nurse him to good health (maybe even gets a little emotional that you care so much.)

.⋆ ༘ - takes up the ENTIRETY of your bed in the mornings. you’ll fall asleep in each other’s arms the night prior, peaceful and comfortable underneath the moonlight. it’s foolish for you to think the morning would be the same, because then you wake up to half of your body dangling off the edge of your bed and woonhak’s leg over yours. the only reason you didn’t end up on the floor is because his hand is still holding yours, a habit he claims only occurs when he’s asleep, but he really can’t sleep well without it. “i can’t help what my body does when i’m asleep!!” is his excuse, and you can’t really stay mad at him when he’s so apologetic. however, this little habit of his does seem to mellow out for a few days once you threaten to make him sleep on the couch…

.⋆ ༘ + mini bonus for iphone users - sends game pigeon games and takes them way too seriously. definitely a pro at basketball, obviously, and hates how good you are at the word games. he may be on a 5 game losing streak on 8 ball but it’s just because he’s going easy on you, he swears!!

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"y/n!” she gasps before looking around, as if anyone in the airport was awake enough to care about a silly schoolyard crush, "there’s nothing!”

you grin, "really? so what was all that he’s so cute texts about?”

gayeon blushes, "i mean… h - he is cute! he’s in my chemistry and maths class and - god, he’s so cute. he’s the student council president, you know? leads the economics & business club, captain of the soccer team, won poetry competitions, volunteers at the community centre -”

"gayeon, breathe.”

"- and he’s just so nice to everyone!” gayeon barrels on like she didn’t hear you, “like - genuinely nice. one time, i dropped all my books and he helped pick it up for me. and then he smiled at me and i swear i forgot how to function for like five minutes straight.”

"isn’t that just something anyone would do?”

"no! i mean - you just don’t get it!”

"i don’t. you’re down bad.”

"i know!” gayeon wails, "and he doesn’t even know i exist! okay, he probably does. he talks to me in class. but - he's one of those people who somehow knows everyone's name and asks how your day is going and actually listens to the answer. it's kinda infuriating how perfect he is.”

"nobody’s perfect, gayeon,” you muse.

"myung jaehyun is!” she protests, "the entire school has a crush on him!”

"right…”

"last week he stayed after school to help the janitor clean up after someone pulled a prank in the cafeteria. nobody asked him to do that! he’s just so -”

"- perfect?”

"exactly! it’s been a year since he transferred here and i'm still trying to work up the courage to actually have a real conversation with him that doesn't involve me stammering like an idiot.”

"a whole year’s gone by and you haven’t even talked to him?”

"okay, listen - i have talked to him. just not, like, talked talked. you know?”

"not sure i do.”

"you'll understand when you see him,” gayeon says sagely, "he’s amazing. j - just don’t fall in love with him, okay? you’ll ruin my chances.”

"okay, gayeon,” you laugh at her sincerity, “i’m sure he’s lovely.”

"he is,” gayeon sighs lovingly, "he really is.”

gayeon’s mom picks you both up, and the drive back to your house under the sunrise is filled with more stories - some new to you, some old ones you’ve heard about over text before, 60% of which seem to orbit around this jaehyun guy in some way or the other.

by the time you get home, you feel like you already know him. perfect student. perfect smile. perfect grades. perfect personality. helps old ladies cross the street and probably rescues kittens from trees in his spare time. knows how to bake a mean banana bread and says thank you when getting off the bus. 

some guy this is, myung jaehyun.

“look - dinosaur kid is back,” someone snickers to your right.

“they think they’re so cool just because they spent three years in egypt or something,” someone else whispers.

gayeon bristles on your behalf, “isn’t it amazing your passion got acknowledged by the literal national museum?”

she loudly proclaims as she side eyes your classmates, “some people don’t even get the chance, but they sure do like to talk anyways.”

you catch gayeon’s arm before she can continue rattling off, "it’s fine, gayeon, just leave it.”

"it’s not fine,” she grumbles, helping you unpack your textbooks into your locker, "madison is just jealous because the only thing she’s passionate about is making other people feel bad.”

"gayeon -”

"no, seriously! you got accepted into this super cool program and all people can talk about are dinosaurs and - like - jurassic park! like, do they even know you were studying paleontology with actual professionals?”

"it’s just important that i know,” you say grimly, trying to wedge your english textbook in between the wall of your locker and the chemistry textbook.

"but -”

"- it’s the first day of school,” you say firmly, "i’d rather be stressed out about remembering where all the classrooms are than what other people have to say about me.”

gayeon huffs but relents, steering you toward the main building with a firm grip, “fine. but if she says anything else, i'm not holding back.”

the hallway are cram packed with students reuniting after summer break. some of them familiar, some faces completely new to you. gayeon keeps an iron grip on your arm, pulling you down the hallway with relentless speed.

"’cuse me, people,” she mutters through gritted teeth, "coming through - oh my god!”

gayeon screeches to a halt and you look up from the floor at gayeon’s sudden outburst, "what?”

"there -” gayeon breathes out slowly.

in a scene that’s almost ridiculous, the crowd in front of you parts, revealing a cluster of students coming down the stairwell. in the middle is a boy with dark hair and an easy smile, laughing at something someone said. he's wearing the standard uniform - white shirt, navy blazer, tie slightly loosened in a way that screams ‘it looks like i just threw it on, but actually i spent a few minutes in the mirror making sure it looks good’. when he laughs, his whole face lights up, eyes crinkling at the corners. 

"that’s him!” gayeon whispers harshly, "that’s jaehyun.”

right.

as if sensing he’s being watched, jaehyun’s eyes scan the hallway and land directly on you and gayeon. 

"oh my god,” gayeon whispers, "he’s looking our way!”

he raises up a hand in a wave, breaking off from his group as he turns in your direction -

and promptly falls flat on his face.

the entire hallway gasps as jaehyun crashes to the ground, his books and papers flying into the air as he lands with a loud thud. his copy of pride and prejudice slides across the floor and hits the side of your shoe as the rest of his books and papers scatter.

you swear the entire hallway is afraid to breathe.

“sorry! i’m such a klutz!” jaehyun yells out faster than you can blink as he jumps up from the floor, dusting off his trousers and laughing.

the entire hallway giggles uncertainly alongside him, exchanging glances until jaehyun reassures the crowd around him that’s he’s fine. eventually, the crowd thins out as they disappear and file away into classrooms, still looking back over at the seemingly infallible student council president who somehow face planted onto the floor.

you stare down at the book by your foot, then back up at jaehyun, who is still frantically trying to pick up his scattered papers while still maintaining that easy-going smile, but you can see the red creeping up his neck, his hands shaking as he shoved loose sheets into his folder. 

“your book,” you bend down to pick it up.

jaehyun looks up, and you can see his brown eyes widen in embarrassment.

“i - yeah - just,” he scrambles to his feet, “i wasn’t looking and my shoelace was untied and -”

“are you okay?” you interrupt him, handing him his book.

“oh,” jaehyun breathes out, “i - i’m fine.”

“that’s good,” you point at your cheek, “you have a bit of dust here.”

jaehyun’s face explodes into a rose as he quickly swipes at his cheek with the back of his hand, “did i get it?”

you stifle a giggle, “yeah.”

beside you, gayeon has completely frozen, but she finally finds her voice and snaps back to reality, “h - hi, jaehyun!”

“oh! gayeon!” jaehyun’s entire face brightens, red fading slightly, “how was your summer? did you end up going to that science camp thing you mentioned?”

“you remember that?” gayeon squeaks.

“yeah, you seemed really excited about it,” jaehyun shoves pride and prejudice into his backpack with finality and zips it shut, “how was it?”

“it was good!” gayeon rushes out, almost too quickly, “we - we did biochemistry! chemistry and stuff like that!”

“sounds cool, you should tell me about it during class,” he smiles, “you’re [y/n], right? the one who got scouted for the leading youths in palaeontology course?”

“you know who i am?” you’re slightly taken aback.

“yeah! read about you in the school newsletter.”

you laugh incredulously, “you read the school newsletter?”

“i’m the student council president,” he shrugs, “i have to keep up with stuff.”

you look at him - really look at him now that he’s not as red as a tomato. he really does have that wide-eyed, puppy-eyed look gayeon gushed about over text.

“you’re definitely something, myung jaehyun.”

jaehyun tilts his head, “what’s that supposed to mean?”

“ask me again sometime,” you just smile.

“w - what?” jaehyun stutters, “when?”

you raise an eyebrow at him as you literally pick gayeon’s jaw off the floor. the bell tolls the start of your first period back at school and it’s your turn to pull gayeon down the hallway. you can hear jaehyun scoff to himself behind you as you disappear down the hallway.

“i’ll hold you to that!” he yells after you.

english is probably your least favourite subject.

you sit at the back of the classroom, content at staying out of sight of mr. kim’s whiteboard dictations and spending the entire class reading about deep sea animals instead of a literary analysis of ozymandias.

“you’re supposed to be analysing the poetic devices employed instead of looking at fossils from the crustaceous period,” someone whispers into your ears, and you jump when your eyes meet with jaehyun’s bright ones.

“it’s boring,” you whisper back as you scrunch back into your seat.

“did you know that ophiodon ozymandias is an extinct species of lingcod? it’s named after this very poem.”

you squint at jaehyun’s screen, “are you reading the list of organisms named after works of fiction wikipedia page?”

“i - um… no!” jaehyun quickly closes his tab and angles his laptop away from you, pouting.

“do you even know what a lingcod is?”

jaehyun chews on the inside of his cheek, “uh.”

“it’s a type of fish,” you go back to annotating your fossils, “it still exists, you know? ophiodon ozymandias is a larger species, identified through fossils from the late miocene. and by the way, it isn’t the crustaceous period, its the permian period.”

“i only understood, like, half of that,” jaehyun deflates.

“well, that’s not too bad. most people understand zero,” you say back.

“you’re good at this.”

you freeze, “well, it’s not like i’m good at anything else. like literary analysis? and i’m barely passing maths.”

“is that such a bad thing?,” jaehyun tilts his head, “it’s pretty cool that you’re so… passionate about it, you know?”

“myung jaehyun, are you making fun of me?”

jaehyun recoils in shock, “huh? what? of - of course not! i - i was giving you a compliment!”

you laugh, “relax. focus on your work, okay?”

"you’re making it really hard for me to focus,“ jaehyun grumbles as he pokes at the keys of his laptop.

“why did you sit here then?” you tease.

“it was the only seat left!”

“no, it definitely wasn’t,” you side eye him.

“well… as student council president, it is a part of my duty to make sure all the new students get settled in!”

“but i’m not new.”

“… you’re new to me!”

"why do you even care so much?“

jaehyun doesn’t answer, and when you peer at him through your peripheral, you see him with his cheeks puffed out, head buried into his notebook. you can’t help but laugh, but when jaehyun whips his head around to look at you accusingly, you’ve already returned to doodling ammonites in the margin of your textbook.

you’re busy reading the plaque under the statue of the founder of the museum when jaehyun slips away.

"bathroom break,“ you hear him announce to the rest of the field trip group as he jogs away.

ten minutes later, he comes back, bending down and placing his hands on his knees as he heaves.

"h - hey! where is everyone?“

you look up from scrutinising the narrative on the history of the city and shrug, "i think they moved on to the arctic exploration section.“

you check his pale face and his heavy breathing.

"are you okay?“

"i - i’m fine,“ jaehyun wipes the sweat from his forehead, "just got lost trying to find my way back and ran around like a headless chicken for, like, ten minutes. what are you looking at?”

“the founder,” you turn back to his statue, “apparently it took him thirty years to build the museum, and he donated his entire collection to it.”

jaehyun shuffles over to stand closer to you. the hallway is empty, there’s plenty of space, yet you let him press into your bubble.

“thirty years,” he repeats, scanning the plaque.

“he was twenty-five when he started,” you summarise, “spent every penny trying to build something that resembled a collection. his entire family thought he was crazy.”

“do you think he did the right thing?”

you look around you, at the high walls and bright lights and people milling about. the fossils, artifacts, and writing on things that existed for far longer than thirty years. a person’s stubborn love for something immortalised forever.

“i think he probably knew what he wanted to do with his life, and then did it.”

jaehyun looks at you instead of the plaque.

“did you know - what you wanted to do with your life?”

“yes,” you answer immediately, “since i was eight.”

“how?”

you look at him briefly, “i was over at my mom’s. she brought me to a natural history museum. there was a triceratops skull in the main hall and i just stood in front of it. i got scared - this idea of something so… enormous existed, and then didn’t anymore. and the only reason we knew is because we found the evidence and someone cared enough to preserve it. i got so excited about the prospect of exploring the unknown. what other things are out there that we don’t know about because nobody cared enough to look?”

jaehyun is quiet for a moment, like he’s ruminating and actually thinking over your words.

“i’m jealous of your dinosaurs,” he eventually says.

“they’re dead, myung jaehyun, not much to be jealous of.”

“i mean - it must be nice to have… something you want to do with your life,” he looks down at his scuffed loafers.

“hey, if gayeon’s right about what she says about you, you’ve got that too. student council president, poet, athlete. she went on and on about it.”

jaehyun laughs humorlessly, leaning against the base of the founder’s statue, “that’s different. it’s like running a race just because everyone’s cheering for you. sometimes, i don’t know if i’m running towards something or just running because i don’t know how to stop.”

you look at him, brown hair falling into his eyes as he stares at the floor. he looks like a puppy left out in the rain rather than the all perfect student council president you’ve heard about.

you reach out and flick the name tag pinned to the lapel of his blazer, “you’ll find it eventually. something to live for, a mission to go by. there’s no rush to this type of stuff.”

jaehyun groans and buries his face in his hands, “how are you so good at this type of stuff?”

“sitting in a dirt hole gave me a lot of time to think about myself,” you say gravely, “but don’t tell my supervisor. i wasn’t supposed to be distracted when sweeping.”

jaehyun laughs, straightening up as he fixes his collar and name tag.

“come on, we should go catch up. mr. kim is going to count heads soon.”

by the time you make it back to the main group, they’re discussing the big bang.

gayeon took one look at jaehyun’s face and immediately grabbed your arm after he melts back into his usual friend group.

“i told you not to get technical about the classifications of organisms!”

“i did no such thing,” you say in mock offence, “i don’t just speak about dead things, gayeon.”

“then why does jaehyun look like he’s about to throw up?”

“how would i know?” you shrug out of her grip, “maybe he had a really bad time in the toilets here.”

“ew,” gayeon recoils at the mental image, “yeah - um. let’s not talk about that anymore.”

you watch jaehyun reintegrate into the group, sliding in easily as he laughs at something one of his friends whisper into his ear.

whatever that was back there, you could not tell gayeon.

unknown heyy you who’s this? unknown its jaehyun  unknown sorry i got your phone no from the gc myung jaehyun is that okay? you thats fine myung jaehyun :D myung jaehyun i had fun talking to you today

people say myung jaehyun has his mother’s eyes - bright, wide, always warm. aunt miran showed him a picture of her once - all he thought was… it’s nice to have a name to the face.

he hissed as his shoulder tweaked the wrong way.

for a week now, myung jaehyun has been spider-man.

someone asked him in class once: why do you keep doing the things you do? after he tidied up the entire classroom by himself when nobody asked.

when i can do something, but i don’t, and then bad things happen, they happen because of me. he said, like it was the most normal thing in the world. that was something i learnt a long time ago.

that’s why he keeps on running - not stopping - because if he has the power to do thing, why doesn’t he?

“i - i’m fine, everything’s fine,” he says through the mask at the police officer, pushing him away.

the bus driver he pulled out is still blubbering, the police are calming down the passengers. no one’s hurt, everyone is safe - hell, even the bus is intact.

but still, everything’s decidedly not fine, and jaehyun knows that better than anyone else.

get out before they notice - before they figure out the new superhero in town is some wimpy 16 year old in a handmade costume who hasn’t had dinner yet. jaehyun shoots out a web from his web shooters and swing away before anyone can stop him, the shaking in his arms screaming at him to slow down even though he won’t.

he eventually crashes into the side of the building, only his new spider-like reflexes and stickiness stopping him from plummeting twelve stories down. instead, he flips over the edge and tumbles into a generator, scaring the pigeons away with his stumbles as he tears off the mask and breathes heavily.

the entire world is shaking before his eyes, the spider emblem across his chest pressing down into him, making it hard to breathe. jaehyun heaves, falling to the floor as he clutches at his chest. he knows what this feeling is - panic. cold, hard fear pressing down into his bones and seizing his limbs like some kind of bind that he can’t get out of.

breathe, jaehyun. in, and out. he repeats to himself in his hand, still shaking as his vision blurs.

his phone buzzes and for a moment his heart stops beating, seized by some sort of panic and fear - what if it’s another news report about how much he fucked up? but what if it’s a citizen looking for help? what if -

he fumbles in his pocket for the phone, nearly dropping it when he pulls it out.

instead of some obtuse news headline or a series of s.o.s. messages, it’s just a name that flashes across his screen.

y/n l/n hey y/n l/n i know it’s late but i’ve been thinking about what you said last week - about the dinosaurs

jaehyun’s fingers are drifting aimlessly across the screen with how much they’re shaking, but he focuses on the three dots - the bubble that keeps drifting up lazily as you type. he manages to fumble back a response.

myung jaehyun what about it? y/n l/n well, you said that you felt like you running for really no reason right? myung jaehyun i remember y/n l/n and like y/n l/n most dinosaurs didn’t choose to be dinosaurs y/n l/n like a t-rex didn’t just wake up and decided to eat other dinosaurs y/n l/n it just did what it had to to survive y/n l/n ate when it was hungry, protected its territory, lived its life y/n l/n no grand purpose y/n l/n just existing and doing what felt right y/n l/n what im saying is that dinosaurs also didn’t know what they were doing y/n l/n so maybe we don’t always have to have everything figured out

jaehyun settles against the generator, watching your messages float up one after the other.

myung jaehyun but what if we do the wrong thing? y/n l/n dinosaurs literally went extinct and we’re still making movies about them and build museums for them y/n l/n they arguably did like the most wrong thing to do wrong y/n l/n okay not EXACTLY but you get what i mean? y/n l/n failures not the end all be all myung jaehyun the dinosaurs literally went extinct and all died tho y/n l/n hey y/n l/n some of them turned into birds! y/n l/n thats what we do - adapt and evolve to the situation when it calls for it myung jaehyun so myung jaehyun when things go wrong, become bird? y/n l/n thats one way to put it y/n l/n the dinosaurs just kept going - even if it meant being in a different identity. different face. different shape.

jaehyun looks out into the city, it’s lights blinking below him as the air tousles his hair. he takes a deep breath in before typing in a response.

myung jaehyun you sure? y/n l/n trust me. myung jaehyun i think i really needed to hear that tonight y/n l/n rough night? myung jaehyun yeah y/n l/n wanna talk about it? myung jaehyun not really y/n l/n fair y/n l/n i’ll be here y/n l/n in whatever shape 🐧

jaehyun stares at the last message for a long time before he finally cracks something that resembles a smile.

myung jaehyun yeah myung jaehyun me too

you’re loading up your tray with fries as gayeon rambles your ear off.

“did you see? spider-man saved that bus full of people!”

“i saw. i watch the news,” you say, poking around for the perfect apple to finish your lunch assortment.

gayeon carts you off to a lunch table, still yapping about the red and blue clad superhero from tv. you try to balance your fruit juice boxes on your tray as you weave through the crowd.

jaehyun hears you before he sees you.

your indignant hey! cuts through the chatter of the cafeteria, and jaehyun jumps into action before he can think, a hand shooting out to grab the lunch tray and another reaching out to cut a fall. apples, a bowl of pasta, and a milk carton flies into the air and jaehyun manages to catch them all in the green plastic tray in a show of superhuman speed. the entire cafeteria falls silent.

“woah, that’s crazy,” gayeon breathes from where she is in his arms.

“gayeon! are you okay?” you hurry over, lunch tray and fries abandoned as you whirl onto madison, “hey! what the hell are you doing?”

“tripped the wrong nerd,” madison snickers as gayeon leaps out of jaehyun’s arms in a blushing mess, finally aware of what exactly she landed in.

gayeon watches as your eyes narrow and you get that expression that could strip paint off a wall.

“wait!” gayeon grabs your arm in a panic, “d - don’t give her any attention.”

you scoff as madison and her posse drifts away, already bored. you seethe, fists clenching and unclenching at your side.

jaehyun is still holding gayeon’s lunch tray.

“um, here,” he offers it back, “everything’s still on it. except the milk - didn’t catch that one.”

gayeon takes it from him, avoiding eye contact and rather staring at the perfectly balanced bowl of pasta and rescued apples.

“how did you even -”

“lucky catch,” jaehyun says easily.

“that was way more than a lucky catch,” you turn back from glaring at madison’s retreating figure and look at the tray.

“i play a lot of sports,” jaehyun says breezily.

you make that sound that you make whenever you don’t really believe something but can’t be bothered to think about it enough.

gayeon’s still stuttering through her next sentence when you tell jaehyun to sit with you two.

“um,” jaehyun looks back at his usual table - loud even without him, “sure. why not?”

you’ve killed gayeon.

she’s probably mentally shut down by now, staring intensely at the edge of her tray as she dutifully eats through her bowl of pasta without a peep. jaehyun, however, has stolen one of your fries without asking, and you had to smack his hand away two times after.

“so,” you ask through a mouthful of fries, “you two doing anything next week at the fair?”

gayeon chokes on her milk, “like - together?”

you shrug, “together, alone, separate or not so separate. heard the ferris wheel is nice at night.”

you wink at gayeon as jaehyun stumbles through his sentence.

“i - well, i wasn’t - maybe - uh,” jaehyun stops and starts like a record player glitching out, “the fair.”

“yeah, the fair,” you confirm, stabbing your straw into your juice box.

"i think my aunt’s helping to run the ring toss - for the charity,“ jaehyun mumbles, "and i promised i would help, so…“

"wow, that’s perfect! gayeon loves ring toss!“ you clap your hands together.

"i do?“ gayeon questions unhelpfully.

"yeah! we were just discussing ring toss strategy a few nights ago, remember?“

"uh, yeah!“ gayeon’s never been a good liar - her entire face flushes red.

jaehyun raises an eyebrow, “well, um, if you two want to drop by, i’ll probably be free after six”

"oh, we definitely will,“ you chuckle.

"cool,“ jaehyun grins, "see you there.“

"thanks a lot, miss subtle,“ gayeon kicks your foot under the table as jaehyun walks away, lunch tray in hand, "we totally scared him away!"

"hey, i just scored you a date!“ you steal an untouched fry off gayeon’s plate, "you should be thanking me!“

"what if it goes to crap?“ gayeon frets, putting her head into her hands.

"then we’ll buy some cotton candy and go on the bumper cars, no big deal,“ you shrug as you finish off the rest of your juice box.

"very big deal,“ gayeon groans.

"hey, where’s gayeon?“ you’re sporting the world’s ugliest hat and a ice pop dangles in between your teeth as jaehyun walks over, still in his bright red and yellow fair uniform.

"oh,“ he double takes as you turn around, "uh, nice.. hat?“

"i won it from the hammer,“ you point behind you and flex your arms, "guess i’m stronger than i look!“

jaehyun laughs, “really? you’re going to have to show me then. speaking of - like, do you want to -”

"y/n! jaehyun!“ gayeon's yells interrupt him, running up to you and clutching your arm as she huffs, “sorry, am i late?”

“nope,” you pop the p, “jaehyun just got off shift, right?”

“uh, yeah,” jaehyun looks pointedly at you, “but i was thinking -”

“so, ferris wheel?” you interrupt, linking your arm with gayeon and steering the two of them towards the main attraction.

“uh, um,” gayeon says almost breathlessly, “why not?”

“amazing,” you shove the two of them into the line, “i’m scared of heights, meet you later!”

somehow - you manage to slink away before either of them can protest, your outrageous glowing hat bobbing away until it melts into the crowds.

gayeon kicks the floor awkwardly with her shoes.

"they’re lying, by the way,” gayeon mumbles, "they aren’t scared of heights at all.”

"oh, really?” jaehyun is reading the safety instructions like it’s the most interesting thing in the world, "i didn’t know that about them.“

"yeah,” gayeon bites her lip, "they aren’t scared of much, really. i’ve been trying to find something for years.”

"i could tell, they never seemed to be freaked about about anything,” jaehyun mumbles as the line inches forward ever so slowly, the ferris wheel an infinite cog of people and couples that sneak kisses at the top.

“yeah, total opposite of me,” gayeon sighs, “they’re totally… what’s that? the eye of the storm?”

“the anchor to your ship?” jaehyun offers.

“yeah, that,” gayeon groans, “i’ve never seen them scared! it’s like they don’t even know how to feel fear!”

"a - anyways,” gayeon coughs loudly while looking down at her shoes, “do you want to share a gondola? or something?”

"huh? i - i guess,” jaehyun coughs through the sentence, "listen, gayeon, i -”

a scream interrupts him, shriek rippling through the line as people immediately whip their heads around at the sound.

something groans and splinters - the rollercoaster! someone yells, another person shrieks about the sandman and jaehyun’s brain immediately flips into spider-man mode.

"j - jaehyun?” gayeon squeaks, gripping onto the sleeve of his jacket, "what’s going on?”

"just stay put,” jaehyun absentmindedly says, pulling his jacket out of her grip and pushing against the crowd towards the rollercoaster, "i need to go.”

"go?” gayeon’s voice rises, "where? jaehyun? where are you going?”

but jaehyun is already tuning her out, wading through the throngs of people and running towards the storm of chaos.

spider-man lands on the roof of a nearby building. people continue to scream and scatter as the wind picks up, flinging sand into the air and creating a haze that jaehyun has to squint to see through.

i need to get to the people, he thinks to himself, hopping onto the next roof over.

the rollercoaster groans again, the screech of metal against metal drawing spider-man’s attention. he pinpoints the people stuck in the cars at the top, frozen in place precariously as the rollercoaster sways like a tree in the wind.

"okay, everyone stay calm!” he yells as he swings, landing softly on the rollercoaster. ripping up the safety bars was like ripping paper at this point, and he offers a hand to a panicked mother and son to help them out of the car.

the boy cries as the rollercoaster trembles under their feet, falling to his knees in terror.

“woah, buddy, be careful!” jaehyun catches him, pulling him back up to his feet.

sandman emerges from the cloud of dust, his massive form towering over the fairgrounds.

"spider-boy," he growls, his voice like grinding stone, "always showing up where you're not wanted.”

"yeah, well, you're kind of ruining date night for everyone," jaehyun snips, his voice far too light for the way his heart hammers away in his chest, "mind taking this somewhere else?”

he shoots a web at the rollercoaster’s support beam and prays to whatever entity is listening to just give him a chance.

"spider-man, help me!” a young girl pushes at her restraint, fear evident in her voice.

jaehyun whips his head between the girl and sandman, carefully crawling towards her as he keeps the sandy storm in his peripheral.

"i’m gonna get you down, okay? i just need -”

“you just need a hand,” someone finishes for him, voice carrying over the wind.

from seemingly nowhere, a pair of figures rise from the metal bars of the rollercoaster.

"i’ve got you,” one of them - a girl - says, stepping forward and wrapping an arm around the young girl and somehow pulling her out of the car without even touching the restraints, her body melting into the vehicle like an object through an illusion before popping out the other side.

"i’ve secured civilians,” the other - a boy armed with a tablet and a sense of authority that makes jaehyun’s skin prickle - speaks, a finger pressed to the earpiece in his ear.

he nods to the girl, "get them down.”

her face contorts into something unreadable before she nods, taking the hands of the civilians and melting through the floor like solidity was a suggestion instead of reality.

jaehyun stares at the boy - and at the spot where the girl melted through the floor. he was probably around his age, his face partially obscured by a visor. the girl and him were wearing the same uniform - yellow spandex with an obnoxious red x across their belt. what was this - some type of child military unit?

sandman hisses, "x-men! i thought i killed you mutants all the way back then!”

"you made an attempt,” the boy says calmly, tapping away on his tablet, "it constituted barely a scratch.”

“you said you wanted a hand? i’ll give you a hand!” sandman raises a giant, sandy fist, intent on crushing both jaehyun and the boy. jaehyun flips away in an instant, his spider-sense setting off alarm bells in his nerves.

"what are you doing? move!” he yells at the boy, who stays rooted on the beam, staring defiantly at sandman.

the fist doesn’t land. instead, just as his fist is an inch away from crushing the boy, sandman disappears into a cloud of dust, leaving behind what sounds like a slurp and a pop. jaehyun blinks, the sand around him settling onto his suit like a second layer. the boy simply sighs and dusts off his clothes, not moving an inch from his place on the groaning coaster track.

"hey! what the hell was that?” jaehyun yells. the boy ignores him like he was just another howl in the wind.

"no, i have this under control,” the boy utters into his earpiece as he taps away on his tablet, back turned deliberately to jaehyun, "no need to send sakura.”

finally, he regards jaehyun - "spider-man.”

his voice is clipped, professional, like he’s at some kind of board meeting instead of a fight with a giant man made out of sand. jaehyun feels weirdly scrutinised.

"uh, yeah, hi. that’s me. that’s for the assist and all, but i had it under control -”

"you were going to be squashed like a bug,” the boy replies, "if we didn’t help, the support beam would’ve snapped. three casualties. you injured with a broken arm. we teleported him in time."

jaehyun raises an eyebrow - though he probably couldn’t see under his spider-man mask, "you’re really confident talking about something that didn’t happen.”

"i saw it,” he says, like its the most simple thing in the world before pressing a finger to his earpiece again, "phase - status?”

the girl from before materialises from the floor, slightly of breath, "all evacuated. ground team has them.”

the boy nods, fingers flying across his tablet, "good.”

"woah woah woah,” jaehyun holds out an arm, "who the hell are you guys?”

"x-men,” the girl says simply, “this is our part of town.”

"how come i’ve never heard of you guys?”

the boy shrugs, "unlike some people, we don’t do backflips on social media for attention.”

"wow, that one stung,” jaehyun mock winces, "i guess not much happens around here.”

the boy ignores him pointedly, speaking into his earpiece again, “rendezvous at point b, we’re pulling back.”

"pulling back?” jaehyun splutters, "while sandman is - uh - he’s still out there, right?”

"he’s near the log ride,” the boy raises an eyebrow, "you understand right?”

"i mean - yeah. water. but -”

"in two minutes and forty six seconds,” the boy begins, "you will rupture the water pipes and stop sandman.”

"what are you -”

"saw it,” the boy says impatiently, "now go. you’re wasting time.”

phase tilts her head, a grin playing on her lips, "can you do a flip?”

"not the time,” the boy warns, placing a hand on her shoulder and squeezing it, "time to go, spider-man. try not to kill sandman with your cringe kitty litter comment.”

jaehyun groans and swings away as screams erupt from the direction of the log flume.

“professor. bugboy is handling it. we’re clear to extract,” he hears the boy murmur over his earpiece.

“bugboy,” jaehyun scoffs to himself, “very creative.”

but jaehyun doesn't have time to think about it more. sandman is terrorising the fair, and spider-man has water pipes to rupture.

it’s only after - after the police has arrived and captured sandman, and after the news vans, and after jaehyun swung into a dark corner of the fair and stripped off his costume - does he remember.

“shit, gayeon,” he curses, pulling his phone out of his pocket. fifteen missed calls from gayeon light up his screen.

he wades through the crowd, pressing his phone to his ear as another call from gayeon comes through.

“jaehyun!” gayeon more or less yells into the receiver, “where the hell are you?”

“uhh,” jaehyun looks around, “near the photobooths!”

“okay, okay, good,” jaehyun hears shuffling from her end, “i’m here! turn around!”

jaehyun whips around to see gayeon, mouth set into a thin line as she storms up to him.

“you left me!”

“i know - gayeon, i’m sorry -”

“sorry doesn’t cut it! i could’ve died! what type of person just ups and leaves a girl alone while a super villain is attacking?”

“gayeon - please. it was important, i had to go -”

“what was so important, jaehyun? tell me!” gayeon demands in frustration, stepping into his space and forcing him up against the side of the photobooth behind them.

“i - it’s complicated,” jaehyun tries again, pushing himself back into the wall.

“then uncomplicate it!”

“gayeon -”

“no!” gayeon’s voice cracks, and she takes a sharp breath, “i was scared, okay? i didn’t know where you went, i couldn’t find [y/n], i was completely alone while sandman was literally throwing people around and you just disappeared.”

“i know. i know. i’m sorry -”

“quit saying sorry and explain already!”

jaehyun inhales.

the fair is still buzzing with a particular post-disaster energy. news crews setting up, police taking statements, people pointing in the sky recounting what they saw.

jaehyun exhales.

“okay, but you have to promise me something.”

he pulls back the curtain of the photo booth and steps inside, “and i can’t let other people hear.”

“uh,” gayeon stares at him from the outside, “jaehyun, you’re freaking me out.”

“just - hear me out to the end. before you say anything.”

gayeon searches his face.

“fine,” she says, accepting the hand he offers as he pulls her into the booth and let the curtains swish close.

“now what,” gayeon crosses her arms.

jaehyun reaches into the front pocket of his jeans. pulls out something crumpled that’s red and blue and tucked hastily behind his phone. he presses it into her hands.

gayeon looks down.

“i’m spider-man. surprise!” jaehyun says weakly, his mask dangling from gayeon’s fingers.

gayeon looks at the mask, then back up at him, then back down at the mask.

“this isn’t funny,” she says flatly.

“no - i’m telling the truth! look - i can shoot webs and stuff,” he curls his middle and ring finger to press onto the button on his wrists, a jet of webbing shoots out and covers the camera of the booth.

gayeon gasps scandalously.

“you’re - you’re spider-man?”

“please don’t yell -”

“you’re spider-man!” gayeon’s voice goes up by about three octaves, “you - you? you’re spider-man?”

“gayeon, not so loud!”

“oh my god,” gayeon slaps a hand over her mouth, eyes wide, “the bus! last week! that was you -”

“yes.”

“and the house that was on fire -”

“also me.”

“and the bridge -”

“still me.”

“jaehyun!” gayeon grabs the front of his shirt with both fists, the mask still clutched in one hand, “why didn’t you say anything?”

“what was i supposed to say? hey, i’m spider-man?”

“that’s not - that’s -” gayeon sighs, “that’s why you ran towards the rollercoaster!”

“yeah - i… i had to.”

the fair churns out outside the booth.

“does anyone else know?’ gayeon says quietly, releasing her grip on his shirt.

“no,” jaehyun says, gently taking his mask out of her hands and stuffing it back in his pocket, “just you.”

“damn,” gayeon lets out a breath, “not even [y/n]?”

jaehyun pauses, “where are they?”

gayeon lights up like a switch, “wait - yeah! that’s why i was so panicked! i’ve been calling them since forever and their phone kept going to voicemail and i couldn’t find them and -”

jaehyun feels something in his stomach drop.

“where did you last see them?” he pulls out his own phone.

gayeon gestures at the phone, “they sai]d they were going to check out the haunted house last time i heard.”

“okay. let’s go,” jaehyun is already moving, whipping open the curtain as gayeon scrambles to keep up with him.

“jaehyun?” she says, half-jogging beside him.

“yeah?” he says, looking up over the crowd to see if he can spot you.

“thanks for telling me. even if i had to find out this way. we'll talk about this later. but first -”

“first,” jaehyun agrees, “[y/n].”

they find you twenty minutes later, sitting outside the medical tent with a new hat - a bedazzled cowboy hat - perched lopsided on your head and a square bandage over your left knee, your shattered phone in your lap. you look deeply unbothered - unbothered enough to still have a red solo cup in your hands, half full with a mysterious neon green liquid.

“the haunted house was crazy,” you say as a greeting, jaehyun and gayeon out of breath.

“what the hell is wrong with you?” gayeon all but launches herself at you, shaking you by the shoulders, “we’ve been looking around for you for ages!”

“phone died,” you hold it up, the cracks of your screen looking like fireworks, “some guy bumped into me, i dropped it, and it went under someone’s foot. i’m fine, by the way.”

“um, you call that fine?” gayeon gestures at your knee.

“i told you, the haunted house was crazy,” you say gravely, “are you two okay?”

“i’m fine,” gayeon bites her lip, “and jaehyun…”

the two of them look each other other, a beat of understanding exchanged.

you grin, “looks like the two of you are doing great.”

jaehyun chokes as gayeon flushes, “not what you’re thinking of!”

“sure, sure,” you hold out a hand, “now pull me up.”

“make sure she gets home safe!” gayeon calls, pushing her grinning mother back into the house behind her.

“i will!” jaehyun replies dutifully, giving her a mock salute as the two of you step down the porch.

the walk back is quieter than you’re used to.

jaehyun keeps pace with you easily, hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket as the two of you navigate post-sandman streets - faint sirens, news helicopters hissing overhead, a cluster of teenagers recounting animatedly about the encounter between the x-men, sandman, and spider-man.

“i have to admit, i was pretty scared,” you break the silence, kicking a rock down the street. it skitters loudly.

“really?” jaehyun raises an eyebrow, “you looked pretty not-scared. gayeon said you weren’t scared of anything.”

you laugh, “of course i’m scared of some things. just - less things than most people. it’s hard not to be spooked when you come out of a haunted house with a bleeding knee and everyone is screaming.”

jaehyun stares at the bandage across your knee, “so you really got that in the haunted house?”

“i tripped over a fake skeleton,” you wince, “and i’d rather not revisit that. thank you.”

jaehyun stares, then bursts into laughter.

“hey!” you say, slightly miffed, “i have a complicated relationship with bones, okay!”

your defense only seems to make him double over even more.

“you done?” you frown when jaehyun finally straightens up, wiping at his eyes with his knuckles.

jaehyun looks up at you, then dissolves into giggles again.

“okay, okay,” jaehyun holds up a hand, still half wheezing, “i’m done, i promise.”

you cross your arms, “really?”

“okay, not really,” jaehyun grins.

you shove him by the shoulder and keep walking. he laughs, unperturbed as he quickens up to step up next to you.

“i’m glad you’re okay,” jaehyun says, once the last of the laughter settles out of his voice.

“i had a bandage, a new hat, and a mysterious green drink within ten minutes,” you say, “i was always going to be fine.”

“you know what i mean.”

you look over at him.

“i know,” you say, softer, “i’m fine. are you?”

jaehyun pauses, the glow of the street lamps bathing his face in a honey gold.

“i think so,” he eventually says, “i am.”

you tilt your head at him, “sure?”

jaehyun chews on his bottom lip, “you really know how to make a guy question himself.”

you smile mysteriously, “one of my many talents.”

“i’m sure.”

“remember,” you stop in front of your apartment building, “the dinosaurs made it. sixty-six million years of doing freak all. not knowing if they’re doing okay, but living anyways.”

you tilt your ridiculous bedazzled cowboy hat at him, “and some of them turned into birds.”

jaehyun stands on the pavement and looks at you.

“get home safe,” you say, disappearing behind the front door before he can find the words to respond to you.

jaehyun stares until the door swings shut with a rattle.

above him, a helicopter cuts through the sky - the clouds trailing after it.

jaehyun is walking down the hallway when a hand suddenly darts out, clasping around his wrist and pulling him into a nearby classroom.

jaehyun reacts immediately, pulling himself out of their grip and backing up into the door in a fighting stance.

“calm down, it’s just me!” gayeon holds up her hands in surrender and jaehyun deflates into relaxation.

“gayeon? is something wrong?”

“give me your web-shooters,” gayeon holds out her hand expectantly.

jaehyun’s grip on his backpack straps tightens, “w - why?”

“i want to take a look!” gayeon explains exasperatedly, “let me give them a look over!”

“i -” jaehyun shrinks into himself, suddenly shy, “okay, but - but you have to promise to be nice about them! i made them myself!”

“just give them over already!”

jaehyun cautiously pulls up the sleeves of his cardigan, and gayeon immediately latches onto the watch-like device strapped down to his forearm.

“hmm, not bad for a home project,” she mumbles, more to herself than him, “could be optimised into a sleeker design. i’ve seen you hold up stuff like buses with these synthetic webs - so the tensile strength is acceptable for your current needs. i could up the strength of these - add a little co2, if it’s possible. faster swings, more impact…”

a finger on jaehyun’s hand twitches and gayeon jumps back like she’s been electrocuted.

“ugh, sorry. i was totally rambling, right?”

“it’s fine,” jaehyun pulls down his web-shooters, pushing the trigger pad to the middle of his palm, “i usually do it like this.”

he aims it out the classroom and a thin strand of web shoots across the desks and chairs, sailing gracefully out the window.

“okay,” gayeon says carefully, stepping forward again, “have you thought about other modes? like - a web grenade, or - or a multishot!”

“uh,” jaehyun scratches his cheek, “not - not really. didn’t really think that was neccessary yet.”

“okay - that’s fine!” gayeon says breathlessly, hands flying as she explains, “and - and i could streamline the design so you don’t have to wear long sleeves all the time and stuff and -”

“gayeon,” jaehyun interrupts, “i appreciate the help - really, but that’s where it has to end. i don’t want you more involved than this.”

“h - huh?” gayeon stops, hands stilling in front of her, “what do you mean?”

“it’s just that -” jaehyun picks his words carefully, “it’s dangerous. you knowing my identity is already dangerous. so don’t go around being my guy - uh, girl-in-the-chair.”

“oh,” gayeon’s face falls slightly, “i - i mean, if that’s what you want! i know being spider-man is seriously tough and all, don’t wanna make it harder for you and i know you didn’t ask ask me for help! and -”

jaehyun pinches her sleeve, “gayeon. it’s okay. i’m just happy i get to share this with someone. it’s nice having someone to talk to.”

“yeah,” gayeon says nervously, chewing on the inside of her cheek, “i’m glad you trust me.”

silence. then her phone beeps with the ringtone jaehyun has come to associate with you.

“crap, [y/n],” gayeon pulls out her phone, frowning.

“i’ll tell her i have chemistry club stuff and work on these -” she holds up his web-shooters, “over lunch.”

“you sure? you still have to eat, you know?” jaehyun frowns.

“i’ll buy a sandwich or something next period,” gayeon waves him away, “now go - genius takes time and solitude - as someone smart probably said once.”

jaehyun finds you at your usual lunch table, stirring the ice in your drink with your straw absentmindedly while you watch something on your phone.

“you okay?”

you raise your gaze up at jaehyun at his question.

“i’m okay,” you say, “just stressed.”

“yeah?” jaehyun tilts his head, “about?”

you purse your lips, “i don’t need any help.”

“i’m not saying you do,” jaehyun catches on quickly, “but i just want you to know you can talk to me, you know? like how i talk to you.”

you stare at him.

"seriously. i'm fine."

"but -"

jaehyun is cut off by your phone vibrating furiously on your desk, and for the first time since he met you, jaehyun sees something akin to doubt flash across your face.

"i - i have to get this," you say quickly.

you pick up on the fifth ring, nearly dropping the phone before you haphazardly press it to your ear.

"hello? dad? yeah - i heard about mom coming over. no - i didn't know... i don't know. no - i'm fine by myself. seriously, you don't need to come, and i know you don't want to either. okay, sorry. i'll call you back, i'm about to head to class."

the bell to go to class doesn't ring for another 20 minutes, but you press the end call button frantically and slam the phone facedown on the table with finality.

"it's fine," you mumble, your face falling into your hands, and jaehyun isn't sure if you're talking to him or yourself, "everything's fine."

jaehyun swears the temperature dropped the moment you picked up that phone.

what should he say?

'are you okay?' - you just said i'm fine like five times.

'is your mom coming over?' - way too direct and touchy.

'my parents are dead -' ugh, what are you thinking, myung jaehyun?

instead, he quietly places his own phone on the table, face down next to yours.

a moment of silence later, you finally crack.

"what are you doing?" you mumble stiffly, peeking up from your palms.

jaehyun shrugs and just sits, watching you twitch in your seat, looking at the back of your phones like it’s some kind of electronic gravestone.

“i hate it,” you finally whisper, “i hate how i still crave for my mom’s attention like i’m some kid.”

you stare at your hands, “they divorced years ago. mom packed up and left, and dad ended up sending me to a three year long program for weirdos obsessed with dead things and now it seems like he’s more used to be not being around than me being around.”

the cafeteria continues to churn around you like you didn’t just spill your heart out to a guy you’ve known for half a year.

“sorry,” you eventually say, “i didn’t mean to dump all that on you.”

jaehyun doesn’t say anything.

you look up and he’s looking at you - not with pity or sadness - but with that same look that you’ve seen before: when you’re reading the founder’s plaque; when you saw that triceratops skull for the first time; when his eyes first met yours on that stupid hallway floor.

“it’s not stupid,” he eventually says, softly, “you’re just human. things don’t just… stop because they hurt.”

he thrums his fingers against the table, “but that’s the thing - isn’t it? you’re human - you have the ability to do whatever you want. we can’t really… change how people look at us, just how we look at ourselves.”

he reaches over to gently flip over his phone, face up like it means something. you can see your reflection in the darkness of the screen and you’re frowning.

“besides, you’re not doing it alone. i’ll tell you how awesome you are everyday - gayeon probably does already - until you think so too.”

you lean back in your seat, and watch jaehyun fiddle with his phone until he looks up, his brown eyes catching in the sunlight and turning gold.

“when did you get so wise?” you joke quietly, watching a light pink dust across his nose.

“you must be rubbing off on me,” he says softly.

the cafeteria continues to churn, and you continue to stare at jaehyun.

then, the bell actually rings.

you lean forward to pull your phone off the table, pocketing it quickly before shooting a small smile at jaehyun.

“thanks. i’ll… think about what you said.”

you take off before jaehyun can reply - with the same commitment and speed you throw into everything else.

jaehyun swears he’s not trying to be a creep, but sticking to the side of your apartment building (that he only happened memorised from the last time he walked you home) isn’t exactly helping his case right now.

he’s trying to be a good friend, he reasons to himself as he crawls across the brick, trying to locate your apartment, he’s just making sure you’re doing okay.

he locates your flat through the glint of the sequins of your bedazzled cowboy hat, reflecting the light of the street lamps in a series of bright flashes. against his better judgement, he navigates around the window, pivoting until he’s peeking over the top of your window and down into your room.

jaehyun has never seen your apartment, but he never would’ve guessed that it would look something like this - a man cave with plaid and leather and a mountain of energy drinks and cans of beer in the corner. the ridiculous hats, collection of rolled up boy band posters, and stack of books tucked under the window is the only proof you lived here.

‘he’s more used to be not being around than me being around.’ your voice echoes in his mind. your father - he assumes - is sprawled out on the sofa while, looking done at the woman shaking her finger at him. he can hear bits and pieces of the argument - about how you were responsible for the safety of our child and you don’t get to call them your child after you abandoned them.

but where the hell were you?

jaehyun crawls around the corner - nothing, not even a wisp of your hair and a glimpse of your shadow.

okay, think - they could be anywhere. in that coffee shop they like, or their second trip to the museum this week, or maybe even gayeon’s house.

jaehyun ends up flipping over the ledge of the roof, pacing back and forth as he contemplates which direction of the neighbourhood he should jump in, and whether he should test that funny communicator gayeon fixed into his suit yesterday and ask if she’s seen you -

“spider-man?”

jaehyun whips his head around at the sound.

“uh,” he backs up like a dog cornered as you emerge from behind the door to the stairs, “hey there, citizen!”

you regard him suspiciously, and jaehyun wonders if you could see his expression under the mask, “what are you doing here?”

“j - just making my usual rounds,” jaehyun frantically looks around and points at a pigeon that’s perched on the ledge, “there’s been super villain who i suspect has been using pigeons as a form of communication!”

you scrutinise the pigeon, who chirps like it’s personally offended by jaehyun’s baseless accusation.

“okay…” you say slowly, stepping closer.

“w - what are you doing up here?” jaehyun stutters as he backs himself into a corner, “it’s not safe.”

you shrug, “i… i just wanted to see the sky.”

you flop down onto the concrete with the grace of a disgruntled cat, legs splayed out as you stare out across to the sky. the wind tugs at your hair and the air smells faintly of cut grass and car exhaust. spider-man stands stock still a few meters away, but you can still feel him watching you through those big white cutouts on his mask.

jaehyun scratches his head, “there aren’t stars out yet, though?”

you hum thoughtfully, “better than becoming collateral damage in my divorced parent’s third argument of the night.”

“oh,” spider-man’s shoulders drop, “that sounds tough.”

“it is,” you pick at a seam on your shirt, “can’t do anything about it.”

“you seem like you handle messes well,” jaehyun says before he can stop himself.

you shoot him a smile, “you’ve been watching me, spider-man?”

“n - no!” jaehyun raises his hands and shakes them furiously, “i’m not a stalker, i swear!”

“sounds like something a stalker would say.”

“i’m spider-man!”

“okay, do a flip then.”

jaehyun lets out a frustrated groan.

“kidding,” you say, before shivering lightly, the night wind catching your hair in a way that blows it in your face. you huff as you pull your hair out of your eyes, and spider-man notices, moving his body to shield you from the icy onslaught.

“you should head inside soon,” he says gently as you wrestle with your hair, “it’s getting cold, and dark. even if your parents are still probably yelling.”

“yeah, probably,” you draw circles in the dust of the ground.

jaehyun offers you a hand and you stare up at him.

“you’re strange, spider-man,” you say as you accept it, letting him pull you up to your feet.

“is that a bad thing?”

you look at him - and for a moment jaehyun wonders if you’ve already figured out who’s behind the mask - he wouldn’t put it past you, you were one of the smartest people he knows.

you tilt your head and smiles, “not really.”

jaehyun doesn’t even realise he hasn’t let go of your hand until you clear your throat and gently pull it out of his grasp.

“sorry!” he squeaks, shooting straight up, his hand clasped behind his back, “i - i should go patrol - make sure sandman is still behind bars and things. are you going to be okay?”

“i always am,” you dust off your palms, “don’t get beat up too badly, spider-man.”

“i’ll let green goblin know you said that,” he grins under his mask, “have a good night, citizen!”

“you too, spidey.”

with a flick of his wrist, jaehyun launches into the air, swinging onto the next building and down an alleyway, disappearing into the night with a few graceful swings. he leaves you with web fluid still stuck to the pipes and the faint smell of whatever cologne spider-man was wearing under that suit and the fabric softer he uses to wash it.

“gross,” you mumble to yourself as you swipe a finger through his webs. it sticks to you and you fling it off, your face crinkling at the unpleasant sensation.

jaehyun thumbs hover over your chat - he’s fresh out of the shower after a night of patrol and standing like an idiot in the middle of the bathroom overthinking about a single text. he squeezes his eyes shut and stabs the send button before he can overthink himself into a stomach ache.

myung jaehyun: are you okay?

your reply comes quicker than he expected.

y/n l/n yeah y/n l/n i met spider-man tonight, isn’t that cool? y/n l/n what did you do?

jaehyun scratches his cheek, chewing on his next words.

myung jaehyun student council paperwork myung jaehyun booooring 👎 meeting spider-man is so much cooler y/n l/n sounds boring! y/n l/n idk, spider-man seemed kinda lame myung jaehyun ???? y/n l/n he kept stuttering and stuff y/n l/n you think he has a crush on me or something? love at first sight? 😄

jaehyun tilts his head. did spider-man have a crush on you?

wait - what the heck is he thinking? he’s spider-man, and he definitely doesn’t have a crush -

y/n l/n whatever, probably not y/n l/n only nerds like you and gayeon would like someone like me y/n l/n i’m going to bed, goodnight jaehyun!

jaehyun hastily types back a goodnight message before switching off his phone, looking up at the mirror. his face is flushed, red blooming across his nose and down to his cheeks - and it certainly isn’t due to the steam of the bathroom. heat crawls up his neck and he has the urge to throw his phone across the room and collapse into bed and never get up.

jaehyun’s eyes widen.

hell, spider-man probably did have a crush on you.

and he wouldn’t even blame the guy for having one.

woonhakie next <3

♡ or ↻ if you enjoyed, support your writers, thank you!! what did you think? drop your thoughts in my inbox!

SWISHHH—!!

You hear a thick branch swipe against the wind and thump onto the ground, feeling the tremor of it under your feet. At once, you and Taesan spring apart, feeling more scorched than interrupted.

A deep flush creeps up your neck, ears hot as fire.

"I—"

"Um," he gulps, eyes darting away in awkwardness. "Just the wind."

"Yeah… Just the wind." You nod—slow at first, then more feverishly to emphasise the point. It does more to convince yourself than him.

"Oh, we're at the tree," Taesan changes course, nudging his chin towards the map in your limp hand, afraid to touch. "He should be somewhere close by. Check."

Your eyes begin to trace for Mr. Ribbit's name, but your mind is all smoke and heat, the imprinted memory of Taesan's half-lidded eyes and parted lips at the forefront.

You'd almost kissed.

Kissed!

Not even an hour ago, you'd been convinced he had kidnapped your beloved toad and here you were now, about to make the grave mistake of pressing your lips to his admidst the haze of fear and dread.

"He's underneath it," Taesan says suddenly, clearly less distracted than you are. His fingers point at a spot on the map. "Under the Whomping Willow… Oh…"

The wind whistles louder as if to punctuate the point. Your hand feels colder without Taesan's holding it, and the very thought of that makes you almost fumble over a crook in the dirt.

"Roots," he points out, steadying you by the robes and tapping down with his shoes. "We're close by, so we need to be careful not to fa—"

Whoooshhhh—!!!

"Fuck… Fall."

One of the aggravated branches had aimed for your heads, forcing Taesan to think on his feet and push you down with him, ending up with the both of you now crouching low. He heaves, catching his breath as you realise what's just happened.

"T-thanks," you murmur in reply, aware that your heart thundering has less to do with the the thought that you had almost perished by the hands of a violent tree and more to do with the fact that Taeaan is so so close. The heat of his palm is still fresh on your scalp.

Before another wave of shame can make you jump away from him, you feel a quiver against your eardrum, a low growl that grows into noisy barks. Something is here, and its about to attack—that's the only thing you know before you move.

"Wait, Y/N, no—"

Taesan doesn't finish his sentence before you've thrown yourself over his body in an attempt to cover him, shield him from the angry, bloodthirsty werewolf that was about to eat—

"Y/N?"

You blink your eyes open, fingers shaking where they've clutched his back, your entire frame attempting to cover him. When you come to it, Taesan's eyes are startled open, and the invisibility cloak has slipped off your heads.

And then the bark resounds again—too excited to be scary.

"Huh?" You twist your head to look, perplexed.

A dog stands there, greeting joyfully, tail wagging a mile a minute as it spots the two of you. Before you can turn to question Taesan, he's already speaking.

"You shouldn't be out without telling me." Except it isn't directed to you—it's for the dog.

The dog obediently hangs his head, whining as thought in apology. You remain clueless as to why Han Taesan seems to be talking to a dog…and why the dog seems to understand.

To make things even more bizarre, you hear low howls from within the willow, and a couple croaks follow.

What is going on??

"Taesan?"

"I can explain…"

Whether he actually means to or not is never made clear, because at that very moment, thick strands of curly roots of the tree begin to unravel, creating a slim opening—wide enough for Mr. Ribbit to leap out.

And out follows reddish mane accompanied by faded black paws.

"A… A fox!" The scream escapes your body as you crowd back into Taesan, instinctively trying to protect him from impending harm. "My wand—I need my wand, where is it!?"

"Wait don't—"

Too late because you've already managed to loosen it out of your robes, forehead creased in nervous terror, wand pointed straight at the fox. The hound takes several steps back too, coming to stand in front of the other animal. They look… confused, but not scared enough to back off entirely.

They could bite. They could hurt Mr. Ribbit—Or Taesan! You're about to throw the first thing you think of—a body binding spell—when you feel Taesan attempt to squirm out of your hold.

That idiot; if he moved, he could get seriously hurt!

You push back against him harder to hold him down, the words Petrificus Totalus almost out your tongue when the strangest, most absurd thing happens next.

Something pounces from behind you to shield the two animals in front, throwing itself in front of the wand instead. Two green orbs stare, prickles of black camouflaged by the night.

It's…

Mr. Meow..?

"Mr. Meow, what are you doing—"

Then it occurs to you that there's a missing weight underneath you; you're no longer touching Taesan. In fact… Taesan isn't there anymore.

"W-what? What's going on—Taesan?" You scramble backwards, feeling dirt under your fingernails, eyes blown wide in fear. "Who are you?"

Before you, the scene shifts, a slow morphing of limbs and hair—slower than it is in reality.

Instead of the familiar cat, Taesan stands there—breaths rugged, hair falling haphazardly into his face, sweaty palms on his knees as he slowly raises his head to meet your eyes.

"I can," he begins, voice gruff under wear, "explain."

It comes like a roll of film unravelling, memories and words coming back to you. The cat that had slunk into your dorm, that you had befriended and spilled your heart to. Taesan's sudden change. Him bringing you things, trying to be better, to be not himself…

An animagus is a witch or a wizard who can willingly transform into an animal. It's a learnt skill—not genetically passed on like metamorphmagi. You hear it in Taesan's own voice from the Defence class. The puzzle pieces itself together—it's unwelcoming and nauseating.

"You're an animagus," you say, a statement, not a question.

"I am," Taesan nods, a painful gulp travelling down his throat. He looks like he could choke on the truth. "I can explain."

When you open your mouth to speak, nothing comes out. Just hot, slithering shame.

And the pricking feeling of betrayal.

"It's—they're—" Taesan helplessly motions to the animals; the fox quirks his head, and the dog continues to look like its owner had kicked it to the curb. Mr. Ribbit watches the scene, chowing down on something crunchy. "I didn't tell you earlier but they're both animagi. It was supposed to be a silly experiment, okay? They kept asking me how I'd done it in third year and I couldn't say no and… No, that's not the point. Uh…

They were…" He turns to the animals, wordlessly begging for some help.

Dutifully enough, they too transform back to their wizard forms.

Two boys stand in their place instead, both sporting Slytherin uniforms, one with innocent doe eyes and a pout, and the other with sharper features, bumping shoulders as they obediently murmur a sorry to Taesan.

Keonho and Seonghyeon.

"Taesan hyung didn't know," Seonghyeon says to you, not as abashed as the other boy. "He didn't hurt your frog. We didn't either, obviously."

"We're sorry," Keonho speaks through a sniffle. "Your toad, he's been hungry every time we see him and he came to us, not the other way around. Told us he feels sick from eating just Produce all day, and…"

"And we had to help. So we told him to sneak out and we'd find him some fresh bugs."

"We didn't mean to scare you."

Your mind reels from the sheer bulk of new information—from the surprise of their identities which should have been obvious to you, if you were just a little more observant, and from the terrible feeling of being made a fool of for so long.

Mr. Ribbit leaps into your arms, perhaps having sensed your inner turmoil, in his own way of comforting you. A pretty apathetic moral support—but you can't even feel thankful at the moment from everything else you have to process.

"I'm sor—" Taesan barely finishes before you've turned around, face hot and red, legs beginning to move at record speed and all you feel is the whip of air around your ears as you sprint.

Away from shame; away from Taesan.

It's all horrible: tears pool underneath your eyes when you recollect the past couple months, the cold of the night making every step harsher. Your jaw hurts from biting your teeth together too hard, your heart a breaking mess.

You remember reading out the pages of your diary to Mr. Meow—to Han Taesan—spilling your guts out to him. About your mom, about your worries, about your fears. All the while it had all been just a ploy for him to ruin your life again.

Had he laughed about it afterwards with his friends? Had he felt happy every time you vented about your qualms to him?

And after everything, you had almost kissed him.

How stupid you were for thinking he could change…. For cementing yourself as the biggest, most naive coward in all of the wizarding world. In all of Gryffindor.

How stupid you were for believing, just for a split second, that you could ever like Han Taesan.

And now, everything is ruined.

Hogwarts grounds - past midnight

Everything is ruined.

Taesan might be the biggest idiot in all of the wizarding world—in all of history, actually. He's had you for barely a night, maybe a couple days if he counts your slowly bridging trust in him, but here he goes—making a blunder and losing you the same night.

Fucking moron, he berates himself, forehead creased in stress, feet faster than it has ever been. Taesan is used to running away from things—from you; towards is new for him.

But he's gone and fucked up marvellously now. True that he could sit this one out and come back after the break, slowly try to worm his way back into your life again. But it doesn't feel like a temporary thing this time. It feels like you're thoroughly and eternally done with him.

Taesan doesn't think he can do it again—the period you had ignored him after he'd wrecked your Gobstones match… Worst fucking week of his life. Taesan refuses to suffer through that again.

It's all racing heart and burning soles when he skids through the grass, and then over the pavement of the open corridor, faster, faster, faster until he spots a silhouette in the middle of it and pushes harder until he's right in front of you.

Taesan almost collapses from the run.

"Wait, don't —" He panics. "Don't leave, please. Anything but that. Please, just—yell at me, or set my hair on fire, or..oh, you can punch me in the face if you like!"

…

You blink at him, lips a passive line. Then begin to curve around him without a single word or reaction.

Taesan's adrenaline courses again—pure, unadulterated fear.

He springs to clasp the hem of your robe's arm. You turn, eyes flicking slowly from his hands to his pathetic expression. Taesan gets the message and removes his hands at once, resorting to a more pitiful measure; he's at his wit's end, okay?

"I'm…so sorry." He falls to his knees, head bowed deeply, hands together as though in prayer, pleading. "It was my fault, all of it. I messed up—kept messing up, even when you gave me so many chances. I'm such an idiot. The biggest ever idiot to exist… Have been for six years. I'm sorry for the pranks, and for pissing you off and for ruining your days… For… For making you cry." His voice cracks around the edge of the word.

You just look at the sight, not saying anything.

Taesan attempts again, all his pride and resolve breaking into dust. "If you want to cuss me out, just do it. I won't mind."

"I—" you begin, squeezing your eyes shut, making Taesan look up with a dreg of hope. "I can't."

"Y/N," he sounds strained. "I just wanted to make things right… I just…"

"…"

"I just wanted to be closer to you, okay?" It comes out like it pains him to admit the truth, a deep red climbing up his cheeks and ears. "I didn't like how you were right. And you were—about everything. I am vile and despicable and I ruin good things. And you were right about me wanting your…." His jaw is tight, shame blatant. "Attention."

"So you lied to me."

Taesan's pulse raises again. He feels like he's sinking.

"None of it was a lie, okay? Please just believe me."

"How can I—" You stutter on the word, previous apathy now replaced by a gulp, everything you try to hide making its way past the surface. You look like you're about to break down crying; Taesan is scared stiff that you might. "How can I trust you."

"Let me make it up to you, okay?" He attempts again. "Anything you want—I'll feed your toad for you every day, I'll bring you candy before every patrol; I'll even quit pranking forever."

You just stare at him, lips quivering.

"Okay, maybe not forever."

"I'm going to bed." You make for the common room again, desperate to get out of his face. Taesan hates how it makes him feel, how there's an ugly, frothing monster clawing its way up his sternum. Fear.

"Wait," he makes one last attempt, betting his all into four not-so-simple words. "Come home with me."

It's shocking enough of a request to make you slowly turn around and meet his eyes, your brows furrowed. "What?"

"You said you were staying at school over the break because of your—" Mom. He's too scared to say it, knowing how it goes back to his time as Mr. Meow and you talking about her with him. "Leave with me tomorrow morning. My folks will be more than happy to have you and, and I can just convince Professor Jeon… Yeah…"

Taesan thinks you might agree. That you'd hate to be alone at Hogwarts enough for you to choose a warm house and some company—even if it is with him. He dearly hopes you have space for one more act of forgiveness left in you.

"I…" You wipe your runny nose, hugging the toad closer for comfort. Then you take a deep, ragged breath before saying, "Good night Taesan."

It's the last he gets from you before you're walking off, turning into nothing but a shadow under the high arch of the hallway, leaving Taesan on the freezing floor.

Nothing more happens. Taesan hears Keonho and Seonghyeon shuffling over on their paws from behind, evidently to check up on him. He ignores the concerned whimper and a bark that's an attempt to cheer him up in favour of curling up into a shameful ball and accepting the cold hard truth.

Everything is ruined.

── ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.

Hogwarts - first day of winter break

It's a bright and sunny dawn—antithetical to Taesan's insides. He's all bleak in there.

He wishes he could blame the upset stomach he has when he wakes up on just nerves, on the prospect of going home and having to deal with his family's antics. Or the lack of appetite on how early it is. But Taesan knows he's not usually the scared type, and he knows he can eat through a breakfast no matter what the time is.

His world is off balance just because you exist.

It had started way before all of this. Six years ago to be precise. This magnetic hold you have on him—one that makes it impossible for him to resist teasing you. All those tiny reactions of his effect on you: the pout, the way you threaten to take points from Slytherin instead of just retaliating with brute force, the way your face skews into frustration and your eyes get glassy when you're on the verge on weeping… Taesan could never look away.

And yeah, it's kind of twisted, and messy, but it's not entirely his fault that you look so cute when you cry. He'd never lied about that. And it was you that had fastened your hook on him on that fateful day in September—the first ever time he had stepped foot into Hogwarts.

Ugh… He does not want to think about that. Thinking means remembering, which means feeling, and he's not the best in that department. So he shoves it aside and locks it up in his mental box to be reopened later when he has the time—probably when he's in the quiet of his childhood room, late into the night when regrets start making their presence known.

Not now, later.

He skips breakfast, throws in the basic necessities into his duffel bag, decides that if he needs anything more he'll just borrow (steal) from his younger siblings later. Trudging to the station isn't much of a task when his brain is floaty enough to forget the walk—but it's the letter in his pocket that weighs him down more than the luggage in his hand.

"Taesan hyung, please give this to Y/N," Keonho had stood their with his sparkly eyes, having ran to interject Taesan a minute ago. Seonghyeon was there too, slightly less impressed. "It's an apology for last night—for feeding her frog without asking first. There's a packet of dried crickets in there too… for Mr. Ribbit."

"He's a toad," Taesan corrects. "And she'll have a heart attack if she sees a bug." He pockets in any way, and the two third-years part for their ride with another sorry (and Seonghyeon's discreet "Good luck with Y/N, hyung. You need it.")

Taesan had just grumbled in response and let them leave.

The letter will stay and rot in there, he's sure of it. You did not look like you wanted to see any part of him last night; you're probably holed up in your room, pouring your heart out into your diary, making sure that Mr. Ribbit knew how much of a shitty person Taesan had really been. Or maybe you're burning your diary to crisp now that you know he's read its contents…

Either way, he's fucked up big time—

"Why are you spacing out in front of the train?"

Taesan thinks he's hallucinating when he hears your voice. Had he been that sleep deprived?

But one tilt is all it takes for his assumption to be disproven—because you're standing there, drowning in a giant padded jacket, judging the heck out of his state of reverie, Mr. Ribbit snoring away happily in his travel bag in one of your hands, and wheeling a suitcase in the other.

Huh..?

"You said I could stay with you," you say, looking him right in the eye. "Or was that an empty offer?"

Taesan wants to say something—anything—but he's two steps behind the conversation at hand. You're standing here, next to him, in the flesh. He only believes it's not a dream because you smell like your dorm room, and a whiff of the sachet he'd sewn together for you.

"Okay," is the dumb response his dumb brain comes up with. Nothing witty like his usual self.

You take it at face value, stepping into the Hogwarts Express as it gets ready for departure. Before you vanish behind a compartment door, you turn back with a flat voice.

"Don't think I've forgiven you by the way," you say, sparing him a single glance and walking off towards an empty cabin.

Taesan follows dumbly, only partly understanding this progression of events. He ends up shuffling into the seat opposite yours, afraid to offend you by sitting next to you. You don't look at him, just place your luggage under your seat and lean your head against the wall, staring out the frosty window as the wheels begin to move.

The journey itself isn't long—a little cold, a little shaky, but the trolley comes by an hour later carrying sweet-smelling delicacies and Taesan makes it a point to purchase two sugar quills, placing one by your side when you'd fallen asleep. Soon after, he too slips into slumber, and by the time he's woken up, the quill has disappeared from your vicinity. He assumes that's a good sign, that you haven't sworn off touching anything and everything that he offers.

Fields and mountains flurry by out the window, blanketed by heavy mist. When you finally arrive at the station, Taesan has entirely knocked out cold, only twitching slightly when he feels something soft prob at his shoulder.

"Wake up."

"Hmnn."

"We've arrived. Wake up."

"Ugh," he groans, rubbing at his eyes. "Oh—Y/N?"

"You're drooling."

Your face materialises like smoke, but its gone just as fast with you turning around to gather your luggage. Taesan shamefully wipes his mouth, ignoring the heat creeping up his neck in favour of getting his own stuff.

Not ten minutes later, the two of you are standing side by side at a quaint little bus stop. You've got your snow cap pulled low, hair falling around your face, and Taesan is trying very hard not to stare. He sends a thankful prayer up to the heavens when the bus eventually arrives and he is spared of that excruciating task.

"Letter," he manages to slip in between a blow of the horn, half hoping you don't hear it, for the sake of his dwindling shame. "From the boys."

It seems that you do hear after all because you take it from his hand without protest.

Taesan only remembers the unfortunate packet of crickets after.

"Wait—I—" he scrambles to retrieve it, but you've already pocketed the thing, shooting him with a questioning look.

"What?"

"Uh…" He's scared to ask for it back. What if you consider it impolite? Or that he's playing a trick on you again. He doubts he'd even be through the word 'cricket' before you panic and pull out your wand, or worse yet, start bawling. Taesan only knows what to predict because he's done his fair share of tormenting you with bugs already.

Looking back, he isn't sure why he was so proud of himself for doing all that. Dumb, dumb brain, he chastises younger him.

"Nothing," he mumbles, saving the consequences for a day where he's better equipped.

Taesan has enough embarrassment to carry after the way he went on his knees last night, crying and pleading like a fucking idiot. He'd said sorry, for god's sake—he does not say sorry. You probably think he's a pathetic coward too, not someone worth an ounce of respect.

There's a big hole in his chest where his pride should be.

The bus screeches to a halt as he's deep in his overthinking, making him almost smash his face into the railing in front. Thankfully, you manage to brace your elbow and jolt him back into place before he can. Taesan doesn't even get to thank you before you're standing up, ushering him out.

Right…the stop.

His stop.

The roads are familiar as his own face: long trails of tire-tracks on snow, the morning sun making her mark on it, streets aligned with little cafes and stores that were just opening up for business, their wooden beams framed with Christmas decoration. The town had always been early and eager in getting into the festive season.

Taesan doesn't even realise his feet has taken the two of you to his place until the house comes into view, his body having moved on autopilot from years of practice.

"Oh, we're here," he announces awkwardly, motioning you to follow.

He hesitatingly walks up to the front door, takes a deep breath, and brings his fist to knock—

"San-ah! You're here!" The door is barely open before his mom takes both his cheeks in her hand, cooing at him and rambling about how sallow his face have gotten from school.

Taesan grumbles out a, "Mommmm." but lets himself be pet into oblivion anyway. She doesn't let him get many more words in as she goes on and on about needing to feed him and how he's gotten too tall for her to reach without hurting her back now. It isn't until a second or two later when her eyes flicker to the figure behind him.

"Oh…" Her initial surprise soon turns into bright excitement, eyes lighting up like a Christmas tree. "You brought a friend!"

Taesan looks at you, trying to figure out how he was going to lay down this whole situation, but you make the first move by bowing respectfully and greeting his mom. "Hi Mrs. Han… I'm Y/N."

"Y/N…" She blinks as the name registers. "Oh My God! You're L/N Y/N! Our Sannie has told us all about you—what a pretty girl you are! Come in, come in; you must be freezing!"

Taesan wants to combust right then and there; he's thankful for the commotion that erupts as soon as you're both ushered past the door and into the house.

"Sannieeee!!" comes a squeal from the staircase, and a pair of ecstatic feet barrel down and right into Taesan's unready arms; he still somehow manages to catch her somehow.

"Taeri! How has my munchkin been!? Wow, you've gotten so tall, I can't even carry you anymore." Taesan pretends to drop the giggling girl, catching her right before she can fall and making her laugh even louder.

"She hasn't slept all night waiting up for you," his mother says, addressing you more than she does him.

"Is that your sister?" you ask in a polite voice, but your eyes betray the curiosity beneath them.

Taesan nods, offering a small smile. "This one—" He pokes his baby sister's cheek to make her give you a mostly toothless smile. "—is Han Taeri. She's the youngest."

"There's…more?" You sound almost like you'd never imagined a house with more than a single sibling. It makes Taesan chuckle fondly despite himself.

"Loads more. You'll see," he promises. And on cue, comes Taesan's father and brother and several other intermixed voices through the living room doorway.

"My boy," his father approaches with a hearty laughter. "Uncle Kang and I were just talking about you. We'll need a third hand to help with moving the dining table—oh," he stops when he notices you in the corner, nervously biting the inside of your cheek. "Who is the girl?"

"This is Y/N," Taesan's mom says brightly, placing an encouraging hand at your shoulder. "You know…that Y/N."

She raises her brow like she's attempting to send a secret message and it takes many pointed blinks for his father to receive it.

"Oh!" he says when he finally gets it. "The Y/N. Taesan doesn't shut up about you."

"He's right," says Taesan's brother. And another few teeny heads gather around his knees, attentping to sneak a peak at you.

Taesan wants to die. Right there. In front of his entire family and you, because it has to be better than the absolute mortification of his business being aired out for you to hear.

"Mom!" he whines, his shame amplified by Taeri's amused giggles.

"Oh now, shush." His mom remains unfazed, simply helping you take off your cap and jacket, dusting the snow off of it, to hang it on the coat rack. "Now go help this poor girl up to the guest bedroom—I'm so sorry that we didn't have enough of a notice to clean it before you came." She sends Taesan a scolding glare, making him gulp. "This guy didn't even carry your suitcase?"

"I'm…I could manage it myself," you answer sheepishly, but she's quick with handing it into Taesan's free arm.

"That is not how we raised you. Her room better be spotless by the time we're up." His mother chides him and Taesan is forced to drag the bag up the stairs, all the while making sure Taeri doesn't slip out of his hold when she's trying very hard to clamber onto his head instead.

When he's back down after have a wrestling match with the bedsheet and his sister's rendition of 'Three little monkeys jumping on the bed', Taesan regrets ever having left you alone with his nosy family.

"You're a Gryffindor? Wow! Our Taeri wants to be one—the rest of us have always been Hufflepuffs. Taeho wants to follow his hyung into Slytherin next year when he goes to school though—"

"Always been so fascinated with muggle customs… You call through a pheletone, was it?"

"Taesan isn't too shy is he? That boy used to hang by my sleeves when he was as small as a pea—

You're practically being interrogated on the couch, squeezed between his mother and aunt, a cup of cocoa in your hand and your eyes wide as saucers as you struggle to answer one person at a time. Taesan needs to intervene before his mom says something that could ruin his finely constructed reputation.

"Mom, the bed is done," Taesan announces, clearing his throat, promptly avoiding your eyes. "Can I borrow Y/N for a bit?"

He doesn't miss the coy look exchanged between the older women, nor the way Taesan's dad passes by with an encouraging pat on his back, nor the way his uncle mouths a "Keep the door unlocked." His sister is having a one-sided staring contest with Mr. Ribbit on the windowsill, and his little cousins keep running around, chasing each other with paper swords.

Taesan lets out the loudest sigh of relief once their teasing giggles die down and he's alone inside the guest bedroom.

Well…not alone, he realises eventually.

"Umm…" You stand at the curb, awkwardly looking around.

"Bed." He points at the corner of the room, where the ajar window lets in a cold breeze. "It's yours."

"Thanks."

"You should—" Taesan clears his throat, moving aside to let you in, fiddling with his fingers behind his back the whole time he speaks. "You should rest up for now. I'll call you down for lunch… Is that… Is that okay?"

You give a small nod and he leaves, shutting the door behind him.

Once Taesan is outside, he uses the newfound privacy to take in a deep inhale, leaning his head back against the wooden door, almost sliding down to the carpet in agony.

He wonders if he'd made a mistake by asking you to come along, after all.

Han household - Mid-December

You wonder if you've made a mistake by coming along.

It took you almost an hour to slip into slumber, washing up and changing out of your clothes, making sure Mr. Ribbit was comfortably snoring away in his favourite bundle of blankets, and then spending the next ten minutes staring out your window.

Taesan's house has an apple tree planted right outside it—bulbs of red against snow-dusted branches, sparse specks of green in-between them. It makes sense that he smells like it, that Mr. Meow used to too. You almost regret making yourself remember.

It was an impulsive decision, made out of a night of unforgiving sleeplessness and lingering resentment. Well… not resentment. Something closer to hurt. Taesan had known your innermost thoughts all along, without you ever having meant for it to be for him. He knew about your friends, your family, you fears. And you… You had barely known him.

It's unfair and it's humiliating.

You thought of just rotting in bed until spring would break in and drag you out for classes, eventually. But even that didn't sound like a promising plan.

Then it happened—an idea. Something that made more sense than all the other possible paths you could take.

Take Taesan's offer, figure out why the heck he is the way he is, get on equal terms by peeling back his family dynamics, make him feel sorry for ever thinking you'd be so easily manipulated.

Because why should you be the only one who's scared of being known? He should fear the same.

He should.

Except, his house has nothing to hide at all. His mom and dad are warm, his aunt smells like roses and kindness, and his little sister makes your heart melt with her innocent grin. You should feel miserable and jealous that Han Taesan comes from a loving family, but… But you don't. You just feel out of place here—like you're the only feeble thing in this house full of life.

Thoughts pile up on top of one another, your brain collapses from the exhaustion of it all, and the sunlight is spilling over your face when you finally feel the world slowly blear back into vision.

"She talks in her sleep," comes a girl's voice.

The a boy chimes in after, "Better than hyung's drooling. Or dad's snoring—"

The another. "Sannie said not to disturb her. What if he gets mad at us…"

"He can't get mad at you. You're his favourite."

"Sannie," babbles a smaller child's voice when he catches the familiar name in the conversation.

You blink several times to adjust your sight, and the first clear look almost makes you faint onto the pillow.

Instead of the ceiling that you swear seeing right before knocking out an hour back, there are instead six pairs of curious eyes staring down at you. And you're surrounded—trapped—on both sides too.

You have nowhere to escape to.

"Where—What the heck are you guys doing in here!? You're going to freak her out," Taesan's voice comes like a saviour.

He's balancing a tray of food in one hand, the other on his hip like a scolding mother. The kids scatter at once, giving you space to sit up.

"We were just making sure she hadn't died," Taeho says easily; Taesan remains unimpressed by the jest.

"I wanted to show Jiwoo unnie your girlfriend," says Taeri, and this makes Taesan's face turn as red as an apple.

"She's not my girlfriend." he protests, almost dropping the metal tray on the floor.

"But she's a girl, and mom said she was your friend," the younger girl bats her innocent eyes.

Taesan just sighs in defeat and places the tray on the bedside table.

"They're." He waves to the crowd of six around him, a small bunch that on average barely reaches past his knees. "These are my siblings and cousins," he tells you, hoping you're not offended by their behaviour.

"Hi," you greet them with a small wave, still awkward, maybe shy.

"I'm Han Taeho!" Taesan brother extends a hand and you shake it amicably. His sister attempts to do the same, giggling as you entertain her whims.

"This one," Taesan ruffles the hair of a slightly taller girl. She has short black hair like Chaewon's and a polite smile, "is Jiwoo. She's ten like Taeho. They'll both be heading to Hogwarts next year—if they behave and the Grinch doesn't steal them away this Christmas, that is."

Taeho shoots him a grumpy frown and Taesan matches it by sticking out his tongue to tease him.

"Well, I've been perfectly good," Jiwoo announces to you. "I helped Dad and Uncle Han clean the chimney."

"Is that why you have soot on your cheek?" you ask, and she nods with a bright grin. The sight is so adorable; it kind of reminds you of Eunchae when you met her for the first time.

"These—" Taesan motions towards the three almost identical toddlers blinking like curious kittens up at you, hanging off the mattress. "—Are the Kang triplets. Jiwoo's younger brothers—Jaemin, Jaeha, and Jongin. Don't worry about getting the names right, even I mess it up at times, but they'll also answer to duckling one, two, and three." He counts by softly mussing up each of their bowlcuts.

"They're…" Adorable. You want to squish them, but you're too scared to hurt them; you've never even held a baby. "Cute."

"Only when you're new to meeting them. Once you get to know them—they're little rascals, trust me."

Taesan is met with a barrage of oppositions and, "He's lying!" at that, and he responds to every one of them by doubling down on the teasing. You find it ironic that he has the galls to call them rascals when he was never far off from the title himself.

"Oh wait, you've got me all distracted," he pauses in the middle of tackling one of the triplets—Jaeha, you think—onto the fluffy duvet, "I was supposed to tell you to eat your lunch. You slept through it so Mom send up a tray."

"Ah, thanks."

"And you guys," He turns to the kids. "Dad needs you to help him pick out a tree. Better run and get changed before he leaves without you."

Apparently that's all it takes for them to sprint out the door and leave you with some quiet.

Taesan turns to you once they've all vacated. "Sorry for that. They're nosy like the rest of my family."

"It's okay." You realise you mean it. "I—I don't mind. It was nice to see everyone."

He smiles, watching your expression for a second, a sense of relief evident on his face. Then he places the tray on your lap. "Stir fry and rice. Mom makes it a lot when I'm home—but there's no eggplant if you like those—"

"It's okay. This is…more than enough."

The bowl is warm between your hands, the right amount of spice and salt. You can already tell Mrs. Han is a wonderful cook—almost as good as your own mom.

"You've told her about me?" you ask before you take the first bite.

Taesan is too focused on making sure you're eating, waiting at the side of your bed. "Hm?"

"Your Mom. She knew about me."

His face turns beet red once more, lips forming a small 'o'. "Oh… Uh… That's…"

"Don't lie to me." Again, is implied.

Taesan sighs, perhaps knowing that this is entirely his fault. He takes a seat down at the edge of the bed, a significant distance between the two of you.

"I…Yeah, I talked about you," he admits. "Have for a long time, I think. Since first year."

"Oh."

"Are we going to talk about everything? …Now?"

It's a good day outside, he should be spending it talking about happy thinks—amongst family, eating together, going tree-shopping together. But there will never be another time as comfortable as now. Bite the bullet, as they say.

"If you want to." You stop playing around with the spoon, setting it down to look at the back of Taesan's head. "But I do. There's still things I don't understand."

"Right," he nods, but his face remains turned away from yours as he continues. You don't miss the red on his nape, however. "So the things I said that night—you remember right?"

You nod. Then remembering he can't see, you say, "Yeah. I remember."

"The gist is, yeah, I'm an animagus. Managed to transform back in third year on a whim. I just… I guess I wasn't fond of company all that much and it was a surefire way to get out of small-talks and stuff. No one else knows by the way—except for Keonho and Seonghyeon, and—you." He dips his head lower, rubbing rough circles into his palm. "Backfired on me when I started using it to get out of detention and Jeon signed me up for the Quidditch team for 'discipline building'."

"It didn't work," you say out loud without thinking of it—not that you regret it.

Taesan still for a second, then chuckles lightly. "Guess not."

"And then you changed… After Gobstones."

You remember the day as clear as glass: the fireworks, the dungbomb, your hands around his shoulders, the way you had finally snapped when you realised how far he'd gone. And you remember everything after as well: the patrols, the staring, the gifts. His attempts at fixing the mess he'd caused.

"Because I realised you might truly hate me for once."

Taesan whispers the admission so softly, like a secret he hates to believe. You've never seen him look so small. He was supposed to be all teasing cackles and mischief—now he's just…scared.

You don't hate him. Of course there's the annoyance of having been the victim of his pranks for an eternity, and the sting you feel when you think about how easy it is for him to get under your skin, because he knows you, in and out like something he's studied for so long.

Instead of voicing those thoughts out, you settle for, "You said you'd do anything to make up for it, no?"

"Huh?"

"No?"

Taesan braves a look at you, curious more than confused. "I…Yeah, I did. Do you want something?"

"Help me get over my fears. Can you do that?"

He takes a second, which then melts into a silent minute, and then he's asking, "Pardon?"

You resist the urge to roll your eyes, or change the entire topic and crawl into a hole now that your initial courage starts to wear off. Instead, you cough lightly, ignoring the heat of embarrassment to say, "Help me with my phobias… Like… Exposure therapy, y'know?"

"Did Professor Jeon finally get to you? You do know that guy has the worst methods, right?"

"It's not him!" you huff. "I wanted it. I've thought about for a long time, okay? When I get back to school after winter break, I want to be a better Gryffindor. It's stupid if I'm still crying about spiders once I'm a seventh year."

"It's not stupid," he replies, but you don't trust the guy's word one bit.

"Will you help me or not? I'm yet to forgive you for your…mistakes, by the way."

He grows sheepish at that, lowering his head obediently. You take that as a yes.

Before he heads out, Taesan offers to take you to the town if you needed to buy any necessities or send a post to your mom. There's a hesitant edge to his tread, when he stops at the door-frame, waiting like he wants to say something but his throat just won't let him get it out—like a hairball stuck in a cat's mouth, you think in morbid amusement.

"Lock the door if you don't want the kids to snoop through your things, by the way. My door is the one opposite yours… in case you need m—something." He coughs at the accidental slip of tongue. "And—"

"…"

It's plain as day that he has more to say. Maybe a missing piece in his revelations from earlier; you don't pry, and Taesan dismisses it with a grunt.

"Just—just come down when you're ready."

Then he's gone, his footsteps disappearing down the carpeted stairs, leaving you to mull over how exactly you were supposed to dissect into everything unsaid.

//

THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF OVERCOMING YOUR FEARS

"Jiwoo, get me the batter—Jaemin, do not dip your fist into that bowl—!"

The house is at its noisiest on mornings, the welcome mat powdered with snow from the men having carried it in after a 5 AM fishing trip, an enchanted broom dusting away at the the wooden floorboards, the cuckoo taking a round around the room as the clock strikes the hour, tweeting away.

Everything seems to run on magic—including the lone whisk twirling around in the cookie batter. It's so different from your home.

"I can get it," you offer, gently removing the toddler off the high stool that has begun to wobble dangerously.

"Nonsense! We can't have a guest do work, that's Taesan's job. Sannie!" she calls him over as he's hanging his scarf by the door.

Taesan bounds over without complaint, the most obedient you've ever seen him. "What should I do?" he asks her.

"Lay the batter out on the tray and make sure the children don't get their hands on it before I've baked it." Suddenly she seems to get a bright idea—a lightbulb moment. "You know what, maybe Y/N should join in after all! You can help Sannie with the oven. His aunt and I wanted to pop by town to get some groceries for dinner; we'll take Jiwoo with us since she's been needing to get a new toothbrush."

You nod politely, missing the pointed look she shoots at her son, and the way Taesan mouths an indignant 'Mom!'. But she's already off with a smirk and a wave.

Taesan turns to you with a shameful smile. "Sorry for her. She's…uh…"

"She's sweet," you reply with genuine affection for the woman. She had been kind enough to give you her best quilt for the night, take your letter to the local Owlery since your phone kept dying every time you tried to call your mom (must be the buzzing magic in the air blocking the signal), and even got you a basketful of fresh apples the last day when you mentioned you'd never had one straight off the tree.

The rest of his family were of similar temperament: Mr. Han had taken to bringing you jam drops ever since he'd noticed you take an extra over tea, and one entire cabinet had now been dedicated to just that. And both his uncle and aunt got excited every time you mentioned anything remotely muggle-made. There's also Grandma Han who'd mostly just stayed in her room unless it was for calling over Taesan to come read to her, or chide him for not offering to take you around the town until told to.

The children though… You didn't know how to talk to them without the fear of them asking too many questions about you and Taesan, and your not-quite-friendship. And it's not like you had siblings to know what other scenarios may arise from just taking a chance.

"What are you thinking so hard about? About to pop a vein over there." Taesan points at your temple whole you're pouting at the empty oven.

"What we talked about before…remember?"

Taesan assesses your expression, making sense of it. "The deal?"

You nod.

"You've thought of something already?"

"I'm kinda scared of kids," you just bite the bullet—not like you haven't tarnished your reputation in front of him already. He might as well as know a little more; it can't hurt.

"Oh… Yeah, that was obvious."

"Wait, what do you mean obvious—"

"Jaemin-ie, up!" Taesan interrupts to gather one of the ball-sized triplet into his arm, balancing him on the hip. "You carry him now," he says to you.

You flail almost immediately.

"Carry!? I can't—Taesan, I haven't even seen a child since I was one myself. I'll drop him!"

"No you won't."

"I will! Can't we start with something simpler…like uh…"

"You had no issue putting him down from the stool, just do the opposite—see, down," he says as he places the giggling toddler back on the floor, then takes him back."—Aaaand up. Easy as pie."

"I might accidentally kill your cousin," you almost sob.

He seems amused by your overreaction, but any fondness he may have, he hides it beneath a roll of an eye. "It's fine—we've got two more of the same," he quips, and Jaemin, although too small to understand fully, giggles at how Taesan makes a funny face at him. "See, he says he's cool with it too."

"Taesan—"

"Just hold the damn baby, jeez." Before you can continue to protest, he shoves the kid into your unprepared arms. You immediately go rigid on contact.

There are a pair of big brown eyes blinking up at you. You feel as though put at gunpoint by a baby rabbit. He looks like he's waiting for you to do something, and you feel like you should be on the other end instead.

"Loosen up; he's confused because you're so stiff," Taesan supplies, adjusting your arms. "There. Now do a funny face."

"What!?"

"Like this." He demonstrates by pulling at the corner of his lips, teeth tight, and going cross-eyed on purpose. It makes Jaemin burst out into a fit of laughter, excitedly bouncing as he repeats, 'Again, again!'.

Taesan urges you to copy him, and braving a try, you squeeze your face together and stick out your tongue, hoping your dwindling shame is enough to coax a giggle out of the kid.

Thankfully, he gives you a bright reaction, even clapping his little hands together to ask for a replay. It makes your heart ease up. "You like that?" you ask hopefully and he nods.

Seems that your rendition reaches as far as the first floor bedrooms, because out comes barrelling Jaemin's brothers, along with a still yawning Taeri who goes straight into Taesan's arms.

By the time Mrs. Han arrives back, you've miserably failed your task of making sure to keep the batter out of the sneaky little hands. However, one good thing comes out of the whole ordeal—you find that you're no longer afraid of kids.

Who knew that all it would take were some silly expressions and Taesan's simple advice.

//

"Are you sure about this…what if they bite?"

"They're dead." Taesan's deadpans. "Even if not, I doubt crickets bite people."

You're crouched on your bedroom floor, gingerly pinching a spindly green bug between your fingers. Taeri is too busy having a staring contest with Mr. Ribbit again, and Jiwoo's off to the side reading her storybook.

Taesan had convinced you to finally let the poor thing let go of his diet of just greens and feed him some real food ("My toad is vegetarian", you had grumbled in excuse, but he had somehow found information on how toads needed the protein to thrive and how you'd be doing a huge disservice by ignoring his advice). In the end, you conceded wearily.

You squeeze your eyes shut and bring it to Mr. Ribbit's mouth, not looking when the insect disappears off your hand and right onto his tongue.

The crunching noise is disgusting, but the way Taesan and the girls clap for you is beyond satisfying. He even looks proud of you.

Another fear conquered, hooray!

Your winning streak doesn't end there—starting with the small stuff.

Jiwoo handles the task of spooking everyone out one night, with the entire family gathered around the fireplace, animatedly narrating a ghost story. It even makes Taeri cower behind Taesan's shoulder, and one of the triplets burst into tears. You find that its not as scary when you're too busy wiping his cheek and telling him that ghosts were just silly old people who liked to float between the Hogwarts walls and make small-talk with unwilling students. Turns out the more you calm him down, the more calm you become as well.

Spiders and snakes seem to be a bigger hurdle, but you somehow manage.

Taesan takes you out into the frosty garden and transforms a rock into a non-poisonous species (he swears on his dungbombs that it is). You almost squeal when it wraps around your wrist—almost—but Taesan says, "See, he likes you," and you look down at the creature tilting its head in curiosity.

"He's not hurting me," you whisper in awe.

"Duh," Taesan chuckles. "He's made of my magic, why would he hurt you?"

The casual statement does more than enough to ease your thundering heart.

The experiments keep coming: lighting a match, sleeping with the nightlight off (you almost pull out a Lumos until you remember Taesan's disapproving stare), even testing out the dusty old Boggart his mom had found in the shoe cabinet.

Things are still scary, but you have the courage to at least take a leap of faith and face them.

It gets colder outside, and warmer within the house. Christmas ticks closer and in tandem, the excitement buzzing through the place grows threefold.

"Brooms up!" commands Taesan from the middle of the snow-filled yard. "Cheaters have to shovel the entire driveway before sundown."

"But I'm too small for that!" whines Taeri, pouting behind her kid-sized broomstick. Taeho makes a face at her from the other side and she starts to complain louder.

You're watching the scene unfold from the front-steps of the house, cheeks in your hands as you bask under the orange sky. The kids are either on either teams of the impromptu Quidditch match, or rolling around in the snow, making teeny angels.

"Winner gets a life-time supply of dungbombs, how's that?"

Both of Taesan's siblings seem eager to acquire that prize, and you wonder if this affinity for joke-items was a family trait. As soon as he releases the flittering golden Snitch, they're both off zooming after it. The brooms don't lift them beyond just a few feet overhead, so it's still safe in case they fall and you have to shoot a slowing charm at them.

In the end, Taeri wins by cleverly pretending to have been injured, then using the distraction to snatch the ball (there is no way that girl isn't going to be in Slytherin, you think).

"Y/N," Taesan calls after, dangling his giggling little sister upside down by the legs for her entertainment. "Come fly with us!"

Your heart drops to your stomach.

No way you could fly.

"I'm good over here, thanks," you feign nonchalance, but Taesan has never been a stranger to your fear-induced ticks.

"You're scared of heights," he says knowingly, setting Taeri down. She runs off at once to go make her snowman.

"It's just comfortable over here. Plus, I can't keep a watch on everyone if I—Ack!"

Before you know it, he's hauled you upward by the elbow, having quickly made his way to you.

Curse his long limbs and abnormally large steps!

There's no protest left on your tongue before he's helped you over his broom, and you're somehow floating tens of feet up in the air with Taesan grinning in front of you.

"Isn't the sunset gorgeous?" he whoops, feeling the cold wind card through his hair. "Dontcha feel invincible? Accomplished??"

"I feel nauseous!"

Taesan just giggles, yes giggles, in response at your pain, and does a loop in the air before letting go off his grip from the broom.

"Look at me! I can do a feint with no hands!"

You lurch forward to grab his sweater, voice rising in pitch. "Taesan, please, fuck—please!! Oh god, we're so high up… Don't crash, oh my god—!!!"

Miraculously, you land just fine. Taesan is grinning ear to ear as he watches you stumble away, hair in windswept tangles, looking like you'd just lost a battle.

"Next time, we'll get you your own broomstick," he quips with a teasing smile, jogging to catch up to you. "One with training wheels," he says—whatever that means.

It turns out he hasn't changed all that much after all. There's still a lot of teasing left in him reserved just for you.

There are other things about Taesan that you make note of too—insignificant details that start to fill up a page in your diary:

1. He sleeps like a cat.

The first time you notice is when you're both too full on apples while trying to paint Christmas ornaments, and you wake up to Taesan curled up on the floor right under where the sunlight spills onto his cheeks. Like a flower bending towards the sun, he's nuzzling into the warmth instead of away from it.

Textbook feline behaviour. It's not that crazy given he was your—ahem—since he was Mr. Meow after all. You wonder if the trait came after he turned into an animagus or if it had been the other way round…

2. He seems to have the permanent itch to tease someone or something at all times.

It's in the way his fingers twitch at an opportunity, the way his grin grows more devious when his mom asks to pass her a tea towel and Taesan's entire hand comes off in the process, fake blood spurting from the sleeves.

Mrs. Han explodes at him in an instant, chasing him out the kitchen as he giggles and runs away like a three year old. You don't miss the fond smile she gives him once he's out of view though.

He'll come tickle Taeho when he least expects it, followed by another round of run and chase that grows into a whole game involving all the kids and you. The house is never quiet—always carrying the sound of laughs and petulant shrieks and sometimes toddler tantrums.

You find that you don't mind any of it.

3. He's easy as pie to piss off.

This one comes as a gift wrapped in a surprise.

"Y/N, pssss."

You've just woken up, getting yourself a cereal bowl when you hear someone beckon you over from behind the wall. You think its probably Taesan with one of his new exposure therapy item, so you trudge over, blinking leftover sleep from your eyes.

"What—Mrs. Han!?"

"Come here, and tiptoe," she whispers, holding a bucket in her hand for whatever reason. Taesan's younger brother is there too, wearing an evil smirk that gives you terrible deja vu.

Somehow, for some reason, the three of you end up cooped inside the upstairs bathroom.

"Mrs. Han, why do you have a rope and a bucket?" Your danger alarms begin to go off, wondering if she was secretly a serial killer or something. The grin she sends you in response does nothing but heighten your suspicions.

"You see, my son—" she says as she ties one end of the rope to the bucket and Taeho starts to get it filled with water. "—thinks he can get away with using fake blood to scare his poor mother."

"And his poor brother; don't forget me," Taeho pipes up.

"I blame his uncle for buying him that muggle magic book when he was younger—haven't had a day of peace since then, ugh." She doesn't sound as exasperated, more so just doting.

"Oh," you reply uselessly. It happens often these days when someone drops an anecdote or detail about about a version of Taesan you aren't familiar with yet. "Why am I here?"

"Surely you have something to get back at that boy for?" his mom chuckles as if that was obvious. "There isn't a single person he likes that he won't bother."

Oh…

OH!

"No! Uh, he doesn't like—" you begin to trip over your words, face burning at the word 'like'. "He isn't…"

His mom just smiles without prodding. "This will be the perfect opportunity for you to deflate his head a little, dontcha think so?"

In the end, you're helping them levitate the bucket over the door, setting up an elaborate mechanism at the crack of dawn. Then Mrs. Han brings over Taeri and asks her to go wake her big brother up, which she's more than happy to do—jumping on top of his groaning blanket-covered form until he begrudgingly opens his eyes.

Taesan is barely over the bathroom threshold before a bucket of freezing cold water plops right over his head.

"I—" He gapes, water drip drip dripping from his chin, and ears, and lips, and maybe out through his ears too. "Who the heck!?"

"Language," Taeri scolds, probably something she's heard her mom say once.

Taesan turns to see a bright flash go off, almost blinding him.

"Aw, Sannie, you look adorable," His mom coos, showing you Taesan's pathetic face on the magic camera. "We're definitely getting this framed for the living room."

"Mom!!" he groans in response. Then he seems to spot your amused chuckle from behind her, and at once, he suddenly grows bashful under the attention.

His neck is blooming pink, and his voice is shaky when he turns to Taeho instead to huff at. Taesan scowls, nose crinkling when he starts to complain.

He's obviously pissed off—it's kind of…cute.

Fuck.

No way did you just think that.

You're berating yourself for that insane lapse in judgement when the kids giggle and scatter away from Taesan's threat to tickle them all into oblivion; his mom also jogs away, eager to show her husband the picture of their son.

Which leaves the two of you alone in the bathroom.

"Uh—she made me," you supply without thinking.

"…Right," he gulps, too aware of the space between the two of you.

You think this is it, that you may have invited another wave of revenge from him. But soon, the edge in his voice turns…shy?

"Impressive… I didn't know you had it in you."

"Oh."

"I mean," he attempts to clear his throat, softer than he'd been a second ago with Taeho. "I'm proud of you for taking an interest in pranks. It's…unexpected. Good unexpected."

It's a little stupid how your heart swoops at that. And Taesan is right—it had been fun to be mischievous and let loose, not to mention how rewarding the look on his face had been when he'd fallen into the trap.

Cute, you think.

This time it doesn't feel as hard to accept.

── ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.

In two days, it'll be Christmas. In the days leading up to it, Taesan's family doubles their cookie baking endeavours and triples this little prank war they've got going on.

First, its Taesan putting Hiccough Sweet into his mom's morning coffee, which then his dad drinks on accident and causes him to burst into a fit of hiccups. It takes several mugs of water, and finally a curing spell to get him to stop. In retaliation, Mr. Han wages war against his son, and recruits the younger kids with him—spiralling into a two-sided prank war between Taesan and the rest of them. His uncle and aunt stay out of the mess unless its to make bets or aid with water-gun supply. Even his grandma chuckles at the sight of a drenched Taesan (fair; he looked like a wet cat, in your opinion).

Between everything, you also learn that Taesan is quite serious about his hobby.

"Why are we in your shed…?"

Taesan is rummaging around under a bunch of boxes, sunlight filtering through the crack in the wooden ceiling, spilling gold on his raven hair. He's wearing a white cable-knit, looking far too innocent for the no-good antics he seems to be up to.

"This is my work station," he says like it should be obvious. "I can't believe you teamed up with my mom over me, hmff"

His pout looks too cute to ignore.

You kneel down next to him. "Your mom tempted me with a very nice incentive."

"What was it?"

"She said it would deflate your head a little."

Taesan puffs out his cheeks indignantly and you wonder why you'd never tried teasing him before—the results are just so fun. Like how his ears flush hot when he found out you'd been the one to set a dungbomb under his bed as a wake-up alarm, albeit on request from Mr. Han. Its funny. And nice to have an effect of him for a change.

On the list of Han Taesan trivia in your diary, you end up adding a, 4. He's really fun to tease.

But he's also downright menacing when it comes to plotting warfare.

Taesan has an elaborate set-up of novelty items tucked away in the shed, often accompanied by pages and pages of notes of his experiments. You learn that the hole in the ceiling was product of a spell gone wrong some years back—instead of using an amplifying charm on his extendable ears, he'd ended up using a blasting one by accident.

Currently, he's crouched down on a stack of cushions, jinxing each of the snowballs he's asked you to mould and hand to him.

"Why are we doing this again?" you ask.

"Stupid question, next."

"You're not imbuing them with dungbombs or anything are you?"

Taesan stops his activity to look at you in mild awe. "Wait…why didn't I think of that? Y/N, you genius."

"Woah, you're actually going to?? Won't that scare the kids?"

He scoffs at your concern. "Kinda the point, no? They decided to betray me for my dad and mom. I'm their big brother—I practically raised those little rascals. Look at how they're repaying me," he shakes his head dramatically, then sighs. "What have I ever done to deserve such an ill fate?"

It's your turn to scoff now, staring at his audacity. "Really? You think you're such a saint huh?"

Taesan has the decency to look ashamed when he clears his throat "Lets leave the past behind for a second… We're friends after all."

"Friends?" You raise your brow.

"Well…" He contemplates how to put it. "We're…partners? All that patrolling together must have counted for something, I hope. And look at us now, building evil snowballs together—if this isn't friendship, then what is?"

You can't argue with that foolproof logic.

Turns out that you no longer fear touching a dungbomb, and they aren't all that scary unless you count the foul smell they released once set off. Otherwise, its just a silly stink bomb that could harm you no less than an ant count. Things are scarier when they remain unknown, you realise.

Taesan pokes his tongue out as he works with a devious level of concentration, only looking up whenever you're done with shaping out another snowball from the giant bucket of snow next to you. His hair falls perfectly to frame his face, eyes sparkling with the kind of quiet passion you have never seen from him.

And for a crazy moment, your first thought is, why is he so hot when he's scheming?

"Fuck no!" you snap out of it with a not-so-quiet yelp, accidentally crushing the snow in your hand.

Taesan jolts up in concern. "Y/N? You okay?"

You blink several times, hoping someone will barge in through the door and save you from this moment. Alas! No one arrives.

"Peachy. I just saw a mouse is all." you grumble out.

It seems to satisfy Taesan. "We should work on that next then. Good think the house has loads of them."

"What–!??"

"I'm kidding," he chuckles at how you jump out of your skin for real this time. "I'll just transform some rocks in the garden and you can try with those, yeah?"

"…Fine."

Not an hour later, you're hiding behind a stump of log, hurling merciless snowballs at the kids. They run around half giggling, half howling for their lives, pink-cheeked and foggy-breathed. Taesan is so in his element as he runs after them, making snow explode into smithereens in the air—it kind of looks like a crystal firework show. You aid him by covering for his blind spots, melting Jiwoo and Taeho's snowballs before it reaches Taesan's body.

Despite yourself, you find yourself enjoying every part of it. And when Taesan finds you in the middle of the game, he squats down next to you. "See, told you we make a good team. Don't you regret picking them over me before?"

You grin into your scarf. It feels right to entertain his quip. "Guess you're right," you say. "I should have picked you a long time ago."

At once, he turns into a blushing mess, sputtering for words. His eyes are wide as saucers, cheeks redder than the apples hanging on the trees nearby. A gulp makes its way down his throat. Before you can giggle at his reaction and ease the tension, Jiwoo decides to do you both a favour and sends a hard sphere of snow right into the back of his neck.

"FUCK!" he yelps, turning to the perpetrator. It ensues into him chasing after her, threatening to drop snow down her collar. They stomp around through yard, bright laughter filling the evening as you watch with a pleasant buzz in your chest.

Teasing Taesan is really, really fun. Flustering him is pure joy.

//

THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS

It's possibly the busiest day of the year. You had taken a family trip to Hogsmeade in preparation for the following day—Mrs. Han counting heads until every one was accounted for. (Taeri was almost left behind because she'd been too busy finding a hat for Mr. Ribbit—until Taesan informed her you'd have to leave the toad behind for his own safety.)

The women split up to the fabric shop, and the men bounded off Honeydukes to placate the children. That left Taesan and you to wander about the cobblestone streets, conifers lining the storefronts, kids pressing their sticky hands to the windowpanes at delicacies. Carols drift out from the pubs, and Taesan hums along to it, drumming his wand on his thigh as you walk.

"Where to now?"

"Hmm… Ever been to Zonko's?"

You shake your head. The Joke shop had never been somewhere you braved to visit—too loud and crowded for your liking. You were also scared of said jokes; that was the main reason.

But once you're inside, the sight is a thing of dreams.

"It's…" Your voice comes out as a hush of awe. "Beautiful."

Taesan chuckles, nodding. "Have your pick; I specially recommend the Sneakoscopes—super helpful if you want to keep nosy losers out of your business."

"Would have been helpful a couple months back when you were terrorising me," you quip back. He has enough respect to agree with a shameful nod.

In the end, you take his suggestion, swinging a bag of trinkets that caught your eye. There had been a lot—rows and rows of silly potions and mystery cans, fake wands that were set up to burst feathers out of them, so many goofy tricks that made you giggle and Taesan to watch in fondness. After Zonko's, you head to the post office to pick up a package from your mom, sending a letter back to her. (you'd already sent a nice satin scarf a few days back, along with pastries for the nursing home inhabitants; it should have arrived in time for Christmas.)

The rest of the day is eventful with baking, cooking, and carol singing. Everyone starts to retire early for bed once Grandma Han starts to yawn, the kids ushered to their bedrooms despite their whines of protest.

"Santa doesn't like kids who don't sleep," Taesan spooks them, and they run off at once.

The house lulls into a soft silence. The fireplace crackles, the couch warm beneath your thick woollen clothes, and your tongue is sweet under the creamy hot chocolate. Taesan looks just as cosy next to you.

"Did you open the package yet?" he asks, stretching as he finally feels the rush of the day die down. He's been busy wrangling everyone together, making sure his mother didn't stress herself into fainting, and that his uncle didn't accidentally set the driveway on fire with a melting spell.

"Not yet; was waiting for you to get free." It's a slip of a tongue when you say it, but his softening features makes you not regret it one bit.

Honesty feels good. Not holding back feels good.

You take the rectangular package off the table and bring it back, untying the little string. Taesan peeks over in curiosity.

"It's—" you smile at the stack in your lap. "Movies."

"Huh?"

"DVDs… Mom and I used to watch a lot on Christmas eve. Oh… there's a letter too," you say, picking up the card from inside. "… She's bought a lot of new ones too! Apparently the Grandmas and Grandpas in her nursing home had a lot to recommend."

Taesan's eyes light up. "Woah! I've never watched a movie… Uncle bought a TV because he was nuts about muggle tech, but then the signal's so wonky, it won't show anything but static."

"Lets try this out… Maybe it'll work? Since you don't need reception to work a DVD, I'm pretty sure."

In no time are you and Taesan planted on the couch with a bowl of popcorn between you, and your shoulders slinking into the material from sheer fear.

"Why did we pick this one again?" You peek from behind the gap between your fingers, jolting at the jump-scare on the screen. "Oh fuck! What the fuck!"

"Exposure therapy, duh," Taesan supplies easily, throwing a popcorn into his mouth, amusedly watching you more than the movie. "This is fun."

By the end of the movie, you're sobbing from having been scared one too many times, clinging onto a chuckling Taesan.

"That was. The worst hour of my life," you gasp, wiping your eyes on his sweater. He pokes your head in retaliation.

"Overdramatic as always. And here I thought you'd put all the crying behind you."

"It's a biological reaction and it's out of my control!"

"Excuses." Taesan grins around a cheekful of popcorn. He easily dodges when you try to wrangle the bowl from him, using his long arms as an advantage. "Wait—listen, what if we just fix it with a happy movie?"

"Huh?"

"So it cancels out," he says like it's a bright idea. "You can pick this time."

You narrow your gaze, thinking of how exactly you could get him back for torturing you with every trigger warning known to mankind playing out before you. Then a lightbulb sparks above your head, making you smile.

45 minutes in, and Taesan is the one sobbing now.

"Why would you—" he chokes, biting into his fist. "Why would you show me this, you wretched woman…"

You would respond with something clever—if you weren't also trying your hardest to bite down a whimper. "Because…cancels out the horror movie, right?"

"Right.."

His eyes are puffy and red, nose the same shade. The two of you have instinctively travelled closer, shoulders pressing into each other's warmth, your head resting against his chest, his hand around you. You can feel every tremor of his chest when he inhales a sharp breath.

It's nowhere as torturous as the movie playing out.

"Why would they separate them!?" Taesan is hysterical, cheeks all wet with tears. "They were best friends. Best friends, Y/N!"

"They'll always be friends," you sniffle, hiccuping. "Always."

The plan was to make fun of Taesan by putting on the most bittersweet movie you knew in the collection. It was your lapse in judgement for thinking that The Fox and the Hound was a good choice for you to not cry to.

Taesan wipes his nose, catches his breath, and then stutters. "They—they remind me of the boys."

You turn to him with glassy eyes. "Hm?"

"T-they look like Keonho and S-Seonghyeon… T-their animagus forms."

Your eyes soften through tears, and Taesan's begin to stream. He's more sensitive than you thought he would be—and you're far too empathetic than you hoped for. Seeing him cry just makes you wail harder.

"Do you miss them?"

"Nope," he lies, then cries again.

Its comical how you somehow manage to calm each other down and make it upstairs to your respective bedrooms. Taesan looks like he doesn't want to be alone at all, and you're still shivering from the horror movie from before.

But its too risky to sneak into rooms… What if someone came by and found out?

Found out what exactly? Another coy voice asks in your mind.

"Goodbye!" you squeak out before shutting your door in his face before he can respond.

Oh my god, Y/N, get a grip! you scold yourself.

Sneak into rooms!? Stop imagining weird things! You are going to sleep and wake up early and forget all about thinking of wanting company for a split second of fear.

You crawl into bed, banishing unsanitary thoughts out of your mind.

Now that you're comfortably under the blankets, you should be less flustered, less scared. But the room is far too dark for your liking. And you feel so exposed in here, alone.

The shadow on the wall looks like claws, the ticking of the clock sounds like a death march. A sharp wind causes the apple tree outside to shake, dragging its branches across the glass window and sounding all too like a shriek.

You are terrified.

Squeezing your eyes shut, you begin to try and expel your nightmares of monsters and ghouls. The door creaks, you shudder when it does, and bury yourself lower in your blanket, too scared to check. But then you feel it—something crawling over your legs, inching closer, and closer, and closer—

"AAAHHHHHHH—!!!" You let out a bloodcurdling scream, about to hyperventilate before you hear it—

"Meow."

….

Two green eyes stare up at you, glassy, and soft black paws pad at your arms for attention.

"Mr. Meow??" You rub your eyes. "Wh—Taesan!?"

He prods you to shove aside before transforming back to himself. Soon, its watery brown eyes gazing at you, one side of his face squished against half of your pillow.

"What are you doing here?" you question, letting him get comfortable until he's laying under the blanket as well.

"Making sure you aren't peeing yourself from nightmares, duh." His attempt at sounding mean is softened by the fact that he's rubbing at his eyes, still sniffling.

"I liked you better when you were a cat." You frown.

It's obvious that he needed company just as much as you did. You don't protest when having him at your side makes the otherwise eerie room so much easier to be in—more easy to breath in.

"Talk to me," he says after what feels like a long time of just gazing at each other.

"About what?"

"Anything."

"Hmmmm…." You think; what could you say that would preserve the sanctity of this moment forever. "You're scared of feelings, aren't you?"

Taesan is immediately flustered at tactless declaration. "I am not scared of anything." He rolls his eyes, grumpy. "Just…bad at it."

"You gotta be scared of something. It's only human."

"Well…" He considers it, how much he wants to say, perhaps. "I don't love feelings I can't place, or act on without embarrassing myself. Or…"

"Control," you provide.

He pauses, then nods. "Yeah…control. It feels too complicated to make sense of, and too big to deal with…"

Maybe its the night-time that makes him so honest, or the drained ache of a busy day. Or maybe it's that it feels almost too familiar, like deja vu from when you would vent to Mr. Meow in the comfort of your dorm. When he'd listen attentively, chiming in with a purr or a mewl at appropriate intervals…and maybe it's time for you to do the same for him.

So you do.

"I wasn't exactly the easiest to handle as a kid. Mom always talks about it too," Taesan is saying. "Like, if I got too uncomfortable, I'd start to act out. She got the worst end of it…my tantrums, refusing to eat for days, crying until I was sick with a fever."

The thought of Taesan crying should warrant a tease, but his voice is so genuine, you feel a pinch of fondness there instead.

"And," he continues. "Every time she'd leave me alone, I'd just start to freak out."

"Freak out?"

"Ugh, I guess I was a little bit of a mama's boy," he chuckles, and his voice is raspy from crying. "I'd never left her side until school, and when I did find out I'd be living away from home for most part of the year, it just scared the living daylight out of me. I'm surprised you don't remember."

You knit your brows, slightly confused. "Remember what?"

Taesan assesses your expression, perhaps checking if you were feigning oblivion. "First year… The day we met."

That just makes you even more perplexed. First year? What had happened of significance in first year? The flying class incident when he set your robe on fire?

"I don't understand," you pout, burrowing out of the blanket to get closer to him.

"You taped your diary together—of course you don't remember," he sighs lightly. Taesan doesn't sound exasperated, there's only a vague sense of tired acceptance there. "Before the sorting ceremony. You found me in a broom cupboard."

Oh…

There is a blurry image where there used to be a hole in your memory, something far away and old. A small boy crouching against the tall shelf, curled up into a ball, bawling his eyes out.

"You were crying," you remember. Taesan nods.

"It was right after we'd arrived. Hogwarts was just so…big, and everyone seemed to know each other. Even if they didn't, they looked so excited and I felt like I was the only one scared to bits. Homesickness didn't help either.

"Then you came, out of nowhere, like some superhero," he confesses quietly, eyes crinkling as they meet yours. The moment is tender. "You came, and you told me that there was nothing to be scared of, then you offered to be my friend."

"I…did."

"Yeah. You wiped my tears with your tie and everything." Taesan smiles at the memory. "And then…then you kissed me."

Oh.

You remember now—how you'd reached over with your small hands and planted a soft peck to his tear-stained cheek, promising him that it would expel all his fears away like magic—something your mom had done for you to help you go to sleep without nightmares. You remember how he'd stopped crying at once, how pink his ears had gotten, how you'd told him that he was brave and cool and would totally get into the coolest house even when you yourself had been internally worrying about your own.

It might have been just you parroting things you heard at home, but somehow, you wonder if it had left that big of an impression on Taesan.

"You didn't forget," you say to him. Moonlight breaks through your window, and there is the urge to reach out and trace his cheeks.

Taesan's own finger twitches where it lay on his side.

"How could I? You were the bravest person I knew then. You were my first…friend." He hesitates on the word like he wishes he could replace it with another, if he were just slightly more brave.

You wish he would.

"Hey, Taesan?"

"Hmm?"

"Remember what you said to me after patrol," you say. "You said that a love potion was the last thing you'd try on me. What did you mean by that?"

It had been weighing down on your mind since back then. Initially you thought he had said that you'd be the last person he'd want to feel anything remotely romantic for.

But now… Somehow, you doubt that's it.

'I—" Taesan gulps, chest caught in a breath. "It was…"

Please say it, you hope, please say it meant something else. That there's something sweeter there, something kinder.

Before Taesan can spill the truth, he's rudely interrupted by the chime of the clock.

Midnight.

"Oh." He notices the time, how the snow has started to spiral even more faster now. "It's Christmas," he whispers.

It's a shame that the tender moment is broken, but the second you hear excited squeals from downstairs (evidently, the kids had not fallen asleep like they should have), your disappointment is replaced by gratitude.

You're happy that it's Taesan with you here—that he has a family that loves so loudly, that you get to be part of it.

"Thank you," you say instead of a Merry Christmas. "For asking me to come with."

Your hands lay a hair's breadth apart—you could reach out now, and he could too, but you don't need to touch to feel his warmth. It's in the way he holds your gaze.

"Thank you for staying," Taesan says back.

Christmas begins quietly, with the contentment of having braved ghosts of the past, and the longing to hold onto this feeling for a little longer.

//

Christmas day is eventful.

Taesan sneaks out before the sun's up, and you wake up to the younger kids jumping on your bed, eager to drag you down to open up presents. There's an entire feast laid out on the dining table when you arrive: roasted meat and vegetables, toffee pudding, gingerbread cookies, eggnog, and things you've never seen before that had been taken from Grandma Han's secret recipe book.

Gift exchange is a ruckus as expected. They sit around the tree and unwrap presents, squealing and hugging each other. Taesan gets you a little snow-globe with a frog inside it, and mini earmuffs for Mr. Ribbit (he croaks happily when you put it on him).

When the family retires to the living room to watch a two-woman play put on by the girls, you take the chance to get Taesan alone in the kitchen.

"Here," you say, thrusting a box into his hand. "Merry Christmas."

Taesan looks down curiously, deft fingers cracking the package open. His face lights up like a bulb when he sees its contents. "Pocket Dragon!?"

"For old times sake." You giggle at his reaction. Since when did Taesan get so cute? "And because I saw you looking at it when we were at Zonko's."

If he had been happy before, he's downright overjoyed now. "You noticed… I've been wanting to stock up, but… I thought maybe you'd be mad about it."

"As long as you don't keep using it on me," you warn.

He grins. "Promise I won't. Can I at least throw one into the first year dorm?"

"That's a ten point violation, so no."

Taesan pouts, then smiles again at his next bright idea. "How about Jeon's office?"

"…" You consider it for a second, then, "Sure. He doesn't count as student body, I guess."

"Yay! And since we're on that topic, can I keep selling my stuff at school or are you banning me from doing that again?"

The conversation should be silly, but you know for a fact that Taesan is dead serious when it comes to his buisness endeavours.

"Umm… What if we meet in the middle and you stop selling to anyone below fourth year?"

"Third," he attempts to negotiate.

"Fifth."

"Fourth it is!" He graces you with a salute, quick to concede as not to test your patience. "Thanks to you, I won't be left without a career."

"There are prospects for this career?"

"Hey, don't sound so doubtful," he pouts in feigned offense. "I'll have you know that the boys and I run a tight network. We get orders too now! The newspaper club is the biggest buyer of our extendable ears, by the way. They say it helps with eliciting information."

"Isn't that some sort of violation of privacy?" You lean over as the marble-sized dragon hops out of the box, blowing fake fire on the counter. It isn't even scary any more; it's just adorable.

"Yeah," he waves it away without a care. "But business is business, and our policy states that we do not pry."

"Right…"

"Also their head reporter is kind of scary… She won't stop talking once she starts, and I'm always worried she's about to somehow figure out all my secrets and put me on blast in a column or something."

"Wow, I didn't think there would be more things that scared the Han Taesan," you giggle. "Now there's more than one."

"Don't you dare tell anyone," he hushes you, leaning in across the counter. "I've got a rock-solid reputation going on, alright? It's a carefully built house of cards—one topple, and my entire position as the school jokester crumbles, and then my business."

"You've put a lot of thought about this. Can't believe your career rides on whether I keep my mouth shut now." You're far too smug for someone who used to be at the receiving end of his whims, but you just can't help teasing when he looks so nice when he pouts. "Who knew you'd be so easy to affect."

Taesan is so close now, your faces inches away, lips bare millimetres from each other. You've got an uncharacteristic glint of glee in your eye, and Taesan is the timid one for a change.

"Y/N," he whispers, eyes flickering down to lips on accident. But it stays there, lingering.

He's considering it, closing the distance and sealing this tension with a kiss. Closer, closer, closer, until—

"Sannie, Y/N-ie, we're can't start the play without you!" Taeri has barrelled over to stomp her feet, urging the two of you to hurry up.

Thankfully, she doesn't question why you've sprung apart so far that Taesan is now planted against the kitchen wall, and you're leaning against the fridge on the opposite side.

"Be there soon," he grumbles, coughing awkwardly.

"Nowwww," she whines, and you're forced to placate her by following after.

You send Taesan a apologetic look behind your shoulder, but the last you see is of him murmuring expletives into the wall for some reason.

THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF CONFESSING YOUR FEELINGS

Spring Term

Taesan has been plagued with the strange feeling that he is a grade-A, textbook coward, as of late.

It may have something to do with how everything has somehow changed over December. You looked so at home with his family, the version of you he had never thought he'd get to see without stealing glances—when you're giggling away with your friends, or talking your toad's ears off.

But there you were, louder than he has ever seen you. Happy and bright.

When you eventually had to leave back to school, Taesan thinks his family misses you more than they'd miss him.

"Will you come back?" Jiwoo had been frowning, fat globes of tears threatening to spill onto her cheeks. A sad Taeri stands holding her hand and nodding along.

"Promise I will," you say, linking your pinky with theirs.

It's Taesan that pockets the promise though, silently making one of his own that he would bring you back again.

But now that he's back at Hogwarts, the fear of it all comes rushing back. When you pass by him in the hallways between classes, his heart thunders out of his chest—so loud that he thinks he may pass out on the spot. When you giggle at his Pocket Dragon burning a hole through his necktie, he almost actually does faint. Watching you take points off rule-breakers makes him infatuated. Patrols are excruciating.

You're just so omnipresent in his life; before, he used to look for you in crowds, now it seems like he can't escape you if you tried.

"Knock it out with the staring," Yeonjun comes to wack him on the arm with his broomstick. The captain had come back with double the ferocity after the last defeat. "I will personally see to it that you never graduate if we lose against Hufflepuff."

Taesan huffs, physically shaking off the thoughts of your smile.

For now, he'll just chalk up the squirming feeling in his chest to match nerves.

January passes like that—easy and slow, with stolen glances and late night strolls and the feeling of something big blooming in his chest. It has been for years now, ever since the first kiss on the cheek on that fateful day in first year. But its obvious to Taesan now.

He's terrible at pining.

"And Mom said that I should send Mrs. Han some of her cheesecake as a thanks for having me over. I still don't know what Mr. Han would like…Maybe some muggle trinkets for your uncle though, that would be—are you listening?"

"Hm?" Taesan is too lost in your eyes to process the words.

You wave a hand in front of until he snaps out of it with a jolt.

"Oh–Ah," he stutters, suddenly abashed, scrambling for an excuse. "Sorry, I just…I was…dreaming about dungbombs."

Fuck you dumb brain, he curses inwardly.

"Dungbombs…" You aren't hesitant to judge him, but it soon settles into understanding. "Is it for Professor Jeon's office again?"

"Hm… Maybe Yeonjun hyung's dorm too. He's been overworking me."

"Maybe you shouldn't zone out between matches then."

"Ugh," he groans. "That was one time. And I was distracted."

"By what?" You blink curiously. For a second, Taesan thinks you're testing him, being coy about getting him to spill his heart. But he can never tell with you anymore… People think you're naive, but he knows there's more to you.

"By…"

He could say it now, get it over with. The hallway is practically empty, just trills of birds to keep company. Taesan sees the hope in your eyes. He takes a deep inhale, ready to be brave and just say it regardless of the outcome, opening his mouth to—

"Hyung–! Taesan hyung!" comes the ridiculous interruption in the form of two frantic figures.

Keonho and Seonghyeon run up to him from the back, looking like they'd been chased to hell and back, hair dishevelled, face smeared with soot.

"What the heck happened to the to of you?" Taesan questions.

"Professor—" Keonho coughs. "Professor Park got us. You need to help."

"What he means is," Seonghyeon clarifies, rubbing ash out of his eye sockets. "We were testing out firecrackers in the Potions classroom and sort of, kind of, accidentally, uh…. set it on fire." He grins right after to soothe the blow.

"Please cover for us," Keonho pleads.

It's pure impulse when Taesan responds with a, "Ten points from Slytherin. You guys should know better."

The world stops spinning then.

Keonho gasps; Seonghyeon gapes.

You look at Taesan in concern, a hand coming up to his temple. "You don't have a fever… Are you… Okay?"

It's as thought Taesan's soul has been switched with someone else's—someone who cared for rules and doled out punishments. Usually he'd be high-fiving them for their antics, so it's earth shattering when Han Taesan of all people starts to act like a model prefect.

Fuck, is he turning into a narc!?

He stays up all night suffering in the dilemma, tossing and turning and groaning into his pillow until he's sick of it. Then he just transforms into his cat form and chooses to sneak into your dorm to cuddle with you instead—and you're more than happy to accommodate for him, letting him take the space between your elbow and the pillow.

Taesan might be the weirdest wizard alive; he can nuzzle into your warmth without shame, embarrass himself by putting on magic shows to impress you during boring patrols, bring you sugar quills until you tell to stop lest you get a cavity—he can do everything but tell you the simple fact of what you make him feel.

The victory against Hufflepuff doesn't even feel good until you rush to him to congratulate him. (He had only stared at the stands for five seconds this time—a record breaking number.)

And he starts falling harder, faster than ever when you've figured out the singular surefire way to his heart.

Pranks.

"Say cheese!" You click the camera in your hand, grinning at a shell-shocked Taesan who had walked into your trap—a doorway webbed with Spellotape. "You look like a grumpy cat right now," you chuckle at the sight.

Except you're wrong.

Taesan isn't grumpy; he's beyond enamoured.

And it's starting to become a problem.

He melts every time you tease him unprompted, when you're no longer afraid of all the things that could render you immobile with fear in the past (Taesan won't lie that he kind of misses those days too), when you get enthusiastic about new Zonko's products that you will inevitably use against him later.

It's the greatest honour anyone could give a joke-lover. But Merlin's beard does is he terrified of this monster he's created on accident—because one misstep and he's done for—completely, absolutely, irrevocably in love.

Which he realises, may have already happened without him knowing.

"Hyung, are you sure you're not coming down with something? Madam Kang may have a cure for it, y'know," Keonho asks at the end of such a day.

Taesan lay flopped over the leather couch, rippling blue light spilling across his visage, courtesy of the Slytherin common's direct view into the bottom of the Great Lake. Any passerby would take him for a dead man, he is sure of that.

"Hyung is down with lovesickness. He's just dramatic about it," Seonghyeon supplies from where he's trying to forge Professor Park's signature, not even bothering to look up.

"Hyung likes someone!?" Keonho screeches, and Taesan has to shoot up from his comfortable position to press a palm to his loud mouth.

"Shush! People will hear!" Taesan hisses. "And you—" he turns to the other boy. "Stay out of my love life; I don't need to suffer any more than I already do."

"Then just confess to her, duh," Seonghyeon states the obvious.

Taesan frowns.

Seonghyeon sighs like he's being forced to explain Arithmancy to a five-year-old. "Clearly your attempts at wooing her with tricks aren't working, you just look like a bird trying to court during mating season. Or a clown. No offence."

"Wait, what—"

"I think Y/N's the type to prefer honesty anyways," he says seriously, gracing Taesan with a look this time. "She's probably going crazy with confusion the more roundabout you try to go about it. Just tell her straight up."

"Hyeon is right… She does seem like the type," Keonho adds innocently.

Their advice rings in Taesan's head for the days to come.

Just confess to her—easier said than done, he thinks.

Winter begins to wear off, only a few showers here and there. Patrols thin the closer he gets to semi-finals, thanks to Yeonjun's strict regimen he'd curated specially to guarantee a winning spot this year. But that also means Taesan gets to see less and less of you these days—barely an hour before he has to slink back to his dorm and retire for the night before Yeonjun comes to check on his players (he is insane, has Taesan mentioned?).

But it also gives him ample time to ponder. He thinks about it during lectures, he mulls it over during showers, he even contemplates as he's tens of feet high in the air and chasing after Quaffles.

Just confess to her. Right… He should do that.

Soon, he tells himself. Soon, he'll lay it all down, and dearly hope you feel an ounce of what he feels for you.

It's a promise he means for himself.

//

Morning of Finals: Slytherin vs Gryffindor

Deep breaths. Count from one to ten, and be mindful.

One.

Two.

Thr—

Fuck it, he can't do this. The nerves are eating him alive, and it has nothing to do with the fact that he should be on a broomstick in less than an hour, and his performance in the game determines whether or not Choi Yeonjun will go to Azkaban for murdering him afterwards.

That's a minor inconvenience. But the more pressing matter at hand is that Taesan had woken up with the determination to split his heart right open and offer it to you. He grabbed onto it like a lifeline, hoping that the courage didn't die out before he could act on it.

But now, he realises that he's still scared shit of the possibilities.

What if you don't feel the same?

Maybe he just hallucinated the past few months, maybe he's being reckless thinking that's there is something between the two of you.

What if…

What if you still hate him, even just a little…

He knows he deserves it, for being immature and channelling his need for your attention in the worst ways possible. For staying eleven and stupid in his head without seeing how terrible of a person he was turning into.

He can only hope you see past it all, into his heart.

//

Taesan doesn't remember getting down the stairs—his feet moves on autopilot, the map in his hand tracing its way to you, his green Quidditch robes flying behind him. When he arrives, you're humming merrily, chattering on and on with your friends on either side of you.

He bites the bullet before he can regret it. "Hey, can I—can I borrow Y/N for a second."

Chaewon's eyes narrow, and Eunchae's dart between him and you. They look like they're about to throw themselves in front of you like your personal bodyguards. (Taesan would not blame them for that reaction.)

But you step in before they can. "It's fine guys. I can handle it myself." You give them a self assured smile.

It takes a bit of convincing from your part, but the two of them leave eventually, disappearing past the large wooden doors into the dining hall, Chaewon making sure to leave him with neck-slice motion just in case. (He does not blame that either.)

"You wanted to talk?" you ask now that you're finally alone.

Taesan gulps. The voice in his brain yells at him to just go for it.

"I have a match today," he says instead.

You chuckle, and it sounds like windchimes to his broken brain. "I know you do. I'll come down to watch. Don't tell anyone I'm rooting for you over my own house though."

He blushes at your easy confession. It might not mean much to you, but he feels like he's just won the lottery.

Yeah, he's capital D doomed.

"There's something else too, that I wanted to say."

"Oh," when you say it, the hope in your tone is unmistakable. Your eyes widen ever so slightly, your brows earnest. "Yeah. Anything you want."

"I—"

Out with it—Taesan's head screams at him. Just tell her how you feel; it's simple. Say three easy words and deal with the rest later. A leap of faith—that's all it takes to lay this torturous affliction to rest.

Except, he starts to feel it—the acidic, putrid feeling of fear bubbling in his gut.

And it mixes with the regret of treating you like shit for so long, with the anger he feels at himself for being childish, for ever wanting to see you cry.

If he was better at regulating his emotions, this wouldn't have happened. You could have been friends for a long time now.

And maybe, maybe you're just better off without him after all. Taesan doesn't even know for sure if he's truly changed or not, if whether deep down he's still the insecure, cowardly eleven year old he'd always been.

"It's nothing," Taesan finally says, heart sinking at the admission.

"Taesan…"

"Just forget it alright? it's nothing serious." Taesan makes light of the situation, diffusing the tension with a weary smile. "I'm gonna get some food now."

He begins to move out of your way, ignoring how you call after him when he speedily walks into the Great Hall in the direction of his house table.

But he's barely two steps in when the door slams open behind him, rattling against the walls on either side. He doesn't dare to look.

"Taesan."

"Later, Y/N."

"HAN TAESAN, DON'T YOU DARE WALK AWAY FROM ME RIGHT NOW!"

Taesan's eyes widen in surprise. When he turns back, he's beyond shocked to find you standing on top of some poor kid's seat, with your wand to your throat to amplify the volume.

"What are you—"

"I'm sorry but I've waited too long," you huff, taking a big swallow of air, psyching yourself up. "It's time for me to get over my stage fright anyways."

Students stop eating to look over. Someone definitely pulls out a camera to record the whole thing—it's the most interesting thing that has happened at breakfast in a long time. Chaewon and Eunchae, who was mid-meal, gapes at the sight of their supposedly cowardly friend willingly make a fool of herself in front of the entire breakfast hall.

But you continue, undeterred, "Han Taesan, you're insufferable."

Oh.

"You play games instead of saying words. You trick and you tease and you taunt and you make me cry until all I think about is you."

Your voice stutters. But you stare right ahead at him, ignoring the stares and gapes.

"I never understood it to be honest, why you would do any of that to get my attention. But then… But then you apologised. And you listened. And you keep trying to fix things, and the trying mattered to me more than the fixing did. A lot, actually," you're rambling now, earnest. Taesan's heart clenches. "I kissed you when I was eleven and I thought maybe that's the biggest mistake I made because you wouldn't have chased after me for this long if not, but guess what? I don't regret it one bit," you half laugh, half cry, like this is something you'd thought about for a long time.

"And I was a coward through it all. I-I was too scared to believe that you could be better, that you could ever feel anything more than spite for me."

Taesan can see your hand shiver where it holds the wand. This isn't easy for you—not by any means. You look like you could faint any second now actually, but you're pushing through on sheer adrenaline alone.

And for him, it's the fear that it might be the last chance her ever gets to tell you.

"L/N Y/N," he follows suit, scrambling up onto the nearest empty spot on the Slytherin desk as well. The two of your are practically screaming at each other from across the Great Hall now.

"You're wrong," he begins. "You're wrong about being a coward. Because that's me, not you—in fact, I think you're the bravest person I know."

Your eyes are glazed over, but they're warm on him.

"You may have been scared of snakes and spiders, but none of that stopped you from standing up for people. You do things despite it all. You even held my hand even when you were scared yourself, even when you were eleven yourself.

"And the kiss…" Taesan remembers the day like the back of his own hand. How it felt, how one act of kindness had entrapped him forever. "I'm glad it was you that found me in the broom cupboard. It can't be anyone but you."

He feels his heart thundering as the truth breaks past his lips. His palms are sweaty, his throat dry, but it's now or never.

"I hate it when you don't pay attention to me, and I hate it when you look away. It's childish but that's the truth," he admits. "I hate how I can't go a day without knowing I affect you some way or another. And I poked and proded instead of just being a decent person, because there wasn't a world where you'd be friends with me for real. Or that's…what I believed. Until now.

"When you threaten to take points from me, it's the best fucking part of my day." Taesan sounds absurd to himself. But his heart feels relieved. "When you called me out, I fell headfirst—and it terrified me. When you smile at me, I just want to explode a little," he says earnestly. "And your pranks…god, when you started to join in? I knew I was a goner since then. Maybe even before that. Maybe I knew when I was eleven but I was just too cowardly to admit it to myself."

Deep breath. Count one, two, three…

"I like you." A loud whisper. Someone's spoon falls to clang onto a plate. "No, that isn't it. I…I'm in love with you; I'm sure I am."

"Taesan," you begin but he's quick to swoop back in.

"You asked me what I meant back then. When I said a love potion was the last thing I'd try on you," he says. "I never thought you'd feel the same but I still… I wanted it to be real if it did ever happen. Not one of my tricks. Not a potion or a prank; I wanted you to like me for me."

"I do," you say, finally stepping down from the desk to inch closer. "I like every version of you—even the parts I used to be scared of."

Taesan feels your hand in his, coaxing him to step down and meet your eyes. You're standing at the dead centre of the hall now, all eyes on the pair of you, but nothing is scary when you've got his hand in yours, Taesan realises—not even public humiliation, apparently.

"You're brash and you're mean and a menace to boot," you smile sweetly, a little longingly. "But you're also soft, and fun to tease, and attentive and sweet. And you're so, so loved."

Taesan could almost cry from how earnest your words are; he wonders what he'd ever been so scared of. "I'm sorry for—" he begins but it seems that you're done with listening to apologies, because the words get stolen out of his mouth and right into yours.

You're kissing him.

It's messy and it's desperate and Taesan melts into it. There could be claps resounding around, but he isn't too sure—nor does he really care at the moment.

All that matters is that your palms are on his cheeks, and your lips taste like apples. They taste like him.

You whimper into his mouth and Taesan decides that's enough public service for the day; he parts, ignoring the desperation to attach himself back to you, and grabs your hand to lead you out of the hall and into the first empty alcove he finds.

"Taesan," your words cut off with a fierce kiss, years of pent up longing poured into it. Taesan can only hope it reaches you.

Now it's his turn to hold you between his palms, to litter kisses at the corner of your lips, and one on the side of your cheek—which elicits the sweetest giggle he's ever heard in his lifetime—and back on your lips until he's rudely interrupted by someone yelling at him from the back.

"Oi! Match in ten minutes, if you don't get your ass over here—" Yeonjun's loud mouth reaches his ears.

But Taesan does not give two shits right now. He continues to kiss, offering the captain a middle finger behind his shoulder. Yeonjun almost throws his broomstick at Taesan in annoyance, but Sakura drags him back by the scruff of his neck.

"Be there in five or I'm letting this guy lose," she deadpans, leaving once Taesan graces them with an agreeing wave of his hand.

He's too busy memorising you to care about silly things like Quidditch or his potential death. Too busy kissing you like this is the end of the world.

"You—" you gasp between one of those kisses. "You'll be late for the match."

"Hmmm… Don't care."

It pulls out a giggle from your mouth. "I care. I'm not about to lose my boyfriend before I've even gotten to go on a date with him."

"Oh?" He smirks, coy. "Look at you being all brave. Boyfriend, huh?"

You blush deep, but maintain your dignity without backing down. "Keep pushing and I'll go find another boyfriend."

"You would never. You like me too much."

Taesan is confident now, no longer afraid of possibilities and futures—you're it for him, and him for you.

"Guess I do," you whisper before landing a peck to his lips. You pull back before he can deepen it, and Taesan huffs grumpily. "After the match. Promise."

"What if I lose?" he asks.

"Even then. I promise."

It's only then he finally steps back, and he tries to hold onto your hand until the very last moment, pinkies interlinked. Taesan looks at you—your bright grin, the way you hold yourself higher now, more self assured, yet still unapologetically yourself. Still the same person he'd been taken with all those years back. The sun spills across just the two of you, and he can't help but drink in the sight.

"Don't stare too hard," you say before letting him go, a placeholder for good luck, Taesan knows.

"No promises," he replies, grinning.

ᗢ₊˚✧ . fin.

── .✦ for more hogwarts! aus, check out the signed, sealed, spellbound series!

perm tl: @/pupillary @ilysungho @lovehakie @leehanaholic @ivehan @ramizluv @moesthinking @gentiliana @athenaisonlinee @wnouzi @amarecerasus @defnotsanni @cl4ir0l0v3r @knrejj @fayepz @nemoihan @ruuroom @woonbabie @i-am-not-dal @tenshi-sama @mwotgata @kazukazukiiii @qeeun-didi @izhypen @bee-the-loser @beomtomie @snoopymyung @dj-ami @itsmooniebaby @sycamoretree222 @yesongi @w3willris3 @nineooooo @nichozzystuffs @f-a-t-e-l-e-s-s @renvrr @mirouie @aer1z @velvetmae ── ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ. thank you for the support, ily ♡⸝⸝

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