twilight, again

in time i hope to draw all of them ♥️ but for right now here’s victoria!

♡︎ leah clearwater ♡︎

She watched my face while I concentrated on my breathing. She waited till I was calmer to comment.

"You look like hell, Bella."

"I drowned today," I reminded her.

"It goes deeper than that. You're a mess."

I flinched. "Look, I'm doing my best."

"What do you mean?"

"It hasn't been easy. I'm working on it".

She frowned. "I told him," she said to herself.

"Alice, I sighed. "What did you think you were going to find? I mean, besides me dead? Did you expect to find me skipping around and whistling show tunes? You know me better than that."

"I do. But I hoped."

Bella is running away from James and drives by all of her friends enjoying a night out together. she sees them laughing and hugging and happy, and that’s the final moment where she loses her humanity in this world of supernatural predators who all seem to want her dead. she may have never really felt like she fit in with her human friends before, still the new kid trying to find her place, but this is the moment where that separation becomes concrete and irreversible - she can’t go back to that life of ignorance and bliss even if she wants to.

from this point on, she lives in a world where she’s even more alone than ever. she’s limited by her mortality around the cullens and the wolf pack, and both of these groups ostracize her in turn for her love of the other. beyond that, she’s incapable of truly reaching out to anyone outside of the supernatural world, of being a part of the everyday life going on around her with her friends and family. and when Edward leaves her in New Moon, taking her new life with him, she is left with nothing.

Bella never gets to reconcile these two halves of her life. she gives up everything she once was in order to survive.

she’s just a teenage girl who’s been alone for most of her life, who got a fresh start and was finally starting to build a community of her own, only to have it all taken away in one night. it breaks my heart.