All Things Wedgie

Your bully had gotten a bit sick of your constant brattiness, your refusal to simply accept your role as a wedgie boy. He had thought that you’d have gotten over this by now, that you’d have learned to submit simply by persistent, regular reinforcement of a wedgie-centred routine. But no, you always had to put up a fight, didn’t you? You always had to run and hide from him when it was Atomic Wedgie Time, had to try and get away with secretly wearing boxers or boxerbriefs instead of the ultra-stretchy, preeminently wedgieable tighty whities he mandated for you. It truly seemed like you’d never learn your proper place, so he decided to make you learn.

And so, after he had stretched your briefs over your head one day (as he was wont to do every day), stuck what felt like a pair of headphones over your ears, playing an unending, strangely soothing audio loop. Your bully had heard good things about this audio file from other guys online with similarly ‘uncooperative’ or ‘difficult’ wedgie boys. Three hours was said to suffice to give the listener a new perspective, for good.

Settling on four hours for good measure, your bully was highly pleased by the end results, to say the least. No more running when it was Atomic Wedgie Time, that was for sure. In fact, you often found yourself reminding your bully when you were overdue for a good stretch sesh, even if he was only seconds off from your usual scheduled time. Nor did you make any attempt to hide your newfound pleasure in your designated role as a wedgie boy, thanking your bully eagerly and sincerely after each time he showed you your place.

It is never to late for a world cup wedgie.